(Note to the reader: the lines indicate change of first-person view)I stood in the shower, trying to wash away my sins and this nagging guilt. I felt naked, cold and exposed, no matter how hot I had the water on me. I have concluded that hell will be cold, and I will be naked. I fear that more than the flames. The priest had told me that I must atone for what I had done, since I cannot bring her back. How the hell am I supposed to do that? How can I make the dead happy? Kill myself? The more that my questions and troubles rose, so did the water at the bottom of my shower.
I felt my guilt plugging myself up, not being able to function properly. As the water level rose up to my ankles, I felt like I was wading in my own filfth, her blood that I had so gluttonously taken. It was still cold, and it gave me no pleasure. I turned the water hotter, but I was still shivering, crying for the one whom I had lost. My legs seemed to give out, and I was on my knees, with the water hitting my head, stinging my eyes. I had been hurting people for a long time, and I never really noticed nor cared. But now, it is all flooding back, blinding me, not allowing me to ignore it now. As I wipe my eyes clear, more water continued to pour in, stinging worse than before. Only then could I cringe up into a small ball in the corner of the tub, sitting with the water up to my hip now, weeping with my head between my knees. I stayed in there for the next 3 hours, wondering what it was like to no longer exist.———–”Can I help you, Trina?” the bartender asked, pulling out my favorite shotglass, “Or are your men there taking care of you?” I had to smile slightly at that, but waved away his offer. I had too much of a tab here already.”There is something, though. That guy who took Maggie home last night, do you know him? I really need to confront him. I dont like him one bit.”"Actually, I never did get his name. But I remember what he looks and sounds like…. Trina, you do know that the police have ruled her as a suicide, right?”"That’s bullshit.” My stomach turned, but I knew the truth. Suicide sounds better, almost. “Hey, give him my cell number, if he calls.”"What makes you think that he’s gonna call here?” He asked. Then the phone rang. I winked, and walked off to get my phone.———–The phone only rang once, and the bartender’s voice seemed to still be scared and shaky. Maybe he just needs to get laid already. “He– hell….o? This is Luxus…I mean, Welcome to me….. (sigh) ..hi.”"Hey, I was going to ask if you could find someone for me there. I saw her there earlier tonight. She was with…” I started, hoping he knew of her. My body felt half-cooked, yet wonderfully relaxed.”"Hey, buddy, Trina wants you to call her cell. The number is 555-3897.” He didn’t seem so afraid anymore.”Are you sure that’s… yeah.” Only a kindred would know I was looking for her, I suppose. “Thanks.” I hung up the phone, and called Trina.When she picked up, she must have known it was me. “Listen, asshole, I’m giving you one chance to explain why you killed her. Choose your words carefully.”"I didn’t know what I was doing. She was my first human feeding. I decided to taste her when I saw her drinking out of a champagne flute. I was just attracted to her.” Raw stupidity would have a better answer, even novices must know this stuff before they go out and try it.”You fed on her after she drank alcohol? That thins out the blood, and it won’t clot. By the way, we don’t bite the donors. Dental records could incriminate you, not to mention that they are harder to heal from. Didn’t you ever think of making a small cut? Where did you learn about yourself? Movies?…. You idiot. Next thing you know, I’ll have to tell you that crosses and holy water don’t affect us.”"I never had anyone help me. And, I am a devout Catholic. I still go to chuch a lot, too.” I replied, hoping she would help me with understanding myself.”Well, our kind needs to keep our morals, so that accidents like yours don’t happen. Well, we can get together and I can take out for a nice sanguine feeding, ok?” She offered, and I felt a small ammount of hope for the first time since Maggie.I’ll never forget Maggie.
Under the writings link, more of this series is there for you to read.