Entries from July 2003 ↓

The land is cold and dark, most people perfer darkness, I love it. I walk around the deserted block of this so called big city and I find nothing of value here, there are prostitutes waiting around in the alleys, they do not see my face if they did they would know the true meaning of terror. I am not interested in the whores I am looking for someone, my long trenchcoat matches the color of the night: blackness. God do I miss the afterlife, I did not ask to come back from the dead, my family was butchered by a group of sadistic murderers and child molesters, they raped and killed my wife and son who is only 7 years old. There were only 6 of the bastards, they will pay for their crimes for I will send them to Lucifer and watch as they burn in Hell. I see one of them right now hitting on a hooker, I walk slowly towards the one known as Derek, his back is turned to me but the hooker can see what is approaching the fear already seeps into her eyes, Derek turns and freaks out at what he sees. “Oh shit!” I grab the punk by the throat my claws are digging into his flesh, I feel the blood drip from his neck. “You…created…this face.” My dead white eyes glare right into his soul, this one is perfect for Hell, I thrust my free claw into Derek’s chest, blood shoots out of his mouth his eyes go back into his head.

The whore backs away from me in pure terror I turn my head to her, “I have not come for your soul I only wanted this fucker’s. You only have one chance to live I suggest you take it or some other animal will come and take your tormented life from your body.” I walk off into the night for this is only the beginning of my revenge.

Roll the windows down and take a breath.
It’s likely to be your last one.
Put the fire to the taper
Blow yourself out.
The candle’s burning but you’re brushing it away.
Flaming through your fingers.
Don’t brush me off; I’m liable to burn
You like the fire did.
But you don’t understand the point.
The knife is sharp but you press it to your wrists.
Enjoy the pain; it’s liable to last
An hour or two or three.
Longer than you will, at least.
But I’ll still be there at the end.
I’ll clean up the mess you left behind.
It’s all I did
While you were here.

Della sat at her ebony desk, sipping her icy beer and absent-mindedly doodling on a piece of peper.
‘I need a hobby’ she moaned quietly, glancing at the clock on the wall above her. It was almost time for Taylor to get home from work.
Slumping back in her hard wooden chair she took one last swig of beer before watching the room disappear under her eyelids.

“Do you want it bitch?” she heard heavy breathing in her ear, it moved down to her neck. She nodded, half asleep and half not knowing what was happening.
“C’mon, follow me Della” the voice whispered in her ear.
Soft kisses showered her neck and ears and two hands grasped hers, pulling her to her feet.
“C’mon Della, come upstairs, I’m gonna fuck you”
Della immediately brought herself out of her slumber.
Taylors tall figure swooped down upon her, he kissed her, his tongue flicked against hers and he breathed deeply into her. She inhaled and her body tingled with his warmth.
Her hands slid down his toned body till she got the bottom of his top, she pulled her head away from his and ripped his t-shirt off him. He pulled her close, pressed his hardening dick into her. She ran her hands up his torso, when she arrived at his neck she stroked gently with her fingernails and he twitched as it turned him on. He pushed her onto the soft leather sofa and climbed on top of her, tearing her red lace top off her skin to reveal her soft, warm breasts.
He stared for a moment before sqeezing them gently and massaging them, he licked and sucked them for a minute, gently biting and pulling at her nipples, she could feel herself shuddering as she became wet…

More to come, let me know what you think it’s my first story!

We have no fucking respect..
NOTHING for us from them..
Once we die..
They laughed..
We die..
They Smile..
We die..
They dance on our fucking grave!

NO RESPECT?
HELL WITH THAT!
let all of us committ mass suicide!
Think we will like it?
probably not.
But have to, to proove them how WE are like!

Then so..
We die..
They cried..
We die..
They frown..
We die..
THEY RESPECT on OUR GRAVE!

FINALLY..
we got our respect back!..
BUT.. we have to..
we have to die..

