Have you ever noticed how when you are around somebody that you haven’t hung out with for a while, that their personality starts to rub off on you? I mean, it could just be me. But when I am around some friends from Casper (another town) I start saying or doing things that they do. I guess that is why I am so easy to get along with. I can be anything that everybody wants me to be. But then again I am nothing but a big fake. I don’t know how to be me anymore. Even when I am by myself I can’t remember how I was. Even on the internet. When I am talking to somebody, I act so different. I guess you can say the I am a hypocrit.
Kaleo
191 comments ↓
well ive noticed that a major part of my personality is shaped by the ppl that i am with… and yeah sometimes it seems like someone else has “taken over my personality” and made it there own… i dk when that happened i guess i umm withdraw from everyone for maybe the weekend or something and find myself again… ok i dk what good all that did oh well ^jess^
That happens sometimes…but dont put your self down for it…theres really nothing wrong with it! ; )
When people are initiated into a group they are beset with many options, they can either rebel and not go along with any of the attitudes and behaviours of the group, they can show compliance where they outwardly agree but inwardly disagree, or they can show true conformity where they both inwardly and outwardly agree. Which are you?
I know what you mean kaleo, it happens to me occasionally with my closest friends. Some people on here showed me that it’s ok to be shaped by others a little, as you shape them - so long as you don’t go so far as becoming each other. It’s the little things that you choose to be, whether individually original or each from some other source, the collection of pieces is what makes you unique.
You are yourself, you build apon that from others around you and it doesn’t matter that in this hectic life you can’t exactly distinguish the blurs between what is within and what is without
I don’t think that there is anything wrong with it at all. If anything it will probally help you find out who you are. I mean different people and different situtations introduces you to different things. You will respond different and learn different things. Your friends just bring out a different style of you. As long as your having fun and not doing things you don’t want to do then your not doing anything wrong. You are being you. The Human being is the most complex and diverse of all living things. I would wonder if you had written that you only think and act one way and weren’t open to different things. You should imbracing the different scenery and life style, have fun hang out with your friends without feeling like a fake. I don’t think your a fake. It’s like how when you go out to eat with your friends and talk about stupid shit and go out with your Ma/Dad and talk about issues of the world or something, school whatever. It is still you, just a different you.
I understand what you guys are saying, but it’s a little different than what you guys say. I CAN”T be me anymore. I know that people change, but I don’t like the way I am now. Its like I am a stalker or something. I don’t know what type of people I should hang out with. Mabey you guys are right though. Mabey I am being myself when I am with them. I just don’t know. My best friend says that it is my Boyfriend that is doing this to me, but it isn’t. He might be the source of why this is happening to me, (because I never hung put with the people he does), but he isn’t the reason. I am like a chameleon I guess (how wierd). I exagerate my feeling when I am with certain people. When I am with friends from school I am hyper and outgoing. Cause that is what they know me as. When I am with my boyfriend I am freaky, kinda quiet, and wierd!! Um…well anyway, thanx for the advise. I will think about what you guys said.
Kaleo
I understand what you guys are saying, but it’s a little different than what you guys say. I CAN”T be me anymore. I know that people change, but I don’t like the way I am now. Its like I am a stalker or something. I don’t know what type of people I should hang out with. Mabey you guys are right though. Mabey I am being myself when I am with them. I just don’t know. My best friend says that it is my Boyfriend that is doing this to me, but it isn’t. He might be the source of why this is happening to me, (because I never hung put with the people he does), but he isn’t the reason. I am like a chameleon I guess (how wierd). I exagerate my feeling when I am with certain people. When I am with friends from school I am hyper and outgoing. Cause that is what they know me as. When I am with my boyfriend I am freaky, kinda quiet, and wierd!! Um…well anyway, thanx for the advise. I will think about what you guys said.
Kaleo
Fernando has a good point kaleo - you wouldn’t be the same to your family as to your friends, and people often show the same difference between friends and partners. You don’t need to worry about different sides showing to different people because it shows an awareness of your ‘audience’ if you will, that you can adapt to those around you is not a problem but a gift that shows empathy.
But when I am by myself, I don’t know if it’s really me! I don’t hang out with my family, so I wouldn’t know if I act the same with them or not. I’m not worried about my different sides showing. I am more worried about what I am, for the sake of me. Nobody else.
Kaleo
I see your problem…hmm…
Are you different from one time to another when you’re on your own?
What do you mean? When I am by myself, all I do is think. Think about who I am even though I don’t know. I look at what I have become, and what I will be. I think I am sounding concetid but I don’t knkow how else to explain it. Somtimes I wish I could read peoples minds to see what people think about me. But then again, mabey I don’t want to know.
Kaleo
I meant, you’re worried that your changing and don’t know who you are - do you seem different to how you used to be when theres no-one around to be influencing how you act? If it’s a big change you should be able to see it in the way you think about things.
you don’t sound conceited to me, you’re just trying to express something complicated to other people.
I’ve been down that route of thought, I decided if I could read them I’d want to be able to turn it on + off and I wouldn’t know when to use it. There are some things we’re better off not knowing…
I understand what you are saying. I went out for my birthday on the 2nd and one of my old friends from about two years ago called me and he went out with all my new friends. He acted the same that I used to act. But, now I’m not that same person but when he was around I spoke in some words like I used to back in the day. My new friends who are really good friends noticed a difference in me while he was around. It’s kind of wierd, but it does happen.
You are way too caught up in this, it’s not that big of a deal. So you act different with different people, the world will not end because of it. Worrie about what is important, and I don’t mean this in a mean way.
Kaleo change is ok, change can be a good thing, as long as you are happy with the change.
I don’t believe that you are a hypocrit, for what it’s worth, cuz I think almost everyone acts differently and feels differently around different people.
Like, I choose not to smoke around my little sisters, the whole “bad influence” thing, yet my friends I do, some friends I am really outrageous with, and we can talk about anything, and others I watch what I say. I wouldn’t talk about sex with my grandparents - does that make me a hypocrite?
And often youre moods are influenced by the people you are with, when I’m with a friend who I was really close with back in the day, we use all our old personal jokes (and confuze ppl), and I’m often hysterical. Yet with other friends I’m serious, and if a friend is depressed, you tend to get serious talking to them, not bouncy and loud.
This doesnt make you a hypocrite… if you are completely changing the way you act, in a way that you don’t enjoy, becuz of the people around you, maybe you need to think about why, otherwise, its ok to act differently, noone acts the same when theyre at a funeral as when theyre at a party.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to write a novel… I’m procratinating against doing my essay (still), but I really need to… its due tomorrow. *sigh* university seemed like such a good idea…
You are who you are Kaleo. Who that is exactly is determined by none but you. You can be anything you want, even yourself. THe world is a dream full of endless possibilities, make of it what you will; and never forget yourself, or else you become part of the dream…
Fernando,
I never said that the world was going to end! I know it’s not (well, actually it might) but that is besides the point. I am not too caught up in this either, I had a problem and I came to complete strangers to help me. I just need to find myself, I know people say that to make people think there is something wrong with them. But Im not, I AM lost and I AM trying to find myself.
