Entries from November 2003 ↓

Rory savoured the sweetness of the feeling that was spreading around his body from his groin. Tali took his in hers an din the other, held the strawberries. She led him into the lounge, where she lay him down on the black, leather sofa, standing behind him, she wrapped a blindfold around his eyes, this turned him on in the way he adored. Continue reading →

In the middle of the night,
At 3:00am.
I finally decide.
Its time to go.
I lay out my clothes on the bed.
Then go to the kitchen and pull out the mixing bowl.
Fill it with ice I’ve been making for days.
Carry it into the bathroom,
Put it down on the sink.
Walk to the tub.
Pull back the curtin.
The stopper goes in the hole,
All nice and sanug.
Turn on the water,
As hot as it will go.
I get the ice bowl,
Put it on the toliet seat.
I sit on the floor,
Between the tub and toliet.
Plunge my right arm into the ice,
And watch the tub fill.
Twenty minutes go by,
And the tub finally fills.
I turn off the water,
Then reach to the shelf.
The razor blade grins,
As I hold it in my hand.
I pull my arm out of the ice,
Then over the tub.
Razor at the wrist.
I push it in deep into my wrist,
And don’t feel a thing.
The blood starts to flow.
Razor half inbedded into my arm.
I draw it down my forearm,
All the way to my elbow.
I see the blood spurt,
As I lay my arm into the tub.
It won’t be long now,
As I watch the water turn red.
I lean my head back against the wall,
As I feel my heart slow
I start to float.
With just seconds left,
I give a big smile,
Because now I have,
My sweet release.

one more step
you can kiss you ass good bye
some will live while others we will die
one more step
we will fly into the sky
you will live while i will fall and die

They came as many
All for the same purpose
They did their deeds
Killing all they could see
I watched as they tore apart flesh
Blood splattered on the walls
They the wind called them away
I came out of my place of hiding then
And went looking for you
I found you crying for your brother
I did not care about him or the other
I did not know them, how could I mourn them?
I said things to you
And pulled you away
You did not want me to cry for you
And I do not want you to cry for me
So we need to go where we cannot be seen
But you want vengeance
And I want to protect you
I take your hand as they come again
I’m ready to die, so long as I am with you
We stand waiting for them to take our lives
Those around us fall
Blood everywhere
Flesh torn apart
People scream
But we don’t flinch
We close our eyes waiting for our turn
The sounds die out
We are still here
We smell a foul smell
And the horror lies before us
We are not dead
But we are not disappointed
You asked me what happened
I said, “we were not afraid
We wanted death
They didn’t want us to get what we wanted”
So alone, yet together
We wait for the day they return
We knew our death was inevitable
When we accepted
They let us go
The others feared and ran and fought back
But we were nothing and did nothing
Now we are something and the only

It concerns me how many people I’ve known that have got hooked on one type of drug or another. The really big problem is that people are missing the big picture.

I’ve hung out sure. Mainly just knew people that already left the life. One person I talked to was explaining something I never heard before. Most of the drugs like crystal meth and speed are not so much uppers as they open up people’s lungs to breathe better. It was an odd thought. Then today I was reminded of how drugs treatments go. They take away the drug. But what if the addiction is really caused by not being able to breathe. That means when a person stops, they start losing brain cells.

It’s all interconnected. There hasn’t been enough research into these things and I’m afraid people are dying from inadequate treatments. I think of my old friends a lot and someone I knew got into it to lose weight and be popular. I don’t want her to go brain dead. It seems to me, taking other similar drugs like sinus medicine, asthma inhalers and other products to keep the air coming in is better. Even now they are finding smoking is so addictive because it is easy to breathe. It stops being so easy after awhile, so having another cigarette. Personally exercise is great. It has kept my smoking habit in check. After five minutes of exercise it is aerobic. That means more air for me.

You know it, seems like a lot more people would care about researching drugs by finding the chemical associations and what it really does for people before making a treatment. Do they really get samples from people’s stash or even ask? Do they do blood tests for other diseases? It seems like it is all based on hear say. I don’t use drugs and someone asked me what I think is in it. I said, “I don’t know.” But even someone using doesn’t know what’s in it. This whole thing is stupid and Pissing me Off.

