Entries from July 2003 ↓

Has someone said that goth is dressing in black or something? I always thought that goth was a state of mind and I still do, but why do goths want to wear black and dresses and all those things? I mean I like black but I’m not going to walk around in a fucking dresss :o… ahh well and sometimes I wear like orange pants, who cares, you can be goth anyways.

Manon

As lovely as blood dripping,
thickening in your temple
You left earlier than I remember
ensconced in a threshold
of cosmic sounds in riot
in full catharsis
that promises no end…

left to shatter…fails to embrace
my longing for your rebirth

here

in a dark corner of my mind

in your truer absence

I’ve invited madness to watch over me tonight

Foretold, cosmic shadows

fell unnoticed

in your eyes

in my tears

For the nothingness that overwhelms

stabs us silently…

gently…

making blood more luminous than the sun.

The darkest hour shall arrive

to take away the sorrow

hands cold as regret

oh sweet tranquil death

indeed

I came upon such embrace

and gazed at a soul

so strangely defined

perfectly ruptured

solemnly laid

And so the darkest hour shall arrive

and arise will the soul be

with it’s waking sorrow

and hands full of regret

oh tranquil tranquil death

Send ashore my flight of torment

to perpetuate

the lost poetry

of the undead.

I’ve seen you
in strips of black and gray
lunar cloak;
a grunge-gothic disarray
of savage hairstrands
from above
a sad, spying eye

and words cutting through the haze…

soft spoken syllables
that die gently

telling me about a hole in the moon
so vast
it covered
the whole of the universe…
it’s void expanding and contracting
till it pressurized
and starts dripping blood…

staining vagabond eyes fixed on a nightsky…

“..a gaping wound that feds on emptiness, like
this cloud of blood in your head..” you said
in a sweet repose of fingers,
licking it’s freely dripping blood and flesh

You never told me you had a gun.

A day goes by when
there has to be a single
event at that moment that
makes you feel your the
only person that matters
to that other individual and
it turns out that he will make
the rest of your days of time
off worth your whole summer.

A close friend of mine died just recently and they said in the paper that he was drunk and going down the road way to fast, he swerved to miss a dog and over corrected, causing him to roll his truck and was thrown in the process breaking his neck.
This although is not what happend.

i saw what really happened.

i saw my friend, well actually he was my boyfriend coming down the road as rode my bike beside, he went flying past me, he new the road very well, and it was rarely traveled so it didn’t matter that he was going a bit fast. i saw somebody run out in the road when jason, my boyfriend, swirved to miss something, obiviously, and he hit a patch of black ice, throwing his truck out of control, and since he wasn’t buckeled in he was thrown as his truck rolled. he hit his head on the ground as he landed but it wasn’t a very serious ingjury, not serious enough to kill him atleast, the guy that ran out in front of him walked over laughing and snaped his neck, since it was dark i couldn’t tell who it was neither could the ppl who lived in the house he landed in front of….
the only thing i could tell was that he was wearing fairly close fitting pantz and a blue jacket w/reflective strips on the arms, he was the one at the party that gave jason the martini!!, i thought………asshole!!!

MY PARENTS DIDN’T UNDERSTAND OR LOVE ME. SINCE I WAS 4 YEARS OLD MY DAD HAD ABUSED ME AND MY MOM. AS I GOT OLDER, ABOUT 10 YEARS OLD, I’D START TO FIGHT HIM BUT IT NEVER WORKED HE’D ALWAYS HIT ME HARDER. WHEN I TURNED 13 I REALIZED THAT MY PARENTS DIDN’T FUCKIN CARE ABOUT ME! MY DAD WAS TOO DAMN BUSY GETTING DRUNK, SHOOTING UP HEROIN, OR CHEATING ON MY MOM TO EVEN CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. MY MOM DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I EXISTED HER WHOLE WORLD FOCUSED AROUND MY DAD AND DRUGS. FINALLY WHEN I TURNED 15 I GOT FED UP WITH ALL THE BULLSHIT THAT MY PARENTS HAD PUT ME THROUGH! I WAS OVER AT MY BOYFRIENDS’ HOUSE AND I DEVISED A PLAN THAT WOULD PUT BOTH MY PARENTS OUT OF THEIR MISERY. ONE NIGHT WHILE MY PARENTS WERE SLEEPING, MY BOYFRIEND, MY OLDER HALF BROTHER AND I POURED GASOLINE ALL OVER THEIR BEDROOM AND THROUGH OUT THE HOUSE. MY BOYFRIEND LIT A MATCH AND AS THE THREE OF US RAN OUTSIDE, THE WHOLE HOUSE WENT UP IN FLAMES!!! THAT HAPPENED 5 MONTHS AGO, SINCE THEN I’VE BEEN LIVING WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND HIS PARENTS, I’VE CHANGED MY HAIR COLOR, MY EYE COLOR AND I’VE GOT A NEW NAME THE POLICE DON’T EVEN SUSPECT ME THEY THINK THAT MY DAD HAD KNOCKED OVER A CANDLE AND THAT HAD STARTED THE FIRE!!!!

