Entries from August 2003 ↓

The doll sits alone in her corner. Her curly blonde hair falls over her shoulders and beautiful dress. Her eyes a sparkling blue, her lips a pink. She sits there alone all day waiting for the night to come. finally the darkness falls, the transforming begins. The blonde curls turn to black and dark red.Her lips a dark almost black red, her once beautiful sparkling blue eyes are now full of red and rage outlined by the black eyeliner. Her beautiful dress turns to black torn clothes. she slips away out the window and into her secret world. A world full of insanity that no one knows about. A place where she hurts herself,not with needles or razors, for its not physical pain. It’s a hurt that is much, more deeper. Emotion. She hurts herself with people, mean cruel people. She thrives for it. Always wanting the pain. It cuts into her soul and the blood leaks out. She feels the rush of insanity go through her veins. she starts to dance. She is suddenly taken over and soon falls in. A trance she doesnt want to escape from. But is soon drawn out by the light of the dawn. she must slip back before someone notices. back into the delusional world of the blonde curls, sparkling blue eues, and the beautiful dress.Back into her corner, waiting, thriving for the darkness to fall once again……………..

theres so manythings i’ve made up, so many things i’ve lied aboput. so many things i can never attone for. so many sins…

I tilted my head staring at the ripped sheet hung on the cracked plaster wall. through the rip of the sheet i could see the cracks along the wall. they were shaped like a twisted hand with the fingers splayed out. my eyes were wide. Josh always said i looked demonic and angelic with my huge gray eyes. Josh was trying to get the projector working. it sounded like he was trying to seduce a fridge.
“what are you doing?” i asked. he stabbed the projector with a screwdriver.
“don’t look!” he said franticly. i groaned and slouched in my chair. Suddenly the lamp went out and a brights light shined onto the sheet. the picture was flickering. a girl dressed goth was standing in the center of the picture. she flickered like a ghost. a large black shape moved swiftly from the side and wrapped its arms around the girl. at that moment Josh wrapped his arms around me. i jumped slightly. josh pinned me in the chair with his strong arms. his head was next to mine and he was breathing huskily in my ear. I wriggled and looked back to the sheet. the shadow of a form was smothering the girl. I shuddered as a bloody scene showed. the girl was being squeezed tightly. her eyes bled two long dark streams. her mouth gushed blood. every opening on her body was bleeding. I closed my eyes as the girl imploded in a bloody blast.
“Josh stop it!!!” i yelled. Josh’s arms left me and the lights went back to normal. Josh returned to me, he lifted me out of the chair and held my petite body close to his.
“I’m sorry…” he said, “i just wanted to warn you.”. His arms seemed to darken and his body pressed on mine from every direction….

Darkness protects us. It sheilds our weak flesh bodies and blinds our virgin eyes. never turn on the light…. never. certain death could be lurking just behond the thin beam of light. a scream could be waiting for you when you open the door. flesh is twisting into darknes. binding you, joining you forever, scarring you, blinding you permanently. scream if you can. all lights go out some time, even yourlast hope…
Embrace The Darkness

Hand in hand, we quickly made our way through the cluttered hall at last reaching my room. Sex on both of our minds, and unleashed passion flowing from our inner most desires. Wasting no time, I grabbed a lighter and set the therapeutic vanilla candles a flame. He was already waiting for me in my bed, his body language inviting me to join along. Without any hesitation, I moved closer and finally crawled under the majestic pink silken sheets, our bodies united together, the moment only growing hotter.

His right hand gently held my cheek in his palm, as his tender lips met mine, and with one slick move his tongue rattled in and out of my mouth. A sweet passionate kiss here and exhilarating lick there, us both becoming stimulated greatly. His lips departed mine, and found their way down along my neck, making tiny ringlets around my hottest spots; I began breathing heavily and was sent into pure ecstasy. With his left hand he caressed my breast, until my nipple stood firm. Then again, his lips departed my skin; however this time his right hand followed, only to wind up under the bottom of my shirt. Suddenly, my blouse was riding up on me, with his hand trailing. The crisp cool air drove my body into a state of shock while he fumbled to undo my bra. Finally, his hands moved to my shoulders and down my arms, the straps following. The articles of clothing stripped from me, were tossed to the floor.

Once again, our lips met, and once again, they separated from one another, only to find his lips resting upon my abdomen. His tongue spiraled around my belly button for a moment and then proceeded upward until reaching my breasts. His teeth gently enclosed my nipple, at the same time his tongue worked vigorously waving up and down, I planted my hand firmly on his back as I threw my head backward, retaining from bursting with sexual excitement. Slightly pulling back, his warm breath evaporated the remaining moister on my mound, sending chills up along my spine.

