Entries from June 2003 ↓

I want to improve on my lyrics so please criticise all you want…..maybe a little bit encouragment??? lol

In the depths of broken dreams,
Lost smiles and waking screams,
I lost my mind some time ago,
Wish i knew which way to go,

Its like, the oceans of reality,
Soaked me in my misery,
Light turns to shadow, Im falling down,
Becoming deeper in the ground,

Until you, saved me in an unwanted dream,
And showed me things i had not seen,
Is this what its like in paradise,
I just take your hand, and im alive,

From the skies you fell,
In my arms…..tonight,

My Fallen Angel,
Fallen Angel,
Shes my Fallen Angel
Now im free,

Unalone right now,
I can see some how,
How this worlds changed for me,
Changed for me,

Scenes ive never seen before,
I feel alive i am reborn,
And i owe all to you,
My Fallen Angel,

My Fallen Angel,
Fallen Angel,
Shes my Fallen Angel
Now im free,

Broken from the chains,
That held me down so long…..
You are here,
You are my Fallen Angel.

The story behind this is about dreaming of a way out and either becoming so low that you imagine of a better life thats true in your mind, hence the angel metaphor or everything could change in and instant from out of nowhere.

Please tell me what you think

I once saw a boy
His name was Mike
He loved all the girls
And talked all night

I once met a boy
His name was Mike
He was dating my neighbor
Until she turned dyke

I once knew Mike
And we walked home from school
We talked about everything
Cuz we thought we were cool

I once partnered up
With Mike from my class
We had the same hobbie
We both smoked grass

I once became friends
With Mike who I admired
Nobody knew it
He was the one I desired

I once started dating
“Mike my love”
We broke up soon after
Because he was shoved

Mike was my friend
And he called me one time
But I couldnt talk
I was on the other line

I once had a best friend
His name was mike
After I hung up
He took his life

I once saw the casket
Of the guy that I love
I hope he’s in the sky
I hope he’s a dove

I once saw the looks
The other kids gave me
I had no idea
Why can’t they see?

One day i’ll know
A boy named Mike
I’ll meet him in heaven
And i’ll feel right

I feel your icy cold grip on my soul. Your grip gets stronger each day. I feel I won’t slip away, dragging me closer to the edge, pulling me into the depths of hell. I can hear the cries of others telling me to get away before it’s to late. As the chills of that grip runs up my spine I strugle to slip away. Then suddenly from about I see that light, below an abyss. As your hand descends from the light I reach for in and at last the cold hands around my heart loosen their grip on my soul. I feel that warmth of true love. As it shines down on my face through my hand, down my arm, and through out my whole body. It envelopes me down to my soul. Through out this transformation I hadn’t notice, but now I’m surrounded by light, I hear the sounds of music ,and I can no longer hear the cries of hell, or see its depths, nor feel his icy grip on me. I am now loved by the one true love of You.

Thinking the thoughts that are in my head
Thoughts I can never explain
Why some day I wish I were dead
Detain in the reality,
I wish I never were in

Life passes slowly in vain,
While I try to keep sane
Each day grows harder
Like a challenge I need to conquer
These challenges get harder,
While my life gets darker

My sanity gives up,
It seems I can’t take it no more
My eyes are so sore
From crying the hardships I’ve gone through
Now what am I suppose to do
All I want to do is just lie
And go ahead and just fucking die

All I want to say is that there’s a lot of repetition going on in Darkness…meaning the titles of the stories. They all have to do with blood or death or knives or something. Can we PLEASE think up of a more creative, original title here?! The stories are different, and very well written, but PLEASE THINK about the title. Nothing is appealing anymore, because the titles are very similar. I’m not trying to be rude or offensive or stupid or whatever, but really, if you want to get someone to read your thing, make the title stand out! The little excerpts make you want to read it, yes, the title thing is just bothering me. And I know that whole thing about “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” But I’m not. Just pick a better title -.-”

