The girl of my dreams, was on AIM so I talked to her. We’re friends at school and I acted as usual. A pervert. But then, I started talking about my secrets, my thoughts, my life, like I never told anybody before. She was surprised, cause at school, I never showed it, I never showed or told how many times I tried in despair to kill my self.
But meraculissy, I survived, every single time. Then, she told me of her life, the secrets she also never showed anybody. We talked long into the night about our lives. I thought we would be better friends. I was wrong. She has stayed away from me and whenever I try to speak to her, it feels like a Brick between us, blocking us off, preventing us from talking. The look in her eyes is what gets me the most. It’s the look of fear that I could use that info against her, hurt her, or worse, hate her. But I could never do that, not if I was forced to. But, it’s the feeling that I knew if I showed her my dark side, this would happen. Suicide or running away are my main options, she is already running away from me, from the pain and knowledge. She runs away from a conflict, hoping it will go away, but it can’t, no matter what. She won’t face it, she won’t even face me, she hides behind apologies, and hurt. To live with out her is not an option, it’s a tradgedy and that will be my weak point, my failure, my fall. The world is against me, and my love, running from me.
28 comments ↓
“Why has my dark love forsaken me!?”
Get over it, man. It’s this gimick you’ve got going that’s scaring her away.
That’s a bit trigic in my opinion. You’ve opened up to her and she’s done the same, but you confide and she recoils.
It’s hard but don’t give up yet. Maybe she needs to see that you won’t give up so easily because she’s worth it to you.
I feel for her and hopr that comes to realize that you mean her no harm.
Good luck.
I understand both sides of the situation, as it has happened both ways to myself.
My solution to your case, was to call the person in question and not start a conversation, but merely call and state that I was very sorry if I uniontentionally initiated any fears or self-doubts, anything bad, I was sorry for it. Things lead to more chatter and eventually, with many such conversations, things were not as bad.
Not the best of all advisorys, but worth half the shot if you become desperate enough.
Julia.
I know EXACTLY how you feel.
It hurts more than anyone could imagine. People say get over it, but how do you get over losing the only person that has ever mattered to you? You have nothing left to live for and the pain is unbearable. There’s no one left to care about and no one who knows who you really are. You’re all alone. It’s a horrible feeling.
Thanks the last three people who posted. I’ll take your thoughts into consideration. I wish all of you a good life and a happy on at that.
Why thanks you, and much the same to yourself and much more.
Julia.
love is fucked….plain and simple..you find it…its wonderful and the best thing ever….nothing could ever change it right? oh so very wrong….
Hey Caged_Angel, life is fucked up, you want to commit suicide, because everyday is hell, and to end it now would stop the pain, the suffering, the hate and the guilt. So who is fucked up?
No… no matter what happens suicide is NOT a way out. Suicide is the same as giving up, and if you give up that means you are weak. Suicide isn’t an option. It’s an excuse for those who can’t take the pain of living. And thats what it is…it’s living. Who ever said life was going to be lemondrops and sugar cookies? Everyone has pain in their lives, it’s part of growing and having relationships(friends or lovers.)
You could stop the pain, the suffering, the hate and the guilt by commiting suicide. You would also be stopping the laughter, music(I’m sorry, but without music I would be nothing, which is why I put it here) friendships and love. You can’t tell me that you haven’t enjoyed a night with your close friends just talking or being complete idiots. Would any of you want to throw away the happiness that comes with living on this celestial ball? Remember the feeling of your first kiss? Maybe the first time you won a compitition? It’s those little things that make life worth living. And even when those problems arise, you can always find a way out of them that doesn’t involve suicide.
It’s not worth it to give up so easily.
Suicide is most definately not the most wise of any decisions, and I agree with Intoxication on this. I have had four close friends comit suicide, and all that is left in their memory are thoughts of anguish and anger for their selfish and yet so underserving actions.
Suicide is contageous, keep that in mind. If you do it, then the person who held you close at heart [c'mon, we all have one, regardless] will most likely catch the worst .. the word “contageous” should have explained it all.
Julia.
Love is one of those things that you know will eat your heart and make you watch, but with this in mind we all are still happy to jump in blindly. I say if it is truely love, the real thing, things will only work out if you make them….So she cowars away because she thinks you are untrustable with her secrets, yet in the beginning she was willing to share. This is a sign that she also shares your feelings but is too scared of the dark to just jump in…..be her light, don’t give up.
Thanks Pandora, I’ll try it.
Last two comments made alot of sense to me.
Weird..not many things do.
hmmm…
i say, stare into her eyes…
torment her with a look that says:
“i know what you are and am ready
to blackmail you anytime you
recoil from my efforts…”
then take her and whisper:
“we are alike, you and i,
and i know that’s what scares you…
you keep to yourself as do i,
but i figure it’s time i draw first blood!”
in theory she will cry or get violent.
you come in and whisper your
final haunting words:
“how does it feel?”
when she confronts you,
keep yourself in a trivial-sage-like
manner. whisper words for her
to think about and leave her hanging.
when the time comes she
has had enough, and she comes
banging at your being… smile a
sincere heart-felt smile, caress her
cheek, stare into her eyes and
whisper in a warm voice:
“this? (indicating yourself)
this is what you’ve been so afraid of?
