Entries from November 2003 ↓

I’m dying
I’m waiting for you
My heart breaks,
My soul shakes
But I’m
Still here
Waiting for you

This pain it’s blinding
But I can still see you
Your light stayes on and on
Just don’t leave me alone
Don’t leave me alone

I’m crying
I’m choking my love

Come find me
Come rescue me
I can’t hold on…

Originally its a song but you can call it a poem too I guess…

I’m dying
I’m waiting for you
My heart breaks,
My soul shakes
But I’m
Still here
Waiting for you

This pain it’s blinding
But I can still see you
Your light stayes on and on
Just don’t leave me alone
Don’t leave me alone

I’m crying
I’m choking my love

Come find me
Come rescue me
I can’t hold on…

Originally its a song but you can call it a poem too I guess…

I was only six and my grandmother, grandpa jim, and cousin were going to visit Jims parents. We drove to Tennesse and had a great time visiting Jimmy’s parents. On the night we were driving home it started to rain. Jim was worrdied so he tried to “help” grandma drive by telling her how to. But she was driving fine. It was getting late and Carlie had already fallen asleep. I was getting drowsy but I was still up.
I remember it so cleary for some reason. Grandma told Jim to stop telling her how to drive. He didn’t want to listen he thought he was helping. Jim said “Slow down Jo Ellen.” So grandma slammed on the breaks. We skidded across the road with the slick tires. I watched as we went end over end into a ditch. for some reason the car toppled more on Grandma and I side than it did on Jim and Carlie’s side. I was knocked unconcious.
I woke to find that I was still by the car only I was in an ambulance. Carlie was next to me. I was wearing a neck brace and from what I remember she wasn’t. I never found out where Jim was. They had rushed Grandma to the nearest hospital, took care her there for a while then by helicopter sent her to the hospital in Tampa, Florida. Since florida is where we all lived mom went quick to see her. Carlie was the most lucky out of all of us. But in the line of injury, Grandma had it the worst, then me, then Carlie. I’m not sure if grandpa had injuries at all.
Carlie had only a scratch on her thumb, which they cleaned and put a bandaid on. I had a piece of glass in my arm, which they took out cleaned my cut and gave me a stitch or two. Grandma was in ICU, they had to put stitches and staples in the back of her head. They had to do something to her arm, what I’m just not quite sure of. She had tons of Pyshical Therapy.
They say the reason Carlie and I didn’t have worst injuries was because we didn’t try to brace ourselves for impact. And because Carlie was sleeping and I was drowsy we didn’t panic so they said that saved us too. Also I found out that if we had skidded the other way, we would have fallen off a 15,000ft cliff. Now everytime I look at grandma I get a flashback of the car skidding across the road….

What is this darkness I feel why must I crave this blood,these deaths,this hunger would I have been a lesser man,if not the vampire god that I’ve become.Why me,my enemies haunt me I cannot sleep man is comming at me like a band with torches with my enemy evil leading their hearts my way.Am I imprisoned in a nightmare there is no waking from why have I become Lestat why must I war,defend,and conquer these precious humans in my life,why have humans forgotten the other beings out there,where is the human heart where has it gone. Staying in the shadows is where I dwell forever hoping of heavens still,oh god why have you forsaken me.
Emanual

I suddenly became aware of her presence, she came baring new life, the stuff of our nightmares. Escape was no option, she is all, and thus controls the ether in which i breath. Fear ceased, like the cold of the stars as she birthed our forbidden thoughts. The darkness around us breathed heavily in anticipation, there is no reason here. She whispered sweat chaos into my ear, like the falling of rain our spirits fell. Spiraling into forever, into our lacuna of ecstasy. And then all at once we were whole, never to be, ever again.