Everything in my life changed since that knock came at my door. It was the D.S.S., they had come to check up on call from my neighbors saying that my mom was a drunk and left me and my 9 month old little brother alone all night long. They asked me questions like “does my mom feed us” and “does she ever hit us”. Then my mom came home drunk as usely and through them out well yelling and drooling. they came bcak the next day with a police officer. They handcuffed my mom and drgged her throgh the front door of are apartment. A nice blonde headed women picked up my little brother in his crib and took my hand and walked us down stairs to her car. As we were getting in i saw the police officer push my moms head in to the back of his car.
The next time i saw my mom was when we were in this big room with a man in a black dress. I laughed a little at him ,but not to big of a laugh. A man in a nice suit put me in a chair beside the man in the dress and asked me questions. i didnt like them they made my mom seem like a bad woman. i started to cry. The man in the nice suit picked me up and said he’ll stop asking questions. I wiped my eyes and walked back to the blonde headed women. After a couple more people went up like my neighbors my teacher the man in the dress banged i big hammer and yelled a few words. i didnt under stand them. I asked the woman what they meant and she said that we wouldnt see are mom until she got help with her drinking proloem i started to cry hard. i ran to my mom and she droppped to her knees and we were both crying but then she said that this was a good thing and walked me back to my to the blonde women.]
The blonde women then drove us to a big blue haouse. A blacked haired man hugged us and picked my brother and he walked us in to his house. he then told us that we would stay here until my mom got help. i did not like him. The way he would stare at us and the way he hugged us i knew that some thing was up that he was a bad man………

TO BE CONCLUDED……

You called to her but no responce
her eyes are blank with pain
her lips that once spoke of happiness
now speeks of darkness
In her head she’s running from the pain
and tourment that you put her though for
so many years,but all your able to see is
the blank emotions she is expressing.
You called to her once but no responce
There’s no one there.

Conformer.
How do I remind you that there are people unlike you?
Why do you fear yourself and seek the we in I?
Is it not the unknown that we most fear?

Simple creature by reason you know not yourself.
Just another work amongst the wax.

I hear the wind in the trees
I see the darkness of the path before me
I smell the freshness after the rain
I feel the loneliness of this cold wood
I taste the fear that I have for the unknown

I hear foot steps behind me
I see nobody, it’s too dark
I smell the uncertainty that I have
I feel nervous who it there
I taste the blood in my mouth for biting my tongue to hard

I hear the steps getting louder and louder
I see the tiny light at the end of the path
I smell the panic building quicker
I feel the person right behind me
I taste the horror that’s tearing around my body urging me to run

I hear the trees rushing past
I see the light dimming as if I am going to other way
I smell the person he’s right behind me
I feel him grabbing my arm, it’s too late
I taste the cowardliness that has over come me

I hear nothing
I see my room all around me
I smell the faint smell of breakfast cooking down stairs
I hear mum yelling at me to get out of bed and ready for school
I taste the relief that it was only a dream.

Until the next time i close me eyes…

~ LAYDEE OF DA NITE ~

Your soul is pure
let me lace it with death’s blood
walk through the doorway to darkness’ alter
inside your scared, grab unto my hand as that knife enters your flesh
the self inflicted pain may bother you but way inside your loving it;

Blood pours from your wrist
it turns black as your world becomes gray
you walk into your world now
laced with evil’s blood;

angel’s eyes they stare at you
before they pierced your soul pointing out every flaw
but now your dead inside
you do not care;

you’re dead inside but alive in my eyes
to me your a beautiful goddess
a creation of mine;

I’ve been transformed by your hypocrisy,
Your selfish altruism, your fake heart,
I’ve embraced my sadistic destiny,
As observant villain, I’ll play my part.

I’ve been empowered by a dark resolve,
I am your mind’s creeping Nosferatu.
Do not look away, dear, as I evolve
Into a creature that lives to hurt you.

I’ve been blessed by an unholy resolve;
In this enlightenment, I am reborn:
In your sweet anguish my pain is absolved,
In black and blood red, allegiance is sworn.

