Tunnel Vision

I stared into the glistening flame. Every so often a spark would detach itself and skip across the dark sky. Burnout. It turned to ash and floated downward slowly - eventually adding to the dust already stacked up by the kerb.

Occasionally someone would take a second glance in roughly my direction. Figure or shadow? Too late. Id moved on as a shadow under the dim glow of the streetlights.

I dont usually wear all black, but I was out on another one of my night expiditions - I wanted to drift into the darkness. Be un-noticed or mistaken for a cloud of smoke perhaps?

The match singed my fingers before I threw it to the already large dustpile of burnt paper that had collected by the crumbling pavement. Tonight Id decided to overcome my phobia Ive had ever since some fucking intelligent person got me involved in a burning forest. Scarred for life - but *thankfully* not physically.

All alone tonight . A personal thought trip that would never be revealled to any of my usual companions, as I know theyve had too much pain in their lives to see my perspective clearly.

I sat and thought of my life. Of all the things which fuck me up. Of all the people I loathe or would like to seek revenge on. Vengence is magnificent. But Ive been cursed with an unfortunatley compassionate soul which forces me to reject my instinct.

So I sat considering all the dangers in the world - we all have our evil secrets that if revealed would stop our lives as we live them: maybe not just in a metaphorical sense. - and the vision came to me that despite all this, there is a spark of hope that detaches itself from the misery and torment, and twists into our lives.

It comes from many unexpected places. From a smile a stranger passed your way (a rare subject) , to something someone whispered to you. Or the comidian you saw at the theatre last night.

The lucky people here on Earth can focus on these things and live a fulfilling life. If I could be like that….

Few people find their joy in a moment - the sun hitting their faces; being with friends, or lovers ; or the moonlight shining through the clouds. I have the privelage of being one of these people - so thats how I come to find myself out there in the silence of the pitch black backdrop of the town. My moment that no-one can snatch from me, despite everything.

For a while that night I can say I was at peace with myself reviewing life; like a slide show of what has been. Well a lot of disturbing times have slid by me, and many good times too. Ive come to realise that well, things do turn out for the best somehow - even if it isnt for you. Those small coincidences make you take a second glance at life sometimes; be sure to look closley.