Entries from November 2003 ↓

You think you understand me but you don’t,
Forbidden truths and dejected hopes.
An intricate web of lies my eyes behold,
Deep pools of bitterness, of pain untold.

A thirst for serenity, a thirst for reason,
Only failing to see the foolishness of this delusion.
Ignoring the hope that is able to save set me free,
Drowning in misery that has now engulfed me.

Satanic thoughts roam wild in my mind.
A hunger for perfection I cannot find.
Am I too lost to be saved and see clearly?
Will I survive all the anguish and this melancholy?

Dark shadows remain in the obscurity,
Perverted and warped they twist my sanity.
Have I gone too far, will sense ever return?
This feeling of helplessness in my stomach churns.

Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken,
Just being haunted by voices unspoken.
Chronically feeling guilty of things I have done,
Immense pressure from which I cannot run.

A lack of sleep, a lack of will,
A lack of emotion I wish to kill.
Striving for excellence, striving for peace,
While being stalked by a whisper that will not cease.

Tears surge down my colourless face,
Piercing ravines of misery that continue to grace.
No control over my actions, no control of what I feel,
Loosing all my faith of what is real.

Screaming inside for salvation and relief,
The option of ecstasy now only a belief.
Searching for light amongst the dark,
A silhouette that from me will not part.

If I had spoken while I still had the chance,
No longer would I be lost in this trance.
I’m praying for the strength of mind,
To leave this realm of depression behind.

well from reading all the posts I come to one conclusion the same all we goth’s have I do beleive in the social life of today I find it hard to be a goth because of all the ridcular and the economic stats. It’s hard to state an opion. and Goths Now adays are consider as “anti-christs”… as for me I am not saying anthing bad about those ppl because everyone had their own religion I believe you should not force your religion on anyone. because that has happpen to me to much. I AM SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with everyone almost being “Normal” is it a fucken hard trying to be goth. ok of this nice and nice bullshit I am getting sick of it. you know what I think we can all agree one thing….FUCK ALL PREPS JOCKS AND TEENY BOPPERS….. BLACK METAL/GOTHIC METAL/ DEATH METAL RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Forsaken with deaths deed I wilt the seasons as if I were a snake shading my skin. The Blood once used to save me, Has been spoild by the cruelity brought by the burial of the King. You once sought to save me, but now you have betrayed me I can’t not forget nor can I forgive. I erase the memory of you and all the lies I was told and dreams I will never see I will forget. The one that you say you are is no more than a jester in a cruel game of demise.

Eyes with icey glaze..She stands there in a mist. Breakening down in a nights flight Ready for a challenge her defenses are up. She lurks around carefully as if she was seeking out her prey. She dwells in the nights and hides during the day. The graveyard is her playground….anyone wanna play?

poetic

Carpet their faces
Blanket their words
The shadow shrowds the world
Anarchy spreading under the arms of angels
Their wings no longer present
Epoch, drenching, whore governing the world
Curses lightly said, prayers dead, lost for years
Cries echoing off the walls of humanity

i stare into a blank wall in my black bedroom
just holding my knees close to my chest.
there is noise all around the music blaring, the phone ringing, yet all i can hear are my tears hitting the cold floor.
i fear to fall asleep for i shall see your face, it haunts me you know that smile, that smirk. how i long to hold you like i once did before.
you stabbed my heart , as if you were a slayer killing a clan of vampires.
but i’m only one and you keep stabbing me, i keep bleeding but still i stay i don’t budge or cry or runaway.
how can you look into my eyes and say that you love me so dear.
but you push me away if i become near
you, say this is love well i hate it and not just a little bit i hate it so much that i wish i could die oh hellraiser tell me will be nye?
your face is everywhere now on the blank wall so i reach for the butcherknife just to end it all.
and as i raise it to my broken heart your face flashes before me like a dart hitting a target.
right square in the middle it stays in my
bloodless heart. i smile for i know it is now over this was the last drop of blood from my heart, my body. you walk through the door and your body quivers. you bend down and cry, while your body shivers.
i hope to have have hurt you as you have done unto me .
now burn me in the fire and put me in the sea to be set free.