my parents left at 11:00 PM to go out to eat and left me and my older brother a chore list i was doing my chores like i do every other day. my older brother decides to come and jump on me and starts to punch me in the arm with his fist with the pimps rings, he punched me till it bled (hes a lot stronger). i pushed him off and went to my room and came back out with my favorite cutting knife, i walked toward him cassually like i was going back to chores, he was sitting on the bean bag chair. i walked behind him but he heard me and jumped up before i could do anything. he ran into the kitchen and got out a butchers knife, and we walked toward each other, i made my knife visable and he held up the butchers knife. i went to slice him, with sucess, i only cut his troat enough to bleed a little, with his sucess he sliced my stomache and drew blood more than what i did to him. didn’t need stiches, but later on, my neighbors heard a fight so called the cops. they added to my criminal record and contacted my mother. they came home a half hour later and cussed my brother out and decided to send me to a hospital. i told her i didn’t need stiches, its not that deep, but my mom said “we’re not talking about a medical hospital” so the night past, i packed my cloths with pain as i bent down to grab my living dead doll. i left that morning, i got to the hospital and got roomed up with a girl that was really crazy. i didn’t see any crazy-ness in her as we talked but her way toward the employees were horrable. her name was becca, she has said to be in there for more than 4 years(that paticuaul building), transford twice, in the first one for 1 year. but we got to know each other and i had met other girls around my age, for mostly the same reason as me, except wanting to kill themselves. one month went by and one of the girls about to be released named sabbrina, said that her father called and said they moved out of state so they would be able to pick her up later then what they were supposed to. (shes one of those “must kill” type of girls, very depressed girl) sure enough, she killed herself, with a death letter saying her parents never liked her, neither has her siblings, and she lived too far. me nor the other people could understand why shes done that, she was about to be released. we found what she used the next morning, it was a rusty razor she has snuck in, dry blood on the blade end. about a week after that, my boyfriend called to see how i was doing, i told him everything and all the people i met, i told him how the phones were cordless cuz they think we’re going to use to cord to hand thereand how they won’t work if your more than 5 feet away from the charger. he chuckled about the conversations i told him. then said that he doesn’t wanna go out with me until i’m out of the “mental hotel” as he puts it. so i wait in my room being depressed until someone comes in to talk to me (don’t ask, they normally do) so i tell him he was being all cool and decided to break up at the last min. they really care about me, they became mad but i don’t see why, its my life, soon to end, some more time went by, became my birthday, we had a big party, and marrgret (the nurse person) made a giant cake, but i gave it to all the people on my floor of the hospital (i knew everyone there in case you were wondering) i had no cake. i’m never usually hungry, they force me to eat, but i only have breakfast and thats it. so they made me stay longer to fix that problem. an other one of my friends, ashley, was sleeping normally, then woke up, and freaked out, and got sent to the “padded wall” room, i went back asleep 2 hours later. my parent visited the day after that incodent. they said they would be less harsh on me when i get back, i really didn’t want to go back home, i loved the people there. medication was bad, and the rules you had to try and fallow, but then i did want to go home to see everyone i missed. marrgret says i could leave anytime i wanted, even tomorrow if i wanted. but i decided to stay one more week, and talk to everyone. i coulda done that for the past 5 months, but i could talk more. i was the only person there who dressed in black, everyone else wore pink(ew) and yellow, or white, the week past and i went home. my parents wanted to take me out and do a spending spree on me, and took me to hot topic, where i bought about 10 pairs of pants and a few shirts to go with them, then i got 2 more living dead dolls, and a hat, and emily junk. it was great. i felt like walking around town when i spotted my ex, and i suppose his new girl friend making out in the gazibo. i walked away, and went to josh’s house (a friend of mine), he cheered me up, fallowed with a kiss. he walked me home, and he became my new boy friend, but knowing that Nick (ex) broke up with me for a tramp, still made me depressed inside, leading to cuts. but when i got home i didn’t see my brother anywhere, and i haven’t seen him for a few weeks, which meant no fights, (yay) but i have a feeling i’ll be back to visit all the other girls. eventually i seen becca walking the streets, i asked her if she remembered me and she did so we became best friends, and we are still best friends. its been 2 years ago from now that my brother cut my stomache, and if you wanted to know on that, he has a scar on his troat and i have the bigger scar on my stomache!!!

_~*~_Clarissa_~*~_

sometimes when i’m feeling scared,
sometimes when i’m feeling sad,
i cut,
deep into my wrists,
it hurts,
but it makes me feel like the pain is coming out of me,
and feel like it will never return,
i do it over and over agian,
untill the blood is gone,
what am i suppost to do,
i dont want help,
i just want to feel,
to feel real,
the only way i can is to cut,
i keep the blood as a reminder that noone loves me,
noone gives a shit,
where should i go,
i have so much pain,
that i just can’t control,
it only comes out in the form of red,
deep red,
just like my cuts,
that show the pain that i have inside.

i lay here on the ground of a dirty floor inside of a fithy house,
i don’t know how i got here or when i’ll be able to leave,

the only colour i see is red,

i cant see through the dirty vision of whats inside,

there is noone to help,

no voice to shout,

and know where to get out,

what have i taken,

there are so many drugs running through my viens,

they all come out of my slit wrists,

as my body empties the pain and suffering,

i see my unfulfilled life flash through my mind,

i see someone standing over me,

i can feel their cold sweat dripping on my forehead,

their eyes filled with pain turn white as they fall to the floor,

beside them i lay in a pool of my own blood and theirs,

i didn’t know why i was put here,

or why they chose me to die,

i watched the blood pour from the top to the bottom,

i knew at that moment that noone could save me,

all they could do is watch me die.