Here are some links:

First there is asthma inhalers. Both Crystal and Meth show up.

http://www.rxlist.com/cgi/generic/albut1.htm

The second part is meth-amphetamine. “Current U.S. law limits amphetamine treatment to attention deficit disorder or hyperactivity, and narcolepsy, a condition in which someone suddenly falls asleep during daily activities.”

http://www.fsrdrugtest.com/resources/amphetamines_stimulants.htm

Ephedrine is often used as an amphetamine substitute. “Herbal usage in the United States has increased dramatically since the passage of the DSHEA. In 1997, 60 million Americans spent $3.24 billion on herbs for reasons such as migraines, hypertension, depression, weight loss, and sexual stamina. An estimated 15 million adults are at risk for potential herb-drug interactions.”

http://www.ephedrine-ephedra.com/pages/ephedrine_FDA_456.html

Here is an awful site that just knows something is wrong but doesn’t have the balls to figure out what it is.

http://www.kci.org/meth_info/links.htm

My hand full of
Bloody glass
Welcome to the
World you left me in
Alone
Promise broken
Tearstains run
As my eyes fog
And I pass out
Nothing
Empty
The definition
Of my life
You killed me
How do you deal
With a broken heart
Is it possible
To live without
My air
My pill
My morphine
My love
Go away
Every promise
Starting with forever
Ends now
With the only truth
Of a liar
My reflections
Now gone
The mirror
In pieces on the floor
Becomes my
Bed of choice
The crying
Screaming
Darkness
Is my lullaby?
Not the sound
Of your voice
Blood holding my
Body ever so tightly
Not your
Loving embrace
My eyes close
Your face is my comfort faded
Into hated memories
Of how great you
Came out to be
And how narcissistic
You truly are

November 7, 2003
Kristen Mazzola

I was ignorant,
I thought I knew you.
I was blind,
because I thought you saw me.

After all these years I have fallen to my knees,
and still you stand above me,
begging please.
Please what you mother FUCKER?!?!

You left me all alone,
you abandoned me when things got hard.
Now you’re back wanting for me to help you,
well not this time, not ever.

FUCK you, you worthless piece of shit,
rot in hell where you belong.
Fall to the depth of your fiery death,
and forever be in agony.

Because after all these years you have lost me…

Cutting down the middle vein
feeling nothing, not even pain
thinking only of my sorrows
no todays, and no tomorrows
watching the blood at first drip slowly
thinking of the times you’ve made me feel lonely

These are things i did not do,
because i made a promise to you
but now your gone,
and no promises need kept
for all the times that i have wept
because i felt, from you nothing at all
now watch the blood drip and fall

Faster, and faster it starts to pour
all you’ve said i can’t ignore
i cut the other in my pain and grief
watching it drip slowly, and fall like a leaf

I feel the dizziness overcome me
my eyes are blurred and i cannot see
everything spinning, all around me

I fall to my knees, and try to pray
not knowing at all, what i want to say
in the background i hear a sweet song
then try to wonder, where i went wrong

in the mist i see your face
staring down at me
from an unknown place
i close my eyes, and your gone
no trace at all of any song
lying heart-broken on the ground
lifeless and numb to all around

a lone walker treads her path
a hallow wind blows her breath away
the tip, tip tapping of her shoes echo’s down the alley
each shadow magnified by perspective
except a shadow stirred
before she could call out
another sound broke the tip, tip tapping of her shoes
a loud pop with a steaming oblong cylindrical bullet streaming towards her
cutting her life short
relieving her of her pain
releasing all of her anger
removing any sign of hostility held in her innocent body
for only in the absence of life can she truly be at ease
only when she has no worries to hold
can she find peace
rest in peace

kielke

Cut from wrist to elbow
This time it’s not for show
This time I wont parade my scars
They wont put me behind bars
This time will not be the same
This time I wont play that game
This times different
This time I don’t want attention
This time I wont come back
This time will be my last
I refuse to go on
This time I’m gone
There is no turning around
As my body hits the ground
My arms are draped in the crimson flow
For now it is my turn to go
I have to kiss it all goodbye
As I lay down and die
Laying in the puddle of myself
The puddle I made with help from no one else
The blood covers my arms and face
and flows with such style and grace
and lays lifelessly on the floor
that covers the walls and doors
I continue to make cuts upon my thighs
to make it quicker for me to die
I don’t want to change my mind
Not now, not this time
So i close my eyes and hold them tight
and mumble my last goodnight

nothing to stop
nothing to leave
saying nothing at all
she is in a deep sleep
others remember when she was awake
joyful and peaceful
she put a smile upon your face
nothing will wake her
she shivers in the heat
she dreams of the one who will wake her
once again filled with joy and peace
he would never hurt her
so on she sleeps
and she dreams
sometimes a passerby sees a smile
once again
upon her face
nothing to stop
only to end
this deep sleep she is in.