subject -vampire

i tried it once, then i had the urge to drink beautiful blood again and again, now its no longer an urge but it seems as though a need. it feels like when ur hungry you not only want it but u know that if you dont eat the want, need will grow and grow…. i am claiming to be a vampire becasue i am almost all but positive i am not but in all that i kno of vampires it seems to relate alll to close… how it started is simple enough..
I recently moved and i have a new grop of friends, the “goths”. One night we were all ahnging out and the subject of drinking blood arose, and to my extreme surprise all of my friends have drank blood not in small quanities but others blood, friends blood, and the thrill that comes from it.
i said i have never tried and they all but to willingly offered, the thought intrigued me so i accepted of course….
it was so sweet the blood rolled over my tonge and i began to bite the wound to feel more blood pour into my mouth.
i havent been able to stop….. but i dont worry not yet since i have never had the need so strong i needed to result to extremes because i have willing donaters..but the thought often arises what will hape when the need becomes to strong what will i result to?

Silenced_Screams
please comment first entry!

We lay together in the street covered in your own blood. You so beautiful as what light there was shone down into your tear filled eyes knowing what was about to come. I made you swear not to speak. That mouthed “I love you forever etched in my memory. I pryed that I would be abil to re-live my life with you… just once more. Then your hand whent limp, and the pain of reality washed over me. I kissed your forehead fo the last time and never again would I get to see you smile….

-In Loving Memory

They say whenever a person dies they’re whole life flashes before your eyes. My first love, John, died and I don’t know what he saw but I saw not only him sweat his sweet blood but everything…. From the first time I layed eyes upon him untill the second his limp body ly in my lap. Then people still have the nerve and guts to ask me why I am how I am. If only they could have been there…..
Before I was a goth, I admitt I was ghetto and I know not everyone was goth all of the life they have so far lived. Well I was visiting family down in Fl for 4months so I could get away from all the pain at home. If I had known what I’d see, I may have changed my mind.
My bestfriend at the time, Moni, and I were walking down the stree called Teal Dr. It was a nice day out actually. And by “nice day” I’m talking a happy person’s nice day. But we heard yelling at the end of the street around the corner. Down in a ghetto fighting is a main source of entertainment. So we stood our ground and waited to see who came around the bend. Holding our breath wondering what was going on when we saw Moni’s boyfriend, Vic, and my first of everything, John.
The two had been good friends and to this day I still don’t know what made them fight like that. But both were yelling so loud, each attempting to over power the other. John turned to look at me and mouthed the words “I love you”. He faced Vic for the last time. Vic pulled a gun from his pocket and shot John in the side of his head allowing him to die slowly and feel the pain and wieght of death and what he was going through. Moni and I both screamed and ran toward the two boys in tears trying to make some sense of what had just happend. It seemed to take ages just to run a block down to them. I didn’t even have to think about what to do. Dropping down to John, holding his hand to my chest and telling him of my love for him.
By this time it had begun to turn dark and the street lamp next to us shone down into his tear filled eyes. John’s breathing slowing and him every once in a while twitching from the shock. His face turned a deep red and his pours filled with blood and it gave the impression of sweating blood. I don’t know what but he tried to say something. I made him stop not wanting him to use anymore energy than he had to.
Life stopped just then, and I realized never again would I be abil to hear his voice, See him smile, look into those clear ocean blue eyes….

Dedication To John:
We lay together in the street covered in your own blood. You so beautiful as what light there was shone down into your tear filled eyes knowing what was about to come. I made you swear not to speak. That mouthed “I love you forever etched in my memory. I pryed that I would be abil to re-live my life with you… just once more. Then your hand whent limp, and the pain of reality washed over me. I kissed your forehead fo the last time and never again would I get to see you smile….