Poetry

Slowly I turn away, and I sit still untill the day. That I slowly will fad away into the silent night. The blood spills to the floor, in bright-red fountians everywhere. I warmly accept the pain for death has come for me. The knife falls to the floor with its blood soaked silver. Now as time ticks by I close my eyes. Im slipping away. The fresh warm blood flows down my hand, and slowly it will drip away. The sound of liquid on the floor it makes me crave and I want more. It soothes the needs and as I breath, my heart takes its final beat. The life I lived and the life I wanted were to diffrent things, that I couldnt have. Wasting away the empty years, with only heartache and pain, and tears. So why did I ever come into this world? You never wanted me, you never cared for me. You only wanted to pain and torture me already destroyed soul. Now im just gonna go, im just gonna leave, you’ll never again get the best of me. Im just going to leave this world, im just going to leave and die and end my life for you. Its what you wanted me to do, in your heart and in your mind you have waited all this time. So dont try and lie, dont try and leave, dont try to cry, and dont talk to me. If only you could see, deep down inside what you do to me. You could never let me be. Why couldnt you let me be in pain? To you, my life was just a game, you were the player, and I was the pawn, and thats what you used me for all along. So when I wrote this song, I wrote it for you. So when I sing this song, i’ll think of you. You fucked up my life, and from that I lived in strife. But now ill say good-bye, for now its time for me to die. For your wish has come true and death has come for me. And soon my death will come for you.

This is my first submission so tell me what you think.

the love got stronger…..
a certain love that comes from…..
HIM……
i do as im told…
and he aboards my body…..
with HIM i shall succeed in everything i try..
with my master i shall not die…

-gorechild-

Tempted by no one, immune to all pain,
My wrath is as fierce as blood surly stains.
Each instinct of mine, molded and toned,
Each weapon of mine, sharpened and honed.
Myself, a weapon, created by fate,
Alone in this world, surrounded by hate.

I hold out a curved, cold blade of silence,
No angel of light to show me true guidence.
The shimmering steel, I lay to the ground,
Rage builds up, as my heart starts to pound.
I want them to suffer, and die a slow death,
A grin on my face as they take their last breath.

I glance at a mirror, and see my reflection,
Frozen and dark, like evil deception.
No system of thought, no error to my ways,
As lifeless and void as a dead man’s gaze.
Driven by strength of which you don’t know,
Movement as silent as new fallen snow.

Time after time, I try my hardest and best,
To pass all of life’s quaint little test.
A world full of people, who laugh as I weep,
Don’t seem so amused as I put them to sleep.
A beautiful soul I want to show me the light,
And give me a reason to step out of the night.
But no one has feeling for such a black heart,
So this soldier forever be chained to the dark.

every on around me is fightin
i can seen to stand it becuse im involed
one has a knife the othere has
his bare hands now it is the fight to the death
now i cant turn back i must face the
hands of time which i cant change nor stop
in the end i end up winning

She lay on her bed, listening to the rain on the roof. It was another cold, rainy day — the perfect kind for curling up in bed with someone, or an hours-long session of sex. Sighing, she turned over, wishing he were here. They’d met a just a short while ago, only seen each other for two days…she frowned, concentrating, remembering his body as she’d seen it when she first met him. I wonder what he thinks of me — if he really is attracted to me, she thought. Almost involuntarily, her hand went to her breasts, touching them gently as she remembered the sensations of his hands and later, his mouth on her. Turning onto her back, she closed her eyes, legs spreading slightly as she remembered the feel of his hips pressing into the insides of her thighs, the feel of his swollen dick grinding into her crotch. She stifled a moan, hips jerking involuntarily as she remembered him entering her for the first time. He’d been longer and thicker than she’d expected… her hands moved over her body, recalling the places and ways he’d touched her. She closed her eyes and kept recalling the sensations, wishing impossibly that he were here with her.
A hand touched hers, jerking her out of her reverie. She gasped, staring up into the eyes that it shouldn’t have been possible to see. He stood over her, wearing nothing, dick so hard it throbbed. As she struggled for the breath to ask how the hell he’d gotten to her, he knelt between her legs and leaned forward, kissing her lips gently. She could feel the tip of his dick rubbing against her pussy, and she raised her hips to his, stifling a moan as something tightened inside her and he gasped. Reaching one hand down, he guided his dick into her, sliding in easily. She wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding her crotch against his as he began to thrust.