feeling depressed my soul has repressed everting inside of my mind. I take a bottle to erase your face but still it is left behind. Friends try to help as i sit and gulp almost ready to die. Wether by drugs, by knives or someone who is ready to take a life. When i am gone i hope no one will be alone. But that is why you have to hate me when i am here and love me when i am gone. here i sit and say that you dont need me here today. Never again will I be here again for my life has come to its final end. The last breth has been taken along with my soul never again to make anyone whole. For me that would be glorious and hopefully the day that some will say “screw being sad over her hey lets go party and play”

I dreamed up a life of happiness in my head
And to live one day, not wishing I was dead
I dreamed that she’d love me/dreamed of gaining my dad’s respect
All things I won’t get

She’s gone, with another, I’ll never see her again
Lost everything and I even lost all my friends
My dad can’t stand me he even told me himself
My life’s gone to hell and

I can’t figure out why this always happens to me
I tried so hard just to make my life just like my dreams
I lost my girl, I’m cutitng again, have no relationship with my dad
Dreamed so many thing/ dreams lied to me and I’ve finally realized
Dreams are bad

Got into a fight with my dad the other day
Step mom tole that I should just walk away
I did but damn it that was hard
And I had to sleep in the backyard
That night I dreamt that I was back with mer
Woke up and she wasn’t there
I cried more than ever in my life
Then I went for a knife

She’s gone, with another, I’ll never see her again
Lost everything and I even lost all my friends
My dad can’t stand me he even told me himself
My life’s gone to hell and

I can’t figure out why this always happens to me
I tried so hard just to make my life just like my dreams
I lost my girl, I’m cutitng again, have no relationship with my dad
Dreamed so many thing/ dreams lied to me and I’ve finally realized
Dreams are bad

As I remenice of old times
good or bad now past
I cant help but write these rhymes
not to think to fast
I found a peace in open minds
experimental feelings in this void of life
amazing what wisdom through adventure find’s
as I feel the cool edge of the knife
not to die or end anything this night
only to reveal a new truth in the unknown
past the level of fear w/ a fight
imagination flying when never has flown
all new and exciteing are these experiences
and ever opening my eyes to realizations
that death being nothing to fear just the apperances
and spritual awakenings not paralizations.
These lifes times bad or good
not cursed but blessed
in an artists eyes best pictures could
fortell what end, without rest.

A forgetful smile lost in the sea of mindless oblivion, familiar faces passing by and sitting still, you sit there contemplating the beauty and absurdity of it all. But there’s a numbness that keeps you floating through it, turning day into night and the only thing the clocks tell are anti-time and anti-matter. You lose yourself to a death-like state of reawakening, when it seems like the most incomprehensible things are brought to light, and the trivialities of everyday nostalgia swim into a hazy puddle of the real and surreal. It’s peaceful here, especially in the moments that I pull myself out of the dimly lit cave which I label home and sanctuary just long enough to peer up at the gnashing colours in the sky. Movements bleeding so slowly that the eyes can barely see, dying or being born again, sunrise or sunset, I’m not quite sure… All the clocks in the house have stopped ticking.

Candlelight, neon blacklight rays glowing and briefly being interrupted by bodies moving back and forth, back and forth again. Music playing softly in the background, or is the music what’s the forefront and everything’s behind it? Their faces cast shadows every time the stillness is broken in some passively orchestrated plot to find a new perspective of reality, and I grinned solemnly when you cried out that “The world keeps moving even when we’re standing still.” On and on the time flows, even when we find the minutes seem like hours and an hour seem like ten the hourglass will always be a ghost in the swamp… Out of reach to humanity.