the cold nite breeze whips across my face while the tears rund down my checks now that ive got her in my grasp hehheh isnt gonna be a fast death im gonna make it last take pleasure in every slice chop the nite away just to make her feel my dissmay grabed her up in the cold nite sky took her to the frozen hells yeah the halls of my mind hehhehh
twiZtid intwinded serveral times they did they burn and freeze bring them to there knees i watch her shes scared she knows whats gonna happen she knows how this mishap declined the offer that the rest excepted now i softly tell her why shell die as i decide the fate of the rest of the world while i look her in the eye GREEN and BLACK pale skin tone i cant seem to catch my breath shes exciting me still she stays soundless so now the time has come togather you said was the way that death would come seperate but closer than ever she starts to cry the one you love is here to kill all the eveil that you have inside i slowly pick up my knife and look around the halls so many bodies of all the others we loved hanging on the walls the first cut must be made a slice here and a cut there my name was already there so i take my knife grasp it tight then just lightly slit her upper lip enough to bleed she starts to shake i told you that me being loved at all was a mistake but you couldnt listen to reason just know that you were why i wanted to die and why i wanted to try to live at the same time the blood trickles from her lip and runs down her chin one last kiss yes the kiss that ends it all the kiss of death i lean over and give her my last shred of hope that id let her out of my mind and let it all go this time i taste the blood on my tounge the sweet black cherrie taste of her lips on mine wasnt enough to give to mind now as i pick up my axe she licks the blood and me from her lip then lets out a scream my hearts starts to pound my job wont be over till shes dead on the ground i sit and laugh while she screams continuously she feels the shit thats been worrieing me my axe in my hand i wind him back nice then take a good chop at her left arm i pick up the razor then i slice her stomach open and take her to my side whispers in her ear tell her its alright she knows how i felt so now she feels no more she knows the reason that things arent they way they were anymore i slit her wrist then next her throat then i kiss her again then pull out her heart as i reach my hand inside i feel it as it pounds faster and faster then slowly stops i see a tear run down her face knowing now that her heart was never mine untill now maybe its all well and done maybe i can leave maybe she feels some hate some or maybe shell love me still maybe ill love her still couldnt ever stop wonder if i could just know you always hurt the ones you love hehheh

my thoughts are filled with shadows-
im scared my country might just keel over and die-
or that my life will be takin when an a-bomb drops from the sky-
how did we let such a man take office-
he’s led us into war and taken all the jobs from us-
our economy is dead- Continue reading →

Rally around the false war-
C’mon you know you give in-
The war I fight is for ‘real’ men-
The ones able to go against the flow-
This has become an internal war-

No one wants to join the army no more-
They are all afraid of getting taken out while fucking an Iraqi whore-
We might as well join the french-
Cuz at least there we don’t have to call them Freedom Fries-

Why do Americans get mad when other countries talk shit-
They have a right-
We are supposed to be a model country with pacifists like that for president-
Fuck that-
I’d rather be beaten-
and turned into a fucking Fascist pig-
then to join the pacifist rule of this country-

How can I be a pacifist when these opinions flow through me-
How can I go to church on a Sunday or a Wednesday if I think god is a load of shit-
How can I stand here and let a man ruin the country that I will someday raise my kids in-
How can you go on being a bitch on the totem pole-
Realizew that in democracy people are supposed to control the government-
Not the government control the people-

So get off your ass-
Get outside-
Yell to your neighbours-
Tell them that you wont conform-

I AM A NONCONFORMIST-
I AM A LIBERAL-
I WANT CHANGES-
NOW-
NOT TOMORROW-
NOW-
GET OFF YOUR ASS-
MAKE YOUR OPINION HEARD-
IT DOES MATTER-
HOW CAN YOUR OPINION BE HEARD IF YOU ARE LISTENING TO A SONG TELLING YOU TO EXPRESS YOUSELF-

FUCK IT-
YOU FUCKS DON’T CARE-
AS LONG AS IT ISN’T YOUR DUMBASS-
FUCK YOU-
FUCK EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOUR STUPID WHITE AMERICAN ASSES-

you told me you loved me-
i was stupid enought to believe-
now look at me-
Im a hopeless mess-
it’s all your fault-
Continue reading →

They think im dead,but im alive,
They think im a corpse as cold as a lie,instead i live,
a fire burning feirce,cradled in their memory i creep.