Sethra,
I quess I am myself when I am by myself, just because its me. It’s just that I liked the old me, but I can’t go back cause I don’t really remember how. It’s really confusing and I am glad that you guys are trying to help me. Thank you.
Beautiful Mess,
I know change is okay. But not all change is good. My kinda change has gotten me into a lot of trouble. I have such a big variety of friends that I am confused (yeah, I know I said that already). Yet, I am glad I am not alone.
Luceifer,
Wow, nice screenname! Anyway, I understand what you are saying. But when I try to be what I want, I can’t do it. If that makes any sence. I think I already am part of the dream.
Kaleo
You miss-understood me, I am happy you’ve asked all the darkness.com people for help. I do it too, I was just trying to tell you that the change in personality is okay and that you shouldn’t worrie too much about it. I am sorry if my comment offended you, I was only trying to help.
im new here and have a lot to say. not like me to find a forum to discuss my off-kilter feeling with others with the same outlooks. i too have this problem that wiccanwitch describes. when, on the rare occasion i DO manage to introduce myself into a social situation, i assimilate the personalities (or my perceived notion of their personalities) and wear them like a mask over my own in an attempt to fit in with them and to be more like them thus leading them to LIKE me !!!(or so i have cleverly convinced myself…) but it doesn’t work. in fact if i could controll it i think i would have a better chance being the rather quiet sometimes quippy sardonic quiet guy than trying to be Ace Ventura everywhere i go. but i can’t help it. in fact it’s wierd to the point where i think that i might be lieing to…. damn i can’t even put that thought into words it’s so effed up. but yea… i know what you mean. i am a different person for eveyone i know. my dad and step-mom know a sarcastic and often violent but inteligent metalhead a**hole. my mother knows a rather watered down “recovering addict” because she had never seen me otherwise, so i play it for her >smirk<. i think the only time i really find myself is if i can lose myself in someone else (depeche mode worded that better but i forgot how it goes). but its true somehow. this is going to be a fillibuster shortly so i end it now.
alot of poeple are like that. i’m a different everywhere i go. the way you know who you is you go into your room with no one else and the way you act and the things you say and write is you. your not being a hipocrit because a hipocrypt is someone who says something and goes against what they say. i believe even though you think ur different around different people deep down inside its the same person. Do you have any morals if you do then always follow them no matter where ur at or who ur with
Darkoz89
RecycledIrony is cool. I like how he thinks.
Fernando,
Your post didn’t offend me. SOME change is okay. But people tend to go overboard. You know what, I was freaking going to say something but I can’t cause I forgot. Sorry, and I know that I am going a little freaky on the whole personality thing but I am kinda confused. I don’t try to worry about things but this god damn town is freaking boring. Nothing to do except go to school and then thats it……. thats the end of my freaking day cause after school I think. Wierd man. I like the saying “where ever you find yourself, there you are”
Kaleo
RecycledIrony if you’re “playing a part”, like you said you are with your mother, if it’s deliberate and you have to think about it, then the way I see it that’s not really a part of who you are. The differences we show in our personality when we interact with different groups needs to be natural, otherwise we’re just acting and manipulating those around us, and ourselves.
Kaleo, I know exactly what you’re going through, I’ve had this same problem for the last year or so (yes, I know it’s a long time, arg!) First of all, it sounds like you need a holiday, by yourself, even if just for a few days. The things you choose to do on that holiday, because the decision is made exclusively by you, will help you to figure out what sort of person you are.
I used to look at myself and think “what happened to you?” sometimes I was even suprised by the face in the mirror because I expected someone else for some reason. But I eventually noticed that the person I used to be didn’t think as much as I do now, wasn’t as creative, or as confident, and I realised that I liked the person I am now better, because I question things, I notice things. I feel different, and that makes me feel special, unique.
When I was alone I didn’t feel much, or at least I thought I didn’t. There seemed to be some sort of void where emotions should have been. But I started to look at my taste in certain things, music, art, friends, and I learnt who I was again. I experimented with these likes, and discovered some new ones. I shaped myself, and the questioning process you’re going through is an important part of this. You’re supposed to be confused, if you weren’t I would be worried. You’ll work through this, and it’s going to take time, but one day you’ll look at yourself, and you’ll like what you see. It’s a part of growing, you’re obviously ready for a new life, whether you realise it or not. When you’re not thinking about who you are, you’re being the real you. Analyse yourself if you need to, it may help. Good luck with it. (Sorry about the novel!)
Listen to Audryn Kaleo. What she says is true. We’re here for you Kaleo
Listen to Audryn Kaleo. What she says is true. We’re here for you Kaleo
Wow, you guys are awsome! I will take a holiday, but I don’t know when. Someday…..
Thanx you guys for the help, I am still freaking out about it but eventually I will get over it. I need to, oh wait I am going camping this weekend!! SWEET!!
Kaleo
Good luck with the camping Kaleo, I know you’ll enjoy being able to get in touch with nature. I’m a little jealous!
Have fun.
Have fun love.
I will try, but fun….. I don’t know. Im going to need alot a freaking pain killers because I am going to be with 4 little kids. Sucky……..
Kaleo
aaah, kids can be fun in small doses, between feeling extreme urges to herd them into pens and lock them there…
enjoy your camping
Wow, i just read this and i thought that i was the only one who was like that. over the years i’ve been molded into so many things that i dont truly know who i am anymore. Thanks for letting me know that i am not alone.
Audryn… i think i lost my own point. i didnt mean to say that amongst other people i assume a conscious alter-ego-just my parents (which had little to do with what i started talking about).
in regular spontaneous social interuptions (thats how i see them), i get nervous as all hell. i dont know how to present myself. what they want me to be… what they’ll think of me… etc. and normally i operate within the convention “who gives a **** what they think!?” but i can’t stop worrying about it. i feel like in a crowded room, all eyes are upon me except the eyes i try to look back at. each pair judging me. i notice myself acting hella weird sometimes and i realize its just because i don’t know how the hell else to act. (no wonder i have so few aquaintences).
i guess i know who i am… i just don’t want to be that person. maybe i am just trying to be someone that doesnt look as lonely lost sad and dead inside as i feel. i just want to have or be whatever they have. or whatever they are. saddest of all i know how pathetic that sounds, but cant see any other way.
VampressNavi,
I am glad that you found somebody like you. It wierd though isn’t it. When you find someone who you don’t know or hav never seen, but you feel connected by what they write.
This morning I woke up and felt like I was an actress in a movie. I felt very exposed like a rat in a cage. Then I walked outside and it was like reality hit me. Untill that moment I always thaught that my world was all that there was. But this morning I saw everything for what it was. I might of even seen my self. Its a bg wotld out there and here I am feeling like a freaking ghost.
Kaleo
“She should have died hereafter;
There would have been a time for such a word.