All these movements, writing history, doomed to be forgotten anti-recollection or lucky to stay alive. What irony in how a single moment can judge the fate of eternity when billions put together can wither past with little relevance. I’ve been here before, I’ve lived here for days, so the rooms are familiar but destined to change. Six of us lay awake in one large room with windows covered by fabric and nail, locking the madness away on the outside and creating a world within worlds. Sustaining sanity or preparing for the inevitable attack? Black couches, white chairs and blankets scattered top and ground. We’ve found comfort in chaos and a cosy place to seize some newborn comprehension of our mortality.

You looked up and whispered that when you saw your reflection in the bathroom mirror late last afternoon (because you had a watch then, and you were gone from this place) you found yourself overcome with puzzlement and awe, something about the mind being detached from the body and a need to let go of these strange confinements. “Consider it a ghost ship,” I said, “your body is the vehicle to move through time, and your soul is the vehicle to move through space. Your mind is just what connects the two. So, darling, please don’t lose your mind.”

Anna offered her thoughts to the conversation, drearily lifting her head from the armrest of the sofa and blinking her eyes a few times as though to make sure that everything was still set the way she last recalled. “They say that everyone is lost just waiting to be found, we’re all floating here in what still has yet to be determined as a controlled or uncontrollable chaos. Reality, as we see it, is what allows our consciousness to operate in an environment of controlled chaos and our bodies are more or less a safety harness. And like everything else, has to break sooner or later.”

My eye caught sight of a flickering candle in the corner of the room, lit just below a Salvador Dali print and now casting waves of darkness and light upon it. “You know,” I told them, “My mother died a few months back… or maybe it was weeks. She lived out in the country, about two hours from here, and my aunt had gone to visit her. Being that my aunt was more a night person than my mother, she retired early in the morning and didn’t wake until later on in the afternoon. She had just said she wanted to escape the disenchanting motion of the city for awhile and take some time to relax and finish her artwork.

“Anyway, the room that she was staying in had a bay window with a good view to the east end of the house, which was the valley that stretched out a few kilometres. My mother always liked to go pick flowers once a day to place around the house, just the little yellow and white ones with a few stocks of grass… She said the scent of them had something to do with the life force of nature, but she explained it a lot better than I can. So my aunt thought nothing of it when she awoke one afternoon and looked out the window to see my mother wandering into the field. She said she lit a cigarette and went to sit by the window because the shape of the trees in the distance looked something like a black and white portrait she wanted to paint, and commented on how my mother’s figure moving toward the end of the valley and a strangely morbid peacefulness to it, and she also wanted to include that image in the painting.

“My mother died shortly after she had that thought. My aunt saw her collapse and at first wondered if she had only knelt to pick something up, but soon realized she was motionless. When she finally got to her she had no pulse, and she was just laying there in her long white dress, in the middle of this valley of white and yellow flowers. The autopsy later concluded that she died of a massive brain haemorrhage as she had a tumour, but her death was painless and she had just fallen faint to a spell of dizziness.

“People talk about irony and the horror of dying, the fear they have and all the negativity that surrounds it. But I think what the world needs to realize is that sometimes death can be beautiful, and with the bittersweet inevitability of it, we can either learn to accept what we have to deal with or waste our time building up some horrifying phobia. My mother’s death was beautiful, she knew she didn’t have long to live and I’m sure would much rather have died painlessly in her favourite place in the world rather than in a hospital bed doped up on medication.”

The energy in the room had shifted to a restful state of melancholy contemplation, after the music had died off and the collective thought process of curious existentialism braided together and then slipped apart again. Minds and souls and bodies aligned, temporarily lost in the tones of my voice, then left to find their own again. The death of one - well, one with largely positive and minutely evil intentions - is always thought to be a tragedy, but when millions die we always find it easier to acquaint ourselves with the statistic rather than the individuality. Perhaps the only real tragedy in life can be found in the moment we’re first born, when the clock begins to tick.

Your gaze shifted between my eyes, my lips and the piece of tinfoil you were fiddling with in your right hand. “How did that affect you, when your mother died? What did it make you think of?”