They think im dead for i am not,
A wondering spirit I roam.
Alive in mind, dead in body
I survive on guilt alone,my love for them,
you have no idea,for i reap my souls to keep.

You think im alone,in which your wrong,
in this i proceed to sleep,a victim trpped in mind, a lifeless
body,dull.

My body rests,my soul alive, i creep in their memory, i see they were blind, my spirits bright, their hearts are black,
For this they suffer….and for this i forgive!

Nice huh! I havent been on here for nearly a year…..so im back and loving it

lotsa lurve
DEVILSHALO666

In thease pages, you will find
Secrets of my knowing secrets of time…
In thease pages, you will percieve,
minorities thaughts and many dreams.

-Forgetful memories, untaimed lies, see that this is more than any mind. Tainted dreams, and taunted lies speak more than it meets the eye.

-Forget my lies, you mis-percieve, nothing is real you’ll never see any thing or any dream, as it realy seems

You have from further on lost my respect
What kinda selfish asshole have you turned into?
How could you even imagine being with my best friend..
Knowing of how I feel for you..you try to split a friendship
For you want her now..
Even though all you two had was hate…
Look now….look into the sky to see all chaos
For hell and chaos will soon break through
All that I have had or wanted has now slipped away
And is slipping further and further behind me
I try to look on knowing new, and better will come..
But this works by no means, For I know it’s not the truth
It’s hard to consider the imaginitive knowing reality is all I see..
I just wish I didn’t understand reality…For then things would be so perfect
I would never hurt, and noone could have what is mine…
For I would never give it up….and You..I will never give up

I stand here, at the Gates of Hell
Smoke, flames, and brimstone surround me
I cannot see beyond the palace walls
The guards summon He who walks behind the Rose
The ultimate giver of punishments
I have been sentenced to death by this demonic creature
His wings so big and bold
His face so narrow and ghostly
My doom and torture are his rewards
This is a place I’ve never been, and fear I shall never leave…

This was way too hard
I thought it was going to be easy
You don’t get the concept…
A break up means the relationship is over.
There’s no going back
I’ve made up my mind
No amount of begging will change my decision
This had been a thought in my mind for longer than you’ll ever know
Most of the rumors were right; it just won’t be admitted…
You should’ve believed your friends; you’ve known them longer
And yet, you insist on bugging me about it…
No, it’s not because you’re a jerk, which you are
It’s not because you treated me like shit, which I’m not
It’s not because you ignored me, which you did
It’s ONLY because I just don’t care about you like I used too.
Will we get back together eventually?
Probably not
Don’t raise your spirits
Don’t get your hopes up…
It’s not happening

Running through the grass,
Trying to forget the past.
I dream of forgetting you,
But my dream doesn’t come true.
I cry out into the night,
As I begin to re-live the fight.
I see the blood on the floor that was flowing out of me.
You had no intention of stopping…
You would’ve killed me.
The phone rang…relief,
There was my chance to escape.
First door tried, that’s where I stayed.
Like in a demented game of hide-n-seek,
You searched high and low for me.
That was a game I won
I thank God for sparing my life
I thank God for sparing my child
Thank you…Thank you

There is a large gap in my mind from the past night; it must have started at no later than half past the hour of eight. Louise or better known as La Goulue, Nini belle-en-cuisse and I, were working as we always would on a normal weekday night. We were three beautiful women working towards the end of the century, which now had been named La Belle …poque.
The entertainment was coming to Paris, there were the cocottes, more alcohol, fashionable garments for us to wear and we must not forget the Parisian department stores. It was the French revolution, a revolution against privilege and inequity. We were whores and we were very good at what we did, as the people came into Paris for the new entertainment, we were squeezing every penny out of them. We would dance for any man who came to see the show. Many classes of people would visit from working class people to incredibly rich ambassadors and royalty. This was the birth of the Moulin rouge in the village of sin.