I’m so sorry for you…”
then turn your back and leave.
if she has a brain she’ll go after you.
when she does, console her… then maybe you can have fucking hot sex
every night! ahem… kidding aside.
what i meant was that maybe then,
in that instance, both of you will be
able to see some meaning in your
existence…
if she’s fucking stupid, then she would
not understand just what you’ve done
and just leave everything as it was…
to that i say my friend, she was never
worth it.
take care!
dont forget to dim the lights, you all!
i was once in this situation. the man of my dreams found out who i really was and ran away. we didn’t talk for years. the problem is that we were running away.
just understand that she’s scared. it is most likely this kind of this has never happened to her. you say that there is like a brick wall separating the two of you. well, break it down! if you see her, pull her over, or maybe even call her. does she have any idea on how you feel about her? is this love or lust? talk to her about it. maybe she feels the same way about you too. who knows.
don’t run away. and maybe she’s not running away herself. she may just be waiting for you to take action on this situation. girls are sensitive creatures (yes, i too am a female) so they will not just tell you everything because they are afraid of getting hurt.
suicide may be your thought in this situation. if ya don’t get the girl, life’s over. maybe you have survived all those times is because you were really meant for this girl. she was born for a reason, and right now, i believe that reason is to keep you alive.
i hope this all made sense. good night, everyone.
bullshit dude!
forced purpose…
not false pretense.
You know…Lostwords has a good idea. Not exactly mastermind but not too shoddy.
The only way this person is going to know how you feel about her is if you tell, but you need to draw your line. Let her know that you may not be around forever and she needs to make a choice. You know almost everything about her. You already know who she is and the only reason she is running is because shes afraid of being known. Thats the deal with most of these situations.
Yeah, I’d follow Lostwords lead. You know, something of the sort.
If this isn’t making any sense, I apologize. It’s late and I can barely see or think.
Alright you guys, I get Crystal Magik, but why the fuck should I torment her. You guys should learn the fucking one.
Alright you guys, I get Crystal Magik, but why the fuck should I torment her. You guys should learn the fucking one.
“You guys should learn the fucking one.”
Say what?
It’s not really tormenting her.
Just telling her that she needs to make her decision whether she wants you to be there or out of her life.
You’re putting her on the spot. It’ll work. and if you don’t want to then you can sit there and feel sorry for yourself.
Tear away at your insides because she won’t talk to you. You’re choice.
Um…… Maybe, I haven’t told you but she will talk to me but it’s now like she’s annoyed if I’m face to face, but in letters, she is not. What the fuck?
Easy. In letters you can always plan out what you are going to say. You can erase anything you have doubts about. In person you blurt out something and you can’t take it back. She’s afraid of confrontation.
time heals. you have options, and you sould consider them carefully. suicide, no. think, who are you donigs this for man? a girl who doesn’t understand? as time goes on (and your still alive) she won’t be afraid anymore, because what is unknown is now known to her. give her time. she needs to realize that she needs you as much as you need her. this situation will subcide and all the confused feelings will return to normal. if she forgets the most important thing, your feelings tward her, and friendship, then fuck it. Don’t talk to the chick. go flirt with other girls, go to more concerts, party, get her out of your head. once again time heals, and you will be over her trust me it feels soooo much better when what she does to hurt you dosn’t hurt anymore. you are a good person and you don’t need to go through hell for someone who doesn’t do the same for you.
I think what she did was horrible, you both shared each others secrets to one another. She should be there for you, and vise versa. I know it’s hard, but give up on her. There are many girls who would appreciate you.
No no!
Never give up on anyone…
I’ve learned my lesson about giving up on the person you love (whether it be your friend or a lover). Regret is a harsh feeling and it weighs on you for quite a time.
The key is always to keep an open mind about everything that comes your way. Unless you are a mind-reader, you wouldn’t know what the other is thinking. If she has hurt you tell her. Let her know that you can only take so much. Then listen to her side. Absorb everything even if she seems unreasonable. Remember that she is the victim here, not you, even if it seems the other way. Console her if it is called for. Treat her as you would others. Smile, greet her, walk her home. Update yourself about her through her friends…
I could go on forever but the point is to NEVER GIVE UP ON HER. But keep an open mind. If the opportunity to love another knocks, answer it. It’s NOT your fault that you two never hit it off. As I’ve said, you are only human and can take only so much. But even if you’ve gotten over her and have found another, don’t ever leave her alone. Make her feel that no matter what happens you will always be there for her, because once in your life you loved her for who she is.
You are fortunate… because not everyone gets to know another as intimately as you knew her.
(I hope I’m not assuming)
Well from a point of view of a girl this has happened to (and I feel like a total absolute bitch) I do wish things hadnt changed.He told me he really cared about me after about 6 months of us being best mates. I was shocked that Id told so much to someone who looked at me that way - and then disturbed that a person who knew my every flaw and hateful thought could still care about me!
It hurt me sooo much that I knew all this about him too and I didnt feel the same way about him. I didnt want to hurt him, but I also didnt want to lie. But me being the coward I am , all I did was distance myself from him, then tell him I didnt feel the same way.
So I lost my best friend like that - and I hate myself for it. But I just didnt feel right telling someone everything about me when I knew he wanted more than friendship - and I was hurt he hadnt said before because I now know it had been going on a while.
We still barely talk.
But please dont consider suicide. Im sure this girl would never, ever want anything bad to happen to you, even if you arent close anymore. Just give her time and space to sort things out. If you really need to speak to her then do it (but maybe a letter would be better so she can read it in her own time.Like the saying goes - you cant re-read a conversation)
ok well thats just my opinion, hope it helps you even a bit. Just look at things from her side too.
Rachx
Thanks, so don’t give up or what?
confused
do what ever you think would make you feel better, whatever makes you appreciate yourself, because it’s you who you should be concerned about. plz, do not contemplate suicide for someone who is blind. i hope your choice is the one that keeps you alive and going. good luck to you, never give up on life…everyone else go ahead…just playing, ha. seriously, don’t do anything to harm you.