-In Loving Memory

They say whenever a person dies they’re whole life flashes before your eyes. My first love, John, died and I don’t know what he saw but I saw not only him sweat his sweet blood but everything…. From the first time I layed eyes upon him untill the second his limp body ly in my lap. Then people still have the nerve and guts to ask me why I am how I am. If only they could have been there…..
Before I was a goth, I admitt I was ghetto and I know not everyone was goth all of the life they have so far lived. Well I was visiting family down in Fl for 4months so I could get away from all the pain at home. If I had known what I’d see, I may have changed my mind.
My bestfriend at the time, Moni, and I were walking down the stree called Teal Dr. It was a nice day out actually. And by “nice day” I’m talking a happy person’s nice day. But we heard yelling at the end of the street around the corner. Down in a ghetto fighting is a main source of entertainment. So we stood our ground and waited to see who came around the bend. Holding our breath wondering what was going on when we saw Moni’s boyfriend, Vic, and my first of everything, John.
The two had been good friends and to this day I still don’t know what made them fight like that. But both were yelling so loud, each attempting to over power the other. John turned to look at me and mouthed the words “I love you”. He faced Vic for the last time. Vic pulled a gun from his pocket and shot John in the side of his head allowing him to die slowly and feel the pain and wieght of death and what he was going through. Moni and I both screamed and ran toward the two boys in tears trying to make some sense of what had just happend. It seemed to take ages just to run a block down to them. I didn’t even have to think about what to do. Dropping down to John, holding his hand to my chest and telling him of my love for him.
By this time it had begun to turn dark and the street lamp next to us shone down into his tear filled eyes. John’s breathing slowing and him every once in a while twitching from the shock. His face turned a deep red and his pours filled with blood and it gave the impression of sweating blood. I don’t know what but he tried to say something. I made him stop not wanting him to use anymore energy than he had to.
Life stopped just then, and I realized never again would I be abil to hear his voice, See him smile, look into those clear ocean blue eyes….

Dedication To John:
We lay together in the street covered in your own blood. You so beautiful as what light there was shone down into your tear filled eyes knowing what was about to come. I made you swear not to speak. That mouthed “I love you forever etched in my memory. I pryed that I would be abil to re-live my life with you… just once more. Then your hand whent limp, and the pain of reality washed over me. I kissed your forehead fo the last time and never again would I get to see you smile….

-In Loving Memory

“i’m not yours
you’re not mine”
if you hadn’t done what you did
this would have been a lie
but for now this shall remain true

you took it upon yourself to change me
ionly one thing
i had something, but now its gone
you took my virginity

i should have said no
i should have tried to make you understand
that the one thing you took
was the one priceless thing i had

but now it’s gone
and so are you
for both cannot be replaced
although one is still lingering in my head
you, your body, your flesh, your face

no one was there for me to talk to
no one was at my side
you did this to me
you used and confused me
you left me alone to die

you didnt mind, you didnt care
i was just there
your little disposable play thing
on the bed
beneathe the covers
a helpless human being

but i’m ok
you, not so much
you should have let me be
now guilt has shifted for me to you
guilt beyond what you may imagine
knowing that you raped me

When I am lying on the floor, crying out my life,
With wounds in my side like a knife,
Would he bother to care for me?
Would he bother to stop, to even see?

I feel so incomplete right now,
It’s burning me up, and I only wonder how,
How could he ever love me so?
He seems so far, so long ago.

Did I try to forget or did I remove him from my mind?
And threw him somewhere dark, never again to find?
Or am I actually torn because of him?
With my soul and heart growing dim?

Do I really not care for him at all?
Am I living my life, and standing tall?
Or am I about to stumble, about to fall?
To shrink down from the world, to be so small?

I wonder why I question my actions,
Did my heart really weaken?
Or am I just being pitiful,
Am I allowing this topic to be so painful?

It’s all dark and cold inside,
It’s not normal, it’s not right,
I’m being torn apart,
Starting with my heart.

Why am I so lonely and cold?
I was just doing what I was told,
It was only his heart I tore,
While mine wasn’t even sore.

What’s happening to me?
Am I really becoming bitchy?
I’m sorry if I deceived him,
Made his heart go dim.

I’m just a shadow now,
A memory that he allows,
That hurt him so much,
And robbed him of his touch.

I’m sitting here on the floor,
With my back against the door,
Not wanting to let you in,
So I won’t get hurt again.