I sighed and looked at the broken pieces of glass and sand in the jar on the mantle. “Time; and irony.”

“How so?” you questioned.

“I thought mostly of my childhood, the time I spent with my mother and the life she had given me. I wondered what ideas she contemplated when she was pregnant with me, what expectations she had and of how I’ll never relive such things again. Because time keeps moving forward, and there’s nothing you can do to take it back. But it was ironic though, because the day she died I awoke alone in the afternoon to find the hourglass she had given me for my tenth birthday had fallen on the floor and shattered. Fallen, despite the fact it had always been kept in the keepsake box underneath my bed.”

(c) Tala de Sade

hello. its been almost a year since ive been here. i noticed the date on the last post is may so maby no one is updating anymore. it dosnt really matter.
so, things went wrong this evening, worse and worse, and i let myself go down with them. I didnt bother to struggle, to remind myself of all the good things that usually keep me aflote. i just let it all go and went down into my old though patterns. the words darkness and futility seem so damn cliched arround here but honestly thats the best way to describe it.
i guess i didnt let go compleatly. i got on the phone to an old friend who can usualy talk me into a state where i can at least sleep. he compleatly let me down. he had issues of his own going on, he just wasnt into being my life ring this evening. hes got a life, cant say i blame him.
then i let go completely.
seems like ive been main-lining alcahol for the last hour, the way i havnt done in ages. im here on this site, looking for company and understanding and apathy…and pain and darkness. the only reason the rasor hasnt come out yet is cause i know what happens when they see the marks on my arms. gods, i didnt kno whow much trouble a few well-meaning people can cause….a tip for all of you with the same problem: you can cause a lot of pain and bloodfrom between your toes and no one is ever going to see the marks. it lacks glamor, i know, but honestly im not here to show off.
well, this has turned out to be a lot of pointless righting. what i intended to say is that its nice to have a pit of despair to fall back into. things go wrong, the shiny happy life looks real thin and superficial, i always know theres this to come back to.

Notes

she gets the call and writes the note
it falls into a crack as she leaves
never to be remembered
just like me

my note is on my arm
but it has no words
only scars, gashes and blood

the final note has only letters R, I, and P
its weathered and worn on a slab of gray stone
no one came to see

Depression

is this a dream
i’d pinch myself
but i cant feel
my body is cold
my mind is numb
is anything real

time and time again
my rock has been destroyed
the rug pulled from my feet
ive fallen into a black hole
a never ending darkness

a claim of hope
a feeling of despair
i look for the light
but its never there

time and time again
my rock has been destroyed
the rug pulled from my feet
ive fallen into a black hole
a never ending darkness

this cant be a dream
because i’ve lost all hope
but what else can it be
how can i exist in nothingness

History

long live the lives
we’ve forgotten
the kings of death and pain
love is gone
where once was love
all thats left is hate
no one knows what you’ve been through
nobody understands
this is life
youre on your own
no one to give you a hand
you’re dead and gone
the pain is all thats left
nothing can save you now
trust is suicide
there isnt a survival guide
you have been abandoned

The Edge

in a lifetime of pain and sorrow
i’ve learned we must go on with tomarrow
day by day children luagh and play
oblivious to all thats going on

walking through the streets
that the slum lords rule
churchbells ringing
while violence goes on

starving people around the world
hungry for food or love and care
some just for something to hold onto
something to remind them that they are still there.

To Live is to Die

my time is my own
not yours to decide
you can go and live life
but to live is to die

hunger for love
i hunger for hate
im dead to all feelings
will i go to which gate

heaven refuses
lucifer luaghs
purgatory rejects
so im stuck with this

i have all the time
all i want is to die
ill never belong
so i have to stay strong

i hunger for love
i hunger for hate
im dead to all feelings
will i go to which gate

heaven refuses
lucifer laughs
purgatory rejects
so im stuck with this

i dont know what im doing
ill learn as i go
how to isolate myself
from the pain and sorrow

i hunger for love
i hunger for hate
im dead to all feelings
will i go to which gate