To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of song and fury,
signifying nothing.” -Macbeth, William Shakespeare
Mannequin
I know how you feel when you feel like an actress Kaleo, I feel the same sometimes. Not because I don’t know who I am, but sometimes because I’m hiding my real self and/or feelings, other times because I feel surreal, so I try to act normal, but my heads somewhere else.
its not doing that that makes some1 a hip’o'crit!..lol..(in MY opinion)….its not a matter of trying to fit in,or be heard,or changing…its that u feel comfortable..im sure u wouldent do something u dont want to do just 4 them,u change when ur around diffrent ppl simply because thats how u all get along with eachother….”lables”..and all that crap suck..u dont act diffrent ways…its who u r…i personalydont change…cuz every1 thinks im weird in my own way anyway..so who cares right?….dont worry about it…ur not doing anything,most ppl change to their surrounding,to be comfortable,not cuz they need to or have to….and others…like me,just sit there….so….todays lil lesson from Jessy is…dont worry….eat jellybeans,drink sprite…and relax!…
Jessy 
its not doing that that makes some1 a hip’o'crit!..lol..(in MY opinion)….its not a matter of trying to fit in,or be heard,or changing…its that u feel comfortable..im sure u wouldent do something u dont want to do just 4 them,u change when ur around diffrent ppl simply because thats how u all get along with eachother….”lables”..and all that crap suck..u dont act diffrent ways…its who u r…i personalydont change…cuz every1 thinks im weird in my own way anyway..so who cares right?….dont worry about it…ur not doing anything,most ppl change to their surrounding,to be comfortable,not cuz they need to or have to….and others…like me,just sit there….so….todays lil lesson from Jessy is…dont worry….eat jellybeans,drink sprite…and relax!…
Jessy 
Camping sucked, my boyfriend went to prison and my life freaking sucks.
Kaleo
I wish I could take your sorrow away Kaleo.
You guys are too cool. Thanx for all your guy’s support. I didn’t knkow how I felt about my “boyfriend” going to prison, but now I feel broken…….. and hurt. He really sucks man.
Your advice isn’t unhelpful, I like your advice Sethra.
I wish you could to Luceifer……… oh well
Kaleo
“Pardon me while I burst into flames,
Iv’e had enough of this world
and it’s people’s mindless games.”
I won’t enquire for any details you don’t want to give but… take care of yourself kaleo, think about it and choose how you want to feel about it, and about him too.
(quality lyrics too!)
yep
If you really want to know the details, I will tell you. I don’t mind sharing them with certain people.
Kaleo
Well, I’m thinking of you Kaleo, try and take care, its hard to know what to say without knowing details, but you deserve happiness, and I hope you get that.
Yes, you all deserve to be happy. I’ll suffer for you
only say if it helps you kaleo, putting that kind of thing in the public eye isn’t always the nicest thing to do to yourself
I don’t really know what to say about this. Sometimes I act just like you, Kaleo. Other times I do not let myself influenced by other people. However, most of the time I get along with everybody. And no, you are not a hypocrit.
Thanx Sinder Velvin.
Setheraand anybody else,
Well I will tell you anyway……….
Well as you all know I went camping just last week and while I was gone, the only person I have ever had REAL feelings for went to prison while I was gone.
him and3oher people robbed a barber shop for $300 about a month ago. I had no freaking clue. At the same time (a month ago) my boyfriend mysteriously got his finger shot off. He said he did it his self, with a 30-30 rifle (which I found hard to believe). So while I was camping he decided him and an associate where going to go to Delaware, but they got pulled over and now he is where he is. It hurts…….. I feel broken Both physicaly and emotionally. Oh yeah, I didn’t mention that it was armed robbery. Or mabey I did, oh well.
So anyway…… his bond is $75,000. Take 25% of that which is about %18,000. Thats alot of money. I guess his family is going to pay it and he might be going to county prison for 6 months then he might go to boot camp for a year or 2, then he has to go to this place called CAC for 9 months. If his trial goes wrong then he will be in prison for 5 to 25 years. God man, I really love him. I don’t know what the hell to do. I can’t go see him because I needa photo ID and I don’t have one. Sucky…………
His cousin (who happens to be a good friend) went and saw him yesterday, she said he told her to tell me He loves me. As soon as he said that I guess he totally broke down and started bawling. Thats really sad. I don’t want him to be hurt, but I guess he brought it to himself.
Well thats my story. Would you guys wait for him, I mean if you were in my position.?
BeautifulMess,
Thanx, nobody has ever told me I deserved happiness before……..
Kaleo
P.S
Sorry for any miss spellings, it’s kinda hard to type while you have a freaking break down…….
Kaleo
I would wait and see if he gets anytime. If he does and it’s like 5 yrs with only 2 served or something and I loved him, I would. If it is a really long time, as much as it would hurt, I would relise I had to move on. You can still be a supportive friend though. You just have to remember that you’re young and have a lot of life to live and more guys to fall in love with. It is not like you two have been married for like yrs or something. Your life can do without him. Sorry if it sounds harsh.
See but I don’t think I can………
He is extremely special to me, and I don’t think I have realized that untill now. I know that I am young but I have been through my “crushes” and my first, second, and third love. NO we haven’t been married for years, but it sure in the hell feels like it. I miss him very much, but it fucking hurts ( I know I have said that already), but it does…..
He is the type of person you don’t even have to get married to to “feel” married. I would tell you how we met, then I think you would understand, but I am not sure if you want to know……..
Kaleo
I went to prison once. My first phone call was to my better half. I told her not to wait for me for it could have been a long while before I would return. It was the only decent thing to do. I could not expect someone to honestly wait out my sentence without any form of affections. It would have been cruel to demand such a thing. Yet she did wait, and our reuinion was all the sweeter. However I feel that it is appropriate to add; if you’ve already been in love more than once, this is not likely to be the last time. One can usually tell the difference between “the one” and a passing fancy without having to ask advice. Frankly I would not wait for someone who I did not intend to spend the rest of my life with. To do so would not only be a waste of time, but an allusion to feelings that are not actually present. It’s important to ask yourself, “Is this a person that I will be with longer than I wait to be with?”. Anyway, the choice is yours. Don’t do anything you may regret. Comments from the peanut gallery.
Mannequin
I agree with some of what Mannequin and Fernando have to say. Yet, I believe in true love, and I know that once you give up on somebody, they’ll be lost to you forever. Kaleo, follow your heart. I know it sounds corny, but it’s the only real advice I can give. The rest of us are observing from the gallery, you are the one whom this affects, you have to live with the decision you make. I know you love him, there isn’t a thing you wouldn’t do for him. But don’t cry over something that wasn’t meant to be. Still, if you’re willing, fight for him, wait for him. None of your dreams will come true unless you fight for them. Stay strong love….
I think I am following my heart……..
He might only be in there for 2-3 years, well actually boot camp, county prison, then CAC……… so I might wait for him. If we don’t make it through this, then I guess it just wasn’t meant to be, but if so, then I trust might heart, and I might learn to trust it more often.
Kaleo
Thanx Luceifer, I like yours (as well as everybody elses) advise… your too sweet…………
Kaleo
I say what I think Kaleo, and I honestly do think you deserve happiness.
I suppose then I’ll add my opinion to the rest…
You know what you feel better than any of us do, and you know the guy involved.
If you want to wait for him, if you love him, by all means… wait for him.
But while you are waiting, think whether he’d do the same for you…
And if at ANY point your waiting becomes too painful for you, whether you meet someone else, you are lonely, you have second thoughts… Stop waiting and make yourself happy.
Because you deserve it.
Anything to help Kaleo. I’ll always be here for you. Well said Beautiful Mess.
