Entries from March 2001 ↓

I close the eyesSoul searching mouths openI take in your clean air It takes over from the bottom of my beingTry to make this so specialmake it mean something, anythingRats, scorpions and snakes pour out.I take my slumberI restlessly fight this sleepMy eyes grow so weightedRelaxation comes upon me like a wash of snowI start to sleepDemons, devils and succubii claw at meI scream…No one hears.I cut…No one to drink the blood.I fall to my knees…No one to pray unto.

(last paragraph of part 1)she just went outside to get the mail i didnt want her to go but hell every one needs the mail but the time apart was too long i couldnt take it hell i had to go to the window to watch her provacitivly walk back to me as my eyes began to focus on her beautiful breasts i notice a glimmer of light in the background after the initial blindness i began to focus. Continue reading →

i’m just wanting to know what most in here think goth is and what being goth means.so what dose goth mean to you?

Have you ever noticed the deep red headed girl in the corner? You know the one. She doesn’t fit in. Not always dressed in black or pink, red or yellow. More looking as if she’s a cross breed between a bad acid trip from the 60’s and something that just crawled out of Ozzy video. Her face pale, and cloths never matching unless it all is black. She’s not even tall enough to reach the top shelf with platforms on. Did you ever notice anyone talking to her? Did you ever even hear a sylable escape her crimson lips, and make its way past her straw like hair that she hides behind?Well, I talk. just no one ever listens. And if by chance someone does happen to hear me it’s often dismissed as the wind. So noone ever hears what this mute stranger has to say.The truth is I have a lot to say…..Just no one to listen.If you were to listen you would find out interesting things. Insugnificant facts about U2, faries, Wicca and more.You would find that I can be oppinonated when I wish, or keep my mouth shut. Leaving you to guess what is goining on in my mind.If you were to listen it would be grand, but if you were to talk to the mute stranger in the corner, even just a hello, you would find out more than anyone knows.

Darksites has undergone the transition from old host to new host.

During this period of time if you had read the BBS, you can see many instances of people cussing me out and complaining. Such rudeness was undeserved. To those of you without mail for less than 24 hours (YES, LESS THAN 24 HOURS!) that acted like children, I say this:
FUCK YOU!

Many thanks to the rest of you who were patient with me, and mature enough to understand that I would never intentionally cause unnecessary harm or inconvenience to anyone. During a large scale move of this nature, it is often impossible to predict unforeseen obstacles. There are many ISPs around this world whose DNS does not resolve as quickly as others, which causes a delay in when its own customers will notice that darksites has moved. My own ISP, was one of the slow ones. Just now, was I able to see darksites on this new host. Again, your support for me during this time was greatly appreciated and I thank you. It is you who make it worthwhile for me to continue this project.
THANK YOU!

Sincerely
– Sire!

Darksites will be switching hosts soon. This will mean that we may experience some downtime. This could be as brief as a few minutes, or as long as a week.

This will happen very soon, as early as tomorrow. When it does happen, those of you with free webhosting space will not be able to update your sites until the move is complete.

Continue to update your sites, submit articles, reply and participate as you normally do. If you notice some things missing then realize you are probably accessing the new host and it won’t be much longer until we move everything there, from here.

Thank you for your patience in this matter.

it was not ment to beshe will never be minenot even if i waituntil the end of timewe both belong to someone elseso i cant think of her anymoreor i might kill myselfknowing that shes out theregoing thru life without meits ripping apart my insidesthere is nothing left for meknowing her is lifenot being with her is deathif i were stronger i would pull the fuckin triggerand breathe my last breathonly if i were strongerbut i cant

(Once again, I put my religious rambling warning before this piece.)

Ashes on my forehead, I start to walk out of the church tonight. I pass by the confessional, and remember the 3 months of sins that I want to get off of my chest. I get into the line, which has tripled in length (I suppose from Mardi Gras) and I decide to stand and wait it out.

