the end of the beginning

I wish it were easier for me to explain how I feel to him. He rips my heart out slowly every time he ignores me. But I can’t tell him how hard it is to see him with that girl, the one who sleeps in what once was my bed, who feels his lips caress every inch of her body, who gets eevrything I once did and more.

How do I stop myself from obsessing over the way she smiles every time he is near? How can I get over the pain I feel deep inside when I look at him? How does he sleep at night knowing he ruined everything that was good and sweet and loving in my heart?

What we had was good. Not like in those terrible romance novels they sell in the grocery store, but good. I was happy then. I had most everything I wanted. A warm body in bed with me at night, a shoulder to cry on, someone who listened to me. He said I was too demanding. He said he felt smothered.

I can make him feel smothered if I try. I can show him how it feels to have your heart torn to shreds in front of your very eyes. She’s a beautiful woman. He deserves her, but I know something he doesn’t. She was once just like me…or was I once just like her? I can’t remember anymore.

Everything before last month seems so hazy now. The pain has blocked my memory. It’s all his fault. He has ruined me forever. I’m so tired of being alone. I just wanted a little bit of happiness for myself. Was that so wrong? He took it all away with him when he left. He stole all my dreams, all my happiness. I hate him now

God, he’s so beautiful. I can hardly look at him for fear of going blind. No man should look that good in black jeans and a T-shirt. What will I do to forget him? Perhaps a meaningless affair would help. She is a beautiful woman.

Maybe I can steal her from him. He doesn’t need a woman, he told me so when he left. I know I could make her mine if I tried. She’s always been nice to me, and that look in her eye when I smile at her…

What am I thinking? Have I really sunk so low that I would steal his woman? I know he hurt me, but is it really that bad? I’m sure I’ll move on one day.

She’s so beautiful, and her body feels so right pressed next to mine. I only want this feeling to last forever. She belongs to me now. All for me and none for anyone else. She loves me as no one else ever has before. Not even the man I took her from. My brother has always kept the best things for himself, but she’s mine now