Entries from February 2001 ↓

This is not written…this is all coming straight from me as I type it. I am high sitting in the library on a Friday afternoon… I just voted for whom I lost my virginity to. It made me think of a lot of things that I haven’t in some time. I suppose I tried to just forget the whore I once was. Even though she’s been rearing her ugly head around here lately. I have found myself in the position to ponder why I do what I do when and where I do it and who I’m doing it with.!!! Continue reading →

I’ve been waiting in the queue for nearly half an hour now. The place is packed. In the not so distant background, I hear catcalls and cheers and loud pop music.

“What on earth is going on?”

“Oh, that,” the girl at the counter says. “That’s the fashion show. The tuxedo models are doing a Chippendales performance.” She looks at me significantly. Did the level of estrogen just go up a notch? “The next show will be at two thirty. Oh my God. They are so hot.”

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I do not remember where I clipped this from, as I read about 15-20 years ago. The only thing it says it News America Syndicate.

Agony claws my mind. I am a statistic. When I first got here I felt very much alone. I was overwhelmed by grief, and I expected to find sympathy.

I found no sympathy. I saw only thousands of others whose bodies were as badly mangled as mine. I was given a number and placed in a category. The category was called “Traffic Fatalities.”

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The gates which holds the lost animalistic nature that mankind once had is begining to break open with the new mellinium that has arrived.

My question is to all those who understand that instead of coexisting, it seems that each day we break apart an old bond. Slowly we de-evolve into the primitive habits that made every aspect of our existence. Each day that passes, more and more news about deaths and rapes appear in the television. Mostly domestic violence that occur over irrevelant disputes, and I know since I had my share of it in my short lifetime. But my concern is, when do you think the world will truly fall into the darkages talked about so much in scriptures and the holy bible?

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Is this world that we live in really a life. Or is it a dream that had no beging and will never have an ending. When you wake up in morning is everything that is placed before your eyes real or is it something that your mind makes up for your enjoyment. While walking around amoung this world is what you see realality or could it be something else.I mean if you think about it everything that we think is real is only a dream that we never wake up from.So when you look in the mirror that may not be you. It could a person that your mind has given you. Life, is it what we think… could there be more … could there be less? Maybe life is only a dream . But in dreams you are usually happy and I am not so what does that tell you?

I am new here and this is my first article. I was lucky enough to have an interest in vampyres and others sparked by the Novels of Ann Rice and the tales of my brother after playing Role plays. I decided to investigate and look for truth. If there are newbies like meself reading this then this is one of the best sites to look on.

When I started out I saw nothing but fairytales but given time Im a hardcore believer.

At the moment Im looking into Pyschic Vamperism and reality theory. Im 15. I have found evidence of pyschic vamperism in my school. Peoples aura being drained which is a strange thing to see.
I would like to know any theorys on vamps or anything really. If there is someone willing to explain. Im at Ragnarokmm@Hotmail.com thanks.

There’s moonlight shining upon a sliver of glass. It’s all that’s left of the window. The moon’s light spills off the fragment, and if I move my head then the light disappears. So I don’t. I keep my head still. And besides, I like the way that the moonlight makes the droplet of blood that’s sliding across its surface a glowing ember. A ruby tear.

I still have the taste of that blood on my lips. Continue reading →

The snow is falling, white, surprising shimmering tears of sky - large fat tears, tears that stick to my cheek and refuse to melt. A quiet shuddering, a gust of wind, I twirl in front of my mirror: Daddy’s little princess, all decked out in white crinolines and lace. I look like the snow fairy from the Nutcracker suite. I am spinning in pirouettes of lace and scratchiness of fabric against raw skin; and here under the skirt you can see the place where the others touched me last, but only for a moment, because I’m spinning spinning spinning. Continue reading →

The dangers of Internet anonymity have caught up with me. A writer by trade, I tend to let my imagination run, just making shit up as I go along. This is where it becomes unfortunate that I harbor such creativity, and, for that matter, a computer. In this forum, I can be virtually anyone, not simply the girl in black in the corner, but the exotic foreigner with style and grace, the skeletal model of perfection, the pop goddess, the mysterious muse. Continue reading →

I wish it were easier for me to explain how I feel to him. He rips my heart out slowly every time he ignores me. But I can’t tell him how hard it is to see him with that girl, the one who sleeps in what once was my bed, who feels his lips caress every inch of her body, who gets eevrything I once did and more. Continue reading →

complete idiot!!
i made a page for the music i have made, filled it up with my songs…put buckets of sweat and blood into this project, and i’ve yet to see a page veiw…

possibly if i post here someone might visit my page…
www.mp3.com/djniv

we organize our emotions through thought and discipline. no discipline in thought = self hatred, loathing, unresolved anger, ect. how is it that we get stuck in these self-perpetuating cycles of destruction? once we’ve found a comfortable place to sit, we fear our muscles will not support us if we stand again. we’ve been sitting for so long, were we ever really standing? the important thing is to remember that love is action, and to live for love no matter how black your wardrobe may be.

TAOCHAOS

Dear Dreth,

I needed to vent, and only venting to my closest friend will my pain be absolved, atleast I hope,

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I would like to ask one and all a question.

Is love truly worth fighting for?

It is a question I have asked myself time and time again. But still the answer has fallen away from my grasp. To watch the one you love touch another. To watch him in his pseudo happiness. Is it worth the pain. Continue reading →

So many people have asked this question but nobody has actually told us waht it is.
I know what love is, and i’m sure you know too.
You only know you’re in love when you’ve lost the person you dream of every night when you go to sleep+when you wake up their the first thing you think of, when you hold each other in arms and vow to never let each other go.
And when it hits you+you realise, its too late.You realise that the time you spent together was probably the best time of you’re life, and that can never be regained.

ok, my apology sire…I’ll try to have a point with this one.