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Lifes simple pleasures, the very art of the self destruction in the deep depths of the soul. Mabey it is all just an illusion, but every day I have a war going through me, the mind battling with the soul, with your heart helplessly standing in the middle. Mabey i am wrong, but every human being on this selfish pittifull scum hole we like to call earth indulges in their own ignorance, and that only induces more pity for their so called “lives”. I am not pin-pointing anybody, but the more I sit back and watch, the more the urge to nuke the planet grows. Mabey some people agree, and some may not, but who am I to judge right? Everyone judges, every one fails. “To err is human” I once heard, so I guess the perfect ones are alien life forms huh? You know the ones that everyone loves and wants to be like? All the “preps” and “jocks” and all the other alliases we all use to make us feel good. Ha! I laugh silently at myself. Some things are just so amusing. It is like a big side show and the world is watching and following. (sheep) Anyways, what do we say for ourselves, absolutely nothing because there is nothing to say. Love is lies, the very thing that destroys us. Hate is so amusing, why descriminate when you can hate everyone equally? Why hate one more than the other when they are all equally ignorant. You see, these are lifes simple pleasures. No one notices them, no one much cares, some cant open their eyes and see, and some are so thick headed its disgusting. But like I said, mabey you agree and mabey you dont. Can you find your description in this enrty? Departing for now.

This is my first time on this site and I’m not sure if this belongs here but I put it here. I am seeking info on a being that goes by the name of Darkstar I’m not sure if he has anyother known names. But what I do know is that he is a demon of some sort and I can’t find any info on it from here. So if you could please if you know anything let me know.

the first time that i saw heri lost my fuckin mindbeauty like hers is rareand so very hard to findalthough we have no futurethats not what its abouti knew i had to be her friendor sit in my room and poutso i sent her an emailexplaining she`s the perfect femaledark hair touching her shoulderperfect skin of her facethen she emailed me backand my heart began to raceshe said her name was kristeland i knew it had to be truebecause the light that shines from heris 100 percent purei`ll never meet this texas beautyand that`s ok with mejust being her online friend is good enough for meyou see the first that i saw heri lost my fuckin mind

once you see her pictureand chat with her onlineyour world is changed foreverat least it was for minei did`nt tell her i was marriedi did`nt want to scare heri hid the truth because im a selfish bastardbut if you saw the pictures i saw you would`ve done what i donecause once i saw her facemy life became undonenow she wont talk to meand now i dont want to be mei sit by my computer watching icqi rather be anybody but mecan i be you?

A famous painter named Dali once wrote in ‘The Secret Life’ these profound words, “From all parts of matyered Spain rose a smell of incense, of chasubels, of burned curates’ fat and of quartered spiritual flesh, which mingled with the smell of hair dripping with the sweat of promiscuity from that other flesh, concupiscent and as paroxysmally quartered, of the mobs fornicating among themselves and with death.” I must ask you all, my fellow wanderers, what is the facination with the flesh. I am considered a beautiful person and I will admit I like to hang around beautiful people. In my head the story changes. I know I am inadequate. I beat myself mental and cut myself physically. I don’t speak of myself. I strive to make people love and need me. It’s so useless. Why trry to make people who don’t need or want you understand you. I worship a man who is more graceful than any god or demon I have experienced. He doesn’t understand the extremity of what I feel. These feelings make me so hyper-sensitive. Everything has a hidden meaning. It hurt’s. Hey Nightstalker, what are your feelings. Let’s be honest.

You ruined everything that meant anything to me. You tried to critisize and analyse until nothing was left. Before I was tainted by you, I had a future. Now all I have is enough pain, anger, and resentment to make Freud piss in his pants. Yeah. you fucked my up pretty good. The rest of them tried. First my ‘friends’. but I saw through their schemes very quickly. Then the teachers who.. “saw promise, but no effort to attain it”. Then I found you. And you tore down my walls I had soo carefully constructed around myself.. and sent them crumbling around my deaf ears. I owe it all to you. You helped me find the comfort in the pain… delivered in the form of a thin, black, patent leather belt. And the many toys and tools that followed. And I wept for the first time.. in happiness, instead of despair or sadness. I found my true passion then. Thankyou.. Master.

I throw back my head, and scream into the night- you will remember me.. you will fear me. I toss and turn in my bed, burning for your touch- do you feel me? Do you still need me? All sorts of dark thoughts and images still slice through my consciousness. And all the while you laugh and tell me all I do is for nothing- but I still stay by your side. And for what? Because I thought.. for one second.. that I saw your soul.

http://www.mp3.com/butterflymessiahFree Mp3 dowloads of the mystical faerie gothic music

The coldness of the blade,It’s shinning so brightly… I love it.Somethings calling,I want to go, My faith is falling, I want to follow.I wake up… too bad,I knew I would have done it,I wake up, I would have pushed it in and spun it.But that’s all gone- for now.The nerve I had seems so hollow.A dream where I had enough-A day so bad, I would have shed my blood.But that’s all done and over,I’m not thinking straight because I’m sober.I’m just thinking with hesitation,No sex, no drugs, to feed my temptation.Just a bad dream with no hate to live it…. would anyone cry if i really did it?

