As she lay there silently on her back, staring deeply into the intricate yet excruciatingly dull pattern on the textured ceiling- as if it were a piece of fine, overpriced artwork, she let her thought processes wander over exhausted terrain. She thought of life, of death, of love, of hate, of god…and everything along the way. What was it all for?
Everything dies, but she still hadn’t figured out how to truly live yet. Would her life come to an end before she even knew the answers to all of her questions? It seemed meaningless. Everything seemed that way lately.
Her life had become a painful cycle of the same boring events, day after everlasting day. Her friends had begun to slowly detach themselves from her, and it made her question herself. She’d been gone for so long when she moved away, and her world felt wonderful when she had returned to her home, and the people she had taken advantage of before. They’d all seemed glad to see her, and she’d never felt so important. She fell back into her circle of friends and remembered all that she had walked away from. She was happy again, and that was good.
And then…one day, it was like the world had shifted suddenly and everything changed. People stopped talking to her. They no longer came by at all odd hours of the night bearing gifts and happy drug-induced smiles. Distancing themselves. Maybe they all finally came to the conclusion that they hadn’t been missing much after all. People tend to romanticize things to a definite fault, and when they realize they’ve set themselves up for disappointment, they don’t always realize that they themselves are not the only ones being affected by their great epiphany. They sometimes forget the person in the middle of it all, maybe even unintentionally, but without even thinking twice…
She asked herself what she possibly could have done to turn them away so suddenly. Was it just her character in general? Was some mindless pig getting his kicks by spreading dirty lies about her as his new form of narrow-minded offense? Were they sick of her already? The fact that she found herself with so few people left to talk to wasn’t what bothered her. It was the fact that she was entirely oblivious to the cause of all of this bullshit that made her question herself over and over again. The more she thought about it, the wider the possibility grew that they had never really enjoyed her company in the first place; it was all a terrible charade. She hated that she could be that person that people associated themselves with for mere lack of anything at all better to do. Was she that person that they all talked about in her absence, like she had seen them do to others in times passed? Did they avoid her when they saw her in the streets? Were they all two-faced bastards after all?
Again, her reasoning began to shift. She wanted no part in any kind of comradeship with a person too shallow to tell her to fuck off in person. She felt, she knew she was better off by herself. Somehow she felt more at ease in her own company anymore. She’d learned a lot about people in the years prior, and it sickened her to think about what humanity has come down to, how shitty people have become. She honestly didn’t mind not having friends. Of course friends are wonderful to have, but she had found that she became more herself everyday she spent alone, and she liked that. She had come to the abrupt realization long ago that people really aren’t worth much anymore; definitely not worth wasting your days trying to change or analyze, or even hold a civil open conversation with, for that matter. And again, it all comes back around to the irrelevance of everything. Why had she just wasted her time thinking about these people that she doesn’t even like to surround herself with anymore? Since she’d returned, everything had changed so dramatically. Her friends were not the same people they had been 3 years ago, and they never would be again. She knew she could do nothing, and had accepted this fact, but it lingered painfully in the back of the bedlam of a mind she posessed. She wished for simpler times.
She began to let her mind jump to other things. She’d tired herself of pondering anything even remotely related her connections with other people, and had come to the conclusion that she was indifferent on the matter. She really couldn’t bring herself to care much anymore. If someone desired to speak with her, they’d approach her, and she would listen, but making any sort of an effort to please another person seemed ridiculous to her - Meaningless. The past three hours had been meaningless, and so were the thoughts she had spent that time thinking. And now, so were the people that had provoked these very thoughts.
27 comments ↓
I love the honesty in this. When I start contemplating about the world around me I write exactly the same sort of stuff. It kind of helps to get it out of my system and helps it all to make sense. This was well written and thought provoking, I know where you’re coming from too.
Good work. Life can be so frustrating! Your story reminds me of times when I think that I think too much, especially about what in the world *is* the matter me anyway.
You all need to be shot in the back of the head you fucking fags
I love the brutal honesty of this, we all have these fears, although I don’t think I have quite to this extent, but this is portrayed so wonderfully honestly, it’s brilliant.
Does humans need each other to live?Can people survive alone?Why does society itself destroys peoples personalities?Does the thing called “system” realy protects us?
society only destroys those who let it. some humans need companionship, and others really don’t. and the “system” (in my opinion) has the world fooled into thinking it’s protecting us, when in reality, it’s using us as it’s minions, fucking with our minds…if we’re talking about the same system, that is. and really, no offense, but you seem kinda paranoid dude. chill out. let it be.
Maybe yea I am paranoid, but not so sure of it neither, and see things as they are not or whatever, either way the system we talk about does not protect us from ourselves (It used to do so in late 18. century and was builded up for that reason).And about the ones who let it; if you raise a child fashist he grows that way, if you raise him a communist he grows that way too.What I mean is if you block childrens way of thinking or alter it they would grow up in the way you want and this ends up with lots of people who sinks deeper into the void of our beloved system…
This earth is for puer nordic aryans not your sub-human filth
So the kill your self and stop infecting my aryan land!