Feels a cold sharp knife goes cross the wrist, blue skin..is now red..
Dropped the knife..and fall onto the bed..
Now stainless carpet, is stained with bloods.
Mom walks into bedroom and find us laying there DEAD.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My soul lifted up..
and glance to mom..
and gave her a kiss……….

We have no fucking respect..
NOTHING for us from them..
Once we die..
They laughed..
We die..
They Smile..
We die..
They dance on our fucking grave!

NO RESPECT?
HELL WITH THAT!
let all of us committ mass suicide!
Think we will like it?
probably not.
But have to, to proove them how WE are like!

Then so..
We die..
They cried..
We die..
They frown..
We die..
THEY RESPECT on OUR GRAVE!

FINALLY..
we got our respect back!..
BUT.. we have to..
we have to die..

Feels a cold sharp knife goes cross the wrist, blue skin..is now red..
Dropped the knife..and fall onto the bed..
Now stainless carpet, is stained with bloods.
Mom walks into bedroom and find us laying there DEAD.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My soul lifted up..
and glance to mom..
and gave her a kiss……….

My gun is next to me. Ive got that thought again. Its loaded this time, I know it is. I loaded it last night. Its in my hand now. Should I do it? Ive got my hand on top, about to cock it. I love that sound, when the killer cocks the gun right before he/she fires. Its terrifying. Ive got it cocked. A cocked loaded gun in my hand. Should I pull the trigger? Th safety is on…for now. I can fuck around all I want with that on. I dont have anything to love, should I shoot? The thoughts haunted me for the last 3 years. Ive got the weapon, the notes been written. Should I put the pressure needed on the little lever? No one will miss me. I wont be noticed either way. I can make it look accidental. Look like the gun slipped, fell from my hand, safety off, and the bullet just happened to hit me. There is no one who will be sad. Id be relieving them all of my unwanted existance. Should I end it all now? I dont really care what happens. If i live I live, if I die I die. Im just a waste of matter. The gun os at my head now, should i make the projectile inside rush into me? Ive got it so I’ll die fast, only little pain. Now its at my gut, should I make it long agonizing and painful? No more fuckin around. Safety off, gun lodad an cocked. No more bull shit. Should I pull the fuckin trigger and end my sorry ass life now?!? My fingers on the damn trigger, the notes in place. Saying my last prayer, the last noise I head is bang…then I sit up sweaty and breathing hard in my bed…

…i cant feel… im so calm… the only thing i feel is complete and sudden rage… and i have the humor of a madman..er..woman… i dont know… its so weird… its always been there… whatever it is… but never has it came out and showed so much… and i know this isnt all… i dont know if i want to know if it decided to go full blown someday… i might end up killing people… and i wouldnt feel any guilt or pain or saddness…its like all my emotions have drained from me…besides as i said rage… and my fuct up humor… and all my ‘friends’ keep asking me stupid questions..thats all they do…ask me stupid fucking questions i know i cant answer them because they;re not willing to understand…they say they are, but i know, i know they’re not…and theres no way i can put it into words that they would understand….they;re so close minded… you know?…one of my friends is all pissed off at me, she said she was hoping we could be really good friends but if i cant tell her whats up then she doesnt think we can be… but i tried to tell her, first to stop asking stupid questions, then i told her a million times that she wouldnt understand and i was right, she didnt, she kept asking me how i knew she wouldnt get it if i didnt tell her, but i knew she wouldnt understand for the simple fact that she was saying that …..anyways….my ‘best friend’ is trying to tell me what she thinks iis wrong with me… fuck, i know what is… she has no clue…no clue whatso-ever….

Its all over
Im finally free
You left me for good
For 3 long years
you poisoned my mind
stabbed my soul
Now you left
No longer will i fear
your angry fists
your taunting lips
Im free
my blood doesnt flow
for you
He saved me
borught me into
the light
the darkness still
calls
out to me
beckoning to play
one more game
of who will shed
first blood

I’m laying here all alone trapped forever hard as stone the words I speak they cannot hear but they all seem so near. I’m dieing now all alone lost forever hard as stone. All I wanted was a kiss but you took advantage of a kid, It’s all your fault not mine at all, but cuz of you I must die.

