I was going to write a piece called Destiny here. I might still post it, but I took one look at all the other pieces on this site and I realized what I needed to do.
I look at these posts and see misery, desperation and heartache written in between each line. I see so many people willing to give up on themselves and their lives before they’ve even really started. I look at people writing about the loss of their childhood, the emptiness of their futures and their lack of hope.
This is a place full to bursting with cynical, jaded people thinking that the more they see of the world the more they wish they hadn’t. The more people live the more they seem to feel that they’re being pulled down by the undertow.
First let me deal with the loss of childhood. Childhood is the most innocent part of our life. A child looks at the world with wide eyes and doesn’t struggle to understand what they see, or scratch the beautiful surface to reveal the ugliness underneath. People grow and people change and they leave this naivety behind them. But whatever happens to you, you can never totally destroy what you once were. Sure, you can lose your ignorance but with the the loss of ignorance comes the gaining of knowledge. You learn how to understand the beauty of things better. You learn how to feel things you’ve never felt before and you learn how to experience things with a sort of understanding that a child can never possess. I’ll grant that the loss of innocence is a shock at first but the more you grow and the more you learn the more you can appreciate what you see.
Secondly, I see the way people take their lives and compare it to those of others. They believe that everyone in the world has a better life than they do. Trust me, I know this isn’t true. Behind every face you see there is a human being with human weaknesses and human strengths. There’s pain, confusion, love, hope, forgiveness, joy, misery …. the same hopes and fears and feelings exist inside every single person, just like they exist inside you. People seem to believe that they’re constantly competing against others, in a competition to see whose life is most perfect. So perhaps their life seems easier than yours, chances are it isn’t. And if it is … then it makes no difference anyway.
The only thing in your life that really counts is what’s inside you. Your hopes, your dreams, your wishes, your love, your hate, your future and your past. Nothing outside of you will ever be able to reach into your heart and change the way it feels. Nothing.
Therefore … why look for answers outside of yourself? When life is hard and getting on top of you, why do people insist on looking to those around them for hope? Your strength may come from others but the hope comes from you. Hope is the single most important thing we possess. It keeps us fighting from minute to minute. It hurts me to see that people have become so engulfed by the pain they feel that they’ve forgotten how to hope. Every person I look at is beautiful to me. They all have a sort of uniqueness that makes them real and special. no-one can take that away from them. They all have so much potential.
Potential. I used to despise that word when I was younger. My parents used to say it to me all the time. I used to think that people looked at me and saw something that wasn’t really there. I used to believe that I was a nobody, determined to fade into the background. Desperate to just be left alone. I wasted so much time that way. I used to believe that when they told me to use my potential that they thought I was living my life the wrong way. I thought they were trying to change me, to make me into something I wasn’t. Then I realized they weren’t. I realized that they saw the beauty in me and saw all the things I had to give the world and I was allowing it to be wasted away. Other people see potential inside you more easily than you see it in yourself. Believe it or not, it’s still there.
I have one final word of advice to give you. In your fight to survive today and make it through till tomorrow, please don’t allow yourself to forget how beautiful the world really is. No matter what you’ve been through or what you will go through in the future, you still have more than you realize. In spite of whatever you may think, there ARE people out there in the world that care about you. The more you learn to love and give, the more you’ll see the willingness of people to love and give in return.
Be happy, You’ll find your way, Blacklight.
17 comments ↓
I wish you had posted this 6 months ago. I needed a lot of help at that time. I’ve pretty much gotten a grip on things now though.
I just thought I’d tell you that I love seeing your posts…I’m probably the bigest pessamist here, but you always make me look at things in a way I hadn’t thought of yet. Thats something I wish more people could do….Thank you.
~n~
I’m sorry I missed your bad patch. Who knows - maybe I’ll catch someone else. Hope so.
By the way - people underestimate the value of a pessimist. Optimism is easier but pessimism is often more rewarding. The less you expect, the happier you are when the cookie crumbles your way.
Just for now, I’ll be an optimist and smile
, B.
We spend so much of our lives worrying over tiny things. Small details that only seem to matter because we lend them importance in our worrying. Problems always seem big when you’re standing in them, seem small when you’re looking back.
It is good to be helped out by someone who knows that the problem is small, and knows that it looks big.
Very nice article,since you seem to be an intelligent person,I’m actually going to comment on this.
First and foremost,I congratulate you for being in this dark noir and keeping a straigth mind.
Secondly,I agree with your point completely.
A lot of people,mainly kids,seem to have lost a sense of rationality and many have the view that their lives are the worse,that everyones hate them and that they are lone souls meant for nothing and anything.
Its kinda depressing actually *_*
Everyone has lost someone: a father,a mother,a friend,a brother…Or maybe you were left by them..or something happened that really impacted you.But,although you may not believe this,many people have gone through the same kind of crap.
Maybe someone tormented you when you were younger,or you were betrayed by a friend.But everyone goes through this.
The best way to "stick the finger" at them is to be happy and live your life to the fullest.