DEATH TO ZION!
ARYAN BLUT UBER ALLES!
Okay Slaughter,
Do think the world would be pure if only the aryan race was alive, the world would just be whiter (and just as dark) and have less people with big noses, but are you saying that eminem is pure? Are you saying that Bill Clinton and George Bush and Richard Nixon are pure?! JUST CAUSE THEIR ARE PURE BREAD WHITE??!! You fucking finger pointing, mis-informed, over influenced, non-vertebre, close minded morom. If the black yellow and jewish popualtion were erased, the same social conflicts would remain, except hate based on “locality” or “social class” or “sub culture instead of “race” and “colour”. I can’t stand people who never question thier beleifs, they just blindly follow, like hitlers bitch Joseph Goables (or how ever you spell his name) your just a propaganda spreading mirror image of your pathetic protege Adolf Hitler, he was a smart, original and cunning (three things you are not) he stood for he beleived in and fought for it, you only fight for someone elses ideolegy, I hate people, but I don’t narrow this to race, I focus all my social hatred on the individuals causing the crime, not an entire race, just cause a large number of them are the enemy. Any soldier, black yellow or white, is a soldier to fight for your cause, do not banish your only true rescourse (human labour) to an outdated cause.
thicktears,
As i have previously stated, just becos some one is of aryan blood dose not make them all right, In order to have a successful world of aryans you must have a National Socialist ruleing and eney one who dose not have a proud aryan belief will be extermianted, But the forth reich will not happen over night, And in order to create the forth reich you must clense the world of all who are a threat to National Socialism, There are meney things that must be acconplished in order to have a secsefull reich
(i will not go in to detail about it right now)
As for the “you only fight for someone elses ideolegy” coment,
You do not understand National Socialsim so you can not make an assumption such as that , If you understould National Socialism we could have a better discussion about it but since you dont i will not go in to detail about it
As for Dr. Joseph Goebbels he was a grate man and he was not eney ones ‘bitch’, All those who died for the cause of Natioanl Socialsim are heros and no amount of jewish lies will ever change it
Until you understand National Socialsim you will not understand why the inferior races must be anihilated, I will discuss it the best i can due to your lack of knowledge in this erea,
One again this submison is not very long but it will do for now
I will leave you with a quote from Dr. Joseph Goebbels,
” A jew for me is an object of disgust when i see one i feel like vomiting ”
– Dr. Joseph Goebbels
Okay Slaughter,
Thanks for being so politically correct and courteous, I see now I know nothing of the “Fourth Reich” but I would love to talk further about it, (even in this comments section, it seems the rest of this site is fucked). If you openly admit that ‘Aryan’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘pure’, then does this exclude a small few blacks, yellows and Jews? I get the feeling you are a true socialist, not some insignificant in the heard of cattle, but I still strongly believe you can’t persecute an innocent, and “impure blood” does not equal guilt. If I had my way the world population would be somewhere around 10 million or less, and even though large numbers of aboriginals, Asians and Jews would be among the body count, I would still look at each individual before execution, to test for worthiness, determination and virtue. I want to keep this friendly (however dark it’s becoming), I’m sorry I lost my head before. I have read Mein Kampf, I have followed the “new nazi” way, but in retrospect, only for the great power of that little symbol, the crooked cross, the swastika, the fear and shock it instilled in all who saw me flaunting it, it gave me someone else’s power, Hitlers power, which only he deserves. The whole time I had to defend my views about innocent members of a guilty race, eventually I threw away my views after great self analysis, because all the pieces don’t fit as well as Hitler told us, he was a man of great ideological power, but if you look at how the course of his war went in near the end, he spent time killing who he loathed, instead of utilizing all possible soldiers, and attacking enemy resources. He failed because he lost sight of what he SAID he was fighting for, he was fighting for a Jew free world… not a better world. His weakness does not have to be yours, if you follow his path, it only ends in defeat, he made mistakes which you can learn from, alter his system for the ever altering world, I do believe one man can change the world, I just don’t think I agree with the your methods and criteria (or what I perceive this is from your comments). Any way, comment back, cya
thicktears,
I must say it is some what nice to talk to you about such a grate subject,
this site contans nothing but worthless degenerates that are to afraid to speak or are just to full of jewish propagand to speak on a subject such as race or the reich ext..
You seem to have a lot of mixed views
no to worry in time we will find out more
The forth Reich is not as simple as it sounds, And it will most probly not rise for a long time yet, But one must never lose site of victory no mater haw hard it seems (one again we will discuss it later)
There is so meney subjects you wish to discuss so i dont know whre to begin,
I am allso awere that you do not have constent acsess to the internet so i will do the best to anser these submisons
Dispite some mistakes the Fuhrer may have made he will always be remeberd as the grtest man to ever live And his sacrifice was not in vain
Allso what is your blood (ie.heritage)
Once agian this submison is not as long as it could be, but it will have to do for now
Heil Hitler!
Thank you for your consideration,
I am pure white australian (not that it should matter) no trace of jewish blood in me, I originate about 5 generations back, from England and Ireland.