La Goulue was the main dancer in the show, she had long, curly, dark brown hair, her eyes were big and brown, and she was always the first to be picked out of the three of us. She had a curvaceous figure, and every man in France wanted to own her for a single night. Nini and I were popular for our own special talents. Many classes of people would visit from working class people to incredibly rich ambassadors. We would dance for any person who came to see the show as long as they had the money.

At about eight-o-clock it has turned the green hour. This is where the dancers, audience and the so-called freaks of the show would drink shots of a new introduced drink named Absinthe. Every person of their own choice would drink it with or without sugar, after that every person in the Moulin rouge would be hallucinating which made everything much more exciting. After drinking about four absinthes I knew I had to stop drinking, I was slurring when I talked, falling on floors of the great hall, I had to get some fresh air.
Drunk I leant against the wall, looking at the sky; it looked so much more beautiful right at that moment. I opened my bag and took out my Gauloises cigarettes, and put one in my mouth. I could not find a light; suddenly I heard a rhythmic tapping sounded like a Cain, or something along those lines. I looked up and noticed someone approaching me wearing a long cloak; he was tall or was it the size of his top hat?
My eyes were blurred, and I could just see the flame in his eyes as he lit my cigarette, for a moment I was drawn into his eyes, they were so beautiful, I felt as if I could not move. He kissed me passionately and I closed my eyes, he started kissing my neck, I felt excited yet strange. Then I heard Niniís voice shout, and he quickly moved away from me, still looking into my eyes, drunk I collapsed to the ground.

I woke up on La Goulueís luxurious red velvet bed in her dressing room, looking up to the ceiling. I was left with a bad headache and I felt really sick from the entertaining night from the night before. I was still wearing my evening dress that I had worn last night, which the duke had purchased for me. Nini entered the room, and helped me out of this tight Basque, I let out a large breath as the ribbons loosened. She gave me a look of sympathy as I lay there; I lost hundreds of francs because of passing out. She helped me fasten my nightgown and I was advised by her to stay in bed and rest the day.

I rested most the morning then at 12 noon I needed some fresh air. I stood up but gracefully fell back onto the bed, I was feeling very weak, I needed food. I attempted walking slowly across the room to open the shutters; the smell of fresh paint was strong, from them. I carefully opened them outwards, but was soon thrown back because of the sun. I had only just woken up, so my pupils obviously were not used to this sunny morning. Or so I thought.
I lay back down on the bed; I had to revive myself for tonight. I definitely could not miss another night of work. I needed the money. So I rested for the remaining hours of the day.
La Goulue came to check on me at five-o-clock; she also needed her room to get ready for the big show on tonight. I helped her tighten her corset, whilst she sewed the hem on her can-can skirt. I was feeling tired like the rest had not helped. There were so many diseases going round this week, I really hoped I did not catch one off someone in the Rouge.
I stood up, I felt really hungry because I had not eaten all day. I heard a little gasp, La Goulue had cut herself on the needle, and she was bleeding. I looked at her finger and it made me feel sick, the blood dripped onto her skirt. I picked up her hand, and wiped the blood off her finger. I felt that strong urge for something again, but as soon as I looked at her finger it went. She stood up, and sucked the tip of her finger, whilst walking round the room, I could smell the blood it was strong, and it made me feel that hunger again.
I stood up; I had to leave because the constant sickness was taking over me. I Walked to my dressing room, and bolted the door shut. I fell onto my bed, and thought about what could be wrong with me. Mr Laniel the baker had died of consumption 2 days after I had accompanied him after the show. That might be the answer, but I was not coughing badly like he was. I had not stepped out the rouge all day because I didnít want to catch any other diseases hat were roaming the streets.

