Welcome to my rant! Feel free to rant right back, but as of the moment I’m writing this I’m soooooo pissed and need to vent somewhere. So here at least no one has to listen to this.
It all starts a few weeks ago, I being the ever antisocial, and somewhat brooding person that I am, have grown sick of being alone. So I find this dating place, write some emails, get some responses, things are goin well I have 3 prospective dates. So without goin into great detail I kinda like all three 2 more than the other, and thats where this starts. “The other” we will call “jane”, the first two and I are still emailing back and forth, I’m taking my time cause I like them. However Jane and I have been chatting on ICQ for 2 weeks easy, we haven’t had any really great conversations, in fact we don’t even have alot in common, lets just sat this she likes Nstynk, nough said.
So she asks me out, since she lives only 50 miles away, and I haven’t exactly had alot of dates lately I figure this could be a chance for me to get back on my feet, bolster my self confidence. Go out have a good time, and maybe not feel quite so alone. So about monday of this week I’m just really looking forward to this, Its become a bright spot in my life. We of course chat here and there no biggy, thursday we’re chatting and she keeps trying to drag sex into the conversation, ok background information here, I’ve never had a one night stand, forget morals its just me I feel that if I don’t like the person how could I derive any enjoyment out of sleeping with them.
So back to the story, I resist and then finally call her out, ok you’ve been trying to drag this out so just ask whatever it is you want to ask me. She does blah blah blah….. what ends up coming out of this conversation is that she sounds like she has already made up her mind about sleeping with me the first date, even asks if she can spend the night, which turns into the whole week. Stop me if I’m wrong, but hey we haven’t even met how do you know you’re even gonna like me, hell how do I know I can even stand your voice. Interesting thing tho, this actually starts to intrigue me, how nice it might be to take a date home on christmas and not spend new years alone, even if its only pretend.
So I’m alittle put off by this idea but, I’m also laid back enough to just say hey whatever happens happens if I can’t stand her then, well gee the weathers gettin awful nasty out maybe I should go. I left the conversation early that night because a customer showed up at my door demanding custom parts for his sons spyder, (the down side of christmas and running a business out of your apartment)
Friday at last, work was a breeze, things look good, fresh hair cut, way cool. I log in to check my email and catch jane to tell her to call me later as I have to run to the bank and do some other errands. She tells me that the person I talked to last night wasn’t her it was her friend heather, (sigh of releif cool so she’s not quite the freak I was afraid she was) blah blah blah. Soo finally after showering primping and all that jazz I even polished my combat boots, its time to call her as it seems she hasn’t called me yet. Heres the event that just, well here.
I call ask for jane she gets on the phone, no great great greeting just a ? your who (realizes I’ve never told her my real name, or she forgot) its me shadow.
Oh ok …(gee I feel welcomed)…
So tell me how to get there? …long pause… uhhhh I don’t know …I suck with directions… my stepmom would know …
So we start the process of doing this four person relay of directions which doesn’t go anywhere. I have to ask whats next at least 6 times and she still hasn’t finished the directions, I’m still on the freeway. ok so maybe she’s busy well considering the warm welcome I got and the lengthy pauses I figure maybe she’s gotten cold feet so I offer a way our…
“Hey the weathers not so hot out, if you want we could do this another time if you like.” reply …huh what oh I don’t know doesn’t matter to me… (gee is that a yes or a no could you be any more opaque)
“So whats happening?………..”whatever you want to happen” (omg that was a serious come one especially with that tone of voice) ok so which way from there.
2 minute pause. another “huh”? five minute pause ….still nothing don’t even answer my question fine… still nothing
10 minutes later she’s yackin with her stepmom over hair color, and I’ve tried to break into the conversation like 3 more times still nothing, this is a long distance call here. I’m paying money for this? so I give it a couple more minutes…
Fuck it!!!!!!!!!!! click. end of story.
Now if your still awake out there? Please feel free to tell me whatever cause for some reason this is bothering me a great deal, I mean a great deal, and I should be happy with myself.
Cause lately I’ve been learning to actually have some form of self esteem, and sense of worth, so what i’ve just done is saved myself from a boring evening, and having to try to dump her later on for something more intelligent.
So heres the question, aside from the fact that I have like no right to pass judgement on her intelligence. Do I have the right to feel a little pissed? Should I feel rejected? But wait wasn’t I the one who hung up the phone, I did the rejecting here.
(light just popped on in skull) I know why I’m pissed now, cause I rejected her and didn’t get the chance to make her suffer for it……
A thought oocurs here to me, Is there something wrong with me? ahhhhh screw it I need another coffee…