The touch of his hand ceased, and in that moment, with no words, I took reign of the situation. My tiny hands slid into his and our fingers locked together. With one light push, he laid back and my performance began. Teasingly, I placed my hand on his member and rubbed firmly until I knew that he was drowning in such ecstasy. Quickly, I moved my hand from that region and started on his upper body, my hand exploring inch by inch. Caressing him all over sent his nerves into chaos and he grew more and more aroused. Spicing things up a bit, I removed a gold satin cloth from a small drawer nearby and tied it around his gentle face. Being blindfolded made my every move even more secretly seductive and electrifying for him.

Taking his hand in mine once again I directed his middle finger to my mouth where I sampled for him what was to come. He reacted with desperate deep gulps of air. Throwing him off a bit, I sat motionless for a minute, then immediately attacked his every nerve, for a second time, by nibbling and softly sucking on his ear lobe. From there I made a short pit stop at his neck and then straight down to his pot of gold. My fridget fingertips slipped under the elastic of his boxers and violently I pulled them downward. His body somewhat twitching while adjusting to the change in the climate. Swiftly I stripped him of the rest of his clothing, and simply shunned it to the floor, as he had done unto me.

His muscular legs gradually relaxed as I kneed his warm sack in my hand. Stroking his sex, I made constant downward motions over and over again; his body became tense once again. His heart pounding harder and harder with every touch I bestowed upon him. Noticing that he was quickly building to his climax, I decided to slow his stimulation down. Passionately, I ran my hand up and down his leg, in a massaging fashion, circling in and out around the back of his knee for a moment. His breathing had slowed down, and was just back to normal, then with out warning I sealed my mouth around his gigantic post, and taking my time brought him back to such ecstasy. Round and round, in an almost erythematic notion, I licked and sucked.

His muscles solid as rock and hands clenching tightly together. I could feel his manhood begin to flow through him, and just before the big eruption, his hand found its way down along my thigh. My legs sealed closely together began to break apart to meet his magical touch. With his ring and middle finger, he forced his way inside me playfully satisfying me. Moving his fingers in a circular, in and out, curl and uncurl fashion. Upon finding my sweet spot, he worked until he got me to an orgasmic state. My nerves chaotically bursting with agitation, I started down on him faster and faster until I knew he couldn’t take it anymore, so I simply stopped.

The scent of vanilla now filled the room, and the air stood warm from our bodies’ heat. The covers laid mangled together at the foot of the bed. Meanwhile, my left hand gently slicked through his soft hair, while the other hand labored at lifting the cloth from his eyesight. Longingly, awaiting to look deep into his luscious, big, brown eyes, I managed to wish off the satin piece from his head and then pulling me closer I leaned in to revive his uttermost fantasies.

Sitting upwardly, he embraced me simultaneously, sweeping me from him, gently tucking me beneath his sexy body. His hand trailed down along me and found its way inside me, teasing me, for I had it coming. Just as I was becoming lost in that amazing feeling, he paid me back, with the ceasing of his hand. But rewarded me with the engaging of his tongue spiraling my belly button, and trailing downward. He softly kissed, sucked and massaged the inside of my left thigh with his tongue. Tickling, and feeling so amazing all at once, that I couldn’t help but let out a slight moan of approval. Switching to the other side he sucked and licked my right thigh, just as he had done to my left, and then went straight to it… His tongue rolled up and down over my clitoris, I could feel myself getting moister and moister with each lick, suck and bite.

With an abrupt stop he came and gently kissed my forehead then with a mischievous smile he hovered above me, his penis barley touching me, and moving back and forth proceeded to tease the hell out of me. Coming face to face with me, he leaned in as if to give me a kiss and right before my lips met his he turned his head and forcefully pinned me to the bed. I couldn’t stand it any longer! I reached for the banana flavored condom sitting on my dresser. Ripping it open, I showed no mercy as I placed in my mouth and wrapped my lips around his manhood, sliding the rubber to the base and then licking my lips with such attitude.

His sex entered me, it was pure joy, and my feeling of intensity was at an all time high. My silky, smooth body rubbed against his and in an erythematic motion we worked together, him pushed into me as I tilted my hips up to met him. Penetrating me with such depth that he gave to himself pleasure, all the way down to the base of his excited member. Being large all around, his role was fulfilled every time that he pumped into me, but all the same he took his time and went slow to preserve the moment.

