The girl looked around her into the shadows. They hurt her now, as they had once been unable to. They seeped into her and broke her. She didn’t … or couldn’t fight it….
She feared them because they reminded her too much of herself … not of who she was, but of what she was. For so long she had hidden among them, clothed herself in them. Perhaps on some level she had become one of them, shying from the light. An empty, hollow image of something she couldn’t ever be. Surrounded so long in the darkness, it had woven like black cobwebbing over her heart, suffocating her slowly. Too dense to penetrate. Now was she truly lost?
She had felt it coming and wasn’t afraid. Better to be hollow than filled with the bitterness and regret she had harbored for so long. Regret isn’t just an emotion, it’s a thing. It’s cold and it’s heavy and it weighs on you. It’s sharp around the edges and it’ll cut right to your heart in a moment of weakness. It’ll kill you … if you let it. She knew what that was like and she wasn’t turning back to it. She would willingly take the unknown path over what she had left behind. Anything but return to that.
And so … she had let herself slide without resistance. If she had resisted … would it have done any good? She couldn’t say, and didn’t try.
You know … Some people love the dark. They embrace it, accept it, sometimes crave it. They think it’s somewhere for people to lose themselves and somewhere for those who are lost to hide from being found. They think it’s their friend. It’s not.
When you enter the dark, let yourself become empty and forget how to feel, it’s only a matter of time before you’re so deep, you forget how to turn back. Sadder still you lose the will to turn back. If you did turn … would you be able to find your way ? Doubtful.
And so … the story of the girl comes to an end. A darkened soul, full of shadows, full of fear of what she had become, full of pain and full of loneliness, but empty still.
Perhaps if this were a fairy tale a light would come … shine into her heart… her soul and save her from her own desperation. Perhaps, if this were a fairy tale she would have realized the beauty, however superficial, she possessed. Perhaps, if this were a fairy tale, she would have found some way to feel again … To feel hope again. Perhaps, if this were a fairytale I would not have her to the darkness. Perhaps, if this had been a fairytale I would have been able to save her, would have recognized what I saw in her eyes as a plea for help. Perhaps, if this had been a fairytale, I would have seen her desperate longing to be saved before she fell too far.
Perhaps, if this were a fairytale … but it’s not.
5 comments ↓
Interesting and very true. Though I feel this way sometimes, I find the courage to come back. I have a friend who’s felt this way. I’m sure, strong people make it through. I will not say weak people can’t because the weak end up being so much stronger than you ever could’ve been, so I will say this, make it through and consider yourself fine, but if you know your in deep and you still find a way to get through, consider yourself the best.
“Perhaps you were not made to live in the Darkness like I…. for I am the King of Shadows, and the Goddess of Darkness Herself made me so that even I could hide from the ravages of the Light…..”-from my journal, A Shadow King
Beautiful piece. I believe we all live like her deep inside waiting for the light to show us the way, but we all know in the end that’ll never happen because we all live in hell.
The question you need to ask is, would you want the light to shine in? I read a quote once, “Those who fear the dark have never seen what the light can do.” Light can destroy as well as heal. Perhaps its not the light she seeks, but healing.
I sat and watched as my friend was lost. I saw her eyes, her empty expressions, her smiles to hide the misery. The light I refer to is the hope of living again. Of feeling again and finding her way back to me. How could this light be harmful?