I had a big show that night; I had lost a lot of colour the last 24hours so I took the rest of the 2hours to make myself look performable again. I was the main dancer for once in my life, so I had to give a good impression so I had the chance to become the permanent main dancer. After I dolled myself up, I was ready to perform, I still felt ill, and I also looked white, but I knew the show must go on. I walked onto the stage and we went through the routine and I felt that strong feeling again. All the dancers were with me onstage. Wearing their tight Basques and can-can skirts they all looked beautiful. I began to dance, and I felt better but I still felt that hunger.
The night seemed to last forever, and after the show I had to accompany the duke of Spain. I left early due to not keeping my food down, it was like I could not eat nor drink anything.
I went straight to Niniís room and tried explaining what was going on. When I got to her room, she was sitting at her dressing table wearing her nightwear. I sat on her bed; I saw her talking to me into the mirror as she took her make-up off. I walked over and help her untie her Basque, I watched her in the mirror as she innocently talked about her night. My urge came stronger than ever before, as she applied perfume to her neck, her veins seemed to beat rhythmically in my head. Strange as it seemed I wanted her blood, I could feel this sensation come over me like on the stage earlier on, seeing the flesh of the young dancers.
The dark stranger appeared in my head for a split second then disappeared, was it he who did this to me? I had heard the myths about the blood drinking creatures, but it was impossible. Vampires could not exist.

I’ve been trying to kill myself for 2 years now. Every way possiable. Putting myself in the garage and starting up the car, cutting myself, o.d on everthing i came in contact with. I’ve just never pulled it off. Well now i’ve been dumped after a 5 month relationship and i just want to die!!! I have fresh cuts from the knife sitting in my room. I laugh at myself when i cut. I have a bowl sitting in my closet with my blood in it. Somedays i’ll drink it, right infront of my friends. To show them that i’ve been hurt. My dad beats me. He acually beated me two days ago. I let him..i dont call the cops or anything..Maybe i’ll die sooner. At night i’ll lay in my bed and cry but then i’ll remember that im too beautiful to cry..well thats what my ex said. Well if im too beautiful to cry then why did he leave me for my best friend. I dont know what to do!!!! Will you help me?!

There is nothing in this world for me. Nothing of substance.
There cannot be companionship, happiness or even lonliness anymore. Everything is void & I can’t understand why. I can only press on, moving forward for no reason. Only to survive.
But why? What’s the point?
Doesn’t matter anymore.
Only the cold & thoughts of a better life accompany me on this journey. Like a book with no beginning & no end, I exist to entertain others with my apathy.
Will it end? I don’t care. I only want the cold to stop.
I’m doomed to roam the earth waiting for the eternal nothingness. Wishing for a breath of fresh air so that others may see my plight. Knowing that they never will.
This is my cross to bear, this is my life to live.
Don’t pity me. Don’t go out of your way to feel like a good person by trying to help me. Just learn from me & move on.
I am your worst fears personified. That’s why you shouldn’t like me, get close to me, or try to cheer me up.
I am your lesson for the day.
Here endeth the lesson.

Tonight I’m so suprised I’m alive
I knew that I could do what no one else wanted me to
I tried, oh I tried to die
Nothing’s as hard as suicide

Maybe it’s my fault
Banging my head against the wall
It’s so cold now
Six feet down

Fondling my knife
Who really cares it’s only one less life
The cold has set in my mind
And dawn takes too much time

I’m losing it,
totally
all I had was my self-control,
my thoughts
And one friend

Now I have nothing
How it happened,
I’ll never know
I’m just not here,
people look
but they don’t see me
unless their looking for an outcast,
a scapegoat

Then I’m there,
For them to mock
Then I’m there,
For them to abuse
I run away,
I have to talk

I turn to my friend,
She walks right past
I call,
And she looks right through me

I let it lie
Just a mistake,
Or so I thought
Whenever I’m there,
She doesn’t see
Whenever I speak,
She doesn’t hear

I turn away,
Its happened before
I’ve lost my friend,
I turn to my thoughts
I need an explanation

All I find is chaos
My demented twisted thoughts
Writhing and screaming,
Crying and raging
Demanding an answer

What have we done,
Why is our friend gone
Closer than our sister
Find an answer force an answer
Where has our sister gone

Self-control is all I have
I bury my treacherously screaming thoughts,
Smothering them with it
I don’t have time