Figuring I would take charge for a while, my legs crossed over his as he turned onto his back. Holding myself up with his muscular arms as he supported my back I mounded myself upon his stud. And rode him into the night…

The skies turned dark to match my heart, this is the first day of the war. For so long the oucasts have been murdered in waves upon waves, being burried amidst where fecile matter is deposited. I knew it in my heart, something had to change, and it sure as hell wasn’t me. I would look deep inside myself and find answers to the questions that not even the ancient Greek minds could comprehend. And right there, I have become thrown, casted, abondoned into the hedgemaze of reality; of the mind. I look towards the heavens in the sky and knew that they weren’t there anymore. All I saw was deep and dark rain clouds, thunderheads hovering in the air with an ominous undertone of black and grey hues. Thunderclap! Lightning in this place travels across the skies, and not down to earth. Or whatever earth this is. The soil is tainted with red dust and the remains of once beautiful, full, and ric rose bushes, are now just a grouping of rancid petals caught in the wake of something called death. I tried to jump over, or at least get a peek over past the bordering hedges of this hedge maze. I grasped some of the leaves in hope of leverage for myself to leap over the top, and they all were as sharp as razors! I fell straight to the ground wrestling with myself in agony as this amazing red liquid that can give live, was leaving me in design to end life. All of a sudden, I’m back into the battle. Like 17th and 18th century combat, swords and shields. This is the part I loved the most of these battles, the point just before war begins. When you and a thousand of your guys stare into the eyes of a thousand enemies and thier eyes. This is the point when you realize that your are not just killing some guy with a sword; but, you’re killing a father, a son, a husband, or a brother. I like to know that I have controll over my own destiny, but by taking control of thiers and killing them, I can save my own. I was once told that a man without a weapon is a farmer, and a man with a weapon is a soldier. Farmer or soldier ? Farmer or soldier? Soldier. I am and always will be a soldier. I take lives to protect my own and those of my commrades in the heat of battle. The charge was signaled, and my thousand guys ran into the thousand of thier guys, thus battle is committed. Nothing but the sounds of metal hitting metal, leather hitting itself, and the festered screams of the wounded are all I hear as battle begins, when the first few rows of men collapse the perimeter of the enemy. Hand to hand combat breaks out like an over-abundance of plague, everybody is infected with it. I for myself take my first four kills and look to the ground. Severred arms, legs heads, torsos cut in half. Such is war. So much blood is spilled, the soil turns to red. Combat percieved and went on like any other hobby the could be taken up. Like, it was nothing to kill. Killing and killing and murdering and murdering until they were all dead, and only half of my forces were lost. I hear running footsteps behnd me, coming towards me. An enmeny soldier takes a swing of his sword right at my neck. But, I woke up. I was back in my room. Floor covered in clothes, walls covered in posters of heavy metal bands, and the air slightly thickened by the cigarette smoke. I shook my head gently and just thought of the death I’d done in my dream. I swung my feet out from under the covers, and took a step on the cold carpetted floor. But, it wasn’t right, my feet were muddy, there was still blood on my hands. I threw the sheets off my bed, but it suprised me. There was the sword I used in my dream. I grabbed it by the hilt, slid the scabbard off, and amazed myself in the warm light reflected by the edge of the sword’s blade. But, in the horribly clear realization of what was to come, I just whispered to myself, “The war has jut begun.”

He layed there on the couch thinking of the cryptic and somewhat sickening tale of the past events that had occured in his life. It was a nightmare…or something even more bizarre. It wasn’t to long ago…that the horror started…
…it started on his birthday. He was 15 and he decided to just go stay at his girlfriends house. It seemed fun…at first, they had dinner with her father in there huge house. He seemed like a nice guy, and everything was going well. It wasn’t until around 10:00 that things began to…change. There was a phone call and it sounded as though her father answered it…it seemed normal, except for when the kid heard a wicked yell. He looked at his girlfriend and she had a look of horror on her face. Then they heard pounding…suddenly the father came down the stairs extremely quickly. He looked at his daughter and said simply, “pick up the phone.” He walked back up the steps and the girl reached over and grabbed the phone. She listened intently without saying a word. The boy was very confused and wanted to ask what was happening. The girls face suddenly went blank and she slammed the phone down on the table. “What is going on?” The boy asked. She said simply, “Don’t answer the phone,” and went up to her room. The boy layed there on the couch wondering why she would say that, it wasn’t his house…why would he answer the phone. He lay there for awhile and suddenly the phone rang…and rang. He suddenly had an urge to answer the phone no one else would. “What harm could it do,” he said quitely. He reached over picked up the phone, and pressed on. He listened, but there was nothng but silence…even in the room things seemed to have gone silent. Then suddenly static could be heard through the phone. Then he heard what sounded to be screaches that were wavy. Then it stopped and all that could be heard was the repetitive sound of static. He then had a starnge feeling that someone was behind him. The lights dimmed as he slowly turned around…phone still to his ear. He saw his girlfriend standing there…she had what looked to be decayed flesh and blood dripping from her eyes. Then she screamed loudly and horrificly, “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME!” The boy in horror fell back on to the couch. He looked around him and nothing was there…he went to look at the phone in his hands and saw a knife covered in blood. Blood…everywhere…and on the floor…her body lay silently…bloody…the static is still there…but it is in his head. He lays there on the couch thinking of the strange events. Her body laying there…bloody…and a site of terrible gore. Who called on that phone anyway…

So whats been up everyone.Sorry ive been gone but the asshole of insane assylums down here suck.”Are you mad at anyone”.No of course not i just wanna rip your head off cause im happy that youve locked me up in here for 2 months.

