Sixth period, as with everyday, was pointless, but lead me to today’s thought… i was “in” a game of volleyball, when i noticed how everyone who was complaining about some gossip topic or another ten minutes earlier, were all off having the best time in the games they were putting on. at that moment, i wanted to be one of them, able to be outgoing every second of the day, in every senario.. but i don’t want to be one of them..
what i’ve decided is everyone has a double personality, one in particular i don’t like is when at one point someone goes out hating one person, and the next end up on best friends during some foolish game.. i’m an outgoing person, that’s the personality type that i have–or so i thought until today during sixth…i don’t think i have a double personality, at least i try not to…maybe it’s just that class (that i’m fortunate to share with the nice, yet more superficial population, who i don’t feel comfortable talking to that much) that just gets me down too much, makes me think even more than i need to–woe is me, pity me! heh, analyzling myself amuses me… anyway, my question — are double personalities good or bad? i know that everyone has a mask they put up to protect their feelings and thoughts from the voulnerablity of others, minus a select few — i do it too…but what about those people who say one thing and do the other right after? is it bad that i don’t (believe) that i have that disease? hehe…thanks for letting me vent.-ele.
9 comments ↓
saying one thing and doing another does not make one a double-personality. it makes one an unscrupulous liar. but what can you expect from a 17 year old?
don’t feel bad that you sometimes do the opposite of what you think. people do it all the time, and it’s called being human.
Being that I’m also still in high school, I know precisly how you feel. I think that few high school students are mature enough to realize and attempt to remedy their hypocrisy. Example: me and this girl in my english class constantly ridicule superficial, snobby, boy/car/clothes obsessed valley girl types. however one of this girl’s closest friends is said type, squeaky voice and all. Being that this girl is very intelligent and observative, I do not understand their friendship whatsoever. It’s frusterating because I see similar situations every day and it makes me want to maim someone. my only advice is to learn some good anger management techniques and to not dwell on it too much, because most teenagers aren’t worth the space in your head it takes to think about them.
*grin* Your not that messed up:)
In the case of the PE class, what happaned was you saw a group of people having fun, and being happy. For the most part, they looked to be worry free. You didn’t necessarily want to be like them. You just wanted to feel like them.
It doesn’t make you hypocritical. It just means that you would like to be able to be happy and be yourself when ever you wanted.
Double personalities aren’t bad. It depends on who you are with. When I was in high school, I took alot of advanced courses. The people I ended up having class with, bored me to tears. You know the yuppie parents, student government type.
Because I did not feel comfortable with those people, and I didn’t even like them very much, I chose not to interact much with the class. I was very quiet, and I only spoke when absolutely necessary.
Yet, I was a completely different person with my friends. And when some of the people from those classes saw me with my friends, it completely floored them. They had the idea that I was quiet and shy (what other conclusion could they draw from the example I had given them) and to see me as I feel I truly am, was rather a shock.
I do have two personalities, for the most part. Right now, my most prominant one remains dormant. I have no need for it. It’s the outgoing, loud, attention drawing one. This is the one I use when I’m doing theatre. It’s necessary to get the parts you want, and also, doing theatre makes me incredibly happy.
Right now the quieter side shows. It’s easier to get along with the people I have to get along with now.
Double personalities aren’t really bad. It’s just adapting to the situation.
~Kitashla
hi there… hm… i won’t type up a whole new comment when everyone has alreay written the things I was going to write … so i’ll just back you up by saying that u r right. how’s that? good? i thought so too…
darkest blessings
moon vampire
I think you’ve gone into two separate worlds, here. Firstly and foremostly, you’re faced with your own feelings. That is your primary world, and that is what you see. However, you don’t want everyone else to see these things. Because of this, you wear specified masks for different situations.
For me, I have several sub-worlds. My own reality is one that I share with my boyfriend, and I let him see the true me, even when I’m in a bad mood- he can always lift those moods from me. In school, I involuntarily take on a very outgoing mask. I’m the ’smart one’ who raises her hand for every question asked and gives an answer that includes both humour, and language that only the teacher comprehends. No matter how much pain I’m in, how crappy I feel, or how depressed I am about something, I will not show those emotions. I don’t want to drag everyone else down with me, because I know a few people who DO always show their depression and bitchiness, and I sure as hell don’t want to be like that. In fact, the more depressed I am, the ’sillier’ I get. I suppose it’s the ‘class clown’ mentality — but I do anything but blatantly try to be a smartmouth. It’s a bizarre way of expressing emotions, a very ironic way, but it hides me deep within a shell that no one can penetrate. I can take insults and such without them getting to me, because they bounce off my shell. Someone makes fun of my cloak, I just ask them why it bothers them. Usually, I can outsmart them enough so that THEY’RE the ones who end up feeling stupid.
I’m also nice to just about everyone. I CAN find good points in people, and focus on those. I’m not good at dealing with enemies, thus, I avoid getting them in the first place. Also, by wearing the masks that I do, sometimes I can almost fool myself into feeling an emotion of happiness, for example. Why would I want to be depressed all the time?
I think the book “The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)” best portrays this vast difference in what we do, and what we think. The worst thing you can do is lose yourself in your own phoniness- or open yourself so completely that you’re hurt by anything. You need to find a happy medium, without losing yourself in the process.
Saying one thing and doing another, however, is a different situation. I think this has to do with people who have lost their own identity. I myself lie about a lot of things, usually relating to questions such as “How are you?” and such, but whatever mask I’m wearing, I remain consistent in. There is a need to switch masks, though, however. I nearly went insane when I had a job as a hostess. Do you have any idea what it’s like to be a slave to the most ignorant, rude and demanding people? Still, I would work long, hard shifts without a word, my smile never faltering- that was horrible. Don’t get yourself into something too deeply, because the mask you wear might just explode from you, as well as your true feelings.
At any rate, I don’t think I’ve actually -said- anything, but only gone in circles. I have a tendency to do that… however, I also have a cold and I can’t quite tell which way is up. Merry Halloween!
*floats away*
It is part of the human curse to have conflicting wants. I want to be a great hero loved the world over, and I want to be universally feared for my ruthless villany. I desire the past, but want to be rid of it completely.
Just remember to be honest to yourself and those you respect.
be your own nperson!
well i have split peronalitys i know this i talk to myself all the time i find i am the only interesting person withen 34 miles but i dont hold it agenst myself matter of fact i have people call me jack even but i was put in a special school cause i talked to myself in school and i scared a few kid and plus i did a few other thing hehehehe>:)
nick////jack
hehehe
thank you everyone who responded, it helped a lot. i found today, after reading all the posts, that if i stay in my own little world, stuck in my head, where no one can bother me, i’m safe…not to mention if i don’t think about people :)…only bad news is we’re doing volleyball…again :-/
thanks!
-ele.