Entries from September 2002 ↓

I sit and listen in silence,
why did I have to get mixed up in my head with all that violence?
As the slow music begins playing,
my spirit realizes where I’m laying.
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red blue red black tan tan blue white 4 9 7 1 2 8 15 9

we both know i’m not crazy. they sent me here because they’re scared that i’m better. that i found the secret to life, the thing that makes you happy and whole and normal, and better than everyone else. we both know what that is but we don’t talk about it. Continue reading →

Now that I’m about to reach the end
I realize what I could have been
The opposite of my aching reality.
Now that I know who and what I am
A beaten body, an empty soul
And a heart pierced by irony. Continue reading →

I cant say i cared, they abused me now they’re dead why should i care? The people who used me, the people who tryed to convince me what they did to me was right but is what im doing to myself right?im torturing myself because they succeeded and i stood by watching as they did. Continue reading →

hey every1 dis is my 1st piece of poetry….can u tell me if u like it…thanx!

can u think of a place that’s so dark and cold that u cant even see the blood rush from your veins? i can, my mind. people r so happy it scares me to imagine wat their minds would be like. critical to things that r sane to me yet crazy to them. Continue reading →

I feel you here, though youre far away.
Your presence overwhelms me,
Scares me.
I hate each day
And the way I have to live…
In a shadow.

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struggle….kick….scream….scratch.
i’m stuck….can’t get free…..let go.
scream….push….punch….don’t.
RAPE!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!! RAPE!!!
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sifting through past shit, i find a bit
of memories not of joy from a childs play toy.
how i remember when i was a boy.
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Entwined in a world of darkened oppression
Majority’s rules had set them aside
Forcing two brothers through cruel transgressions
Their feelings of hatred soon turned with the tides

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With darkened beauty the cold heavens shine
Under moonlight, where the hideous shadows dine
Feeding on the crevices of our reddish, worn throats
As winds wail endlessly with their shrieks of icy notes
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Sequence One: Prelude To Knowledge

She comes in the form of the Devil herself
Slaying the guilty who run through each day.
With wings of fire she observes castles
Of rich men and women who live off the poor.
Indeed this angel is anything but
A hypocrite through and through to the soul - Continue reading →

Seven years on the streets,

Seven years i slept under creeks,

Seven years since i was damned,
to walk in the dark and feed on the land, Continue reading →

Why do i try?
Why do i cry?
Why do i wish to die?
These are my friends qustions.
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How can you love the same person you hate?
Or do i hate the one i love?
It’s hard to tell, and harder to accept.
And yet, i continue on with this “thing”.
Or this “fling”, whatever it is, without yeilding.
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Jaded dipositions cloud my vision,
Confusion so disarry, spinning reality, darkened indecision,
Can’t escape the haunting darkness, destroying your total existence,
Surrounded by demands and expectations, can’t easily accept insistence.

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I said to her,”embrace the darkness, for it is all you have now” as she entered these hollow doors of remorse and misery. I walked her through the cruel arms of the asylum for I had been there for oh so long, it was my only home, I saw the vacancy in her eyes, I could tell she used ot be joyful, loving, full of hope, but that was no longer in her grey eyes, they were now stained with horror and betrayal, and it would never be the same. Continue reading →

All the things we base our life upon, the things we hold at heart and mind,
Are they even going to matter when we leave this world behind,
Will they place some signifigant meaning to the world you hope to forget,
All the things that matter now won’t later, even the things that haven’t mattered yet.

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Nothings what it seems, delayed perception contridicts and drains reality,
Time blends together, its hard to decipher indifference from normality,
You can’t trust your instinct, eyes, much less intutition,
After so long all that’s left of you is your pessimistic disposition. Continue reading →

As I sit in the darkness’
I watch them go by.
My thoughts are like a fortress,
but still I wither and die.

Living in this world
Asking everyday
Is this my day to die
Watching time go by
Like a pendulum
Encased in a cloud of misery

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As you know, now the darkness Appear.
Will you see when my sun disappear.
Is it she who play with the light ,
Will you be when my moon tern to black,
And the day force to night.
“is it a kiss or a bite in my neck.”

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Jeremy came up behind me and nussled my neck with his noes and then kissed it. I smiled and turned around to face him and looked deeply into his eyes. His usual eye color was hazle, but this time, his eyes turned yellow. When his eyes turned yellow, it ment he was horney as hell!

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No one knows how I really feel,
my life is like a book with a binding seal.
No one’s seen it nor looked at it before,
within it is death’s final scores.
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In her dream:
In the sweet green grass they lay,
they watch the moon and the stars play.
As she realized it was a warm summer night,
he pulled her close to hold her tight.
She remembered he was not her first,
the one she still yearns for was carried away in a hearse. Continue reading →

I waited for my family to leave,
I swear if they stay a second longer I’ll heave.
At 7:30 they were finally gone,
They won’t find me till dawn.
Continue reading →

The paint peels away,
My light goes to darkness,
Now I sit here alone cuddled, around my blanket trying to find warmth, when there is only cold.
As I sit here and time slips away, All is black, nothing is day. Is this hell, or is it just me running from my problems?

Dont leave me alone tonite, I might be dead by the time you come back, I cant stop thinkin about what to do with my life, Death Follows me everywhere, cant get the thought outta my head. And then one day you wake up and im gone…..where am I? who knows, who cares.

Sometimes they help me, and sometimes they dont. Will they be there 20 times fold? I believe not said I last nite, cause all I do is Fuck everything up. It is not them that will not be there, it is I that will be in the gorund all turned to dust, with me and my friend’s, the worms…and the rust.

I said one thing, he said another, i said 2 words, he said two others. All we do is fight, back aand forth we go…running in circles round and round. we fight over friends, we fight over flags. but no matter what, i always lose a friend

Last night a war broke out between us and the ned scum. I had to stand and watch sometimes pull a couple off as my friends, my best friends all got fucking kicked in by these assholes all over something is fucking pointless as a spilled drink. They fought, we struck back but to no avail there is and will aways be more of them than there will of us. Continue reading →