I wrote this off the top of my head; no planning, no poetry. I just wrote what I was feeling at the time…and it probably won’t make any sense to anyone but me, but still:
I sit alone now, waiting for the phone call the I’ll never get, the answer I’ll never get.
I sit alone in the silence that never ends.
After all those words, all that laughter, all those smiles…left alone with nothing but this? But this silence?
Cruel….So cruel.
I had laughed in the face of fate; spitting defiance, knowing that it could never hurt me ever again. I knew that fate could never take anything from me again, now that it had taken everything and everyone I cared about away from me. I knew that I would never feel that hollow echoing pain of something freshly ripped away from me again. I knew.
But that was then and this is now.
After all the new friends.
After all the new parents.
After all the new joy.
After.
Fate had given me back everything, piece by piece; family, friends…
Even…even love. After all that, I thought that they couldn’t be taken away, these new friends…nothing could happen to rip them away from me again.
That was before.
Before the silence.
Before the sudden rejection.
Before the cruel laughter and lies.
Before.
And now I am again left alone, with that hollow, echoing pain inside me, of something freshly ripped away. I am feeling that pain of desertion all over again. And fate has won again…has taken everyone and everything from me all over again. Again left me with nothing.
And now, after all that…I can’t laugh. I can’t spit defiance. I know that if I move, if I breathe ever again I will have my world ripped away from me once again.
So I know now that I can’t ever take that risk again.
And I sit alone.
In the silence of laughter and voices now gone.
And I will stay alone.