heaven refuses
lucifer laughs
purgatory rejects
so im stuck with this

everything mocks me
laughs in my face
im only a reject
amongst death and hate

help me please
let me rest
ill do anything
just give me death

The Field of the Dead

a feild of flowers
now dry and dead
turned into dust by time

they once were pretty
now dry and shriveled
over this feild we fled

we fled from our troubles
we fled from our dreams
looking for greener grass

with a happy smile
and empty eyes
the living flee as we pass

they hold their young close
and close their eyes
ignoring our broken shells

we have an impossible mission
to find the light
that is forever beyond our reach

Why is it that everyone is interested in the spurious these days?
Why can’t what’s real count
There are alot of things that can be imaginated, but in reality the imaganitive things are the fake
Why dream for something phony, something that will never be possible
The non-existant shouldn’t matter,
For it has no effect on reality
All forged emotions are only dreams and wishes held in at a certain extent….
Even though the fiction can make anyone smile, reality will always exist
Therefore it shouldn’t be forgotte…!!!!
Why strive for something that you know you won’t succeed in

My soul is captivated by your looks, your looks so deceiving
How the fire burns steadily in your eyes with the flame of hatred stopping at no extent
What do those obscure eyes hide?
Maybe you should have a moment of truth so you can take in reality
For all the misery you have caused, there will be consequenses you shan’t dare to take
Maybe the truth will enpower you
Maybe everything that was real will remain, as the fake emotions take their reign
As if their reign didn’t hurt enough
The truth is it hurt enough, it hurt too much to be exact
And no matter how hard I try to force hapiness over sorrow, Somehow your being appears, forcing anger and agony upon me once again
And it is your demeanor that is keeping me happy, yet tearing me apart

I hear of all the hatred things you said
I wonder how dare I still miss you when you are absoulutely against my existence
As the helpless nothing I am..
I ponder the thought of you
I think of how nothing ever seems to change
I only live to see your presence, Though words we never speak
All I don’t understand is somehow lost in you…There are nothing but hopes and dreams of somehow finding these things
Your the number one priority in my life, yet you have no emotion for me other than the raging hate in your eyes
I try to forget of you, of all that we had, But somehow your hate of my being has no effect on my steadily emotions
Just to hear your soul speak a word of hate would somehow bring joy to my ears
For even a word of hate would be a word from you, Therefore it would be cherished in my sould and locked away
My feelings are uncontrollable, even though all I get is a rage of anger and tears….
The fire and hate in your eyes does not a thing except make me want you more
For any way you present yourself, your presence will always be worth everything I have, or ever had…
I would give it all up for just another chance at you….

Shadows depart from the darkness
sending us back to our chambers
walking, ascending from behind us
facing our fears seems endless
finding the answers from within our souls
the silence is deafening
timeless past makes our bodies grow old
chilling words causes our eyes to get cold
laughter echoes in our heads
seeming everthing we do we lose at
making faces and glaring gazes
trapping our emotions in our throats
scared of which way to go
nobody left to turn to
losing control of everything we do
time and time again we try to fit in
leaning and standing on our shoulders
causing us to fall like boulders
mocking every move we make
laughing as you imitate
judging you fail to notice
that we are all the same
and nothing matters more than a name
stopping us in our tracks
forgetting all the facts
stirring our emotions up
squeezing our tears to make us weep
our cries make you happy
forever more our pain you shall keep
its time for you to feel sorrow
the table has turned
its tomorrow
now its your turn to lose

Here’s to those who made me cry
Three cheers to those who made me want to die
One less person to make you look good
Daddy, I’m behaving like a good girl should
I’m standing on the building daddy, Now what do I do?
Jump off the edge daddy? I can do that too
I’m fat, I’m stupid, I’m ugly
That’s right, says daddy, now say it again
I’m fat, I’m stupid, I’m ugly
I jump off the ledge,Insults flying past me, A knife’s razor edge
Smile and don’t look back, says the dad who never cared
It’s alright, says daddy, don’t be scared.
But you’re holding the knife daddy,says she the Ugly crying in her head
Everyone knows you’re Ugly you deserve to be dead
She takes the knife and presses it against her wrist
Now before you go give daddy one last goodbye kiss
Goodbye, I hate you , says the girl with no remorse
Shut up you stupid girl, I hate you too of course