As I stand here alone in the dark,
I look up at the sky and stare at the stars,
And I realise that all we once had is falling apart.

Things arent what they were before,
You dont smile as much as you used to anymore,
Time goes by so fast,
And I wonder for how much longer we will last.

You never tell me what you feel inside,
And even though I tried,
You were never satisfied.

As I stand here alone in the dark,
My eyes fill with tears as I stare at the stars,
Cause I know that we’re falling apart.

well, ya know how we’re always saying how people who are not like us are all the same? well lately i have been disagreeing with that. has anyone ever just gone to the mall and observed people? they all have different qualities and different tastes as well. if you read perhaps four different people’s auras you will see that they all are very unique and have different kinds of glows, different spirit, and different colours. and what about how they act? i mean, some people are good looking and some aren’t. but it’s interesting to see how an outwardly ugly person acts compared to a outwardly good looking person. and i have noticed that ugly people are usually happier than prettier people. point is that we really can’t judge them becuz they don’t like the darkness. i mean who’s to know that anyway? didn’t before we all entered the darkness appear to be light? every person is so INTERESTING and so UNIQUE that i could write an entire book about it and people might like it. so anyway, i just wanted to say that every person is not like some cow in a herd of cattle.
~*Flamingwings*~

well, ya know how we’re always saying how people who are not like us are all the same? well lately i have been disagreeing with that. has anyone ever just gone to the mall and observed people? they all have different qualities and different tastes as well. if you read perhaps four different people’s auras you will see that they all are very unique and have different kinds of glows, different spirit, and different colours. and what about how they act? i mean, some people are good looking and some aren’t. but it’s interesting to see how an outwardly ugly person acts compared to a outwardly good looking person. and i have noticed that ugly people are usually happier than prettier people. point is that we really can’t judge them becuz they don’t like the darkness. i mean who’s to know that anyway? didn’t before we all entered the darkness appear to be light? every person is so INTERESTING and so UNIQUE that i could write an entire book about it and people might like it. so anyway, i just wanted to say that every person is not like some cow in a herd of cattle.
~*Flamingwings*~

Hither cometh the night,
Encompass mine soul,
Mine weakness, mine might,
Mine story untold.
Enshroud me in peace,
So that Thy shalt be free,
Deception decease,
Purify me.

Hither cometh the one,
He bringeth His fire,
Fallen morning sun,
Mine glory, mine sire.
Betrayers he repelleth,
Whom cast Him from above,
Whom killeth His people,
Betrayeth His love.

Angel of Mine,
Perfect Thou are,
Prince of the Darkness,
King of Mine Heart,
He cries out in rage,
At the Illegitimate King,
As hideous light and hatred he defeateth,

Him darkness,
shalt
bring.

He treated me so good, he liked
me for who i was, i was so in love
with him it couldn’t be true, i was
living in a dream, then we separated,
we went our seprate ways, we took
different paths, i new everying about
you, and i miss you so much, i lost
someone that i thought was perfect for me,
where did the love go?why do i feel like
i have nothing to live for?dying seems
like the answer to my problems, but living
has its benefits and its power, i will live but
another broken heart will send me to the pits
of hell and never find love again.

He treated me so good, he liked
me for who i was, i was so in love
with him it couldn’t be true, i was
living in a dream, then we separated,
we went our seprate ways, we took
different paths, i new everying about
you, and i miss you so much, i lost
someone that i thought was perfect for me,
where did the love go?why do i feel like
i have nothing to live for?dying seems
like the answer to my problems, but living
has its benefits and its power, i will live but
another broken heart will send me to the pits
of hell and never find love again.

He is my best friend and said
that it will never end, but then fate
changed our lives forever, he had
found another love, but not the love
i would suspect he would love, this
other person of the same sex, but
this world has alot of ups and downs,
but i am jealous and angry, he doesn’t
love me the way i want him to, this love
i have for him is killing the both of us, we
had so much fun being friends, where did
we go wrong, fate told us alot.