***to be continued***

Nikki sits on her bed, phone in hand, wondering what to do for the weekend. Her parents were going out of town and wouldn’t be back until Monday. ‘Geez, I have the house and pool to myself..but I don’t want to have a party. Shit!’ She sits and thinks for a while, then dials up her friend and secret crush, Caleb Maloney. ‘Hey Caleb, my parents are gone you want to come hang?..okay be here in 20 mins’ She hangs up the phone.

Nikki runs to her bedroom to get everything ready. She goes and sits on the couch by the window waiting. Ever since she had met Caleb she wanted him, wanted him so bad. A shadow catches her eye. There he stood at the door, clad in flame red hair, black bondage pants, and a button up shirt with flames and skulls. Just the sight of him makes her wet. Nikki runs to the door and lets Caleb in, she locks the door behind her.

They sit down on the couch and begin talking about music and their fasination with blood. Nikki suddenly stands up and grabs Caleb’s hand. ‘What’s with you?’ Nikki flashes Caleb a grin ‘You’ll see.’

She leads him into her room and sits him down on her bed. Caleb looks around and notices two candles already lit. He looks at Nikki while her back is turned and smile mischiviously wondering what she could be up to. Nikki walks over to Caleb and pushes him back on the bed and begins kissing him gently. Shocked by her sudden move he begins kissing her back. ‘I’ve wanted to do this ever since i met you.’ She unbuttons his shirt and kisses him from is mouth down his stomach then reaches over to her nightstand and grabs a candle. Nikki can see the excitement in his eyes. She pours hot wax down his chest and he moans in pleasure. He lifts his head and eyes a cermonial knife on her nightstand. Now it is his turn. He wiggles free of her grip, grabs the knife, turns Nikki over, and rips off her shirt. She squeals in excitement. He takes the knife and drags it across her stomach, Nikki’s moans tell him to do it. He slashes a shallow cut on her chest then makes it deeper causing rose red blood to spill out of the wound. Nikki moans in pleasure. He dips his finger in the blood and drags it across her lips, she licks them clean, then he begins licking her wound and continues licking down he chest and stomach. Yet again Nikki moans in pleasure, she’s so wet and hot she doesnt know what to do with herself. She pulls Caleb up to her face and begins kissing him fiercly. ‘I want you now.’ She reaches down and unbuttons his pants and pulls down his black boxers showing his large, hard penis. He unbuttons her super tight jeans and yanks them off, then slowly pulls of her black flame thong. After doing this, his cock swells even larger. He bends over and kisses her then thrusts his errect dick far inside her she screams in pain and excitment. He continues fucking her faster and faster then she finally reaches her climax, he cums and pulls out of her. He rolls over on his side and holds Nikki close to him. Nikki smiles in the secret darkness of the room. Nikki always gets what she wants.

I am a lonely house, black and haunted,
All that enter are darkness and silence,
My friends, where have you gone? Awaiting death,
With chillen breath, with what the wind has swept.

Inside these walls I only find myself,
A lost heart, a broken soul (I feel old)
I am cold, I am cold, I am too cold.

Murderous intentions,
feelings of blinding hate.
The scars on my arms,
prove my fragile mental state.

This mental attacks,
I cant take much longer,
what doesn’t kill us
doesn’t make us stronger.

These people have problems.
The ones that think they’re better.
They need a reality check.
They need to read this letter.

Making people feel worthless,
and belittle them in a crowd.
Fuels their anger,
your death they’ve vowed.

When the day comes, and their vengeance has been reaped.
Will u lie in bed, and wonder why me?
Will u know why you’re paying,
so sorrowfully?

I hope to god u do.
No one should go through,
what u put these kids through.

When your life has gone,
what will the people think,
would they take the side of ignorance,
or will they make the link.

The link between what u have done,
and why you’ve died.
Do you realize now,
the pain we hold inside.

All of you will get yours in the end,
you had better watch out.
When the time comes,
your lives will be without.

A final note,
to all my true friends,
that ill love u always,
your my family to the end.

Alone:

Sitting in my room, alone in the dark
The solitude of the silence, inspires this spark.
No friends to comfort me, No friends at all.
Im alone in this world,
To darkness I fall.
A shadow in the light.
That’s what I am to them.
Off in the back round.
A wisp in the wind.
These people don’t care,
Although they say they do.
How can I trust these words,
How can I trust you.
the ones I thought as friends,
took me for granted,
asked me for help,
I listened while you ranted,
and was always there.
When I was in pain,
you didn’t care.
Where the fuck were you.
you said you’d always be there
all those things you said,
I see now were lies.
I guess im just a burden
in your life; in your eyes.
I only wanted your life to be great,
I know what was wrong,
you showed me this hate.
If im being a problem,
by being here,
I’ve found my solution.
Ill just disappear……

Aren’t you glad:

The dark of night,
Crashes in.
As vile blood,
Spills from within

His head is heavy.
His blood runs cold.
His wrists ache,
His mind so bold.