It’s an endless, boring night,
Much like the rest of my life,
Without a real purpose I’m here,
Failing to stop my fears.

You still are trying to get inside,
I’ll let you come in, but after time,
You’ll wish you never said so,
And it’s too late to let go.

It’s like a nightmare without sleep,
I’ve slipped so far; I’m in so deep,
My days have turned worse,
I’m feeling like my mind will burst.

You only sit and stare at me,
Shocked by what you see,
Is it that hard to believe?
Would you rather just leave?

I’m searching for something,
The whole time I’m dying,
What am I trying to find?
While I loose the rest of my mind?

You’re in now; I can’t let you leave,
How where you being so naïve?
You knew it’d happen, soon or later,
I broke from being a traitor.

“All this fucking white.” I mumble, but she didn’t respond. The painful gleam of the spotless linoleum grates against my nerves. I’m elevated on the counter top, eyes settled downward. “No, Im not high.” My stomach turns as I glance at the granny-smith apples to my right. Just the suggestion of food nauseates me.”Let me tell you what ails me, other than thinking I’m a total fucking wackjob.” My tone comes out a bit too belligerent.” God, I wish I was heavily medicated. Don’t frown disapprovingly, like you don’t feel the same. You know you want to be strung out on the god-forsaken floor.Convulsing and swallowing your tongue.” I know what she is thinking, so I change the subject. ” You remember that Sadie girl in second period? Yeah, she wrote a story on me. It was just like the rest. It is the same misdirected, ignorant, perception I get from everyone else.” I know it’s hard for her to understand. She is the good daughter and I’m not. So I ignore her look of distraught confusion and I continue. “I haven’t told anybody but Marie slept with Christopher. No, I’m not kidding. Well, in high school, everyone is a potential enemy. She WAS my best friend…” I glance in awe at the cold metal object in my hand.You would assume that I would be trembling or crying. I’m not though, I am the poster child for serenity.” Oh yeah, I’m definitely pregnant.No, mom and dad don’t know. Keep the baby? Apparently not. Ha, all the tragedy on this teen dreams shoulders.” I laugh at the insanity escaping my lips and I am comforted by the sound of her chuckles. It didn’t last very long. “I walk down the hall everyday and act like I dont hear them hissing ‘ preppy bitch’. Im not what they think.” My voice cracks.I refuse to cry. “Yesterday I crouched in the girl’s bathroom and lashed out at myself. I know you can see the marks. Dad left the keys to the cabinet on the table. Like a sign from God or something. Don’t sneer at that, it is true. Can you see mother’s face when she finds her dainty little kitchen a mess.’Oh heavens, Claire. What have you done?’ I shouldn’t mock her. But I wish I could see it.” My eyes burn. The tears are visible in her eyes too. “I’m going to miss you. Yeah, I am leaving. I just can’t live like this anymore. What would people say…. . I love you too, sissy. ” Images of us growing up flash through my mind. Akwardly I position the firearm at my temple. Breathe.

Seconds later, Claire’s parents rush downstairs. Her mother’s screams were peircing and repetative.”My baby girl. My only little girl. God, why my little girl?”

Please mind the spelling!

Knock Knock Knock Thats DEATH Knocking at my door. Waiting for me to answer. There Death is waiting to take allmy problems away. Knock Knock knock Each time Death Knocks at my the more iI am temted to let it come in and take me and every thing a way. kknock knock knock I am used to that sound. Its there all the time I can never seem to escape that sound. knock knock knock It fallows me every were i go. There it is again whispering it to me telling me it will take ll my problems away i wont have to wake up up and face any more problems wont have to put up with closed minded people wont have to put up with family members dissing me for fun. But then Sinead pops in to my head the one i care most about she can give me the one thing death cant a wormth feeling of live flows in to me everytime i think about her she takes all my problems away. She has saved me from death more time then i can count and more times then she will ever know!

~)-(George)-(~

I sit in my room night after night think of only one thing whats the point of living its not like im going to change the world or any thing. Why was i put on this dark cold earth?