please let me know what you think. i know it’s not too good, but i’d like to know if you like it or not. thanks for your time.

you look at me and i stand still.
you can not make me run.
NO.
i will stand.
go a head and rape me i will not care.
look at you mother fucker.
i know you want to rape me once more.
destroy me now i hate all around me.
drink my blood and watch me die.
keep the hair of my head to show your friends.
its a prize to have killed me is it not?
pull me a part.
throw me lags to the south.
throw my arms and hands to the north.
throw and abdaman to the east, and kiss my lips go bye the throw my head to the west.
laugh you mother fucker.
i have no need for you be cause i am in hell danceing on flames of hate.
the devail holds me.
demans cackle.
the blood on the ground at your feet you damned mother fucker.
now you can join me in hell ass hole!!!!!!!!!!

ove is only a word these days
few truely mean what they say
trust gives way
and then their broken dreams stay
promises are shattered
and children learn to love the dark
i was of the light once
it is a false reality
i was awakened from my false sense of security
awakened from the dream one day
when i found my friends were planning against me
they carried through, empowered by jelousy,
they did their selfish deed
now to the dark i am chained
my wings are bound
and my feet firmly planted on the ground
do you love me
do you care
if you should dare to say you do, i won’t believe you
they bring only pain and suffering
you don’t have to tell me
i know i am afraid of feeling something
even if it could make me happy

Raindrops & rainclouds
Snowflakes& sleat
I can no longer feel the ground
that is beneath my feet.

Cry your eyes out,
but that won’t help.
Slit your wrists,
but that just leaves scars.
Scream your heart out,
but no one will hear you.

Blood droplettes & tear drops
nose bleeds & fat lips
I no longer know me or
this road I travel with the dips.

Beat the fuck out of yourself,
but that leaves bruises.
Sleep the day away,
but that jsut keeps you from life.
Take your pills to forget,
but nothing will be forgotten.

Deep breathes & cigarettes
loud screams & pleas
After all of these years,
I have fallen to my knees.

Hide yourself behind a mask
but that won’t hide the pain.
Runaway from everything you know,
but that won’t keep you sane.
Tell yourself that it will all get better,
but deep inside you know it won’t.

Sad heart & sick mind
scared soul & defeated
Now I know that I have been left behind,
and the memory of me is deleted.

Last weekend…
Last weekend I noticed…something.
Something…that changed me. It changed me in a way difficult to describe.
I noticed that the world sucks. I realize that’s not profound or anything. Everyone knows that. But when you really think about it, it comes out to be true. So you try to find a way to make it better. Therapy, religion, family, friends, lying to yourself incessantly. But all these things just leave you feeling completely empty inside. Lonely, with no where to go, like your not even worth it. And then… And then it finally occurs to you…Another way out…one that you would have, until recently, considered atrocious. Suicide. But even after you contemplate it, or possibly even cut yourself a few times, you realize it really isn’t anyway to go. Because when it comes right down to it…As shitty as this hellhole of a forsaken worthless piece of fucking trash this earth is…

…There really isn’t anywhere else to go…

there is no god. There has never been a god, it is all make beleave. There is no god, but only a leader, a leader that has control. And control to do what they want, wanting to do something isn’t very bad, depending on what it is. This is my first time being on this site. And i have alot of words to speak, but only in different titles. Anyway, a person can not be god, they can be a legend or a leader. But never a god. Unless he or she has control of there power at there finger tips, power to control minds, bodies and souls. But there really isnt a Soul to control, there is no soul, there is only a heart. A heart is part of the soul, the brain is another part. As many as there are bibles and other religions and people who beleave and warship them, there is no leader, no one to turn to. People should turn to them selves. Becasue only you can control what you do, not some god. There is no god, only a leader, and you can be a leader in your eyes, and whomever follows you. You are that cause of everything that happens to you. Everything that you cause, they always say your name, and no one else. Because you can be a leader, but never a god, because a god never exist.

This world, this world that all humans and demans live in. They call it a Planet, a planet of life. What life? life itself shouldn’t exist. The reason why I say that is because, look around you, look at those so called people who walk,breath, talk. If you notice they all have problems and then they think………. they think about dieing, killing, what would it be like if i die. Those are some what amount of some questions those so called people/humans think about, they think about it all of the time. And have yet to find there answer until they try it. Try what they think. Most of them are belivers of so called god, who think that way. It is not our fault that we chose to live the way we live. We chose too because we have a purpose, a purpose to do some evil. Evil will live longer than good. The reason why i say that is because, this so called world is evil, they just chose to beleave in so called god to deny that evil feeling that they have inside. I beleave this world is evil, and it will become evil very soon. So, this world isnt a world, it isn’t a planet of life, it is a planet of evil.