This object runs across my
bare skin, my blood tricking
down my arm, as i stand i slowly
stand in the middle of my room,
bleeding to death, no one is there
to help me, then my mom walks in,
think there is hope?then you see the
blood all over her hands, it was not
me, it was the one one who i thought
loved me the most, betrayed me, and
sentenced me to death.

It killed eveything in sight,
it always put up a fight, it
begins and nevers ends, it
killed my family and my
friends, it finished the world
and all its sins, it will kill you
no matter what it always wins,
it has killed you, and it has killed
me, it is called love the most
dangerous thing you’ll ever see.

This story took place years ago by the time when I was transferred to work in another city. I had to travel every day by train and some days I was too bored to read or to look out the window. The only thing which seemed more interesting was to study the people around me, trying to guess their jobs, their habits, their dispositions. Some faces were casually studied, others appears to me every day, but nobody seemed to me interesting enough to me as to pay more attention, up to one day, when a strange couple appeared.

They were so different both of the other travelers and of each other that they drawn my attention. He was very big and rather unmannered, answering sullenly to whatever she was doing or saying, while she was small and thin, with soft features, seeming delicate and tenderhearted. She was so beautiful that I couldn’t take my eyes off her. They didn’t seem to notice me so I could attentively study every move she made.

When I got out of the train, I suddenly realized that I had began to fall in love with her. After this incident I met them daily and I was more and more attracted by her. I was feeling an unusual mixture of erotic attraction and protective disposition for her, but I couldn’t do anything although I was thinking to find a way to communicate with her.

A few weeks later I was extremely surprised to discover that she was traveling alone. I tried to imagine all sorts of possible explanations, but I couldn’t read the answer on her face. At a certain moment she stood up, trying to take off something from her luggage. I could see her in profile as she was wearing a slightly transparent dress through which the shape of her body was looming. She had supple thighs, a very thin waistline and a pair of firm, round breasts, which were pressing the soft material of her dress. I got so excited that my penis hardened inside of my pants. After a while she sat down again, but seeing her in front of me made me want me even more.

I dreamed that we were alone in the compartment and I was embracing her, slowly caressing the curved lines of her body, kissing her moist and warm lips, passing my fingers through her soft, silky hair, letting it fall down to her shoulders. I was moving down to her waistline, casually touching her breasts, holding her tight into my arms, pressing her lips against mine, feeling the warmness of her body, while her breath was caressing my neck. I was cupping her breasts, massaging them softly till her erect nipples became visible through the dress. Then I began to press and gently squeeze them, with the tips of my fingers, while she moaned in a low voice. My extremely hard penis was tightly pressed against her pubis and, as I continued to caress her breasts, she began to rub her clit against my penis through her thin dress, moving up and down my shaft, producing me an extremely intense pleasure. Then I lowered the straps of her dress, slowly removing them from her shoulders, revealing her full breasts.

I bent down my head, reaching them and began to kiss and suck their hardened nipples, while she was rubbing her clit through her dress. She was so excited, that I could see her liquid wetting the soft material of her dress. Then I laid her on the settee, kissing her inner thighs up to her wet vulva, sucking her sweet liquor, putting my tongue into her moist and warm vagina, while she was whispering into my ear she wanted me to fill her vagina with my strong penis.

Suddenly, I felt a hand touching my shoulder. I started, realizing I was dreaming. When looking around me, I noticed we were alone in the compartment and she was smiling at me, offering me a paper, which had fallen from my book, while I was dreaming.

He, well, sometimes dreams come true… !