Anyway Just wanted to say hey to the people i know here.

Never play Leapfrog with a unicorn.

VoidInAHole
JackTheRipper

You never know that anyone is hurting.. Until they take it too far.
She wasnt the type that’d kill herself. But, none of us probably are, We hide our feelings and put a smile on, a lot of times.
She was the closest thing to a best friend, I guess, to me.
She wasn’t angry or looked for someoen to blame.. she just accepted things. I didnt talk to her for a week or two befor eher death. I thought she wanted to be alone.
Maybe it was over a boyfriend? Maybe it was over a family issue. But why did she take her life?
Wouldn’t it have been better if she ran away?
It’s just too late to grasp an answer now.
She was always picked on, but she held her head up, high and proud for her thoughs and beliefs. She wasnt an “atheist” or a “Satanist” or ever anything to do with God. She committed her life to being Straight-Edge. It was like.. Religious to her.
At her funeral, Her hair was dyed back to its natural color and it wasnt blue anymore, it was brown. She looked so peaceful, and I just couldnt cry.

A week later, after her parens were cleaning her room, they found a note in her jewelry box. It said

“Whoever gets this, just don’t let anyone have to build things up inside them.. Mom and Dad, you tried to make me something I would never be. Laura, I didnt mean to drift you away for those two weeks. I just didnt trust anyone. I just acted happier those weeks to make it seems like It’d be unexpected. I think I’m peaceful now. And I dont know if i’ll have a brain to think of how I’ll miss you. And ‘ll be underground for a long time… ”

Now I guess we know the reason. She didn’t like this life. But, no one can ask for life. They just get it.

Even if they dont want it…

Donna let out a shriek of delight as Victor dragged her into the toilet of her mothers house and whispered in her ear “Im gonna fuck you.” Victor reached out and began to undress her pulling off every garment in a fit of passion. Continue reading →

everything is unchanging
and yet it changes so much
alone here with the blood stained hands
licking them clean
as though i have done nothing wrong
the beautiful blackness
of the perfectly shaped orbs
round and loving
the way they never shunned u
or said “you aren’t good enough for me”
they love u consistently
they obey everything
even with the guilt they love
even after the brutality of wat ive done
he loves me
no human has ever done that
no one could ever love me
ive killed my heart
ive killed my family
ive killed my soul
but i can never kill the beauty of his eyes
he is the only living one left
after i have killed my mom
my grandmother
my father
every living relative
his love remains
the unchanging astounds me
after i have destroyed all around me
his love is still alive
my cat is calloused to the whole affair
but the dog loves me still
it stares into my eyes
questioning y
as it slowly slips away
into unconsciousness
and i look back and wonder y
y did i kill the only living creature
that ever truly loved me

You did it
You hurt me
I bleed
I bleed
I bleed

A gaping wound
A souvenir
A reminder of your cruelty

You did it
You cut me
I bleed
I bleed
I bleed

A gaping wound
A tear in my flesh
A reminder of what you did to me

You did it
You killed me
I bleed
I bleed
I die

Alone
Empty
Hollow
Withered
Die Die Die fuzzy rabbits

Sick
Tortured
Lonely
Forgotten
Die Die Die fuzzy bunnys

Maggots
Blood
Fur
Dead Dead Dead fuzzy rabbits

darkness surrounds my every day,
shadows follow me wherever i go.
the emptiness of darkness drains my very soul,
and every aspect of my existence is covered in blackness.
greys and blacks paint my vision
and all i see is sorrow, pain,
and solitude.
the day dawns bright every morn, and still i see only darkness.
will the day ever dawn in bright reds and violets?
will the emptiness ever be filled with happiness instead of loneliness?
i see the sun rising now, it’s colorless sphere
greys and dark shadows now becoming clear.
but a glimmer in the atmosphere shows signs of new colors now.
maybe tomorrow the morning will show signs of change,
and then i might say farewell to the emptiness of darkness.

Voices
I lay there awake,
Listening to those awful sounds,
The voices in my head.

I swallow two aspirin,
Doesn’t seem to help,
The voices in my head.

I close my eyes,
Trying to shut it all out,
The voices in my head.

Still lying there-
My head exploding,
The voices in my head.