Forgive me for doing this, but I need your help. I don’t know how I should feel toward people anymore. For instance, if I’m happy people get angry, if I’m sad people get angry, if I’m angry they get angry etc. Whenever I try to help or console someone, they snap at me. When I don’t help them , they get angry at me for not helping. I love them all, I’d give my life for every single one of them. but they’re killing me inside. I don’t know if I should love them or hate them. And I’m tired of living this life. I’m tired of trying to save a world that doesn’t give a damn if I suffer or not, especially when I’m suffering for them..
I kinda know how you feel… Alot of people are pissed off at me for reasons I don’t understand.
Anyone that you can’t sit down and talk to rationally, maybe it’s better to avoid… but any close friends that might listen, sit them down and ask them what the fuck their problem is? Just explain how you feel, and why are they acting like this etc…
It could be worth a try.
And I care that you’re suffering, so thats something.
By the way… you don’t need to ask for forgiveness, we all need advice sometimes.
And you can’t save the world, but if you take care of yourself, and stay in it, it will be a better world.
In referrence to the original query posted by “Wiccanwitch” (AKA “Kaleowitch” I assume). There is no such thing as individuality. Humans by nature are social creatures, and learn through social experience. To quote Thomas Hobbes (badly by the way) “He who can seperate himself entirely from other men and be fully self sustaining is either a beast or a god.” (the quote goes something like that anyway). No one exhibits special uniquey one of a kind uniqueness. It’s arrogant and bullshit to believe that who you are is a seperate entity from those around you. “You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. We are all part of the same compost heap”-Tyler Durden, Fight Club: Chuck Palahniuk. The only thing that truly seperates YOU from everything else is your physical state. Nothing more. “Today a young man on acid discovered that all matter is merely energy condensed into subtle wavelengths. There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here’s Tom with the weather.” -Third Eye, Tool: Maynard James Keenan (actually it was said by a comedian friend of Maynard’s, but I can’t remember his name).
To address the second issue. In my personal opinion, the mere act of questioning whether or not you should wait for someone is and of itself proof that you do not LOVE them (caring is different from love, allow me to make that distinction now). If one truly did love another, there would be no question. You would have already decided in your mind that you would wait for them even before the circumstance. I know that I would gladly send myself to Hell before I’d allow those I love to be trapped there. Enternity be damned. Even if I was never thanked, never allowed to see any of them again, or even if I wasn’t even remembered, I would do it. There would be no second guessing. I’m so very tired of people who believe in “true love” cheapening it’s meaning by saying that they love (or have loved) multiple people. True love is supposed to be TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE! BAH!
On to the third issue posted by “Luceifer”… I’ve felt the same way many times in my life, and the two paths that are always the most apparent are jaded bitterness, and self destruction. I’ve done both. Neither were very satisfying. The only other route I can think of is suclusion. It’s easier to get over things when they’re not constantly being shoved in your face. Honestly, some people just aren’t worth the trouble. It’s best to figure out who your true friends are, and cut off all the rest, they’re just dead weight. Time to build a new castle my friend, but you need to make a solid foundation first.
Mannequin
(PS: I’m not in an especially good mood this day, so pardon my blatant disregaurd of social protocol and sugar coated pleasantries.)
I misquoted Tool…
Mannequin
(PS:wavelengths=vibrations)
Yes!!! You misquoted Tool… BAD BAD MANNEQUIN!!!
(If you couldn’t tell, Tool is my favourite band)
And Maynard James Keenan’s friend I believe is called Bill Hicks… I’m pretty sure
*dreaming of that face again… its bright and blue and shimmering…* *sigh*
*smiles* Yes, I understand now. *bows* Thank you Beautiful Mess, Mannequin. You’ve unlocked the door I’ve tried so hard to bash down. I couldn’t have asked for better friends. Thank you.
Beautiful Mess,
Thanx again for the advise. I know he would do the same for me, and my life is freaking boring anyway, so there is nothing else to do BUT wait. But if he tells me not to wait for him, (which I suspect he will, because I just have this feeling) I tihnk I will tell him that the most precious things in life are worth waiting for………… I don’t need to tihnk anymore, because I WILL wait for him.
Mannequin,
I do freaking love him, I was simply asking what you guys would do. Not whether or not I should wiat for him……
Luceifer,
You know, now that I tihnk about it I have found myself in that position quite a few times….. It gets annoying afterawhile. But there is nothing that I can do to change the perspectives of others. They will think and feel how they want to, no matter how much it hurts.. I am sorry that you are in (mental) pain, I really do like your advice, and I appreciate it when you help me, I hope you don’t think I snap at you, cause I do not mean to if I do….
Kaleo
Ooooh, spiteful
Anyway, you’ll note that I merely stated my own personal opinion. My opinion is based on my experience. And I’ve had a moderate amount of experience (even in this circumstance [from the other side of course]). I hope you’ve stopped to consider how long 3 years REALLY is. I’m guessing that you’re not even 18 yet (I could be wrong of course), and in 3 years you’re not even likely to be the same person. He’s definately going to be different after a 3 year prison sentence. Whatever, frankly I don’t care. Doesn’t make any difference to me. Do as you will.
“Luceifer”, keep your chin up. There are people out there that will give you your wings. They’re few and far between admittedly, but they exist. You can’t save everyone, and some don’t even want to be saved, but I salute you for your efforts. You’re a better man than most.
And “Beautiful Mess”, you’ve got great taste in music
Personal preference in music is often a reflection of one’s personality 
Mannequin
Just like everyone else has said I know exactly what you’re going through.
Wiccan Witch,
Number one I think you should learn how to use the english language you fucking degenerate.
Number two I think you are a mistake and you need to blow your skull open in front of your worthless family.
Can you feel the love? I can feel it…
Mannequin
KILLYOURFAMILY,
Your a loser………………
so anyway
I just got a letter from Zach (boyfriend)
It’s really wierd. I will type it to you guys later so you can see what he said alright? I am so freaking confused, life fucking sucks guys……….
Kaleo
You know something, Kaleo ? Life doesn’t really “fucking suck”. One day, you will be happy. One day, you will no longer think that life sucks. I understand that you love Zach, but he is in prison right now. I belive there is nothing more important to us than hope. HOPE. If we have hope, our dreams may yet come true and you may finnaly be happy…
“Nearly all marriages, even happy ones, are mistakes: in the sense that almost certainly (in a more perfect world, or even with a little more care in this very imperfect one) both partners might be found more suitable mates. But the real soul-mate is the one you are actually married to.” (Letter to Michael Tolkien by J.R.R. Tolkien)
I just felt I needed to quote Tolkien.
Kaleo, you are confused, as you have said yourself. We have given you advice, but there is not much more we can possibly do than give you more advice. We can show you path, but you are the one that will have to walk it.
Anyway, you are a good person. I can see that. As you said yourself, people feel connected to what other people write.
You don’t deserve what is happening to you. But that’s life.
Take care.
Well Kaleo… I suppose it’s kinda hard to give more advice without knowing what the letter said, but keep your chin up. You’ve been strong so far, and your choice of religion means you must be intelligent!
Blessed Be.