I wonder how some of the people of this earth can do everything to make their lives worse and then say why me?

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well i don’t really have anything to say that relates to anyone else this is just an outpouring of my troubled soul. i’m in love and it is a strange sensation that isn’t entirely good like in the movies in fact at times it hurts like a knife being pushed and twisted in my heart. still i know it is love as he has the ability to make me hurt and no one who isn’t extremely close to me has that ability. anyway my dilema/worry is that a week or two before we met Continue reading →

I don’t want to say a word, I’ve never said so much in silence all my life. I don’t even want to breathe, if I move the air, the serenity will dissapear from this place. Where did they go this time? Are the working for money they’re never home to spend? Are they out with their friends, forgetting that they locked me out again?

Tonight is the best night to be freezing. Since I can’t open the windows, I’ll climb to the roof, where the wind will take me to a place where I won’t be forgotten. It’s so calm up here, thank God. I don’t want to hear one word from anything, and the shingles slicked with ice… I hope my “loved ones” come home soon.

If I think about it lightly, I could quite happily die right here right here right now, how imbarassed they all would be if they had to tell they left their child there to die in the cold, like an animal…

Robert wondered when the man in the truck would come. The man’s red face threatened him again as it had times before. But he was waiting stagnantly by the door. Perhaps he was asleep, but if Robert tried to escape the man would awake. Under a cardboard box he could never be safe. Continue reading →

Poetry submissions by hallowqueen911 inside. Actually only one, but while I post this I want to add a note.

I’ve been moving the poetry submissions into another area and will be unveiling that in the upcoming week or two. Most likely in the Sections area. Meanwhile, if you have poetry you wish to post, keep submitting it and it’ll make its way over there eventually. If you want a faster submission, post them in the Dark BBS. Thanks!

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Wynd was glad that he had survived to see his twelfth birthday. At last he would go before the elders and get himself apprenticed. The great mystery, of course, was to whom he would be bonded. After all, what kind of craftsman would want a clumsy, half-sized weakling who could not tell his right from his left well enough to even read the runes? Magic was out, of course. He had the ability to memorize an entire book of spells, but no
wizard could possibly have the patience to teach him the spells and vocalized runes by rote. Continue reading →

Hollow Hills Publishing will open its virtual doors to the world on Friday. This site is dedicated to original non genre based fiction. It would welcome writing from pagan authors and intends to develop a stream of pagan work. Anyone requiring further information should contact bryn@hollowhills.fsnet.co.uk Continue reading →

whast the fuck?? why the fuck does this shit happen to me? every god damn time my life seems to take a turn for the better, something horrible happens.. why?

I`m not sure why but I just feel pissed. Not only for myself but for others around me… I hate the fact that I have a nice loving (although unaccepting)family.I hate that my life is much easier compared to other peoples lives. I feel… well I dunno like a slob or some arrogant person. Kinda like when I see those damn commercials about collecting some new coins with the presidents faces on them or that HoneyComb commercial. They try and make America look like some great paradise. Here I quote one of the kids from the HoneyComb commercial: “Mmmm..all the way from America.” Here he is tryng to persuade a gaurd (you know..the ones that never move..) to sample a bit of the cerial. Yeah like America is so god damned great.I hate they way they flaunt everything around. America aint as well as everyone thinks it is and I just hate how the media portrays it. I guess in a way I kind of envy those with screwed up lives…. I guess this may be one of the reasons I cut myself… there is no real pain or damage in my life so I make my own… but I`m not here to talk about cutting myself…. Anyway it just pisses me off. Why? I don`t really know… well feel free to comment about this…

For centuries people have been claiming “The end is near!!” Even in the passing of the year 2000 we were ignorant enough to think we could actually predict the end of the world. Well, we’re still here aren’t we? The thing is… we can’t predict the end. In any form. Maybe the end comes to us individually. Maybe it comes to us all at once in one massive dose. Who knows? Maybe for some of us the end has already come and gone. What does that make us?

I have always known who I am. I’m a me. Now that I’ve left the only place I knew how to be me I fill out of place. I just moved from the area I lived in for 14 years of my life to a place 365 miles away. Continue reading →

ok look at it this way we start out in our lif on this earth in our own little world that we call the womb we breath liquid we are sustained by a chord that links us to a greater being we call mother it is eternaly dark but we have no fear. then one day with a sudden violent jolt we are thrust into a strange new worl that is cold and full of light and color. Continue reading →

The gates are ablaze. The undead will feast tonight on the winged messangers of the Catholic lord (Or whatever damn lord it is). We blaze all day, every day in the liquid fire. We prepare for war. We desire the eternal glory that war brings. Endless streams of demons pour in through the blazing path. Continue reading →

i need help i am a new goth and have no idea about it. I tryed to get help from other people but they were all santinis (not that i have a problem about that but i am a cristan and they think you have to be santinis to be goth). But i just need help i know like what to wear and make up and that stuff.I just kinda fell into this not even knowing i was till people started asking me if i was gothic. so if you have any adviss please help me with this thank you.

nick

A gust of wind rustled the wool blanket around her shoulders. Wind on the great plains often meant rain was soon to follow. Thankfully she sat protected by a cavern wall. Yet her safety was futile. They could easily seek and find her. A day ago they had chased her to the brink of a cliff. She thought to be a sacrifice of war until she found the great boulder before her. Continue reading →