M. Beth Gray

Here’s to those who made me cry
Three cheers to those who made me want to die
One less person to make you look good
Daddy, I’m behaving like a good girl should
I’m standing on the building daddy, Now what do I do?
Jump off the edge daddy? I can do that too
I’m fat, I’m stupid, I’m ugly
That’s right, says daddy, now say it again
I’m fat, I’m stupid, I’m ugly
I jump off the ledge,Insults flying past me, A knife’s razor edge
Smile and don’t look back, says the dad who never cared
It’s alright, says daddy, don’t be scared.
But you’re holding the knife daddy,says she the Ugly crying in her head
Everyone knows you’re Ugly you deserve to be dead
She takes the knife and presses it against her wrist
Now before you go give daddy one last goodbye kiss
Goodbye, I hate you , says the girl with no remorse
Shut up you stupid girl, I hate you too of course

M. Beth Gray

poetic

Clowns circling around on unicycles
Darkened dead elephants carrying ghostly figures
Dead cheering children watching contentedly
The ring leader steps forth
A short chubby man
With gummy fat hands gripping the megaphone
Yelling at the top of his lungs
You could feel the air vibrate
Yet it pounds at your head in whispers
Circus music blaring
Lions roaring
And their victoms screaming
Death is the entertainment
Applauded with more gore
The tent smelling of blood and the dead
Little cars speeding around the stage
The earth flaky from drying the urine and blood
Bystanders only to not care

please post as typed. not in paragraph form

I’m sorry for not being there when the time was right
Sorry for not being with you each chance I had
There are so many things I wish I would change
Sorry for playing stupid all those times, just because I was simply afraid of what I was feeling for you
I’m sorry for not kissing you each time we parted
I was so unexperienced and afraid of reality back then
Sorry for pretending I was someone different, for now I realize that if you only knew the real me, you would like me alot more….
Sorry for not calling all those nights when it was my turn
I’m sorry for crying all those nights
I know I shouldn’t have…but it was just so real
Sorry for not letting go
But what I feel is just to strong
I’m so sorry for loving you…
But it’s uncontrollable

When I see you all I can do is stare, For the beauty of your presence is to great for words
I watch your actions closely, studying each and every move, but when you eyes glance my way..
My thoughts suddenly dissappear
For your beauty is unthinkable
Your presence makes me do the unexpected…
I sit and dream of how things could be, if you only knew my affection towards you
There is so much I want to tell you
But the words never seem to come out
Your intellegence over bears me, oh how I used to enjoy your intellegence
If our little fling could have meant a little more to you, than maybe you would understand these feelings I undoubtfully experience with each sight of your figure
I would do anything just to have you hold me for one night, For all I want is to make more memories with you
Theres no extent I wouldn’t go to just for you to speak to me
And ever since break up we haven’t attained a frienship, and damn is it driving me crazy with no means of communication
All that exists is eye contact……
And oh how your beauty overtakes my soul…….

Fuck you,
For all that I’m going through
You wil never understand my agony and rage
All I want is bitter-sweet revenge
bitter-sweet as if the taste of blood lingering on my lips..
So with this knife I will take you life and lead you to torture
Then maybe he will realize the sick thoughts that run through my mind
If I can’t have him than no one will, and anyone who tries to go against my wishes
Will soon experience my hell wrath
For he is the only thing I will have in my life
And as for you, your flesh will be exposed, as it covers my walls…
You are worthless and won’t succeed in taking what belongs to me
His soul is mine and you aren’t near…
You thought you were ahead, and you won..
But as soon as I skin your mutilated body and eat your abandoned flesh, the torture will begin…
No matter how hard you try..
—–I WILL WIN—–

