Dear Shay, I have some concerns for our friend Josh, seems he’s starting to slip back to his life before he smartened up… he relives in his dreams the past with exacting detail… the feel of her skin, the smell of her beneath him, her smile, her giggle, her eyes…. he remembers the fun they had washing blood off of the walls in the hallway in the house they weren’t supposed to be at after a fist fight they had for fun…
he wants sleep to come to him so he can be with her once more…. nothing about the dreams is different from what happened, its like he lives the memories over again… he concentrates less upon the future, and continually he can be caught inside his mynde reliving the memory of holding her in his arms under several blankets in a house with no heat, as they weren’t supposed to be there anyway… he also remembers waking up to the morning light holding her close to him and finding her to be asleep still, so he watches her slumber until she wakes and then he leans forward and kisses her eyelids as she slowly comes out of her rest…. he remembers having her shake him awake out of a nightmare… he remembers getting slapped by her when he cringed away from her when he had tried acid for the first time with her, he saw the black make-up around her eyes creep down along her cheeks, her light brown eyes jabbing their way into his soul… he remembers choking her to the point where she would black out for a moment, then having his turn at being choked, though she had nails to dig in with… he remembers that first night they had gotten close, it was at a mutual friend’s house : the last two awake, watching nothing on TV, he suggested as there was nothing on anyway she might as well shut it off (she had the remote), they sat at opposite ends of the couch for a few moments in complete silence, then she lunged across the couch at him and kissed him, tongue and all, and after a single moment’s surprise, he gave it back as good a he got… he remembers the endless hours they spent together alone at school… Silently to himself he ponders three things. First, if she knew what he’s been going through, what he has learned, what he has become… would she have him back? The second is on a separate matter that he lacks the courage to ask of you directly, what would you do or say to him if he were to come up to you, drop to his knees, and clutch at you, wrapping his arms around you in a grip that spoke of a fear that he might loose you and start to cry? Cry at the thought of his past, at the thought of a future event? The third he definitely lacks the courage to admit to… his darkest secret he never admitted to himself until “the devil” (as she is known) talked him into admitting… never, NEVER, had he had a friend like you before… and because he valued this friendship so much he never did what he felt like doing, asking you out… he never asked you because what if things didn’t work? there would be a distance between them after that and things would never be as they were. So he remained silent. He confided in me and I thought you should know… Honestly he admitted to me that there is truly only one person he loves, and that would be you… A mutual friend, AcidBoy