I need to get all this done
What I do now is the rest of my life
It has to be done
I have to get this done

I go every day,
Go and watch my self-control slip away

I sit hunched over the book,
Looking for that elusive quote,
I have to finish my essay
A ball of paper bounces off my head

I ignore it
The pratt’s friends follow suit,
More paper,
Something solid cracks off my head
The teacher looks up and nobody speaks

That will bruise,
Something snaps inside my head
Suddenly voices in my head;
Find an answer force an answer
Where has out sister gone

Why has our friend gone
I shut off that line of thought
My self control fragile as glass,
Is cracking slowly
Now at last

I fear to lose the only thing
That I have left,
I dread to shed that final tear
To watch my self-control

Disappear,
To late its gone
I’m left with my thoughts
Screaming, writhing

The pain the blood
The only thing that shuts them up
My artificial self-control
Never do I want to turn

To that again
Oh dear, oh god
Help me please
Oh wait I forgot,
At the least you’re evil

I hate you
I hate the world
It hates me
I shed my blood and bleed to death
The only thing that makes any sense,
On this godforsaken earth

always on the dark side
never about to brightly slide
listen to what it means
cause soon ill be in your dreams

a gap between heaven and hell
from which i fell
although its hell itself
it has a slow stealth

listen to what i mean
im about to tell you of a scene
“how do i know thats all you explore
i think your lying you whore”

my parents are fighting
isnt it exciting
anyway i ran down south
to buy a gun for my mouth

not a good thing when your feeling crappy
but at least i still got to go trigger happy
but thats before i go
to put on this show

after ill be shunned
everyone will be stunned
so, theyll see me cry
right before i die

just one click
the trigger wont stick
the chamber will slide
my finger will be tied

a bullet in the head
then ill be dead
they ask a question
but it causes frustration

“whats wrong with you?”
“whats meant by this?”
its for the better of you
uhh…what i mean is…

ohh shes so hott
i just wanna fuck her on the spot
i just wanna look up her skirty
i dont think thats dirty

see her naked with her showing pussy
i want “in” on that tushy
just spread her legs
fertilize her eggs

ohh itll be so much fun
ill stop when im done
this is gonna be so great
you can definately see her fate

theres not much time
but thats why a crimes a crime
i like her hair
i wonder if its the same down there

shell give me such a tude
but i wont hold back cause shes nude
if you think this is sick
youll see what she did to my dick

at first it felt so good
just how it should
to feel her
im such a sucker

shell be all white
but she wont be tight
if you wanna know something
ill tell you cause its tempting

this story was told to me by my brother
but someone heard and he was kill ed by her father
it was a shot
right on the spot

poor poor jimmy
he was so so sorry
but then as he plead
he was shot to bleed

no more brother
no more mother
i wouldve been sorry to be him
for in his own blood he had to swim

today that girl so scared
is now very prepared
shes ready just in case
in another place

until the day she dies
then dead she lies
what a short life for each
this is a lesson to teach

never forget it
unpredictable this shit
be sure
that you know whos at your door

highschool is lame
i hate it
if i fail i run the name
cant take much more shit

its all a game
one im bad at
it involves fame
and i have none of that

the preps say its easy
i dont think it is at all
i thinks its just cheesy
but thats on my way down the hall

some shit we dont need
we need it to be super smart
but soon ill be a new seed
and ill feel like a retart

when i move
its all gonna be new
then ill have no way to prove
when a tart says “im smarter than you”

its all the fucking government
if i have to ill drop out
ill fucking live in a tent
in the woods where ill live as a scout

ill be all alone
but i guess itll be a good thing
i wont have a phone
i wouldnt have anything

nothing to get upset over
but if i pass
that would be like finding a four leaf clover
either way im still gonna kick my own ass

id be surprised to hell
if i made it
ill have something to tell
then i would just sit

cause i wouldnt have responsibilities
itll all be good
because all my life was just a tease
but everything would be the way it should

im afraid though
i dont wanna be one of those rich fucks
i would then be my own foe
then i guess i could say it sucks