The beauty wrapped around my tortured gaze caresses my blackened iris. Blackened and charcoled, rimmed in onyx I can not see the whispers of sweetness all around.Ive been blinded to beauty now forever, the swordsmans blade has pierced me with tender finality and this world I’ll see no more. Absence of vigor leechs me of shades. The bitter tears of my final sob slip down my cheeks washing them of loves blush, my lips of a rose’s beauty and my eyes their melancholy blues.my fingers flutter, birdlike in their seizures of movement, fluttering at this pinioned sword within my flesh. shards of steel flay those icy cold fingertips, crimson apples of blood sprinkle like rains mist accross my lips as i seek my own breath there again.my world loses it’s axis and reels violently on it’s side. My vision becomes crimson and obscure, reflected up to me from my own lost life lying pooled below .looking at my colorless eyes washed in my sunset pool of life the darkness within them grows. Obscured is my blackened iris and the milky white that contains it. the darkness spills accross my skin, enveloping all as it voraciously consumes my forever stilled contours, now greyed and dark. The darkness comes from me and for me though i am her willing captive and welcome her embra……….

ok the big question is where does a person retain his/her personailty. there are so many arguements to fights for either side but which one is the true side. I write this while thinking about my life and my family you see back in the 70’s when everybody was listening to the “doors” and all the other bands that we all know as “classic” bands my father was busy starting up a gang in orange county ,california called LA COLONIA and if you were ever to meet them on the street thay would say LA COLONIA , ORANGE COUNTY , SUR 13 meaning the colony, orange county, southern californiaand back then that was just a little group of kids trying to be hard but as times got older they got “harder” and when it came to the time when my parents were about to give birth to me they decided that the gang life was no longer the thing for them so they made a concious descision to move out of the ghetto for my sake … Continue reading →

I went to a concert last night,while i was there i had an epiphony. It was fun, but i saw so many fake people walking around that it bothered me.Those people that for one night, or only to events, that dress up “different” to get a reaction out of people or to get attention or just because no one there knows them, thats just wrong. If its not who you really are than don’t even bother, you’re doing it for all the wrong causes, for all the wrong reasons. A lot of people do things differently when they think people won’t notice or when no one knows them there. Continue reading →

I wish this could be a light and meaningful article, but I’m afraid it won’t be. My mind is so godda*ned numb right now, I don’t even remember my full name clearly.

It came at me as a suprise. I was checking my mail when I learned that a good friend was in a horrible car accident and passed away after surgery. I remember my sister vaguely mentioning that she had been in a car accident, but I was too wound up in my own troubles to even think twice about it.

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iam a misplaced soul, a tombstone in my own world where my memories crumble in a lonely graveyard.

Im not afraid to be alone… im just trying to figure out how the hell i got here and who i am. I find life in all that dies reason and meaning in something the averege person looks over. strength in the shadows and courage in the night. i feel more alive when i know theres pain bc thats the only part of life where there is truth.

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Darksites could really use a directory that is populated with many more links to share. If anyone is interested in managing this aspect of darksites, please comment/reply to this or email me privately if you want. You can click my name above to email me I think.

Hi. I’m a 16-year-old babygoth who’s been displaying gothic characteristics since middle school. After investigating various subcultures, from rave to metal to punk, I finally realized that my dark, contemplative, creative nature is best represented as goth. I’ve been exploring this more seriously in the past 6 months, mainly through online research, and now I’d like to enlist in your help. Continue reading →

It’s strange I never really cared much about them but this is the first one I really got into. Maybe it’s because this time they said how he was being made fun of and what they were making fun of.
A person on tv said he was sick of hearing how people blame it on the music the tv shows and movies. He said it started in the family. And i don’t agree with thim I believe it starts in the mind. You could have the nicest family and listin and watch the cleanest music and movies and tv and still shoot someone.
Basically I’d just like to hear what you think about it.