A girl screaming,
A boy crying,
Those voices in my head.

A tear falls down my cheek,
Is MY life really this BLEAK?!?!?!
Those voices in my head.

My crow black hair flew weightless in the wind as I stood in the middle of that field… oh, that field. So many vivid memories. So many hours with him. Too much to keep locked inside of my fleshy coffin…

Midnight. I didn’t remember the date. I never knew the time or the date or the year while I was in the field. But I knew when it was midnight. The mood was always just right. There was never a single sound at the stroke of midnight. Only the presence of two empty souls buried above the ground. I was one of those empty people. And Kraig was the other…

“Look at this,” he whispered excitedly. He pulled up his sleeve and revealed a small tattoo of a small sketch he once drew a year ago. You couldn’t describe it, but the meaning was deeper than the deepest ocean (and that was indescribable as well).
I smiled and wrapped my thin arms around him from behind. I bit his upper arm and giggled. I always felt so giddy while I was around him. Something about him set off a strange atmosphere wherever he set foot. And I loved it. Nothing could take him away from me. Not even death…
“Like it?” he said, pulling his sleeve back down around his arm. I nodded and whispered almost inaudibly “yeah..”. But Kraig could always interperate what I was trying to say. He could translate the language I spoke that no one else could even hear.
“I love you, Dar,” he said, turning around and whispering in my left ear. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me…you take me away from this cruel world society calls Earth…and you know who I really am.”
My eyes filled with tears and i stared into his. He sighed and held me close to his chest. I inhaled his unique smell of homemade perfume and let a tear trickle down my pale cheek. He sensed it and looked at my face.
As he wiped it away, he asked politely,”May I taste your blood?”
His distant German accent brought a shiver up my spine when he asked this, and I obediantly took out my knife and cut my arm. Very very deep.

He Didnt Like What He Now Saw, How Foolish People Are, How Trusting, How Their Defenses Crumble Like Sand When They Believe They’re Talking To A Friend. And Oh How They Want To Believe They’re Talking To A Friend, The Things We Do For Love, The Things We Do For Love, Not Believing Your Own Eyes, Are You?, How Often We Dont, Defensive Eyes, Forget About Her, For Your Own Good, Her Inner Feelings, Soul, Sit Back And Make Excuses, Words Are Tools And Weapons And Camouflage And Shields, Always The Eyes.
It Terrified Him; He Had No Idea Why, Like I Had Nothing To Say To Interest Him, The Anger Goes Away; The Love Doesnt, Not If It’s Real, You’d Kill For Your Mate; But You’d Die For Your Child,The Sex Wasnt Important But She’d Gladly Give Him That If Only He’d Keep Reassuring Her, Keep Speaking To Her, Close To Fainting, Wishing To Die, That Two People Who Were Once In Love No Longer Are, I Dont Care Anymore, Tragedies That Break You Forever.
Find The One Thing That’s Hardest For You And Turn Around And Stare Right At It, She Was Lifeless, Love Gone Cruel Then Violent, That’s All You Want~The Pain To Go Away, To Take Away The Victim’s Pain, To Share Minutes With Someone Else, Give Themselves Away…..

hey guys,
i know its been like forever and half of you probably either dont know me or dont remember me but anyways ive been floating around life got kinda busy sort of quick and then ive been posting at some message boards and stuff but anyways i wanted to check in and say howdy to yous (haha bedford talk right there) and see what was up and stuff well see ya round
~theOtherOne!~

(This would go under erotica)

She sat at the counter waiting for the last annoying costumer to leave so she could head on home. Once again she had declined her co-workers offer to go out dancing and drinking with the usual response.

“Sorry hun, I can’t. I have big plans tonight.”

When she finally closed the store and headed home in her beat up Toyota, she began to hum a slow tune and smile as if she knew a secret. She opened her front door to the house and locked it behind her. Looking at the large Grandfather clock she had in the front hall she saw it was already 9:30pm.

“Damn I’m late.” She didn’t waste time and on her way to the bathroom she lit every candle she passed turning the dark house into a starfilled palace. The scented candles giving off a both arousing yet relaxing effect. Stripping off her clothing along the way she left a trail of garments through the hall like Jack and Jill did in the lost forest. She opened the door to her bedroom and continued to light candles as she made her way to the bathroom. Without turning on a single light she began to fill he tub with steaming hot water. She lit more candles giving off a shadow-contrast effect on the walls. Taking two roses from the vase by the sink she gently pulled off their soft pink petals and dropped them into the water, then she picked up her scented oils and added a drop of each smelling the scents of rose and lavender mingle together.