Mannequin… why thankyou, I must say you also have excellent taste in music… and in films from what I gather. If what you say is true - I like your personality!
Sinder Velvin,
Life really does suck though. Right now……
I am in a place were problems don’t just float away. It’s not easy to say that life will get better, well wait… it is easy to SAY it but it’s not that easy to make it get better. Do you even understand what I am talking about, cause I don’t.
Beautiful Mess,
I will type the letter as soon as I have enough time ok?! Thank you AGAIN for the advise.
You guys are cool,
Kaleo
Beautiful Mess,
Are you Wiccan?
Well, apperently since you said Blessed Be and stuff. Good Job……
I feel a bit guilty that I havn’t been around when I said I would be :s I tried to write a reply but my pc has a habit of crashing and among other excuses I had a bunch of exams I needed to concentrate on…
my contributions are probably a bit out of date now…
Sethra
so, say them anyway…….
I don’t think you should feel quilty, it wasn’t your fault.
well heres an IOU for them, I don’t have time for my long spiel about my long distance, lots of waiting relationship at the moment but I’ll use it to support my saying I’d probably wait later, there wouldn’t really be much alternative…
um……. ok
Kaleo
Yeah Kaleo, you got me, I’m a pagan, hence the spelling of magick and other stuff I’ve said.
Blessed be.
There’s a saying “You are who you hang with”
Other people may rub off on you, but also think that you must rub off on them as well. It happens to us all. You can never loose your true self, you may misplace it, but it’s never lost. Make time for just you and you will figure everything out.
TwiztedEmotion
I make time for myself all the time……
I am constantly in my room listening to Trapped and Sether, just thinking about who I am and who everybody else is. I know I rub off on people. Especially the weak, because they have no sence of themselfs.
But I have learned to live with it, and I know it might get better. I will just have to wait, and let everything happen without me questioning why, and how.
Beautiful Mess
That is really cool………
I haven’t been able to find to many nowadays. It’s shot down majorly where I live, but I don’t give a shit what the 400 people say that live in this town. They suck anyway….
Kaleo
But the old ways are coming back…
True, true…….
I have noticed that. But even though the old ways are comming back, that doesn’t mean that they will be anymore excepted than they were.
Here is a peom that Zach (bf) wrote me while he is in prison
Tell me that you love me and that you’ll still be there
Tell me that you want me and that you still care
Baby I need you now, I really really do
I need your love and strength to help me make it through
I know that it’s my fault that Im stuck in this place
And I know it would be so much easier if I got to see your face
And when I get your letters, it really makes my day
You make me feel so much better with all the things you say
Bieng in this place makes me realize how much you mean to me
Sorry for all the things Iv’e done and the way I used to be
This time when I get out, I am going to be a better man
Cause I’ve grown wiser and there’s more I understand
If it wasn’t for you baby, I know I’d be so lonely
Thank you for always bieng there and bieng my one and only
And all those things I used to do, I m not gonna do any more
Cause to make you happy and to make you smile is all I’m living for
Wierd huh?? He says some pretty korny things, and I don’t know if I should belive him. OH well……..
Kaleo
So, you rub off on “the weak” huh? People who don’t have a strong sense of self? Allow me to post a quote if I may…
“Have you ever noticed how when you are around somebody that you haven’t hung out with for a while, that their personality starts to rub off on you? I mean, it could just be me. But when I am around some friends from Casper (another town) I start saying or doing things that they do. I guess that is why I am so easy to get along with. I can be anything that everybody wants me to be. But then again I am nothing but a big fake. I don’t know how to be me anymore. Even when I am by myself I can’t remember how I was. Even on the internet. When I am talking to somebody, I act so different. I guess you can say the I am a hypocrit. ”
Yeah… I guess you could say that.
Mannequin
Why the hell did you have to point that out. I already knew that. But it’s not like I am intensionally trying to be a hypocrit, I just am. I guess I am one of the weak that I was talking about. Well who gives a shit? I don’t.
Well thanx alot for making me realize what I really am.
Kaleo
You’ve missed my intention.
Mannequin
what the hell ever. I really don’t care………
Kaleo
Kaleo, you are a unique person, You cant not be one as everyone is a unique person as long as he doesnt follow to be popular or shit like that, You’re just adapting to new surroundings, its normal in the quest to find yourself… as I see it
now I just finished reading all the commments, and may I add Tool are my favorite band asweel, It’s no suprise to me to see that the ones with the most intelligent comments listen to Tool.
bill hicks, too bad he’s dead, a true genius.
Well Kaleo his poem’s cute (ignoring the spelling errors “bieng”, and the fact that he’s just not cut out to be a poet). It’s up to you. Maybe you shouldn’t keep his hopes up when the evil slayer is trying to kill you.
BlackWinter, you are fantastic. I agree, the TOOL fan’s comments are more intelligent. (No, I’m not being arrogant, I mean yours and Mannequins.
LoL, It was really dumb of me to say that though in retrospect, I’ll shut up now
Hindsight is always 20/20. Anyway, I’m no great genius. I think I just say what most people were already thinking.
Mannequin
sometimes people can be like mirrors, reflecting back what others want to see. if they want to see a comedian, we tell a joke and get the laughs. if they want to see someone in need of help and comfort, we become that person, we become the sort of person who needs to be comforted. if they want to see a brave person who’ll save them, we become a hero. we become what they want to see.
i dunno, just my 2 cents worth i guess.
Well said.
Mannequin
Don’t be ridiculous you two.
We (as Tool fans) are far superior to other life forms as we have an intelligent taste in music, and clearly in all things, therefore we should be respected and worshipped as omnipotent beings.
*smirk*
Here here.
Mannequin
PS: My ego is bigger than your penis.
PPS: So is hers… lol
Knightblade, I am interested in knowing where you got your name from, if you could tell me email me please. My email is KnightbladeM@aol.com
hehehehe
oh yeah….I got mine from a videogame called final fantasy tactics, the cool character izlude is classified as a knightblade
Right………
Your totally right Beautiful Mess, I have funner things to think about.
Kaleo
Ok, i know this is totally random, and I haven’t really read any comments here… so I’m sorry… but does anyone know why darkness has ground to a halt? I want some new reading material!!
xxx
Well Kaleo, It seems that you pointed out something. If you think about it this way it may explain things a bit more complex and make it a bit more understandable. Everybody throughout their lives has different (traits). These (traits) we acwire throughout our lives in many different forms or fashion. We acquire these traits by wanting to acquire these traits from something we learned from somebody or from somebody we seen do it. Its natural that we may get some stupid traits that other people may seem as stupid because its these traits that make us go into different society groups in the world. If you have similar traits you fit in if you dont, you dont, But as you say you fit in with any group meaning that you have a trait that acquires other traits that lets you fit in with other groups of society)
May be Confusing(hope its not lol)
Dark
You all sound like a bunch of freaks in need of a therapist. Oh….maybe I can help you because I was planning on being one…lol!!!
~welcome to the darkside~
*Gothicbitch*
The only “normal people” in this world, are people you’ve never gotten to know.
Mannequin
PS: Quid pro quo “Blacksash3″: As a budding therapist, it might benefit you to know that people don’t like being called freaks for the most part. Good luck in your future profession.