Rory wondered what he would ‘get up to’ at Tali’s as a walked down her street. She had called him two hours earlier, telling him to be at her house dead on nine o’clock. He knocked on her giant old wooden door and heard her small, quick footsteps running down that spiral, metal staircase of hers. Continue reading →

Once upon a time
Starred skies cried
Bloody tears that stained the clouds
Winds mourned
Whispering forth the doom that had been brought
Shadows mocked
Banishing light
Forcing it into corners
‘Till it just gave up
Coldness took over
Snow fell
Yet it seemed to be only her wings
Fading
Blown apart
Angels made way
For the floods and bouts of blood
Dipping their toes, basking in delight
Painting designs upon her skin
Silver angels were these
Yet their beauty never shone
Confined to darkness they were
Mastered by her shaky grip
Life savers she called them
Death bringers they thought
An addiction
Slow suicide
A rapture never lost
Red dripped from her reality
Each drop had their own sound
A voice
Which spoke of passion
And its fury
All colors had a meaning
Her, being the only one who knew
All eyes hid an anguished soul
All lips tainted with lies
Screams told a story of their own

All this she adored
This beauty
Love in all things, that no one else could ever begin to see
Such loneliness it became
Yet all this she could not bear…
So her angels took her away

“Euphoria” she whispered
“Take me in it” she screamed_

As the world is cloaked in night
You roam until mornings first light
Sunlight being your only barrier
From forever feeding off the innocent.

The smell of blood brings the greatest pleasure
Its taste upon your lips- vivacity beyond measure
Your bat-like senses and ambiguous ways
In the nip of a neck you pass on.

Your absent reflection restraining you from seeing
The darkness you withold in your mysterious being
Forever undead- a curse you must bear
Until a steak through your heart has been placed.

I sit at home all alone nothing but the radio is on, im talking to my friends on the computer, i get an instant message, it is from a gurl who is all alone and lives in Va Beach, she is bisexual also…….

More…………….

we start talking and i tell her my fantasy, well she said she would make it happen, she comes over to my house the next day. No one was home so we ran up in my room. we sat on my couch we started makin-out i slowly caressed her tounge with mine i felt all around in her mouth, I kissed her over and over, I took her shirt off and mine also, as we were still kissing i took my cold fingers and undid her bra, i took it off with my mouth. i asked her in her ear if i could touch her breasts she said yes you ,ay but dont ask next time. i reached my hands down as my cold fingertips touched her nipples they be came hard and warm, i heard her gasp when my tounge hit her nipples, she said my tounge feels like an icecube. i slowly undid her spiked belt, and took off her panties i flowly spread her legs apart. i caressed her clit with my ice cold tounge, as i sucked on her clit i slowly pushed 2 fingers in her pussy. she squealed in pleasure, i grabed a can of whipcream and cherries. i sprayed whipcream all inher pussy and put cherries on top…i slowly ate the cherrys and slowly licked the whipcream off she moaned and screamed im plesure….. we had fun that night it was the best night of my life….***** this is my first time writing here so plz give me some income******

The pain the envelopes my soul just keeps coming and coming
Destroying me
Raping me
and yet loving me
Why does pain
blood
demons
and anguish love me so much
why
what did I do that was so wrong to deserve this
My whole life I have been ridiculed
laughed at
hated
made fun of
but they still want me around to torture me
I hate you
You hate me
Why do people make fun of the depressed ones
the dark evil unloved ones
I love hurting myself and they love seeing me in pain
when the blood flows freely from my veins onto my skin
I feel free
what do they want me to be?
if they love seeing me bleed they why do they want me to stop
why should I take these pills to get better?
they don’t work they never have never will
why should I try to get better when all my efforts will go to waste?
They make fun of me because they’re insecure
I think they hate themselves
and this world
I don’t know
You tell me