If you are deppresed and think of nothing but suicide,then you are just hurting yourself and are not making any point.After all,as you all say people are selfish and idiots,So what makes you think that they actually care if you suffer or if you kill yourself.I know I wouldn’t.I’d probably say, "Damn,he/she was a nice kid,He Did not deserve to die just yet".But to tell you the truth,The next day I’d probably forget and drink a beer while watching a game.You taking your life away will not change anything.Plus,doing that would probably suck.Being deppresed gets boring.
Furthermore,(And before I forget)I’ll tell you my view on religion.
Religion is something that seems to affect everyone,and many violent and sadistic acts have been done because of it.
Now God never intended to make organized religion, At least not the god that Jesus preached.
I think of it like this.The question that seems to plague this website(Awesome layout!)is "If God loves me,then why must he let me suffer?"
The answer,actually is very simple.
Think of a small child.He sees a hot stove and becomes mesmerized by it.After a while he decides to put his hand on it.WARNING.What do you do?
Probably your first thougth is to not let him touch the fire,but think again.
Wouldn’t he just make the same mistake again?
So you let him get burnt.Not too much,but enough so that he learns from his mistake and he does not do it again.After that the kid does not do it again.Sounds reasonable?
Thats what God does.Lets you get burnt so you learn,actually learn from your mistakes.If you think about this point a lot.you’ll get what I’m trying to say.
I know most people wont like this post,but I had to write it.My point is this.God does not hate you,but if you dont learn from your mistake he will tigthen the noose even more.But dont worry,because he never chokes.
Live your life happily and learn that there are huge oppurtunities for everyone.The reason why we were put on this life was so that we could live it.We only live once…why not have fun?
I am not a complete crazy about religion guy.
And like most of you,I’ve had bad experiences with the church and with the so called "preps"
But many of my best friends are those who dont fit in the mold.And believe me when I say that I feel for all of you.I say we all discover God in our own way.If you have ever been on an ocean at dawn, a mountain at twiligth, seen a small child dance around in front of a mirror and smile with love,If you have ever felt true love for someone,If you have had nice moments with your family,or heard music in water,or cried during a song or movie or whatever…You have seen God.
God is always in the things that matter,and dont cos a thing.
So just feel happy,because if you dont,then really life does not matter.
I wrote all this crap because I just came out of a very heavy depression and I understood some things,maybe we all know them deeply at heart but we dont admit them.then again,what do I know?
Farewell.
i love how u wrote that. but i was jus wondering… how do u look at the world at such a different angle? ur such a nice person.. u helped so many.
It’s good to see yet another person who is willing to go aginst the gothic taboo and show a little pity on those who are depressed. however you show your caring in a differnt manor, i use words of degrading manor and force them to face the facts and use their own mind aginst them. nevertheless we strive for the same ending story.
I congratulate you on being able to be the darkness in the blinding tunnel of light
Praetorian
I read this more than seven times. Everytime I find something new that I didn’t understand before. A sentence I missed, or one that didn’t make sense to me suddenly was clear. What you say is true, this place is full of misery and pain. I am one of those cynical, pessimistic, miserable people. I can’t help but be who I am. Sometimes it’s just easier to look at the glass half empty. To me, being optimistic takes alot of effort. To be able to see the good in all, whether it be horrible or terrific is hard to do. I try my best not to give my worst opinion on everything, try to see things from a different side of the veiwing glass, but its all the same shapes and sizes, no matter how I look at it. I look for inspiration to keep myself above the ground instead of in it. People try to tell me the great things about life, but something in me seems to want to kick them down by throwing one of my contrasting remarks to them. Telling them why it isnt as great as they say, I find the worst in the best. It’s really shocking to me that all those people wasted their time talking to me while I sat there and turned my thoughts off, didn’t listen to them. Shocking that I can sit here and read a paragraph the world seems like a better place from those eight sentences or so. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you made me look at a things in a different veiw, something that everyone else couldn’t do.
I agree that people have competitions over the happiness in their life and the heartbreak. It makes me sick at times. A friend of mine named Jessica was anorexic, she looked absolutely dead and I was scared for her. I tried helping her all I could, while another girl( lets call her "Molly") was speaking to Jessica about her own anorexia problem from before. "Molly", instead of helping Jessica get past her sickness, told about her own experiences and how she was worse off than Jessica was currently. It made me sick that a person could compare themselves to another human. How would you know that you are worse off? How would you know that you were better off? You couldn’t because you don’t know the whole story behind the opposite person, you dont know the fear or pain that they feel on the inside.
I would comment about the subject of people in the world that care about you, but thats a whole other issue. I’ll save it for later. Well, thank you for showing me a fraction of the good on this earth. I look forward to reading more.