You know i’ve read a few of your posts and it seems like you just like to outsmart ppl by using more advanced vocabulary, well don’t test me because I can be a smart ass too. Oh and for the record it was supposed to be a joke and I think if I really wanted to pursue that profession I would know how to treat a patient.
I hardly think I need an :advanced vocabulary” to outsmart people. Whatever tone of voice you had intended for your “joke” was lost in the print. It merely seemed in poor taste, and uneccessary. And by the way… I was only joking
Mannequin
Well from what I can see you’re merely just an asshole screaming for attention….I was just joking
~welcome to the darkside~
I don’t need attention to be an asshole.
Mannequin
Wow, you guys enjoy bickering and insulting each other don’t you. Don’t get me wrong, I do it to. It’s just kinda funny.
I think that the subject of this post has come to an end. Thank you to all those who gave me advice, and even tried to. You guys can still keep writing, it doesn’t bother me like it does others. Have fun….
Kaleo
Whatever.
~welcome to the darkside~
“Wiccanwitch”, you’re right. My apologies.
Mannequin
Blacksash3, I’d love for you to explain why you jump down Mannequin’s throat about being “an asshole”, when the criticism you are putting out is completely hypocrytical, as you do exactly the things that you criticise Mannequin for.
Just curious.
Another thing… You call Mannequin an asshole as if that was a bad thing, then you proudly call yourself “Gothic Bitch”… seems a little inconsistent.
Now i’m gonna jump down your throat. I do as I please……thank you very much. Mannequin knows that shes an ass hole and she’s proud to admit it so why are you so concerned as to what i’m saying about her when she already knows it? And me calling myself a GothicBitch has nothing to do with me calling her an asshole. Hey…….if you know what you are then put it out there. I’m a gothic bitch so that’s what I let people know. And “I would love for you to explain” how you THINK i’m being hypocritical. Well when you get your thoughts together in your puny little brain let me know.
~welcome to the darkside~
*Gothicbitch*
I’ve let this go on for long enough. First and foremost, I am NOT female. At first it really didn’t bother me that you had made this error, and I saw no reason to correct you as it is inconsequential and I presumed you would eventually become aware of it. Sadly no. You have persisted. Where ever the hell you got the idea that I am female is truly beyond me. You’ll note the mention of my wife a number of times on this site (true, I could have been a lesbian, but why would you automatically jump to that conclusion when the more logical assumption is that I am male?) Okham’s Razor my simple friend. You’ll learn about it in college while you’re studying Psych 101
Mannequin
PS: I really wanted to fill this up with a load of sexist remarks, but realized I’d be offending more than just the person I had intended
Disciples of zion rapeing the tortured anus, Swine of juda sowing ther black seed in the world
The fall of the jewish kindom is near
So run to your jewish master!
DEATH TO ZION!
Such a silly rabbit Mannequin. Maybe if you weren’t so busy acting like a bitch then people would know that you’re not a female you idiot. You’re just a child at heart because no matter how much you say you’re letting this go you keep feeding on us like a baby feeds from it’s mothers breats. So let me take this time to correct myself: “I feel sorry for your WIFE because you’re such an ass. Feel better? hope so. You obviously wanted our help on bringing you out of the closet because you made no effort to correct us of our mishappenings concerning your gender. It’s okay sweetie we all have to come out of the closet sometime, buh bye ass hole.
~welcome to the darkside~
lol Funny that you hope to one day become a therapist. And as for “we all have to come out of the closet sometime,”… That’s just silly. Perhaps you feel a need to “come out of the closet” as it were, but I assure you, I have no such need as I am quite comfortable with my sexuality, and it is simply none of my business. And what does my gender matter on an internet posting site anyway? Not much as far as I can tell. I also fail to see how being labeled “a child at heart” could be even remotely offensive. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Life’s not meant to be taken seriously. And “rabbit”? lol nice attempt at metaphor. Anyway, this is very fun and all, but also tiring… very tiring. How about this: You win, and we’ll just leave it at that. Have a nice life
Mannequin
You guys are funny.
Mannequin,
If it counts for anything, I have not seen you talk about your wife or your gender (well I just wasn’t paying attention) but I knew you were a guy right away. I can’t see how she thought that you were a female. Wierd….
Kaleo
Yes Mannequin, I still wish to become a therapist so I can cure assholes like you. And coming out of the closet does not only concern sexuality, you should know that since you’re so smart. I’m glad that you’re comfortable with your sexuality. You’re right, gender has nothing to do with an internet posting, but don’t you think if you saw someone reffering to you as a female which you’re in fact not that you would make some kind of attempt to correct them? I would. Also, trust me I was not trying to create some sort of offense by calling you a “child at heart”, I was just stating the obvious. Yes this is quite fun and intriuging but i’m young and I could go on forever. I love to argue so keep talking, do as you will I really don’t care. You call the shots. I’m beyond winning this and I don’t need for you to wish me a nice life because it’s perfect, so how about I wish you the nice life because you’ll certainly need it.
~welcome to the darkside~
And as for you Wiccanwitch, if you read some of Mannequins previous posts then you would see why everyone presumed “Him” as a female.
~welcome to the darkside~
“Yes Mannequin, I still wish to become a therapist so I can cure assholes like you.” I feel it my place (as an asshole) to inform you that we (as assholes) are in no need of “curing”, and/or have no desire of such.
“coming out of the closet does not only concern sexuality, you should know that since you’re so smart.” That I did not know. And I highly doubt that anyone outside of your personal social clique knows that either. So I fail to see how my intelligence has any bearing on your choice of phrase.
“but don’t you think if you saw someone reffering to you as a female which you’re in fact not that you would make some kind of attempt to correct them?” Yes, I do… And that’s why I did… Or were you not paying attention? Just in case, allow me to reiterate: I am not female. I am at least 80% man, which (before you have any snide remarks) is more than most men (10% to be precise).
“And as for you Wiccanwitch, if you read some of Mannequins previous posts then you would see why everyone presumed “Him” as a female.” “Everyone” did not presume me to be female. Just you and the Harry Potter wannabe. No woman on this planet speaks as I. Granted, there are not many men who do either, but there are no women. You show me a woman who speaks like me, and I will show you my future ex-wife. By this, I do not imply that women are less intelligent in any way, or that their vocabularies are weaker. I only mean to say that there is a tone and a cadence in the way a person types. For practiced writers, it becomes like a finger print, and is difficult to emulate.
“I love to argue so keep talking” Here is the difference between you and I. I like to play devil’s advocate, you like to fight. I say “fight” instead of “argue” because arguing usually involves attempting to prove someone else wrong, while you’ve done nothing but make personal attacks. I find fighting dull and tedious (not to mention tiring, for I am already a very tired person, and tire easily). Perhaps it would be to your benefit to find some more like yourself and less like me. Before you respond, I’d like you to read through this again, and pay close attention to how much I have said that is offensive. Very little (if any) I assure you, and thus there is little (if any) reason to respond. Your honor is not at stake here. You’ve already won.
Mannequin
SUB-HUMAN GENOCIDE!
In To The Auschwitz Oven You Go!