Smilng she reached over and sprinkled her bath salts into the water.. and she dipped. First, her right foot entered the soft soothing liquid testing its warmth. Slowly her foot and ankle sunk below its depths and she lifted her other leg in. She sunk. Slowly at first. Her body becoming aroused by the heat and the scents surrounding her. Her eyes hazing over from the light of the candles. She lay back. Her body becoming slippery with moisture.

She let out a soft moan and closed her eyes. Then… she felt the hands. Slowly they massaged her temples and soothed her aching head. They slipped down to her neck and rubbed it gently. Her shoulders tensed and his touch put them at ease. His forefinger traced her collar bone. Without a word he reached over and pulled the pin out of her pitch black hair. It cascaded like a midnight waterfall that never ends and then dissapeared into the water. Standing up he slipped off his pants and dipped his naked body into the water without fear. She slowly lifted her gaze over his body, spending a second looking over every part.

He moved toward her languishly with all the time in the world. His fingers reached up and touched her cheek, her face leaned in for a caress. She closed her eyes and his fingers traced the lids, then his lips. She opened her lips to utter a soft gasp but he smothered it with a gentle kiss. Flicking his tongue over her lips slowly, tasting them. A tear fell down her face as her heart yearned for more intimacy. Upon instinct he kissed the tear away and leaned back pulling her onto his lap. The water slipping around them like satin. She wrapped her legs aound his waist and felt as his heart and crotch throbbed in rythm with her own. She felt him kiss her neck and expected a bite, instead as she was distracted by that thought, he entered her slowly and began pulsating through her body as waves pulses over the ocean. He mved in and out slowly. Feeling her insides as she pressed against him rocking her body back and forth.

She tightened her pelvix and squeezed him with her thighs. He let out a soft groan. The first sound he had uttered since they had begun. She bit his shoulder licking over the wound. He moaned and tightened his arms around her as he came into her. She began to get off of him thinking he was done when he reached for her and lifted her body out of the water. Stepping out of the warm tub he draped a towel arond her naked body feeling her nipples harden against his chest from the cold. He carried her to bed. He gently lay her onto the silky sheets and stepped back to look her over. She smiled tiredly and he leaned in to kiss her as if to say: “We aren’t done yet, darling. How can you be tired?” Then he took her. Mind, Body, Soul.She was his. Nevermore would another touch her skin as he did.

Entering her again he bgan to slip his lips over her soft caramel colored skin. Not yet had he uttered a word. Just soft moans as he rippled, pulsed, and throbbed through her body. Suckling her breasts as he pushed deeper into her and faster. She began to whimper from the intimacy, the passion, the overwhelming feeling that he -was- the one. The only one. The one that would matter evermore. And he felt it, her thoughts, feelings,- the anguish, love, and ache. He felt it all. His body reacted to all of the emotions coursing inside of him and he leaned in and during his final thrust he uttered one word. “Eb-o-ny” stretching out every syllable as they both came and their waves crashed against eachother. She fell back into the pillows and sighed as tears flowed over her face.

She looked over and noticed the sun had come up. Looking at the clock she read 7:00am. Turning over to look at her love she saw that the bed was empty of his body. Looking around she noticed that all the candles were gone and the smells of lavender, rose, and sex were no longer there. She sighed and resorted to believing it had been a dream.

Unlocking her front door she recognized a familiar scent of rose and lavender. A voice in her ear whispered “I will see you tonight.” and she felt a kiss on her cheek. Turning expecting him to be there she was caught empty handed. No one was there.

At work her co-worker asked: “Ebony, we should go out tonight. How about dancing?”

Ebony simply said: “Sorry hun, I can’t. I have big lans tonight.”

Myself, me
the only survivor of my past
a solitary black orb
black yet colorless
spreading my bloody wings
scarred and bruised as they are
then drawing them back
retracing my steps
like a bad salsa dance repeated
a roseo f black petals
blooming to let the corrosive rain drip in
an explosive volcanic rock
waiting to erupt
my temper seems to me
for when it erupts it is like a praying mantis
waiting to catch his prey
it springs out unexpectedly
feeding of the death of another
i wish i could weep
like the weeping willow on a sultry summer day
i must replace the emotion
emotion is weakness
if i show weakness i will be devoured
by the pain that ceases to leave
Pain, it is such a vague word
let me elaborate
my life was like a forest fire in my mind
it burned every shred ofhope away
life was like a stereotypical vampire
bleeding my heart dry until i felt no more
abuse of a soul, among other things and people
long days of sitting
continuously solitary
watching the shadows fall
teh shadows of my darkened soul
concealing my desperation
the lack of boundaries
the freedom of a child with no rules
i tasted the freedom
and sraight from freedom to confinement
changes leading to loathing
for the person who put me here
mother father grandmother god
none of these and yet all of these put me here together
doubting faith, doubting love
believing in nothing
my life story still not come full circle
shifting like the grains of sand
in a vast desert of death and life
unknown to me as to the future
unable to look away
away from the past long enough
to see the posibilites ahead of me
the vagueness of the word pain
it describes my future
i am unable to look away from my past
long enough to see what lies ahead
will i be living
not any way to be sure
so i still look back
to the days when i did not know
of the vagueness of my soul