The ties that have bound me
To this world have finally let me go.
This time theres no stopping
Crying my goodbyes, not hearing you shout no.
I’ve been hurt by many people,
They continue to bite into my flesh
Making my arms torn and bruised
Making my face a bloody mess.
So now theres no more,
No more pain, no more fear.
Fear of losing you,
Now everythings so clear.
I’ve lost you forever,
Noone will hear my dying cry
Noone will see my bloodied gut
Or hear my final goodbyes.
The wounds he caused,
Stabbed deep into my heart
Pulling and tearing,
Ripping it all apart.
You have been my undoing,
Made me lose focus on my life
So now I take my life and it’s,
And lay for my final sleep with my knife.
~SeconD HanD RosE
07/02/03
1:38 AM

The sun was coming up now, the eastern sky was becoming light. Alone, naked, and exhausted she lay. The past night’s events replayed themselves in Morgan’s mind. She remembered the familiar gray mist that came through the open window. It slithered over the sill and across the floor to the edge of the bed. The mist began to take shape in the form of a muscular male body. The features, all to familiar and beloved, gained more and more substance as the seconds ticked by. In a few moments Morgan’s supernatural lover stood before her. His white linen shirt unbuttoned and open, fluttered slightly to reveal his well muscled torso. His eyes burned into hers and her breath quickened.
Morgan sat up and took in his appearance from head to toe. His tall, lean form, his long jet black hair and how it shone in the candlelight, how his chest muscles flexed and tightened as her eyes roved over his body. She saw how the old faded Levi’s clung to every curve and valley of his legs and how the top two buttons of the fly were left open. Her heart fluttered as she remembered what he hid under those buttons. The jeans were ripped at both knees and she saw that his feet were bare. Her eyes finally traveled back up to his again. It struck her how deep and blue his eyes were; as it always did. They were so alive and fiery, you would never guess at what he was. It was like they caught her up and took her to another place and time.
A few seconds passed before he moved. He lifted his knee onto the bed and bent until he was on all fours crawling toward her. Stalking toward her would be a more accurate description, she mused. He moved like a large animal; a lion or a tiger perhaps. The way the muscles on his back and arms shifted under his skin to carry him across the broad expanse of Morgan’s bed made her almost breathless. When his face was a mere breath from Morgan’s, he lifted his hand and touched her face. Morgan’s eyes fluttered closed and like a person taking a long drink of water on a hot day, she sighed. His rough fingers smoothed across Morgan’s face and glided down her neck. She tilted her head back and gave him free rein of her body and senses. Morgan felt him shift so that he was kneeling between her legs.
His hands wandered farther down to the thin straps of Morgan’s satin nightie. He hooked his index fingers under the straps and yanked, breaking the delicate fabric with ease. What was left of her gown slipped down over her breasts to her waist. His hands caressed over the tops of Morgan’s breasts down the velvety sides, avoiding the sensitive nipples that screamed for his attention, and down over her rib cage. He gently pushed her back against the plush feather pillows. His dark head dipped and he pressed his perfect lips to Morgan’s.
Her whole body relaxed with relief and release. His tongue licked at her lips with sensual languish and she could feel the heat and moisture spring to life in her body. He stretched out on top of Morgan so that she could feel his hardness pressing against her. An intense wave of pleasure passed through her body. Morgan’s lover raised himself back up to his knees and grasped the hem of her nightie, he merely flexed his arms and tore the thin material all the way up the bodice. He then lifted her off the bed and positioned Morgan so that they were both sitting up and she was straddling his bent knees. Her arms went around his neck and he kissed her again and blazed a trail of kisses over her jaw and down her neck where he paused to nibble, ever-so lightly, before he continued down her throat, across her collar bone and down between her breasts. He swept the shreds of Morgan’s negligee to the floor and laid her back on the sheets before he kissed and licked down her stomach to lick around the rim of her navel. Her hands seemed to rise of their own accord to rake through his long, thick hair. The ebony strands slipped through Morgan’s fingers like rain, and it made her want him even more.
He scooted back up so that his face was even with hers again. Morgan could feel the head of his cock push against her moist outer lips and she arched her body into his, telling him without words that she wanted him desparately. With one quick flex of his hips he was inside of her, filling her and stretching her until she thought she couldn’t take anymore. And then he began to move….
Morgan remembered looking up into those fathomless eyes and she felt like she was falling into a deep, deep pool. The next thing she remembered after that is waking up just as the first hint of dawn was turning the east into beautiful pinks and oranges. Morgan didn’t remember at all until she moved to stretch her legs, and felt the first twinges of what would soon be very sore. Even the sheets were still damp under her. He always leaves before I wake, thought Morgan miserably.
She reached up and touched the place on her neck that still throbbed and tingled. It felt wet and Morgan’s fingers came away sticky with blood. It was always the same place, on the right side of her neck directly over the vein: Two perfect puncture wounds. Morgan’s eyes fell shut and she let her hand fall beside her. Once again images of him flashed through her mind like slides…. Him as he looked down at her while he rose and fell against her, of her as she rode him wildly, her head flung back in abandon, auburn ringlets bouncing down her back to brush the cheeks of her ass. His expression as his orgasm flooded through his body and Morgan’s. How the ecstasy he felt was so plainly written on his face. His teeth clenched tight, his deep guttural growl vibrated from his throat. His hands gripped Morgan’s hips and he slammed her down again and again on his hard-on. Just the look on his face triggered Morgan’s own orgasm.
Remembering the intense pleasure they brought to one another she turned her face into the pillow and caught her breath. His scent still lingered on the pillow cases and sheets. It was a disturbing fragrance; of fresh summer rain on warm stone and of freshly turned earth. It was oddly intoxicating. This remaining essence triggered yet another series of flickering images: A flash of glittering white teeth and shining indigo eyes as he grinned down at her. The mingled pain and pleasure that exploded through her as those same gleaming teeth sunk into her skin. His voice gently whispering in her mind telling her that she was his goddess, that she was his only love; forever.

