I was recentally put on zoloft, and although I seem happy, i’m not.I wake up in the moring, and wish that I could just let someone take my soul, and put it on a shelf for it’s long over due rest. But as I am forced to wake up, and go to school every moring. And then have your typical pratice for speech team, and hang out with my friend’s at the mall, or go to a game, I find myself not wanting to anymore, I try oh i seriously try to fit in, but the last couple of day’s…. I seriouslly don’t want to anymore.
I just don’t seem to care, I started going drugs back in July of last year, and I thought it would be a way to surpress all of feelings, and Just be in the comatose state where nothing would matter… But I find myself dazing and my hearing, has become so prefound I can hear cars on the high-way from my house, about a mile away, I can hear trains on the other side of the town. ” most people can” but I can hear people talk, espically my parents at night, I try and block things out, but It’s not working. I wake up having these dreams, during the night. Thinking something’s teriablly gone wrong, Or I’ll visision something that I’ll be doing in a week or so, sometime’s longer, and It’ll actually happen. And I won’t have anyother fair warning’s about it…. I’ve read stuff about “esp” but I don’t think that’s what is going on here. I honsetly don’t understand….Someone, a good friend of myne, said I had the quallitys of a vampyre, I don’t know why, but I was born with this desease called Albinism, where I can’t tolorate bright light’s…sunlight is awful, And I spend most of my summer’s inside, because of the heat and brightness, I have this thing for the colour red, and I cut myself for the mere pleasure of seeing blood, I don’t drink it, I just like seeing it… I don’t sleep at night, but my day’s are spent in class, wishing I was alseep, during the night I’m never tired, no matter what, I’m always tired during the day, My skin is pale white, I don’t tan at all, I’m paler then pale… I’m just confussed….and for personal note, and reason’s… I’m not a mansonite, yes I do like him, but no I’m not one… I’m not “pretending” to be “goth” I’m just me, I guess I dress goth/casual whatever, and just because I’m 17 don’t mean anything…. I’m really worried I am sick, and Don’t know it, or if this is just a “phaze” I wish if anyone know’s this, or has simmilar thing’s….please please email me… at Salemwillow666@darksites.comThank youForgotten
2 comments ↓
Interesting story. I can relate.
Blah, blah, blah the color red makes me feel bad, in a good way.
I wouldn’t try to classify yourself as any one thing - it hardly ever works, and confuses things more. I’d look into each “symptom”, figure out what that could be, and then research on how to deal with it properly. It’s the best way to go. We’re all different… that’s part of life.