I don’t have a purpose for
this feeling but since i have
some emotion in my heart i
could propose, i am finally
happy, i have found my place
in life and i have a reason
to be living and breathing, i
have foud love and someone
who cares, someday you will
find your place too.

trapped inside his own head, he stares out the bedroom window, the sky had darkened now and the few stars out winked mysteriously at him.
downstairs he hears them shouting again, it was his fault if he wasnt like he is his parents wouldnt be like this. he wanted a normal life but they wouldnt let him, they controlled his mind telling him things forcing him to do what he knows is wrong and he cant resist them, and then the guilt oh the guilt it taunts him, he tries to deter them by punishing himself but they laugh at his feeble attempts.
“why are you doing this” he screams for the sixth time that night, he beats his hands on his skull trying to stop them from talking, controlling. they have something new for him to do today, its the worst he has heard yet.
‘you want them to stop fighting dont you, you want them at peace?!’ the rasping voice whispered, it sounded like it was outside by his ear but he knew better it was one of them, the voice of reason it calls itself HA. he only tries to make him do it more goads him like the rest.
‘NO NO NO NO NO NO NO I WONT’ he shouts hysterically ‘ I wont do it not this time.’
he grabs something from his draw and runs downstairs and bursts into the living room. it was silent his parents where inches from each other, his dads face was scarlett with anger, his mum had been crying her makeup had run and she had red rimmed eyes. but that was nothing compared to the way he looked, his hair was greasy long and tangled, his eyes bloodshot from insomnia, his mouth twisted in grim sadness, his clothes hung from his skinny body his arms scarred repeatedly from his own ‘punishments’, he was a pitiful mess.
he began to move to his mother, one of his hands behind his back he was shaking violently, whne he was a foot from his mother he raised his eyes to look into hers, ‘I’m sorry mum, i am truly sorry for what i am please forgive me’ and without looking at him ‘and dad i’m sorry too sorry i’m a disappointment. i cant take it any more, they wanted me to do it to you but i cant i wont give them that so goodbye i love you both though.’ fear began to dawn on his mother,
‘no please felix dont’ his mother pleaded in a small voice tears streaming down her face. felix took a few steps back and took a hand gun from behind his back. @goodbye mum, dad i’m sorry.’ it happened too fast from that point on he put the gun in his mouth, his mum screamed his dad jumped to stop felix but it was too late, blood spurted from the back of his head and sprayed the walls, and felix slumped to the floor the gun landing on his lap.his mother rushed over knelt by the body racked with sobs and took his head in her hands, the ambulance had pulled up while she was cradling her sons head. but by the time they came in she had the gun in her hands. her husband walked in followed by two paramedics and she was standing in the middle of the room by felixs’s body ‘i’m sorry i love you’ was all she uttered before pulling the trigger as her son had done.

The assaulting silence bearing unto his soul echoes through the long since dessereted corridors of his heart. a pain that was once thought relinquished preys upon him as he sits in the gathering darkness, with a chirp of a nearby cricket, starting its song in the overgrown grass of the garden once named Eden. a weary smiles creeps slowly across the lips of the gardens maker. A tawny owl lands on the carcass of his once beloved and offers its sympathetic hoot.
the light footfalls of a small child is heard in the darkened house, a soft cry as she finds windows smashed and the place empty she steps onto the balcony a tiny silhoutte against the now darkened sky, her silk nightgown lightly sifting in the warm breeze. the stars overhead look almost like a halo circling the ‘young’ girls head. her platinum blonde curls ,that frame her delicate face, shine as they catch the light , from her declining her head as if listening for voices on the wind but alas no all she is is listening for the crickets song. even in the moonlight you can see the untold innocents in her lapis blue eyes. a sudden chill sweeps through them both as over the horizon a series of red dots appear and give the illusion of floating as it comes nearer you hear the angry cries. and all father and daughter can do is wait to find what will befall them.

Around, all around, the shadows gather.
My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my naked soul.
It smites me, and darkly my
essence drips
to the wicked earth that is my prison.
In numbness I call your name
while oblivion laughs cruelly.
Now alone, my cascade of tears falls upon darkened eyes.
This is your love

I wrote this poem for my friend Chris. He was always there for me and I’ll be there for him no matter what … He stopped me from commiting suicide. I figured this is a way to thank him. I appreciate everything he’s done.