We creep through back alleys,
In the darkness of night.
The wind at our backs,
The moon as our light.

We are children of the night,
Night is our time to roam and walk.
Do not fear the night or darkness,
For they cannot STALK….

Our attacks are quick and suddle,
Your soul is our paycheck.
You are now one of us,
Your badge lay upon your neck.

This is all true………
I’m a pathological liar (that means if you say something to yourself enough times you’ll start to believe your own lies), but anywayz, I keep telling people that I’m a 573 year old vampire by turn, but 591 by birth. They really think I am a Vampire because I bite people who touch me, plus the cloths I wear and how I hate the sun. Now I know I’m not really a vampire but by telling everyone that I am, I think I am, along with my best friend, practically sister, thinks she’s a vampire too!!!! We have this friend named Anthony, and he gets freaked out for how much we talk about it. But after about a month of teasing we put red food dye dripping from our mouths and hands. The dye looked real like blood so he kinda didn’t wanna come close to us, but we somehow caught him and told him that we’re going to change him, he was thinking the truth about us at this point and then Samantha (best friend (also on the dark side)) went to bite him but he got out of grip and ran 10 feet away, looked terrified at us, but with our magical power (sarcastically) we got him back to us again and kinda put him in a trans (this took time) and we told him it would be painless so he closed his eyes, she put her mouth close to his neck and I put the red food dye on two dots of his neck, I waited about 5 seconds later and then I told her to pull away. He thought she actually bit him, then we both told him that he will die if he doesn’t change in the next 5 minutes so he’s yelling hurry hurry hurry!!!!! And we’re telling him to close his eyes and put out his right hand. He had a really scared look on his face so of course he did, I poured the dye onto his hand and my hand, and dragged a razor on the lines (he didn’t see anything) so I took his hand and fingers laced held it up to mine and did this chant. After a minute of this weird changing he said “I’m thirsty” by coincidence I replied “that’s how you should feel” but we didn’t want him going around biting people thinking he was a vampire so I took him to my house and gave him this red drink my mom had (it looked a little thick like blood), and I poured the whole jug of that drink in an empty milk carton (some reason my mom likes to save them(plus it was washed out in case you were wondering)) I told him to drink that as soon as he gets thirsty and to come to my house when he runs out.
but give the kid a break, he’s 8, I’m 15 (don’t laugh, its fun to hang with little kids) and its been 3 days since this happened. But everything has been great, I still think I am a vampire and I got suspended from school from biting 2 people… i swear i didn’t draw blood!. preppy people need to stop judging people by what they do or act. (I’m new to the school and I have only 4 gothic girl friends and 6 gothic guy friends, and the rest who hate us are preps and actually like to judge people before they actually meet them……………which is gay, I have so many more friends in my other school because on my first day there, I brought something interesting so people can start a conversation and THEN get to know you, and I hope that was useful information, but i wish i did that at this school.. it all sucks)

I live in Britian… I go to Canada and Ny-Ballston Spa/Saratoga a lot though. Im german, irish, canadian and british. I go to tons of punk shows and im usually always out somewhere. I smoke fags(ciggarettes) drink whenever the hell I can (everynight ;P) and I smoke marijuana as well for around here, everyone does. It shouldnt even be allegal. lol..

