Entries from September 2002 ↓

I can feel the darkness rising in my soul, feeling less normal every day. Everyone hates me now, I can feel that nobody cares so why should I? I cant get out, why should I try? Whats the point?

A long and slow awakining.
Drowsy realism. Was it all really
the past this dream of manic
desperation, hate and fear.
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:thump:
I don’t wannna wake up…I’m having this great dream where the singer/guitarist of my favorite band is making love to me…
:thump:
Damnit, I’m gonna kill whoever’s making that noise, and robbing me of my beauty sleep…
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[This note means alot to alot of people. It means alot to me, its about time that everyone read it[ it was addressed to "all of you"]]

“Writing from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee.This note should be easy to understand. All the warnings from the punk rock 101. Curses over the years. Continue reading →

chase me with axes
kill me with razors
let me feel the pain

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When will it stop hurting?
When will the pain go away?
Will I ever stop crying
and thinking of her all day?
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I long for an understanding of things.The reasons. I believe I lack the intellegance.I look at people in an entirely different way now.Suspicious.I can tell how much things have changed.

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Dive in, drown inside, its time to let it out. Cut deep, blooded stains, silently starting to shout. Open wounds, burning soul, a hatred deep within. All alone, too much pain, crying as it begins again. Shaking hands, fallen spirit, too much to take. Continue reading →

Once more dark fell upon this corrupted citadel of hatred. Time for me to rid the gene pool of some more of the fools roaming the streets and dancing to a hidden tune of alcohol. I was bored of hiding, now i wanted something upfront, something that would really put a chill down their spines…..A whole family of 5. Continue reading →

he sits and prays for the decay
this is his way to pass the day
when will he see he’s not the same
a man can be without a name

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my life has always seemed worthless
why shouldn’t this be any different
because everyone is so ruthless
why shouldn’t i become any different

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all these disaster in your life,
all these sins you committed,
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don’t deny me
there’s nothing more i can give
you are my star. my winter
is that so hard to see? Continue reading →

Dont you wish we had more time?
Dont you wish we had some laughs?
Dont you wish i was just yours?
Dont you wish i was still alive?

Audwha, I shall call her, other times I call her my love. She confuses me, maybe even uses me, but do I care? Ha, No because I love her. Continue reading →

The flutter of something on my hand, what is it I say? I reach my hand up to find a mosquito biting into my flesh. Sucking on my it, wanting to live and thrive. Then i feel the pain of the bite. I slap it and guts go flying. Opps, there goes another life I just destroyed

I wake up gasping. I drempt of you killing me, and there you are, in the corner of my black room you stand ther watching me. I hear your heart beat. I can smell the hatrid in the air… Continue reading →

Everytime I see you, the knife goes in further. Everything you say, makes it hurt worse than anything else that has happened before. Now I am scared of what you will say, because you hurt me and I will be forever scared.

I’m feeling death is a come on, and suicide a friend who sees. I lay here and think about both and I think about you. the one that made me lay here in the first place. I’m hurt, but do you care? No, you dont give a flying fuck if I Die or not. So, leave me alone or I’ll just go kill myself…What no faith? well here goes.

Everything that has happened has either made the knife go in or go out….And for the past year the knife has been going mostly in….its practically sticking out my back…If only u could help me pull it out.

My life is like legos, You spend most of your time on them only to find out, everytime you drop them……..You always end up trying to pick all the peices up again.

And there is light in my hallway of darkness. And you never thought possible that there would be light in my part of the hallways, but there it is! I work to it and I see a beautiful garden. Continue reading →

Your hands are pretty, but my wrist is better. Your spoon is nice, but my knife is dull. Your life is better and my life is……….gone.

my second and final peice of poetry, the one who truly understands my words,can lighten my life,for i am as alone as a god himself……

Speech of the speechless
Their Pride of the old
Our fathers Glory
We are born

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I see you cry and I just wonder why? I want to help, so I give you a hug, but still you keep going. I give u a kiss, but still you go…Am I a ghost I say? You dont stop…i dont help you at all. Continue reading →

All is green, I see birds, they follow me as i walk around. I feel so Depressed, but the birds sing such happy tunes. but then the clouds come over the sun. Continue reading →

This thing inwraps me, I dont know what to do about it. So I sit here cutting away. I hear a voice but I have lost to much blood. Ah, maybe im high, maybe Ill die. Continue reading →

This isn’t me I am not mechanical
I am not what God intended, I am a desktop animal
My mind is filled with data
My soul is a platform of RAM
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went walking one day, saw a sparrow flying with me. i kept walking, he kept flying. i wasnt looking were i was going and i got hit by a bus. Continue reading →

You Bitch. Can you not realize what you are doing? You are so blind to what you do to me. You cannot see how much you hurt me. Why do you use me this way? Why do you play with me the way you do? Am I just a toy to you? A toy to use and throw away. Continue reading →