The love in his life,
Shimmered out,
Like the flame of a candle.
His minds filled with doubt.

He lay on his bed,
AS the ligth slowly fades.
He never regretted,
The so called ‘error’ he made.

The night is growing old,
His tiem is drawing near.
Now the sun is coming up,
His life disappears.

As his life goes,
The darkness falls through.
Now that you’ve read this,
Aren’t you glad this isn’t you?

My life:

Lately I’ve spent my nights,
Alone in my room.
I stare at the sky,
Envying the moon.

Im so melancholy,
So morbidly alone.
I hate the feeling of life,
I wish id never known.

All my friends have left me,
When i need them so bad.
Im alone in this world,
Wandering around so sad.

I spend my days,
Dwelling in pain.
Secluding myself from others,
My own life i dream to claim.

Day by day my soul is stained,
Dying, Crying, it drives me insane

I dont wanna die,
But i dont wanna live.
My life is shit,
It’s like im falling through a siv.

I feel like im falling,
Falling into black.
My life has no meaning,
All my “loved” ones turned their back.

Untitled:

Always left out,
Forever alone.
Mo one beside me,
Friends true colours have shown.
I’ll never be good enough,
For my so called friends.
They’ll always be better,
I cannot defend.
To try and gain acceptance,
One thign holds me back,
I can’t change it,
Their so called “requirements” I lack.
Because Im a guy,
Im alienated among my friends.
How can they do this to me,
When will this end?
It never will.
It leaves a hole in me,
A hole i can’t fill.
An empty void,
Engulfed in darkness and pain.
What should I do?
Are my attempts in vain?
Every try is useless,
I can never change.
Why bother trying,
Fuck this is strange.

Untitled:

Suicidal thoughts, run through my mind.
AS my whole life, begins to unwind.
Being alone, again in despair.
This kind of pain, is to much to bare.

I’ve written before, of the pain I have inside.
Repressed emotions, these feelings i hide.
People couldn’t take it, they wouldn’t understand.
My whole life, hangs by a strand.

Untrusted again, Im always left out.
These people don’t care, without a doubt.
Im always the last one, last one to know.
Tiny thigns like this, are such a massive blow.

They force me to say, anythign thats bothering me.
They wont let me in, this is the key.
They key to friendship, to happiness in life,
Why bother trying, I’d rather have the knife.

For those who can’t seem to be let in.
The only way out, is the “final sin”
With no care, or support behind you,
Who would care, no one ever knew.

Knew of your existence,
Why you bothered trying, it never made sense.
Trying to act, to be somethign your not.
It’s not a total failure, you gave it a shot.

Think back, to when you were in a crowd,
No one ever listened, even if you were loud.
No one cares, no one seems to bother.
All these people, are like my mother and father.

They never had time for me, they were never there.
Why do I bother, when no one ever cared?

Untitled:

The one in the corner,
Alone in the dark.
With his hood up,
his wrist in marks.

He feels alone,
In his pointless life.
His only friend,
A sharp bladed knife.

He sits alone,
In the dark of the night.
He try’s and he try’s,
But he can’t do anything right.

Everyone is mad at him,
No one even cares,
No one would even notice,
If he wasn’t there.
His friends and family,
Are to much to bare.

Hate and conflict,
from family and friends.
The people that should care,
Desert him in the end.

The ones you thought,
Were the closest to you.
They didn’t care,
He secretly knew.

His life is so empty,
He’s so utterly alone.
Nothing to live for,
Humanities hatred has shown.

His girlfriend,
Who should care and support him.
Shes always mad,
He can never win.

All he wants,
Is to keep her happy.
He can’t succeed,
He feels so crappy.

Like a total failure,
A loser, A loner.
All he wanted was his love returned,
That hes always shown her.

Everyone makes,
Mistakes once in a while.
We’re only human.
He lives in denial.

He doubts,
Everything good in the world.
He has good reason,
Humanities hatred has unfurled.

Anything good,
That comes his way.
Ends up hurting him,
The good never stays.

He has nothing left to do,
He’ll hide away in his room.
His feelings so blue.

