Entries from February 2003 ↓

I love laughing. I love the feeling of happiness. Not hyper-active happiness. Thoughtful happiness. I like it a lot. I try to have fun. I try to forget my past, and a lot of the time I do ok. I can lose myself in the laughter. But little things can set my memory into reverse. I get flash backs. And then I can’t laugh. At all. I was raped when I was three. But it doesn’t matter to me, because I don’t see there’s a lot I can do about it now. Continue reading →

i hear the pounding of my heart as it beats against the inside of my chest. almost enough to drive one mad, i would say. i quietly pull open my window. the night’s scent is that of fresh air and wet grass… its sounds are of crickets, night-birds, and distant cars. i jump down the very short distance to the ground and, just as quietly, close my window. i turn to the nighttime, breath in, and delight in the calm exstasy of it all. the night is alive, and so am i. all is good.
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i see the petty problems circulating within text all around me. these things are not, for the most part, of the darkness. not like they were just six months ago. i have returned to this site and am saddened by what i see. i post ‘…cutter…’ and ‘…in the light…child of the night…’. where has this site gone? where have the true night-children gone? i know not… but i would like to know. for now i shall continue posting… hoping for the darker sides of all of us to emerge. this site is darkness.com … let’s keep it that way.

To the shining star in the blackened sky,
To anyone near me, hear my cry,
I need to feel the need to live,
Before I have no more to give,
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Death must come
but once a day

Awaiting one
for imortal pray
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Days gone past
and days gone by

And all I hear
is but a cry
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no1 understands what its like being me, they think they do but they dont. I cant say i kno what other people feel cuz i dont, and frankly, im sick of people saying “oh i kno what you mean”, or “i kno how you feel” CUZ YOU DONT! no1 c’s what i go through when i go home everynite… Continue reading →

Mirror Mirror on my wall,
darkness lies inside us all

I look in the mirror and what do I see,
A strangers face staring back at me
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Lost in the dark looking for my shadow

darkness lingers,coldness fallows

the light is scared,trying to hide

i will forever search, nothing to find
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My body shivering and twitching in fear
My mind laughing insanely at me
All foreshadow the death that is to come to me

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As I was reading through some of the other posts on here, I couldn’t help but realize how many people here are still majorly hung up on an ex (myself included). Before, I thought I was like the only person who missed my ex so much that I would die without him, and that I was the only person who had suffered through so much pain because of him, yet so many of you have said the things I feel, and it’s kinda reassuring to know that we’re not all alone in this, and that other people do go through the same things. What sucks though, is how many people are unhappy because of a single other person.

Woken by sound, and I arised.. The same old shit I always wake up to… going to the same old places. Always joining some group to multiples of things I will never be recognized for. I have almost had enough. I want everyone to know what I think, and how I feel. Listening? Continue reading →

O woe of mine for thy skin lost
A pale reminder of what mine cost
Wherefore the grave beneath thee, moon?
Now art my love within the tomb?
Without waxen flow’r upon thy throat
Nor barren loveless soul to boast

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So why does anything matter? Over a year ago all I wanted was enough money to live somewhere out in the woods far away from everything. Getting an Internet job would take care of my expenses and I would pay my taxes through the mail. It doesn’t matter what happens, nothing every lives up to my ideals.

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When you can’t live,
When you can’t give,
And you can’t see,
That you can’t flee,
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you were the one in my dreams…I…wished to meet you in my dream but you always walk away…why do you walk away but every night come back?…I always wanted to kiss you…you always tease me…you won’t let me touch you…than why do you come to me in life?…I am not scared that I might just be another dinner for you but… Continue reading →

When I see him
I die a litle more inside
his eyes have lost their sparkle
he looks at me menacingly
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Give me up baby
the time has come
I am nothing
this charade is done
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ok how do you guys feel about this war? i hate it. ive been drawing peace signs all over my face and stuff. i would think theres always a better way to solve problems than killing each other. completely ridiculous and unneccessary. very scarry too i almost signed up for the army! it was me and a few of my friends but im not 18 and my parents didnt sign anything so im glad i dont have to go. Continue reading →

I am the one of which you hope your dreams do not contain. Im the poison ivy that that chokes the tree. I hunt in the dead of night and collect the bodies of the dead and send them to my enemies. Any who stand in my way are taken down. Continue reading →

This morning i had an important meeting with the representatives of a soap company. The president wanted to discuss details concerning the new edible soap for kids.

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In 1698, Lord Asano Takumi No kami was insulted by the ceremony Master of the Shogun, Kira Kosukeno-suke. He killed the latter with a sword, and by this he infringed the Shogun law. The sentence was immediate; he had to commit the Seppuku (self-inflicted death).

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Isn’t a commercial term
It’s a state of mind
A road that we mark out with our blood
A work
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Thoughts of Evil
Sights of death
Dreams of me
Taking my last breath

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“So you what?” Jechiziah was growing impatient. “I’ve had enough of you Gabriel, and your pathetic problems. You’ve driven me to the point where I just don’t care anymore. Leave and don’t come back.”
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My head if full and throbbing
Inside, my soul is sobbing
I’ve done everything that I can do
I’ve answered the call as if on cue
I’ve worked my way through my life
And all the while overwhelmed by strife

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Torn in half
One is the present
one is the past
Im torn in half
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Lying in the darkness
Crying softly in my bed
So many morbid thoughts
Slowly drifting through my head

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I’m an angel.
Angel of death at times,
Though angel non-the-less.
I bring joy and happiness,
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Mom I hope you read this
And I hope you hurt and cry
For all the pain you suffered me
Go to hell and die
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