“Cruicified in false”, they said. You say you cant breath. All wound up tight in a pretty little that holds this moments happiness inside. I accidentally swallowed your world today as I ate my cereal. Tasted kind of good actually, very sweet, must be because everything in it is so candy-coated. Cant get ride of it can you? Stays there like a hunger pain that you have to fill. So off you run, with all your dreams left behind you to die, to get more happiness. How happy are you feeling today? You feeling “OK” now since everything I could ever offer you has been turned to shit in this very one-second? We feeling happy now? All right? OK? Everything’s going to be better now baby just wait and see. Nail me down and watch me bleed my very own version of joy. Sitting here trying to swallow your words like I’m swallowing bleach. Sitting here watching you inject the happiness in the corner with that pretty little needle. Watching you die. Watching you become finally happy.

Bullet proof halos crown are angels now and days. Trust is what we call the rope that we hang ourselves from. Our life’s have been a gift worth ripping apart. Eyes drift into the mirror and seek to see past this caging flesh to see inside my soul. All I glimpse is a bleeding wound. God look apon your creations that you have painted on your canvas of screams. Full of decapitated unborn children with there “new-age” mothers that seem to view them only as a problem with one solution. This is the beautiful art your life has presented you with. You look away as the world fades into itself. Greed is the mother of this all, green paper and golden T’s coarsing through her broken veins. The knife still warm as we grow cold. Control is the only thing the bullet can taste from your blood. Hatred like ice shatters into a million lost, lifeless moments to form the trigger. Are these not the reasons why the Saints cried and Satan wept? Another death in the world today just filed under as another statistic.

Syn walked through the pet cematary, or so the townspeople called it, to the desolate flower shop that had been abandoned many years ago. Stories claimed that there were haunts and casted away spirits dwelling in the quaint building. But that wasn’t why she was there. Her light, strawberry kissed hair fell in her face as she looked down upon the note in her hand. “The old floral shop, 12:30 pm. Be there, we’ll we waiting. -S & M” Was all it simply stated.

Being that daring young woman that she was, she decided to go, unknowing of what awaited. She knew nothing of the oddities that went on in the town, not that anyone knew. Everyone was oblivious to the darkness that settled here for the night. The small wind blew her petite, white dress closer to her lanky body as she reached her destination. Taking in a deep breath, she touched the doorknob lightly, and it thrusted open. Her brown eyes dialated as she looked about the darkness, nothing could be seen. “So I see you’ve made it.” A masculine voice noted.

Nodding her head, she swallowed hard, trying not to show any nerve. As she entered, there seemed to be a small path of light dancing across the dusty wooden panels. A hand touched her back as it led her towards a small room. She looked around and noticed that in the back of the room stood about fifteen other women, yet they looked different. They were all wearing black cloaks over their long black dresses and pants. The occasional tap of a boot was heard as it echoed up into the small rafters of the enclosed area. In the middle was a table with four candles alight, one was purple, another white with a golden bottom, a fat pink one, and the last was a black candle with red entwined within it. “Welcome m’lady. This is our sanctuary.” Waving a hand towards the women, they each nodded. “It’s a pleasure you could join us on such a…fine night.”

He stepped out into the light, he was also wearing black clothing with a black cloak. His dark hair was purposefully messy, or so it seemed, and his peircing green eyes stood out across his features, but nonetheless he was a handsome man. “My dearest Syn, take a candle from the table.”

How did he know my name? She thought quietly as she sauntered over towards the small table which beheld another four candles, but these were candlesticks. Shrugging, she looked them over, one a raspberry color, another a pine green, one a bright orange, and the last one which was the most beautiful. It was white, yet there seemed to be a type of decal in it. She ran her fingers over the indentations. Appearing to be satisfyed with her choice, she turned around, facing him. “Now light it.” He said, staring at the candles in the center, a smirk appearing across his features.

