Entries from July 2001 ↓

Captivated inside my own mind. Trapped here for all of time.

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I feel that i’m fucked up in the head. And i

can’t stop feeling this way. I mean none of my friends or family understand how i feel.But when i try to explain it they think i’m crazy so i keep to my self in my own fucked up world and hope one day everything will clear up two of my best friends sort know how i feel. so i try to tell them they tell that i’m not the only one in the world with problems. but they still don’t fucking understand me. noby understands me. people try to but they never will i just stay to my self about things that go on in my life but i dont think i could keep to my self anymore i might go crazyon my family or someone else so this is basically a cry for help if any one is out there feels this please tell me.

WILL ANY ONE UNDERSTAND ME EVER?

FUCK THE WORLD AND FUCK MY “FRIENDS”

FUCK MY PARENTS AND EVERYTHIN TILL THE END

LIES AND BULL SHIT

WORDS AND LIFE

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Love Beyond the Pale: the vampire in pulp romance

One of the most curious sub-genres going these days is the vampire pulp romance. It seems that the Cartland clan have finally cottoned on to the tallest, darkest stranger on the block, and it’s making an uneasy mix. Girl meets boy, (big, bad and brooding), they fall in love, but he can’t have her. Usually this is because or hero might lose control and have a mid-coital snack that she’d never recover from. Then things become very curious as the romance conventions kick in.

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voices roaming around my head,

at this rate i wish i was dead.

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father forgive me for i have sined,

is not how my confessions begin.
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Death, no white gate or dark underworld, no everlasting bliss or eternal torment, just death, nothing. There is nothing, it is the ultimate end, the end of the end. There is nothing. We can not see the nothingness because we do not see, we can not hear the silence as we can not hear, we do not exist, we are nothing, everything is gone, we are no more.

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Why did you leave me alone in this world

why did you leave me here to die alone

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- - - - - - F l a s h b a c K - - - - - -

She’s sitting in the corner of a filthy room

As large as an expired sardine package

All around her is dark and exhales gloom

Vital smells of vomit – Insanity’s hostage

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Dictionary Gothic (or) Gŏth’ĭk: noun again

What is gothic? That oft-asked but rarely interesting question… One of the main reasons for its re-appearance may be the there isn’t a mainstream dictionary on the planet that is up to date on the matter. The Oxford expanded may be including text-messenger jargon and redneck slang, but a modern meaning for gothic is no-where to be found.

So what can be found in the pages of our nations’ lexicons? Well, many an obscure and archaic listing, as follows. (If this bores you just skip to the end for my conclusions).
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Death becomes you while you step on my flesh

you look so nice clothed in the flesh of my soul

Death becomes you as you stab me in the back

You are a whore who knows no bounds

Death becomes you as you strip my emotions

Death becomes you as you stare at me from my trunk

Death becomes you as I throw you aside

Death becomes you as I leave again

You are a whore who knows no bounds

But Death Becomes You

Here I sit

Grey and cold

In the corner

All alone

Tried so hard

To be free

Found impossible

To be me

Beaten down

Tattered and torn

Thrown away

In this world so worn

Hide it all

Deep inside

Lack of sanity

And inner pride

Falling further

Down from grace

Surrounding darkness

In this place

In a ball

Shattered and Broken

Lying idle

Lost the token

Of the life

That I once held

In my hand

Together weld

Has now decayed

Into ashes

Death delayed

Body thrashes

End it all

For it is known

No passion for life

When you’re alone.

I can feel it in my skin,

crawling to my wrist,

It tells me to cut it deep,

everytime im pissed.

It wont go away,

its been there for years,

I try not to show it by smiling,

but all that comes out is tears.

All the pictures on my wall,

are telling me to do it,

So i take some scissors and put them to my wrist,

and go through with it.

My visions getting darker,

as im dying on the floor,

I hear someone call my name,

And open my bedroom door.

My mom walks in with water in her eyes,

as she kneels by her daughter,

Crying for help,

while her baby dies.

Becca

email: linkinpark_69_@hotmail.com

trying to hold back the tears “go away!” she screamed her voice echoing in her head repeating what she had said “i need to be alone” she whispered to herself “i need to be alone” why do you pester me why do you tempt me i have done nothing wrong denying the truth as she feels her arm with her hands then places them to her lips gently the one and only taste of blood on her fingers “tell me to do it! tell me to do it more!” wanting some voice to reply “go ahead” but no voice replies as she sighs she looks at her arm she gives into her urge un willingly with a soft painful cry

painful tears sadden sobbing she looks at the razor in her hand the blood her skin so thristy soothed by red stains upon her arm

cry in the night only to forgive herseld for being born shedding bloody drops i fal asleep in the night behind my door with my razor in my hand so faithful my razor served me well

In May i was assualted by a lil homey with a chain because i was a “faggot”. He mistook me for gay because i was wearing black clothes and i had black fingernail polish on. I didnt fight back even though i knew i could kick his ass because he had two other peole with him. Last month i got revenge by doing a candle spell on him that would make him break out in boils for three days. Only the curse went wrong and i gave him a permament skin disease not meaning to. I have used this curse before on people and that never happened but as i was doing the spell i was filled with more rage than i have ever been filled with before. I believe this is the reason for the skin problem. Should i feel bad for doing this to him or be glad that i gave him scars like he gave me? please answer…

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The Two Faces of the Vampire: a Radical Behaviorist Perspective.

The vampire evokes two deep and contradictory responses; fear and attraction. One explanation might be that these responses have seperate and opposing sources. One being the controlling influence of society (control) and other the rebellious reaction of the public, asserting their individual freedom (counter control).

The fearful response seems to be earlier and more fundamental. The vampire is a source of pain and death. That vampire is a stimulus signaling the imminence of these primary punishers, and thus becomes as conditioned stimulus for the behavior of avoidance and the emotional response of fear. Any stimulus paired with the vampire would also acquire these features through a process of higher order conditioning.

Given that vampires do not exist, this learning is done vicariously through tales that were represented as being factual. These tales are produced by our culture in order to safe guard individuals from harm. The vampire is paired with nighttime, wild animals, strangers and other genuine sources of danger. The tales control people and cause them to avoid these things. The avoidance prevents them from discovering counter-evidence and discovering that vampires are fictional. The occasional disobedience may result in encounters with very real wild animals and highwaymen, thus reinforcing the overall message.

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Darksites free hosting service has gone for a long time without being maintained or cleaned up for inactive accounts.

Earlier, 1,657 webmasters lost their websites for not updating or logging into their account for over 1 year.

If you have a free host account and wish to keep it, please at least login whether you actually update your site or not. Sometime next week I will purge all accounts that have not logged in, for 6 months.

Thanks.

Darksites has teamed up with Ms Psychic to bring you the best personalized tarot readings on the web. Even better, you can get a free sample three card reading. The readings are affordable and more specialized than the ones you get over the telephone where you have to pay $1.99 per minute. They’re just interested in keeping you on the phone to get your money not, in giving you personalized attention. Continue reading →

Darksites.com and darkzine.net have teamed up to bring you this new contest. From now until August 20th 2001, we are accepting entries into a drawing. At the end of the drawing, we will select one name at random to win a signed, limited edition print of my Vampire Image. Continue reading →

I need the perfect name for an upcoming site.
If you provide the name I settle on first, I’ll send you $50.

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