i guess ill have more pride
cause ill know
i had tried
and at least ill have somewhere to go

but today
i refuse to be one of those losers
laying in / on the ground everyday
cause im one of the choosers

the ones who try to use their life
in a way thats right
no more strife
no more fright

impared visions comming to me
depressing thoughts its just
its the same thing that i refuse to see

its the pain that left me once before
set me fourth to this love lust
contentedness is nevermore

wondering why im put here
around and around again this wheel
simple thoughts engaged brings the tears

help is nothing more than a dream
although it otensibly starts to appeal
the metaphysicians form a team

asking me about the illusions
its getting late ; eyes at the moon
questions together like a fusion

together always assuming
after my tune
until life stops blooming

A star is just a chain or thread
The spaces between I wish to tread,
Continents held by safety pins,
And in the night is screams.
—————————————-
Millennia pass, i still hate,
Buried and broken
After this YOU will know what I mean.

I will make you want this,
I will make you know this,
You must, it is Anathema pure.
Eve is coming, she will devour.
She will come to unpurify
And she will.
I will join with her, our dark embrace will echo through heaven with mighty wrath.
You will know me!
The Lord will know
And he will tremble before his creation!

Along the shore the cloud waves break,
The twin suns sink below the lake,
The shadows lengthen

In Carcosa.

Strange is the night where black stars rise,
And strange moons circle through the skies,
But stranger still is

Lost Carcosa.

Songs that the Hyades shall sing,
Where flaps the tatters of the King,
Must die unheard in

Dim Carcosa.

Song of my soul, my voice is dead,
Die thou, unsung, as tears unshed,
Shall dry and die in

Lost Carcosa.

Dawn
Burning me.
She lies with me
I sense her breathing,
I was lost in all of this chaos,
What was this world we left behind?
I don’t want to know, I raze myself higher
As we make the final journey, upon the stairs of heaven….

Do that stars call out your name?
There is no reason
Each day is just the same,
Blurring seasons.
All the same,
All the same.

There is nothing in this!
I don’t need your reasons!
This is just a hole,
Crying out into forever.

EVE is calling me
To rid me of this
There is no other
SHE ‘IS’ THIS

And all the skies are blinding,
The Angel was never there,
There will be no more hiding,
I AM ALL………….

I have dreamt unreality. Like a singularity my mind has no meaning, no physics can control it, an ocean of chaos with tides of half-understanding. Each grain of sand on its beaches has a face, a face of demented agony, they all scream with the frothing twisted water into a night so dark that it penetrates ever cell in your body. Fear and confusion are given form in this realm, distressing the mind beyond its physical limits.
If only the nightmares would stop their endless torment, only then would my soul be free.

His own blood clotted his vision, he knew the time was near, the revolver in his hand struggled for freedom from his grip as bullet after bullet exited from its mouth. They were all around him now but he would not let them take him. He had to find her, she was the key and without her all would be lost.
Tatterd and worn he fought on, his life blood flowing from a dozen fatal wounds, he had come too far to give up his soul now. The sky was black, the moons shining high above were cold and dead, the stars were ice and he was dying.
He grabbed the creature before him, slashing at its neck, he was rewarded with a crunch of bone, the beast fell and two more stood to defy him. This would only end with his death. Spitting curses and oath’s of hatred he squeased on the trigger of his revolver into the face of one of his opponent’s. Its head exploded and its body fell to the ground, he battled on and on, but it was all too much and finally he fell, his heart torn from his chest, his body a bloody ruin, the darkness around him folding inwards to take him.
Tears flowed from his eyes, he would not let this happen, with all his might he lurched forward, his legs buckeling from the extreem pain. His enemies stood all around him, amaised at his urge to servive. With one last breath he raised his arms in defiance, and launched himself into the crowed, killing with every blow. For a moment they reeled from his attack, his death strength eclipsing the earlier struggle.
But no man will live forever and finally with all he had ever strived for lost, he fell, never to take in another breath again.