Mannequin, I’ll tell you something I am only going to the ninth grade. I really don’t understand not one word you said. I’m smart for my age but you’ve just gone and done it. I know I won this so I wish to say no more. I didn’t wish to attack you in the first place but if you think about it you started this whole thing by making a smart remark to me. But it doesn’t really matter anymore so just forget about this because right about now i’m gonna need a Tylenol. So i’ll leave in peace. until we meet again………..
~welcome to the darkside~
“You all sound like a bunch of freaks in need of a therapist. Oh….maybe I can help you because I was planning on being one…lol!!!
~welcome to the darkside~
*Gothicbitch*”
Prior to this stupid comment, I’d not once spoken to you directly. So no, I did not start this. You did.
Oh, and congratulations on achieving your freshman year of highschool. And I’ll take your word for it that you are more intelligent than your peers, but do not make the mistake to presume that schooling is the same as education. I myself dropped the whole school shtick when I was 14 (it was not to my liking), and I think it’s plainly seen that “I never let my schooling interfere with my education” (-Mark Twain [Samuel Clemens]).
And I know you don’t understand me (you don’t even understand yourself at times), for if you did, you would surely have given this whole thing up long ago. Each word you’ve uttered since your first silly remark has dug you a hole deeper and deeper towards the eighth ring of hell (hypocrites, in case you’ve never read the Devine Comedy). If I were given the opportunity to offer you some sound advice (which I’m sure will go unheeded); one should take care to not create a situation that they find uncomfortable (don’t shit where you sleep). If you did not want to “attack” me, then why did you?
Mannequin
You know what forget you. I tried to be nice but you just took my kindness for weakness. Don’t say anything else to me. After I told you that I was done with this you decided that you would continue this with your smart ass mouth. School starts in six days and I don’t need this shit from a person who has to run his mouth with bull shit to teenagers. Just leave me the hell alone. And yes you did start this by saying :P.S. Quid pro quo “Blacksash3″: As a budding therapist, it might benefit you to know that people don’t like being called freaks for the most part: Good luck in your future profession. Did you not say this? You did. I don’t know if you were trying to be a smart ass or if you were really trying to give me some advice. If I jumped to conclusions then I’m truely sorry but if you really were jumping down my throat then you deserve everthing I said to you whether you took offense to it or not. Well that’s all for now. Utntil we meet again…………..
~welcome to the darkside~
Blacksash, you shouldn’t get so hissy when given good advice. Although it may have sounded like smart-ass commenting, you should just shut up and listen. He’s not jumping down your throat. You’re just far too quick to defend yourself.
Mannequin, it’s very nice to hear that although you decided school wasn’t for you, you’re not struggling to match wits with a rock.
Shut the hell up. This has nothing to do with you. Since you wanna be so quick to giveme advice take mine: Shut the fuck up and stay the hell out of my business. And yes I am quick to defend myself. Got a problem with that? I didn’t think so. until we meet again………….
~welcome to the darkside~
Mannequin,
I know one women who does infact talk like you do. She is my Aunt, and she is one of the most wisest people I know. She also happens to be one of my closest friends. I don’t know how to prove it, so I will leave it to you to choose if you believe me or not.
Blacksash3,
You have not fucking right to say if this has anything to do with anybody. You are the one that chose to put it on the internet where anybody can read it and put thier two sence in.
Kaleo
Is your Aunt available? lol
Anyway… Yes, I was being a smart ass. It’s what I do, and I say “Stick with what you know”. However, somewhere along the line you’ve (Blacksash3) lost track of the chain of events. I’m entirely too tired to play the pointing game anymore. I will merely state that this began somewhere, and it was not with me. I’m usually fairly nonchalant, and quick to forgive. I’m also willing to admit when I’m wrong, or when I’m being an ass [like in Wiccanwitch's case {I still think the whole vampire thing is funny :P}]. And you did NOT try to be nice. You were being cocky. And you can go ahead and tell yourself what an androgenous loser bastard I am, and how I am the root of all evil and you are merely the victim in my malicious unprovoked and cruel machinations all you want, but I think we both know that that’s not the case.
Anyway, good luck in school, and try not to be so hostile.
Mannequin
Okay Mannequin, I still didn’t understand what you said, but since you said that you’re forgiving, forgive me and let that be it. I have school to focus on alright? And I wasn’t trying to be cocky. It’s not very often that I run across people like you (no offense). So whatever.
Wiccanwitch, It’s clear that I put it on here for everyone to read, but I was directing it to a specific person.
FACE FUCK MY BOOT YOU SLIMY FUCKING KIKES!
What the hell?
SELBSTMORD!
SLAUGHTER THE JEWISH SWINE!:
Considering the textual content of your user name I can catch on that you are against Jewish people. It would be to my gratitude to bring this snippet of information to your puny mind. A humble Jewish man, “Elzbiah Guttmann”, invented the word “kike”. I am very amused as this is the first time I have seen an anti-sematic person with such a lack of intelligence.
lol, you must not get out much. Ever heard of Alabama?
Mannequin
Mannequin
Now that I think about it, you remind me of my Aunt (except the whole her bieng a female thing) so much. Its really wierd. Mabey I should get her to read some of the stuff you have written. She might think the same.
Oh yeah, and I am glad that the whole vampire thing amused you
Blacksash3,
um……. so?
Kaleo
what? what what? No one cares about your aunt….!
reading this piece has touched a part of me so hidden i’d almost forgetten it: my heart. as i read your words i read myself. everyday i search for someone i don’t know:myself. i have only recently started to understand who I am. but still i struggle each day to find my own identity. the first step to my change was realizing the exact words who have written on this site. i think we all have times where we are lost from ourselfs, some people search longer than others. i would not call you a hypocrite, but a survivor. for those are the skills i used to survive. not survive from death, but to survive from life. the daily social anxiety that rests on our shoulders everyday.
i don’t know what else to say exept: good writing and that that was an awesome piece.
way too many comments to read, so this has probably already been said. in any case, learn to embrace it, it’s damn useful. changing according to the people around you lets you get along with them, and can ultimately further you in life. friend of everyone, enemy of no one, all that. as for not being able to be yourself anymore… here’s the bleak truth: very few people are. it’s just that most of them are dense enough that they think they’re not governed by the same principles as you. for them, this shaping is more subconscious.
yeah, curse the fates that you have to know that you are intangible, ignorance is bliss etc. but this is life. live with it. sooner or later, your environment and genes will mold you so thoroughly that you won’t be able to change so much anymore, and then you’ll miss it.
wow, typical teen angst and identity confusion. this stuff has been in textbooks for years. doesn’t it make you hate yourself? that they understand your mind so well and yet you don’t? at least take comfort in the fact that you noticed when most people never do. maybe you’ll be one of those psychologists looking down on younger fellows someday.
Ha ha ha ha, a psychologist huh? Thats one of the most funniest things I have ever heard in my whole freaking life. I can’t stand psyychologists of councelors or anybody who trys to get me to spill my life out to them to make them feel better about theirs.
Kaleo
good, I hate them too. I hate a lot of people, but psychologists are among hte most annoying. still, it never hurts to reada few of the texts or take a few of the classes, depending on availability
Well, I think it hurts. Only because they mak you dig up your past just to make you go more insane and pay more money for more classes.