Blood comforts me
Slice my wrists and you shall see
The crimson red begins to flow
Watch my face, it will glow
When everything is going wrong
For the blood I will long
The touch of it as soft as lace
See the smile upon my face
My best friend, a razor blade
Brings me scars that do not fade
Every time I need to escape
Another cut I shall make

On the way there it was great

Smiles in rear view

funny faces maybe a kiss blown to me, or two

on the way home it was all cars behind in rear view

only face was a blurred vision of you

i wasnt there i was so blurry in the rear view

but you didnt no, to ashamed to look back on me or what you have done

then i finally saw you through the high beems from behind, there were no smiles

no funny faces in the rear view tonight, tonight is different compared to today

The little girl was seven, maybe eight years old. Innocent and loving, like any normal child. Adorable too. Long curly black hair trained into pigtails, big brown eyes, and smile that told of a missing baby tooth, always a proud accomplishment. If I ever wanted a child, I’d want it to look like her. She smiled at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. She either didn’t see the bloodied knife in my hand, or it didn’t register to her that this was a dangerous thing. Simply looked at me, smiled and said, “ Do you want to play with me? I have dolls, lots of them! You could have the one with red hair!” All of this was spoken with little gasps of wind escaping from the hole where a tooth once rested. “No, I don’t play anymore” She looked sad for a moment, as if the thought of not being able to play frightened her. “Do you play anything?” she asked of me, still a little sad from my previous statement. I looked at her for a moment, pondering how to word my answer. I wanted to tell the truth without being brutal about it. “Yes, I do play. It’s a very special game. I find people who are sick, who don’t have a chance, and I make them better.” Her eyes brightened in wonder at this. ”Really?! Ooooh, how do I play? Can I play? I want to help people get better!” She was practically jumping from anticipation. I kneeled down beside her, the knife behind my back. “Maybe. You see, only people my age can play. When we get older, we get the…gift to see who’s sick, and the gift to make them better. Only certain people get this a gift, but I think you might be one of us” The last part was a half lie, I had no idea if she was special or not, but I didn’t want her to feel excluded, such a cute little kid. Her eyes got even bigger, as well as her smile. “I’m so happy I get to be able to help sick people when I get older! I can’t want to tell daddy and mommy!” Her words made my warm smile fall. I put my free arm around her. “Sweetie, I said, “try not to get upset, but mommy and daddy are some of the ones who are sick.” Her smile abruptly left her face and a look of cold fear crept in. “”but….you made them better, right?” “Yes” A weak smile started to fill her face up. “How do you make them better?”
“I kill them” simply stated from me. A new kind of fear rattled her, then a look of anger. “LIAR!” she shouted. “YOU DIDN’T KILL MY MOMMY AND DADDY, THEY’RE SITTING ON THE BENCH BY THE POND OVER THERE!!” All of this was sad with her finger pointing somewhere to her left, and she had pulled away from me. “I’m not lying” I said. “I did kill them, that’s their blood on this knife.” Pulling it out to show her. More horrified looks, but I could tell she didn’t want to believe me. Instead she kicked me in the shin, called me a “very bad person” and ran off in the direction of her parents. I sat down on my rear, rubbing my shin, and sighed. I was telling the truth. Her parents had been very sick. In four years her dad would be killed in a car wreck, and as for her mother, well, I could tell the woman was a bitch. Might as well save them and the little girl some pain later by taking care of things now. A high-pitched shriek from a bench by the pond told me it was time to go. I had been here long enough. After all, the world was full of sick people.

help me I cant sleep.
Help me allIi can do is weap.
for a love thats been lost and a loss that was once love I miss forevermore my heart, my soul. still he’s there but he’s not the same. Somehow I see him yet I do not know his name. nothing about him remains the same since that dreadfull day. He looked so sweet, so nice, so neat. The kind of man you could bring home to mom. Too bad mom wouldnt see how he really treated me. When his friends are around its like he wears the crown and everything is about him. When were alone, its me on the throne having him begg at my feet. And now that he had some chick answer his phone, while I sat at home alone all I want to do is weep. For I know he will corrupt her too, its the only thing he knows how to do but why wont he do it to me anymore? I hate him but in that hate I know theres love that I cannot let go of. so I will fly and look into his eyes and take the knife to his skin. I will watch him bleed, make him bleed deep, bleed for me. He cannot hurt anyone, he cannot love anyone, he cannot have anyone but me.