His whole life,
Has been one big folly.
His heart’s so black with hatem
He’s so melancholy.

He has nothing to live for,
No point to his existence.
He can’t live anymore,
His best quality; persistance.

His final night,
On this planet of ours.
These selfish people.
Pushed him to make these scars.
This time he can’t help it,
He’ll go to far,
His ambition now,
To live among the stars.

His soul has gone,
Left the Earth.
Hoping that it wont,
Experience rebirth.
He’s gone from our world,
And it’s all your fault.
All you had to do was notice him,
And stop your visious assaults.

You couldn’t do that,
No, you were to absorbed with yourself.
He couldn’t take it.
He couldn’t live with himself.

How can you sleep at ngiht,
Why would you cause all these fights.
All he wanted was to be your friend,
In your mind you were to good in the end.

If this was you….:

The harder I try,
The more I fail.
I’ve changed, I’ve sacrificed.
A very sad tale.
All I wanted was to have friends,
But all my efforts,
Were pointless to the end.
No one seems to like me,
No one seems to care,
This pain i feel,
It’s like ripping out my hair,
One by one.
Each strand by hand.
I feel like I carry, the weight of the land.
The pressure on my chest,
The pain deep inside.
From this, I have nowhere to hide.
I must dwell in the darkness,
Until it subsides.
Because until it passes,
It ravages my mind.
My heart weighs heavy,
My blood is running cold.
I don’t deserve life,
My soul has grown old.
Im tired of this b/s,
Tired of what the future holds.
To be hated by your peers,
No matter what you do.
How would you feel,
If this was you?

Escape:

My life is crazy,
I dont know what to do.
Everynight i go to sleep,
Wishing I was you.
I want this to escape my life,
To free me from my eternal strife,
To escape this unworldly pain,
That will, eventaully maim,
My soul.
That big black hole,
And scar my feelings forever.

Alone:

I take this knife,
I stab it in,
Letting myself,
Bleed from within.
The blood purges out,
My conciousness dims,
The light slowly fades,
Could this be the end?
Hopefully so,
For in this life,
Pain’s all I know.
Shakespeare once said,
“Life is like a play”,
And now he is dead.
I’ve played my part.
Now it’s time,
To pierce my heart,
And end my role,
AS a lonely soul,
Wandering this earth,
Alone…

My Ultimate Sin:

My life is a downward spiral,
Leading to death,
No one would care,
If I breathed my last breath.
My family would rejoice,
And be marry at my blunder.
While I lay,
6-feet under.
Rotting, Resting, Reviewing my life.
Making me happier,
That I took the knife,
And did the most unspeakable deed.
Finally fulfilling,
My greatest need.
To leave this world behind.
And travel to a distant plane.
Or maybe live below,
Forever in pain.
If that happened,
I wouldnt care.
It would be the same torture,
I already had to bare,
Living on the earth.
This is the only thing fair.
No one is left out,
Everyone wins,
From me acheiving,
My Ultimate Sin.

End It All:

Im so depressed,
I dont know why.
Sometimes I think,
I could break down and cry.
My dad is always angry,
And my brother gets me pissed.
Sometimes I wonder,
If I was to kill myself,
Would I be missed?
Sometimes I think I should,
Who would miss me,
No one would.
My best friends love me,
But thats just it.
I can’t take anymore of this $hit.
I can’t seem to do anything right,
What did I do to deserve these fights.
Someday Im going to end it all,
So someone else can take the fall,
For all those thigns I didn’t do,
But I’d probly get blamed for to.

I do not have a thought
about what to write about,
this memeory of nothing is
confusing and blank, when
i think of nothing it is like a
white light, the one you walk
towards when you are ready
to pass on, a long tunnel of light
you do not know what lies ahead
of this unpredictable tunnel, but
a feeling in the pit of your stomache
tells you that it’s not going to be great
but then when the light fades you know
there isn’t a hope of something good
to happen, i guess you know where the
darkness will lead to, an eternal life
in hell

i said that id forget about it
im sure you did to
but why do i still call you?
why am i out of breathe
when i hear your voice
or see a picture of you
I SAID I WOULD FORGET BUT IM CRAWLING RIGHT BACK
I try not to admit but its only a true fact
emotinal abuse in the worst
you dont know how bad it hurts…it hurts
sometimes i see your face
in my dreams/ a forgoten place
a distant realem beyond belive
someday i hope there we can meet.
i see the people there happy and gay
to see you again what price do i pay?
I need you now more then life
I SAID I FORGET BUT IM CRAWLING RIGHT BACK
to you/ now i understand what i lack
i need to be with you
i do belive you need me to