Kaleo
I… see. if that’s your take on it, excuse me for saying so but maybe they could make a difference with you… my understanding is that your past shouldn’t exactly hurt, and if it does, going through it should help to alleviate that… but then, I’m no therapist.
There’s nothing wrong with trying to make someone feel better. Why don’t you just kill yourself if you feel that way.
You are truely a pathetic excuse for a human being. Everything I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading from you has been petty and weak. You strike me as the type of person who wants to be a therapist not because you can or want to help people, but because you get off on the misery of others. Why don’t you just watch reality television instead? At least you won’t have poured years of your life into an ultimately fruitless career.
Mannequin
Hey now, if an individual truly gets off on the misery of others, it isn’t a fruitless career. Some people need the personal touch to their sadism too. To each their own, … ah fuck it I don’t believe that for a second. Whatever.
It would only hurt because I would be in that place instead of well…. not bieng there. My past is dumb and I don’t want nobody else that I don’t know to know about it. It’s kinda surreal (my past and presant), so I don’t think that anybody would believe me. So I would rather not even try.
I don’t know exactly how talking about your past can make you better. I knkow somepeople who have, but they don’t count. To me, it would seem that if I talked about my past it would just keep comming back to me. I don’t know how else to explain it.
Blacksash3,
Kill myself if I feel what way? There is no way in hell I am going to give the people who hate me the satisfaction of killing myself.
Kaleo
Nice way of insulting me Mannequin…….bravo!
i think wht v do revolves around tht fact tht v exist as a reflection of wht goes around us…so v hav to do tht..n maybe its also self preservation…thts wht u observe when u go on net…i feel this is the closest u cn say.
what?
I just have one thing to say to you Mannequin…..aren’t you supposed to be the adult? Yes you are so why were you so creul to me? Just give little Morticia a chance…..lol
Cruelty and maturity are not mutually exclusive. Never make that mistake. Hitler after all was an adult.
Mannequin
Hitler is also generally considered immature, if you read his biography. or if you read mein kampf you’d draw the same conclusion. try another example - no, not nero or mussolini, but stalin seems a good bet.
Good enough for me anyway
It’s true, I tried to read Mein Kampf and got thoroughly disgusted with the abundance of self pity and dillusions of grandeur. Perhaps a better example would be… Vlad Tepes? 
Mannequin
Ok, so you’re being mature, but your
“maturity” is making me feel somewhat…..low. No matter, i’ll just go on with my life but please know that I am truly sorry for whatever I said in the past. I would like to develop somewhat of a “friendship” in the future with you if you would just let me. Your choice. As you were………
~Morticia~
Wow, and I thought I had a problem.
What a major attitude change………
Kaleo
What’s that suppose to mean?
it took me a while, but i actually understand this peice - its not too bad and it actually got me thinking.
~ Yours in Darkness
Some Mennequin needs its fingers to be cut. Perhaps more effort in typing would make thinking productive too.
And try to radiate your head a bit less, you wise judge. It made you talking only about yourself.
your posts made me mad
i feel sorry for you
who are you mad at Cutts?
You’re criticizing MY typing and cognitive abilities? I find that amusing based on the content of your post. I presume, based on your third sentence, that you mean to call me egotistical and judgmental (though I really did have to think about it for a moment as your choice of words is… “confusing”). Is that correct? Well, let me just apologize for not lying in a puddle of mud feeling sorry for myself and telling everyone how worthless I am. I’m also terribly sorry for making sport out of cutting hypocrites down at the knee every chance I get… Wait… No I’m not. You’re right. I am an judgmental egomaniac, I like it, and I’m good at it. That having been said, I’ll continue with your fourth sentence. I think you need to elaborate on this one as it’s nothing but incomprehensible nonsense. And at last, your final comment. Which post/s? Was there any one in particular, or all of them. Perhaps you’ve misread something, or if not, I’ll be happy to elaborate my point for you. Anyway, I do not want, nor do I need your pity.
Mannequin
Don’t be so harsh dude, Cutts is obviously a second language learner. Be patient with him.
Also, give some evidence about how you’re good at being a judgemental egomaniac. Blackslash wasn’t exactly a good example, it’s like seeing someone cut off a dummy’s head and boast of being a master swordsman.
i wasnt hasseling anyone
lol, “Cruentus66″, you’re my favorite person on this site. I don’t have any examples of my uber ego, or judgmentality (if that’s even a word) off hand. I was really only agreeing so that if in the future I do let these aspects of myself shine, my ass is covered and I’m not a hypocrite.
But honestly, I know I’ve said some really offensive shit, but I just can’t for the life of me think of what it was that offended “Cutts”. I’ve never even seen a post from this person before. Maybe s/he really is an ESL student from Germany, and didn’t like me poking fun at “Mein Kampf”… *shrug* The world may never know…
Mannequin
PS:”Life”
He sits alone across the back of a broken bench,
smoking cowboy killers even with the cough,
the cough foreshadowing his eventual death of lung cancer,
he watches his hands flick the cigarette,
roll the flint of the silver lighter he got from his best friend,
these hands that held the most beautiful girl to ever live,
these hands that cleaned her blood off of her parents bathroom floor when she forgot how to smile,
he wears black slacks and a white t-shirt,
just like yesterday,
just like tomorrow,
just like every day,
the grey scales comfort him,
the doctors say it’s because he can’t handle too much stimuli,
he wears a cross,
not because he believes in christ,
but because he was tired of wearing the black chain,
and he didn’t want her to have him by the throat,
didn’t want her to feel like shckles holding him back,
from wherever she was watching from,
his hair is grey,
and not the kind you get out of a box,
and not the kind you get from being old,
no,
his grey hairs have names,
one named Mom,
one named Dad,
one for her,
one for every person he’s cried for,
he checks his watch,
not caring that it doesn’t work,
only caring about the time it broke, 1:37am the night he slipped on a patch of ice,
the night he walked home from the party on new year’s eve,
the night he resolved to drink less,
but never got around to it,
he drops his cigarette into a puddle of water to hear the sizzle,
and he waits,
waits for the next snapshot photo memory,
waits because he doesn’t know what else to do,
waits for life.
this is my last post
you dont understand the words
you are working on impressions
using them to disguise
lucky Cruentus got your favor
its over
now listen carefully
release all beauty
relieve all matter from distraction
find the asymmetric rhythm path
-some constructive inbalance
I really liked that. It was poetic. I still don’t know what your problem is though. I guess I never will. For what it’s worth, have a good life
Mannequin
oh yeah, and everyone, this is a really old thread. move on. post in new threads. I feel a strange obligation to check the reply notification box in threads I’ve participated in, so moving on means I won’t be bothered. go, be free!
so has everyone moved to another post
Well I thought this post was dead, but holy shit it’s alive (for a little bit at least)!
Kaleo
I say you should go ahead and ‘take the shape of others’. It makes it that much easier to sneak up and kill them:)
Hello Mannequin, I haven’t heard from you in a while. How are you? Fine I hope. I’ve read a few of your posts and it seems like you’ve moved on and found someone else to torchure with words (i’m kidding) Aside from all jokes, your poetry is quite interesting and I enjoy reading it.
~Morticia~