As Syn walked over, she looks over her choice once again, her head cocked. Murmuring small words to herself, she placed the wick of her candle upon the black and red one. “YES!” The mysterious man rivaled.

Taken aback by the sudden interuption, her brown eyes fell upon him. “Ah, that I am sorry, for I have not introduced myself. The name’s Malacai, and these…well, you’ll get to know these ladies if you choose to stay here…or stay friends with us.”

She nodded again, not speaking at all, for she didn’t want to give herself away. He took her hand and lead her through a door on the other side of the room. “Helen, acompany us.” He barked, keeping a hold of Syn. He led her into a room with a canopy bed, black sheets all over. The room was dark as well but the walls seemed to be a crimson color. All three of them entered the room. “Now Syn, your decsions have been chosen wisely up to this point.”

She raised a brow towards his words, she was feeling comfortable with him. It seemed as if she wanted to stay with him for a while. “Helen is here for…witnessing.” His eyes narrowed in disgust, “Now, my cult princess, we shall make love until the sun rises. For it seems that you are my chosen one, my match.” His smile grew wider as he came onto her, their intamacy growing quickly.

Helen stood and watched the eroticy flame up. She longed to be Syn, she longed to be with Malacai. Leaning uneasily against the wall, she knew the kind of man he was. The name of the group changed every once in a while, to signify the new “queen.” S & M, Syn and Malacai, she remembered when it was once her day. But only for a day, he had grown tired of her so easily. As she stared at the two, she pondered what she knew, that every woman in the previous room had once been with Malacai, but was now only considered a rat.

as i sit and stare
at this blank page
i think about all my rage
i wonder can i go through with it
can i do it
my scream blares through the
silence that was
as i slit my veins
thoughts fill my mind
as i sit and stare
at the blood
i think why
i look up 2 the sky
and wonder
if my life was just one big lie
why did it have 2 end this way
i couldnt stay here
with all this pain in my life
the bloody knife falls to the ground
and as i sit and stare
i wonder if my soul will be found

I am not your messiah - not your martyr.

I am not your angel - nor am I a demon.

I am not the taker of death - nor the giver of life.

I am not your lover - I am not your keeper.

I am not the one you kissed - I am not the one you hugged.

I am the not the you smiled at - I am the one you called sinner.
–

I am the light bearer - taker of the sinful

I am the one they call Lucifer - The one they call keeper of Hell.

I am not the giver of chasity - nor the giver of sanctuary.

I am the taker of peace - taker of tranquility
–
I am the giver of sensation - giver of temptation

Giver of lust - Giver of desire

I am your fallen one - your fallen truth.

I am your fallen one - your fallen muse.

I am your fallen one - fallen excuse.

i would’ve fucking killed for you,
i swear to god i almost did,
you would of been far better off,
without me, and without him,
i swear i would’ve killed for you,
i know thats not what you want,
i’m sorry i made you deal with me,
maybe maybe, this was what you really want,
i swear to god it all makes sense,
now that i’m drunk enough to think,
you always pushed me towards the end,
on heavenly venom you made me drink,
i swear to god, whyd you bring me here?
i swear to god, it’s gone to far,
finnally fuck, its so fucking clear,
this shot is going down hard,
shots of liquer, followed by shot gun bursts,
i wave good bye to her, and i prepare for the worse,
i put the razers in the barrels,
this isn’t how it was meant to be done,
molten metal, and christmass carols,
on second thought, this should be fun,
it’s so easy, it’s to easy,
simple twitch of a trigger finger,
its fucking easy, to god damn easy,
maybe my memory will momentarily linger,
in every mind i won’t be forgot…..

this is it, this is all i got…..

fuck it, i blame vodka.

The anger pours out of me.
Red, liquid life.
Pleasure/pain making the world dissapear.
Pools on the floor shining like the sun.
It drowns me with its silky hands
And whispers with its evil voice.
It knows it’s gotten the better of me
And I’ve given up.
Is this release?