Cold

I can feel the cold wind cutting through me. It curls around the edges of my jacket, sliding under my shirt and pressing into my skin like the fingers of a dead lover. I surreptitiously pull the jacket tighter and watch a few more people-shaped sheep blindly follow the guided pathways of the mall.

I see movment out of the corner of my eye and turn to look at her. The same cold wind is ruffling her hair, gently tugging a lock down to hang fetchingly over her eye. Those intense green eyes sparkle, and her lips part in one of those timeless smiles. Small white even teeth flash, the canines intriguingly pointed. I chuckle, and flash an exaggerated smile back.. she laughs, and I can see the word “what?” forming on her lips, and I shrug and wave aimlessly at the massed hordes before us.
“People watching… you know.”
She nods and we share a brief moment of pure understanding… the elite amidst a horde of mindless trend followers.

A blonde mane of masculine hair appears behind her, a half-smiling face over her shoulder. I turn to look back at the unseeing, uncaring people as he bends to kiss her hello, murmuring soft words. The cold wind returns, pushing a dagger of ice into the base of my spine. I can hear the sussuration of their conversation, each muttered word twisting the jagged edge deeper. My knuckles whiten as I grip the railing, managing to control the reaction before it reaches my face… I turn back, smiling a warm yet bland hello. He’s holding her from behind, and each curve of her smile wraps another band of cold around my chest. I shiver, iced from head to foot now, almost able to feel the cold spreading from my fingertips along the length of the smooth aluminium railing.

Another pair of faces appear, background characters to the silent drama in my head. I shake the proffered hands, knowing from the heat that my hand must feel hard and leathery, cold and dead. I can feel the cold in my head now, my ears ringing, my senses suddenly heightened. The leather of my jacket creaks loudly to my ears as I turn fully, subtly yet pointedly focusing on her, somehow shutting out all the others.

“Shall we go in?”
She nods, and we head to the cinema. I can feel the cold moving with me, even as the doors close behind us… it curls around me, visible to the minds eye, tendrils brushing the crowds around me. I feel like screaming into the blank faces around me, releasing some of the frigid core within, so cold it burns.

Somehow we end up in the cinema, the dark folding around me, the cold settling into the seat with me. I can feel her sitting close, inches separating us. I turn to look at her and see him, half hidden by the profile of her face, the light from the screen showing the concerned look on his face as he glances at me. I realise suddenly that I worry him, that he perhaps suspects my interest, my passion. A small center inside me rises like bile, a vicious exultation at him feeling the cold knife too… a small hot demon capering in the middle of my brain until the armoured boot of my cold will squashes it flat. A new bite to the cold… worry at feelings long thought chained away.

She cannot be in my world. I build the cold into a shield floating around me as a new drama is drawn in light on the screen before me. My mind turns inwards, locking doors and barring windows. I deal with it. What else can we do?

**I know, it’s not particularly goth. At least, not the common understanding of the concept. I thought I’d throw it in here because it fits here better than anywhere else, and the theme seems to be romance at the moment… anyway, looking forwards to the comments. Feel free to say you hate it, anyway ** - W