And Slaughter,
I don’t beleive everyone on this site is degenerating, quite to contrary, I believe with myself included in the equation, that we are all for most part growing, helping each other, and solving small and large dilemas daily. But thats just another opinion, I just feel somewhat attached and grateful towards the great people on this site that have affirmed me and encouraged me, when no-one else ever would.
I will give you just a few of meney quotes from the Talmud
(jewish bibel, its like the Torah)
” All propety of other nations belongs to the jewish nation… ”
-Schulchan Aruc, Coszen Hamiszpat
” It is permitted to deceive a goi ”
-Babha Kama
” A jew should and must make a false oath when the goyim asks if our books contain anything against them ”
-Szaaloth Utszabot, jore dia
” It is the law to kill anyone who denies the torah. The Christians belong to the denying ones of the Torah. ”
-Cocchen Hamischpat, Hagah
” The seed of a goi is worth the same as that of a beast ”
-Kethuboth
*Goi = non jew
And this site dose contans nothing but worthless degenerates!
” I am pure white australian (not that it should matter) ”
It dose matter i am not going to spend eney of my time talking to some mixed blood nigger mud fuck!
If your blood is contaminted with eney outher form of non aryan blood i will not spend one minute longer discussing eneny think with you is that clear!
* The two submisons are to ‘thicktears’
hmm…interesting…….y’know they have message boards and forums for this kinda shit. just a suggestion…not to sound like a nazi or anything…
SLAUGHTER THE JEWISH SWINE!:
SLAUGHTER THE JEWISH SWINE!
August 10, 03 | 1:24 am
“It dose matter i am not going to spend eney of my time talking to some mixed blood nigger mud fuck!
If your blood is contaminted with eney outher form of non aryan blood i will not spend one minute longer discussing eneny think with you is that clear!”
Are you scared of being in a conversation with a black skinned person? If I was in your shoes I would probably be as well, 99% of them are far more intelligent than you will ever be and I doubt you will ever meet the last 1%. Those quotes from the Talmud are propaganda by the way, I can read Hebrew and none of that was in there. I suppose you can read Hebrew as well?
Thats interesting bruggian,
If those quotes are false, that would really shatter the foundation of slaughters twisted views, what a shame hey slaughter? Good comment bruggian, but brug, you stated that 99% of blacks would be smarter than him, I seriously doubt that, at least he has the brain power to comprehend politics, I’d take a possitive guess that around %90 percent of people in general are brainless in the sense of the bigger picture. So many people on this site say they hate everyone, but when ever you have an “enemy” you will suddenly stick up for your shit world just to try and prove your scapegoat wrong, shame on you for that.
What slaughter sais is true, just distorted, mixed with finger pointing and racial hatred, which detracts from the truth, the truth that he sees the same problems in society as you.
I have met that bad percent, but it’s much higher than you would think, The city I live has the highest crime rates in the western world, perth australia, as released by the United Nations Statistics two months ago. I have been threatened, attacked, gang bashed, seen people after people commit suicide. Seen drugs and weapon sales flufish, and these “bad percent” people half the time have white skin, but the same wu-tang/eminem/fubu tags on their clothes, rap culture has taken over, everyone is a crim, a crim or a casualty. The police force is corrupt, they have no tolerance policy on prostitution, they arrest whores, but them rape them, the do drug raids, but call thew house first to strike a deal with the dealer. I have no real point to this comment, I just want a rise out someone, but it’s all true.
Yeah I think I’ll talk about the writing, thanks.
I totally relate to the subject matter, other people are just that: other people. Why is it people can’t be more like us? You get to this stage where you think it’s safer to cut yourself off, but then you become the kind of person that causes this kind of thinking in the first place. It comes full circle, you perpetuate the problem.
I’d have enjoyed it more if there was some structure to it: more paragraphs and less cliches, but as a piece of honesty, it definitely touches a chord.
interesting…real interesting… need i add that it’s captivating.
first 2 SLAUGHTER: ur comment that race, and color have a damn thing 2 do w/ poltics is false cuz lol, we all bleed red and rot black. hate is a beautiful emotion, so stop givin it a bad name. u dunno every fuckin non aryan person therefor ur naive rebuttal
now 2 THISISNOTME: very mature thoughts, good job
well.. Racism is wrong.. we all fucking suck.. now .. as for the actual story.. yeah i agree wit hthis story and im in a similair position right now.. good story..
Slaughter, I see that your views are strong… but give me one good reason why we should exterminate all non-arians (ie. give me a good reason why the arian race deserves to live any more than any other race) In the Christian religion (I assume the Fourth Reich is fundementaly christian) It specifies that only God can judge who deserves death… But don’t you just love extreamests and their selective hearing… Anyway I don’t wan’t propaganda bullshit I want cold facts… and if I can get some mabey I’ll change my tune…
i love this story… it shows that the people that you get the closest with will, in the end, fuck you over. i have experienced this highly, and i thank you for writing. you are extreamly talented and i HIGHLY encourage you to write more….