i can’t really think back to a time when i was genuinely 100% happy. i don’t know what happened to me along the way. its like one day i woke up and everything had changed.
and i hate the way i feel inside. because i can’t be happy. there is something inside that keeps dragging me down. and one of these days i’m not going to make it back up because i don’t want to be here anymore. i can’t exist in this world.
i didn’t always think this way. i wanted to prove that i could make it through. but i can’t stay here for anyone else anymore. i feel like i am sinking deeper and deeper into the darkness. and with every passing day i realize more and more that i won’t make it back up. but death doesn’t scare me anymore.
i look forward to the release. because only then can i be free.
i feel so alone - even when i am with my friends. just another face in the crowd.
and when i start to feel happy, something always happens to change that. and i can’t fight the darkness alone.
and i am so alone.
my friends, you know who you are. i know you have tried to save me from myself, but you can’t. i dont’ want to be saved.
i don’t have the will to live anymore. so thankyou for trying, and please remember - its not your fault. i just wasn’t meant to live as long as you. but as long as you are around, i will look over you.
so this is goodbye. ……………….
no regrets