you tell me that im perfect
i dont belive you
you tell me that you miss me
why wont you say whats true

you used em for your self
i looked good by your side
you dont know how it hert
i wish i would have died

love is warm but deadley
just blood cried like tears
it has ben done many ways
just prefected over years

one day you saw what i was doing
you said youd help me through
but lies you onley said
and my hatred onley grew

you said if i dressed more prepy
i could gain some life long friends
but i onley dressed much darker
now the story ends

i dressed like you wanted
and met some people too
but i was still your trophy
i knew what i had to do

i had a razor on my desk
it was cold so alone
i carved my pain away
the razor found its home

i gess you know how it ends
at my funeral no one cried
but i died with a smial
cuz now i hear no lies

Ah, i love when this takes over me
sweet feeling letting me know im alive
all that i am and ever will be
wrapped inside this one true feeling
the darkness of truth sets me free
it changes to anger so quickly
the light envious of the happiness from the dark
the face of love seems sickly
by comparison to this feeling
everything i have ever tried to hide
its comes out in broken rhymes
one tear after another letting everything out inside
the anger the fear the pain and desperation
i must not vocalize the way i was broken
everything should not be told
it must never be said for fear of the words spoken
incriminating the pain of fright
keep me locked inside the dark
oh god keep away your fucking light
this darkness over takes me and i like it this way
this pain lets me know im alive
this is the way i am forced to stay
by choice and by the fact i have no way out
memories of the past killing me
fathers love i will forever doubt
do it again u know u want to
rape me again u fucking whore
throw away my emotions and do wat u do
hahaha how happy i am
for i have this dark feeling
and ur whole being i forever damn
i want to burn down ur house
slowly
douse u in gasoline the way u did my heart
life will completely go away
this feeling keeps me from dieing
now all light leave me i pray
the dark feeling envelops me
i love it
it sets me free

i need a family
i need a friend
i need a brother
to complaine with again
i dont want these things
that would be unfair
i need these things
to keep me breathing this air
to keep me alive
to keep me sain
to give me love
so i dont feel like a body with no name
i want alife
i shouldent have a reason to die
but i wanna fly
with the birds in the sky
to be set free from all my pain
to be me again
with a name
to love a family have a home
eat dinner at the table
all four of us alone

this is me
im in pain
is this all
gods big game?
my needles are gone
along with my soul
then all the sudden
depression takes a toll
no more words apon my arms
no more blood
no more harm
i feel empty
nothing more to do
i feel like
such a fucking fool
for i never had nothing better to do then cut
untill out of the shower
i was caught
seeing doctors
and cops too
my life has been hell
there is nothing more to do
accept go through
withdraws from my needles
and never see that bright shiney crimson
come out of my arms again
fuck , i guess my life wasnt ment for harm.

At me funneral
you all came
you all cryed
and whined out my name
As i lay in the casket dead
you can still see apon my head
that very bullet
that ended my life
all because i dident suceed
with that knife
so as you all cry
and wast your lifes on me
just remember i wanted to be let go
i wanted to be free

Pure love
takes off sky high.
Twisted at the roots,
it unravels.
Blind hatred
crawling deeper,
deeper under your skin.
You smile,
playing it cool,
but you know
you are slowly
going crazy.
You become nervous,
breaking out in a sweat,
yet you continue to smile.
Fidgeting with a pencil,
it slips out of your moist hands.
Becoming still more nervous,
you tap your fingers
in a steady rhythm.
You avert your eyes
to the watch on your hand.
When will it end?!?
You stare ahead
barely breathing, still smiling.
Doom edges closer
and… closer.
Then you can no longer stand it.
Your mouth opens
to let out a blood-curdling scream
and everything becomes silent.
Everyone turns to stare
at you.
You turn white
with fear.
You begin to panic and run.
Everyone erupts into laughter
and grows bigger and louder.
You run faster.
Eyes everywhere
following, watching you.
They gain on you…
surrounding you,
blinding you with the terrifying
spotlight of reality
just as you shy away
into the darkness.
Lost, hopeless,
dazed and confused.
You curl up in a corner
amongst the shadows,
shivering with fear.
No longer breathing,
your heart stops,
and you…
cease to be…

Fallen upon all thats broken
crying out loud to the Omen

Bloody tears down the wall
evil rising
Hell has been brought

Windy storms
Lighting crashes
Your unfaithful heart thrashes

The devil in disguise
Most unpromising suprise

The sky turns gray
it slowly rains
Blood sheds, tears fall, hearts are gone,
Your mind is lost

soon hatred follows in
Unleashing all your sins
Your pain is drained………..Your dead,
Unfaithfulness has just began