mind of a killer-entry two
dear journal.thats how im supposed to start. why do i keep writing in this book. maybe when im dead the world will read this. maybe some will be enlightened. maybe it will help someone. yea right….me help someone.
i kant even help myself.ishould get a dawg. be more normal. more fictional. more delusional. if i went out killing people… i could help the world. let them know there lives. there pityful illusion that there in control of there own lives. wheres ur god given free will the ability to make choices. when you’ve got a gun to ur head wheres ur choices. wheres ur ability to make choices. i know what ur thinking. u kan choose to die screaming or with pride or honor. i only got one thing to say to that….. stop dwelling on specifics. then again i could reform to the stereo type. i could be normal. if normal people write what happens in there day. i will too. i mean i do have some freedom. i mean im better then these robots. why not practice on something easy. so easy a machine could do it……… theres a dawg next door that never shuts up. i should kill it. i havent had raw meat in awhile. its a strong dawg it should have good essence. i could cook the dawg then when they post there fliers i kan send them a present to show my sorrow…. a stew. meaty stew. that might snap those robots back to life. horrific life….. life, what a loaded word. what is life some kind of test or joke. some cruel joke. the torture method in some country east of here is well they drip water onto ur forehead for hours.days. that would be great for me. it would enhance my speed. my speed toward the question that is eating me alive. but enhanced speed at what cost. would i spiral down at the question so fast that i leave this world totally. go completly numb. leave just my animal side to wreastle with this world. what if im the left over. what if im the animal side and the person has already left this world to answer the question. they only have until i break. until i crack and crumble. my past is a blurr. clouded. how do i know what iam. how does anyone know what they are. are u the real deal or are u some pathetic left-over. these robots kan learn yes. they kan calculate reactions and emotions. but they kant step back. they kant rise above everything and just observe everyone in there pathetic lives leading only to death. but kan they then harshly hit the brakes and severe ties with the world and step back farthur and see themselves for what they are… i know what iam ive stated it. do u know who or what u are. my mind is wreastling a thousand questions a minute to break this code that is human-habit. a good question is u have microscopic bugs on u at all times but those bugs have microscopic bugs on them and so on and so on AND SO ON. does it ever end. does the spiraling question ever hit a wall. thats just one for u i wreastle with hundreds 24/7 and u thought ur 40 hour a week job was tuff. is ur mind ready to exsplode with knowledge. do u eat. do u sleep. are u normal. fictional…. what if this is punishment. i must have done the most worst of horrible things. what kould i have done to deserve this life among robots. what did i do to the higher power that rules and regulates this GAME…. maybe there is no answer maybe my mind is meant to snap. maybe my punishment is the most horrific of punishments. i could be just spiraling down a dead end trying to find this question. til this dead end of a life i lead ends up at its death. maybe i should put this pen away before i try to jail break my punishment…..