I hear n see the anger all telling me what to do
Some tell me to do good things..others say to kill you
The good ones say be sweet and dont make a regret
The others are telling me..You haven’t regret hurting me yet
So I will go with the bad ones…and certainly torture you
Because seeing you hurt and pain in your eye
Seeing you pay for every single lie…
Thats exacly what I want to see
And let you know just how bad you hurt me…
I thought you cared…but I wuznt right
And then you left me…all lonely that night..
You said friends is all we can be…
I walked away in a good manner, but feeling lonely
I guess I liked you more than I really thought
And a large amount of tears and pain is all I have caught
But now it’s over because you have one last breath
Becuz soon to come is your torturing death
Yeah well don’t forget what playing with girls can do
Becuz look what is happening to you…
You led me on blindlessly
And when this is over I’m sure you will wish you never met me!

As I lay awake on this dark, cold night
I stare up at the stars, wondeirng their every meaning
Sometimes it’s as if we are all represented by a star, living in a large galaxy filled with others, some our kind..and others a bit different
It’s like we’re all in a massive competition
A competition to see who’s weak and exactly who’s strong
No matter how hard some of us work, we’re nothing more than a dull, dim star with a short time left until we burn out
Some things don’t change and never will
We can only accept what we are and hope others can see us as more than NOTHING…
For no one knows our exact meaning for being here…and no one ever will…

Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever understand me
My feelings and ways of life are that very much different from others around me
I look into the world as if it were a crystal ball
Everything inside only approaches mystifying my life and making change
Like the world changes daily, my happiness and thoughts linger inside…
The only way out of the darkness and confusion is time
So I silently wait to see what the future holds…
I silently think of how things were back then and exactly how they should be
I began to realize everything is based upon time in the reality world…..

I never let go of what used to be,Even though there is no hope left, nothing but happy old thoughts
A small portion of my heart knows that what once existed was right..
Something keeps me holding on of the past,For I will never let you go
I hold on to memories
Memories where happiness existed and was the basis of my life
When we were joined and you were mine
All that I ever wanted was suddenly in my reach and in my arms, But then just like a dream, it drifts away,Far from my reach, I watch the memories flow by
I am forced to watch him not want me….
All I can’t say is what I think
And all I can’t do is let go…..
Dreaming that oneday I will reach him again
And things will be just like the old memories…
He just doesnt realize that our memories should be and is meant to be reality___
It was so real and so right, Just like I have done so far..
I Will Never Let Go…

The essence of time
Without it the world would not revolve
Emotions wouldn’t be real in places they don’t exist
but hurt and pain would slowly disenegrate our lives…
For time is what makes us
it’s of which our life is based completely
Time is the true essence that we live
bringing pain and happiness…
It changes in ways we wish it couldn’t
but it does….
because it is time…
And no matter what actions we take upon it, nothing can stop the essence of time

Forever
Nothing lasts forever
Forever doesn’t exist
It was put on this world to exploit thoughts and hopes
Forever is just a everlasting dream
That of which is far from reach
There are alot ofg emotions we try to describe as forever
but none of these emotions seem to last too long…
Happiness can only last so long….
Forever just relates the world back to time
And time does nothing but ruin things…
“Things that could have lasted forever”

If I could only go back in time
There are so many things I would do differently
So many more nights I would hav enjoyed our relationship to the fullest
I just wish I could re-live the moments when you were mine
I would take full advantage of my belongings
In the short time we spent together my happniess seemed unreal
It was as if the world stopped turning with each moment we shared
As if time suddenly stood still
Explosions of happiness sorrounded me and nothing else seemed to matter
Time was the only change occuring
But little did I kno the big change it held for me
Sometimes its unreal how time can change so many things in such a short time but still leave such a big impact on a person’s life
But I have now experienced hanging by a moment of old memories
Its crazy how time can make us, but yet it still tears us apart