Bottled Vomit
black light
Thank you for being a little darklight in the world full of glaring comfority you have truly made me fell beter about being Goth I can atlast tell some fool Not all Goth are evil and belive at least some of the global goth comunity is behind me its lonely in SA, Goth are not quite as well known, though we have a web site, I would love To have contact with other goth My knowledge of the cultureis only internet and instinct based and I would hate to give normals bad information as many have inquired anbout it but it is not an easy question to answer, what is goth, it is a personal thing but i hate to be miss enformed or uninformed for that matter,my thanx for being your beautiful self
Pheonix
I must say, i was stunned. First off, I’m no goth (don’t ask how I got here), I’m a happy person who likes the darkness, and I believe in the Dragon God. That’s that. Second, about your text. You wouldn’t believe how it amazed me… you are so right you know. hildhood is just a face that must be left behind eventually, not totally though. And comparing your own life to others shouldn’t be allowed (my mother does so, we never hear the end of it, of what we could have, what we should have, what others have… goes on like that). The only thing I would disagree on is that, sometimes, you do need the hope of others to carry on. Of course, that is if you have real, true friends you can count and rely on. And about the potential thing… that one I can relate to. My mother’s always telling me what I could accomplish and what I should do and that is really really annoying to hear, but, it’s true that it’s not because she’d want to change me (that’d be impossible), but only so I fulfill whatever destiny I have ahead of me. Right now, I believe it is to help others. So, what I wanted to say… I’ve showed your text to one of my best friends, and it eventually lead to an incredible reaction from her, but, i won’t bother you with my personal life. After showing it, i just felt this urge to show it to everybody i know, and well that’s what i want to say: i am gonna show it to all my close friends, i’m even busy translating it as i speak (i’m from Belgium, french’s my main language). So, i wanted to say: thank you. I somehow feel it’s my duty for your thoughts to be carried to those who could need them, directly or indirectly. So please don’t be angry or anything, i just feel your message must be spread. I believe i didn’t find it for no reason. So, again, thank you, and have a good life.
Hey, I wanted to thank you all who posted. I won’t thank you for your opinions, but I will thank you for sharing them. It means alot to me, really.
There’s something you all have to understand about me - I’m not the angel people seem to think I am. People pin so much hope on me and I’d hate you to think I’m something I’m not. Don’t get me wrong -I try so hard to be a good person and to help you all … I fight for it every second, but sometimes … I fall from grace. Everybody does it, I know, but if any of you put your faith in me I’d hate for you to be disappointed.
I want people to trust me, to listen to me, and that means you have to know …. I’m only human. That’s all.
Keep surviving, if you need me you know where I am. B.
I, for one, didn’t think you were an angel. Quite the contrary, actually, you’re human to have understood certain things about humanity. And my faith goes to what you said, not what you are. I mean, as I said, I’m no goth, I live in a country where goths don’t even exist! Seriously. I can understand not wanting to have faith put into you, as it can feel like a burden. But you have to admit that was an inspiring text. Think of it that way.
Thanks.
But please don’t think I don’t want faith put in me. I DO. I said that. It’s not a burden to me because it’s what I live and breathe for.
My only problem is when people invest their trust and hope under the false pretense that I never get things wrong or screw up.
I wasn’t talking about you, and those who I am talking about will have understood.B.
Aaahhh my mistake… sorry. I sometimes misread, or don’t get everything right. But um yeah… no that’s it actually.
Thank you for taking the time to write this beautiful article. I’ve had a terrible day, I want to change my current life, but I’m not sure how.
I’m not depressed or especially sad, but when I read that, I cried… for the fisrt time in a long time.
I knew most of the things you wrote, but it was nice to be reminded.
I just wanted to say thanks.
If I saw a child standing beside a hot stove, and after a while he decides to put his hand on it, I wouldn’t allow him to burn himself. I’d stop him.
Then I’d touch my own hand to the stove. He’d hear the pain in my voice, and see the disfiguring and scarring of the skin, hear the violent hiss of burning flesh, feel the tears in my eyes and learn the consequences of touching the flame.
The child would learn just as easily from my pain as he would from his own.
It’s my duty to protect people whilst I can, and only allow that pain when there’s no alternative. Usually … there’s an alternative.
That’s my major problem with God. If a lowly person like me can make that sacrifice to teach a person a lesson … why wouldn’t the great Almighty guy make those same sacrifices to protect his children?
Just a thought.
B
i totally agree with you….i already thought of that last march, it was a twilight opf hope that made me see things that way..i found that twilight here maybe it was started when someone posted that she can never be happy…
but sometimes i take pleasure in depression..now that depression is fading away im getting bored maybe that is the reason why i drag myself to the dumps.
or maybe i am just scared of tommorow.i dont know what tommorow brings.and people fear the unknown.compunded by our present failings and….its endless………….
That was a gorgeous piece of writing. I am like you in your way of thinking, there is so much beauty in the world that goes unnoticed, and even beauty inside people that they don’t even know is there.
I understand why people miss it though, because when life gets you down - as it inevitably will, sometimes hope disappears from us all, and it is at those times when we are blind to the beauty around us.
Life is comlicated, and we are complex. everyone find happiness eventually, even if it’s in the most unusual place ever.
Vixodus
xx