My mum and poppy are hippies always throwing parties at our house and mum is the manager of some local bands around here. My mum got into music very young and always had a talent for it. She never started a band up though because she lost a very good friend of hers at a young age(well when she was a teen).

If you know who the sex pistols are.. and anything about them, you’d know that there former bass’st “Sid Vicious” died of OD’ing on heroine. Yip, Sadly.. Awsome Siddy and the rest were close to mum. Bit of horrible.

I apoligize as well about all the vampire buiss on my other name “Ventrella” . Ive not got any vamp/leech blud in me, My sis did it for a prank when she was mad at me. Anywya, I play in a band (local to our area of course) and I am lead vocals & bass guitar as well.

Uhh, I have dark hair. Black underneath and on the top dark maroon(reddish and purple mixture). Its short too and depending on where im off too or my mood, I’ll style it different. Sometimes spiked, mohawk, regular and messy, up in bobby pins.. yip.

I did have my nose pierced and tongue, but they’re out now and im getting my lip on the left side on the bottom repierced and/or my eyebrow alonf with it too. In US, yanks would consider me a punk. People here consider me a punk so thats my appearence for ya.

Oh yeah, im 16 by the way. But look and feel as im 21 Good times!

But i gotta get going cos its 1:00AM and my mum is having another party and I don’t feel up too this one even though they’re usually rockin & cool as all hell!!! This night im going out with some friends too walk the city streets, go to some parties and then crash in some trash. Lol, Sad– But true

Well im off!!! Ay’! Almost forgot!!!!! Pete: Cheer up mate! They’res so much more things to look forward too!! Don’t end up like sid or Chance… Or especially like Maddek! Love ya mate…<3 XoXo *We'll be pickin' ya up @ 2:00 so get your OI'n ready!!!@---`--->—

lost in my own world, visions of hopeless desires cross my mind, go over my eyes, they carry me to a place, a place where everything is perfect…everything is perfect because there is nothing, nothing to be wrong, nothing to be right, just nothing..a dark nothingness sweeps over me, carries my soul to my dark lost world..my own world of hurt and despair…my Nothing…

use me, abuse me, play me, lie to me, fuck me, hurt me, beat me, push me, throw me, force me, make me take it, attack me, make me suffer, tie me down, leave me, cut me, punch me, kick me, pull me down, shut me up, burn me, poison me, choke me, pass me around, drug me, torture me, make me suffer, give me agony, bring unto me pain, make me lose it, stab me, scare me, drown me, kill me….

I was what I was because of you, You were my life, yet my death. I lived to be tortured. I was born to bring you happiness. I brought you happiness when you brought me pain. I loved the way you fucked me. When you cut my wrists and pulled my hair. It hurt, but it made you happy. I loved the way you abused me. When you pushed me against the corner, and punched me and kicked me. It brought pain, but it made you happy. I loved it when you threatened me. When you took the knife and pointed it at me. It brought fear, but it made you happy. I loved it when you killed me. You slashed at me with the knife, but fell forward. You stabbed my gut. I died a slow painful death, but it made you happy…

No more lies,
just let it all out.
You’re hurting yourself,
more than you think.
You’ll lose what you hold dear,
all because of one simple fact untold.
You’re hurting him,
you know you are.
If you loved him like you say,
you would have told him already.
You’ve lied too much,
You hurt him day by day.
When you give him hints,
you think it helps,
but it doesnt.
It makes him wonder,
what exactly is going on?
When you dont tell him,
it makes him feel bad.
When you do that,
the anxiety level builds.
Please, no more lies.
Tell the truth.
He knows somethings wrong,
so you’ve got to tell him.
If you dont,
you’ll ruin everything.
No more,
please no more.
Time for the truth.
Tell him what you did.

You’ve lied to me
i know you have
I can tell by the way u rush it onto me
“I love you…”
Thats a lie too
I know it is
If it were true
you wouldnt hurt me so
I care not for you
Not anymore
I thought I could trust you
thought you’d be different
I was wrong
You’ve caused more trouble
Given me so much pain
Cant you just admit it?
Cant you just say what you did?
Just get it over with
I know somethings wrong
tell me what it isAll the pain you brought me
I put up with
thinking it would one day subside
I loved you so much
I took the pain
just to be with you
I know you lied
Tell me what it was
End this now
Stop lying
Just tell me,
end the string of pain…..