I HAVENT FOUND ANYHTING WITHOUT YOU!
IM SICK OF LIFE WITH OUT
I NEED SO BADDLY IT HURTS ME INSIDE TO THINK ABOUT IT
I FUCKING SWEAR ILL GO EASY THIS TIME/ NONE OF THE BULL SHIT

..i tried to forget but i came back to you…..
I tired to forgot/ but i jsut cant ignore you
i cant even see / cuz it drives me so Crazy

i see what went wrong
it was me all along
and i swear i can fix it
no i wont mix it with anyhting else
im pure at the heart
and ill turn this to a piece of art
give me a chance and ill right my wrongs
to you ill dedicate all of my songs

What do you do when you feel everyone is against you, do you just let them take over?
I thought i had got ridden everything that got me down, but one change against me and it feels like i cant take control of anything by myself.
Is it just me? am i just not ’strong’ enough to cope with life?

Sick to my stomach
Sick to the Soul
Bursting in Tears
Bored Of the Dull

Nights are stupid
Days are lame
Tears are salty
I sit in shame

You may hide behind faces
You may hide behind walls
You can dream that you are something
Wake up and turns out you aren’t…

Eyes are deceiving
Seeing blood
Makes Believing

Destruction Overflows
On all of those
Who think they know all
But It Never Shows…

This endless darkness wasn’t always here
It started just today
I walk around blindly and try to find you
But you always push me away

Inside this darkness a white door opens
Showing me the way
I walk outside this dreaded place
And I fall down in a daze

A few months later I’m strong enough
To try to get away
But your voice breaks through this hell
Condemning me to stay

I’m stuck inside this hellish place
I will always be here to stay
You come inside and say you’ll save me
But I just push you away

Your thoughts and feelings have become a part of me
You torture me with my love
But your true thoughts you never say

I loved to sit and watch you
I never wanted that day to end
But what I didn’t realize
Is that your love for me
Was never to begin.

These doctored voices break through the silence
You say you want me back
I start to run and find you
But I remember what you lack.

Your heart is gone
You sicken me
With all your twisted lies
But the mindless torture you put me through
Will always stay inside.

Deeply feeling
This pain inside me
Will not go away.

For just a day
I was your slave
But your love for me decayed.

I never thought you would forget me
But deep inside I knew
You love to leave me with your hatred
But you only left me confused

I try and try to think things over
but my thoughts all end with you

I cannot hide these feelings inside
I cannot run away

For just a day
I was your slave
But your love for me decayed.

“Suicide”

My heart is breaking
I’m all alone
In a world of people
Just like me.

My soul is searching
For a friend
Who’ll be there
And care for me.

My body’s bleeding
I shot myself
To get away
From being alone.

My mother’s grieving
Because I am
Just another
Teen suicide.

Now I’ll be remembered as
Just another
Helpless teen
A statistic.

There’s nothing left,
I have no more,
It’s time to show myself the door.
Through endless passages of sorrow,
I know there can’t be a tomorrow.
With bleeding hands I stand and wait,
For in the eye of mind. . .
I see before me all who hate:
What I’ve done, how I’ve hurt,
Redemption cannot be.

From hours long past I sit and wonder
How my soul this world has plundered
I never asked to be this way
All I wanted: just one day
Of love, of kindness; too much to ask.
A never-ending pointless task;
No one loves a man like me.
Redemption will not be.

Wide to the horizon the ocean stretches,
I can see it as the cool wind freshens.
The guilty man has been so judged,
To my own gallows I do trudge.
To a solitary, endless world,
Asking not, I have been hurled.
To break and batter, nothing mattered. . .
Until now, and I know redemption shall not be

Upon the sand I lay the tools
To do what some call an act of fools.
A cold iron barrel, a box of shells:
One’s all I need, and all is well.
I see the ocean stretching fore,
Soon this will end, I’ll be no more.
This act will cease
I will appease
The angry ghosts who haunt my sleep,
Telling me in tones so shallow
That they’ll always be with me to harrow
The endless song inside me:
Redemption will never be

There’s no one here, all alone, lost, forgotten
I reap the harvest of the lonely roads I’ve trodden
One round in the chamber
A huge, endless club will claim me a member
For all time, and without end
This one act will all problems mend
I heft the iron, place it home
A shooting star crosses the sky, cold fire
And all future hopes there expire. . .

Redemption cannot be, that’s true,
But atonement can, and I do this for all of you.