Im nothing now nobody ive been destroyed by a love that was a lie and now all i can do is rive in pain. I hate and yet i hate myself so much more i cant stand what ive become, what im becomming and every day i just wish there was no pain to destroy my hope in finding another……though to me now its all just a big fucking lie and theres nobody i will trust like this again.
Broken and Destroyed
September 28th, 2001 | darkness
8 comments ↓
was it me or was it her who did this to you,,,, even i feel confused nowadays,,,,your so involved with her,,,i feel like there would be no room for me even if i tried,,,,,i get scared,,,people think that im so confident,,,full of myself,,such a *****,,,,in truth im terrified of being in love,,,,,it scares me that you have so much power over me,,,,,im scared of being in love with you,,these new feelings that im only just learning to come to grips with,,,,i dont want to hurt you anymore, i love you.
god,,,do i realise what that means to me?
ive thought i was in love with people before,,, but nothing like this,,,,maybe this is how ‘true love’ feels,,,,i believe in love,,,and in its strength,,,,and that itll take me a long time to get over this if i ever manage to in my lifetime,,,,i think sometimes whether i dont want to get over it,,,i have no choice, ill carry it with me until i die.
the truth is im scared to death of what i might do to you,,,if i ever hurt you again i dont think i could live with it,,,i feel like such a bad person,,,,is that all i am? i dont deserve any more chances,,,and i dont blame you for never trusting me.
i dont even trust myself.
untill the next rain washes away my sadness,,,stay beautiful my angel
xxxxx
….She will barely talk to me..the brief time we went out she wouldnt come near me or speak to me….yes it was you your the only one that could do that to me. I was in love with you and you tore out my heart in return….i completly broke down, im scared what would happen if you tried i dont know if id brake down and cry, turn away with anger or hold you in my arms and kiss you…..theres always a place in my heart for you always for the Queen…but i cant let what happend before happen again you killed me. it was so painful to see you do that infront of me i hated you so much…..such a thin line between love and hate….though when i do look into your eyes all i can do is feel my love for you….i try so very hard to get you out of my mind i convince myself i dont love you…..i cant…if i were to return to you the same thing will happen and he will take you away from me and il die again…please dont kill me again my Queen i dont think i could take the pain of it again…though i wish there was some way for us to be together for il never stop loveing you my Queen.
i would,,,,i love you!
what am i supposed to do,,,,i felt totally shattered when i heard that you had gone to her,,,,i love you and cant bear to see you with anyone else,,,this is all my fault,, if only i had some courage then i know i could make you happy forever,,,,,if only i had the chance,,,i never want to hurt you again,, all i ever want is for the one i love to be happy,,i hope one day it will be me who makes you happy,,,untill that day, i will pine for you until my heart breaks,,,i think my heart would break first before you gave me another chance to prove myself,,i know i wouldnt deserve it. but do you think i would keep coming back if this was just a game,,,i dont play games,,,the heart is a fragile thing, and can only stand to be broken so many times before it is destroyed, my heart has been broken too many times in my short lifetime, but now it has been given away, to you, whether you choose to accept it or crush it is beyond me,,,,i know how this feels and i never want you to experience such pain at my hands,,,im trying so hard to make sense of all this,,,,,,,,im sorry im doing this to you again,,,,,,i love you always.
If this is how you feel then i cant let you go. I want to give us another chance i want to be with you. I will trust you again, i know i love you and i dont want to let you slip away from me into the darkness of memory. I only hope that it will work and nothing will stand between us…as has done in the past youd drive me to insanity and kill me and i couldnt bare that not from you. Il be with you my Queen XXX
oh god!
????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????i have to say this is one thing i would never have expected,,,,,,,,i never thought id have the chance to redeem myself,,,,,,i just hope i can get my own life sorted out,,,i know exactly what i want,,,,but getting it is always difficult,,,i know where i want to be,,,with you, and ill get there even if i have to break my own heart in the process,, but i think about everyone else too much,,,even those who hurt me, and i dont want to hurt anyone again,,,,,,,,i promise i can make this work,,,,ill prove to you that i can,,,,,i will not hurt you again,,,,because to cause you pain would be to kill myself,,,,and no matter how hard things are i dont want that,,,,,not now that i finally have the chance to try to work things out with you,,,,,i dont know,,,itll take time,,,but i promise i will repair the damage i have done,,,,,,i can but try.
until the day i sort this mess out,,,i hope you will be trusting,,,,and know that my intention is pure.
god ive never felt so fucked up,,,,,,,,,ive never felt so torn and indecisive,,,,,,so sure, yet so ***** unsure,,,,,,what am i doing my love?
Now i could be wrong here but i think your sorting your life out O_o…you have my trust i dont want your heart to break i love your heart….just been with you will repair any dammege to me just thinking of you has repaired the dammege….i will trust you…..just dont take so long to sort the mess out youl drive me crazy X_x Love you always XXXX
ill have it sorted asap,,,,,,i dont want to leave it too long this time,,,,i know the longer i leave it the worse it gets,,,,,no matter whats going on in my life,,,,you know how i feel about you,,,and thats all that matters.
all my love xxxxxxx
ps.. ^_^
I hope its fast i couldnt bare to go through what i went through before i got so upset and it was so painful…i dont want you to go through a painful brakeup i just want to be with you with no one standing in our way! It would be like a dream to me, but its begining to crush me again that your with he who stole you away from me before. I dont hate him…..dont really like him eather though but it makes my heart waigh heavy. Im sorry…im been all doom n gloom…im just happy to be with you again my love. I hope you have your currage to sort things out just remember il be with you
XXXXXXXXXXXXX