it’s gone to far i can’t take no more you pushed me to far i hate your guts to kill you would be devine tonight you made me cry a smack once or twice that’s all i could take pushed in to a tree i could take that but tonight you went to far an out rage on my back i can’t tell mom or dad they would want to know what i did to you they like you better tonight you made me cry 30 mintues later you come and moke me crying i held it in for so long i was about to brust but know one understands what’s it’s like to have your brother bet on you and you can’t tell any one not even the parents they take his side and if they were to know the truth they would never punish him they say to just stop and they just don’t get my hurt i hurt all the time i always want to cry i’m finally letting go i just don’t know maybe i should go go far away from this place i have to call home and i need to go but where would i go to get away from the betting from my little brother i never hit i just say words but hitting is tougher than any little words
~Tina~

its funny how in life certain addictions are looked down upon while others seize to be recognized by people. 7 years ago (1994)
i was a coke addict i would do massive amounts of coke at times i wouldnt have any money to pay for it so i would rob someone or steal a car to get the money but fortunately i wasable to get off cocaine just a little over a year after i started but i wasnt able to stay clean

in 1996 i developed a new addiction ,speed ,which became a very expensive habit so to support that one i had to rob houses ansd as unbelievable as it sounds i had to pimp out a couple of girls that lived in my neighborhood (i am not proud of this at all)but this addiction took alot of fighting to get me off but i finally became clean in 1998 but i wasnt able to stay clean

i found a new addiction that i have to kick i am now a full fledged alcoholic even now as i write this i have a bottle of vodka right next to me i have only been awake for 20 minutes but i have been drinking for 15 minutes i can still taste the toothpaste in my mouth being masked by the vodka each drink i take but this addiction is going to prove to be the hardet to kick because its more accepted hell im 20 years old i am supposed to be drinking everyone does at 20 years there is no programs for me being an atheist alcoholics anonymous wouldnt work for me they rely on the christians guilt to ween them off the bottle but as i sit and try to to figure out how i get clean listening to sarah mclachlan i take another drink of my vodka and then i realize …..

I am 20 years old im not an alcoholic i am supposed to be drinking this much everyone does at my age

This past October (00) I began my studies in Wicca. I was wondering if there was anyone out there whom could help me further my studies?

Ok, I was buying myself a cool 1920’s silent movie monster action figure, and I’m staring at the dolls behind the counter. What do I see but a Morticia Addams Barbie! 11′1/2 inches of graveyard loving, horny Morticia! Finally, it’s here! I no longer have to draw on my barbies for them to attaint that darker look…just thought I’d share my joy with you all.

La Marioneta
Gabriel García Marquez

“Si por un instante Dios se olvidara de que soy una marioneta de trapo y me regalara un trozo de vida, posiblemente no diría todo lo que pienso, pero en definitiva pensaría todo lo que digo.

Daría valor a las cosas, no por lo que valen, sino por lo que significan. Dormiría poco, soñaría más, entiendo que por cada minuto que cerramos los ojos, perdemos sesenta segundos de luz. Andaría cuando los demás se detienen, despertaría cuando los demás duermen. Escucharía cuando los demás hablan, y cómo disfrutaría de un buen helado de chocolate!

Si Dios me obsequiara un trozo de vida, vestiría sencillo, me tiraría de bruces al sol, dejando descubierto, no solamente mi cuerpo sino mi alma.

Dios mío, si yo tuviera un corazón, escribiría mi odio sobre el hielo, y esperaría a que saliera el sol. Pintaría con un sueño de Van Gogh sobre las estrellas un poema de Benedetti, y una canción de Serrat seria la serenata que les ofrecería a la luna. Regaría con mis lágrimas las rosas, para sentir el dolor de sus espinas, y el encarnado beso de sus pétalos…

Dios mío, si yo tuviera un trozo de vida… No dejaría pasar un solo día sin decirle a la gente que quiero, que la quiero. Convencería a cada mujer u hombre de que son mis favoritos y viviría enamorado del amor.

A los hombres les probaría cuán equivocados están al pensar que dejan de enamorarse cuando envejecen, sin saber que envejecen cuando dejan de enamorarse!

A un niño le daría alas, pero le dejaría que él solo aprendiese a volar.

A los viejos les enseñaría que la muerte no llega con la vejez, sino con el olvido.

Tantas cosas he aprendido de ustedes, los hombres… He aprendido que todo el mundo quiere vivir en la cima de la montaña, sin saber que la verdadera felicidad está en la forma de subir la escarpada. He aprendido que cuando un recién nacido aprieta con su pequeño puño, por vez primera, el dedo de su padre, lo tiene atrapado por siempre. He aprendido que un hombre sólo tiene derecho a mirar a otro hacia a bajo, cuando ha de ayudarle a levantarse.

Son tantas cosas las que he podido aprender de ustedes, pero realmente de mucho no habrán de servir, porque cuando me guarden dentro de esa maleta, infelizmente me estaré muriendo”.