(just a little poem i wrote)

i saw god in the hallway today
a perfect teenager
a perfect artist

he saw me walk by in the hallway today
a perfect loser
a perfect monument of mockery

i don’t think my friends were in the hallway today
they’re perfectly nice
perfectly invisible

my teachers hid in the hallway today
perfect tragedies
perfect bums

i slit my wrist in the hallway today
a perfect naivety
a perfect suicide

It was only 8 o’clock, but the night seemed to last an eternity. She walked down the darkened alley to a red neon sigh that read”The bleeding Heart”. It was another cold night where she lived and as always she curced the coldness. Katie miller had always hated the cold and she knew she always would.
She’d been trying to get to a party her friend was having, but got lost. katie didn’t have a car, so she had taken the bus and must have gottin off at the wrong stop. She was hoping
“The Bleeding Heart” would have someone who would help her. She was exhausted from walking. She was glad when she finally made it to the door.
Katie opened the door and went in. No one looked up when she went in. Most of the men and women were playing darts or pool, or sitting at the tables drinking and talking. It was dark except of a red light in the middle of the bar. The pooltables had lights, but the lights only reach to the edge of the tables.
At 23 Katie was only five three and 110lbs. She had blond hair and a midnight blue eye and a emerald green eye. Katie finaly walked to the counter. the man behind the counter looked about six five and very muscular. he had black hair and almost black eyes.
“What can I get you?” he asked in a nice sothing voice.
“I was wondering if you knew were elm street is?”
” If you wait five minutes I can point you in the right direction. I’ll buy a drink for you while you wait.”
He left and came back with a red drink. it looked weird, but it tasted like a little bit of heven in its own way. When he finally came back again he walked her to the door and they walked down the alley in silence. Next thing Katie knew she was doubled over in pain. Then her vison blured and she fell into unconsciousness.

Tell me if you guyz lik it and if you do i might write the second chapter and send it in.

Moonlight crested over the tree tops. Dark and unfamiliar it seemed to Victoria. For she had lived all her life in this very town, with these same people. She always walked this late at night, 2am on clear nights.

But tonight was different, as was the week before. It was then she first felt that she was not alone, that out in the darkness something was there just watching her. As she walked on toward her house the feeling grew, a dark sense of foreboding.

Inside her house she turned on the lights and locked all the doors, and sat trying to shake the feeling, the darkness. She turned on the TV trying to focus on something else, but nothing worked. So she made her way upstairs to bed.

As she opened the door to her room something hit her from behind pushing her forward and onto the bed, pinning her there. At first she panicked but then remembered the gun in the nightstand just a foot away.

Before she could act and low purring voice whispered into her ear that no gun could help her. Like liquid silk in her head the voice erased any thought of a gun. She looked back over her shoulder trying to see who had her, but the shadows wrapped the figure like a cloak, shrouding her vision.

“I’ll let you up the voice said, but you must behave.” Again the power of the voice filled her mind and erased her fear. She nodded yes and felt the creature on top of her rise up to stand at the foot of her bed.

Victoria turned slowly till she was sitting up and flicked on the lamp beside her bed. Light raced across the room to illuminate the figure standing there. She saw it was a tall man, well built, and radiating power. “What do you want,” she asked.

“No my dear it’s what you want.” Her mind raced with thoughts both terrible and wonderful. “My dear you summoned me, brought me over many miles with your silent cry.” She was taken back his statement. How could he know what she felt, that she was screaming inside. That her life was slowly suffocating her.

“Yes Victoria, I hear you screaming even now, but I have come to take your pain and give you a new life, one that you could never imagine.” His voice filled her head with visions of the long nights ahead.

She stood and walked toward him. She felt hot, the need for another’s touch. As she reached out to him, to touch his face, his hand caught hers in a cold vise. She did not pull back, but pulled her body tight against his. He released her hand, and moved his head tight into her neck.

Small kisses, caressing every inch of her exposed neck, teeth grazing, drawing the smallest amount of blood. Victoria swooned, wanting more of his touch, of his kiss. She forced her neck against his mouth.

The blood was more than he could take. He clamped his mouth onto her neck, teeth sinking deep. The blood exploded into his mouth spilling down his throat, hot and sweet. But he pulled back, and lifted Victoria up and onto her bed. Rapt in visions she offered no protest.

Lying in her bed she pulled him on top of her, wanting him inside her. She tears at his shirt, ripping it off. Her lips pressed against his chest. She pushes him over and climbs on top of him, pulling at his belt till it’s loose.

Victoria felt the wetness between her legs, how she ached for him. She reached down, grasping him, feeling him hardened and wanting her too. He kissed her hard, pulling more blood from her.

She finally tore off his pants, his passion for her evident. She positioned her self on him just ask his hips thrusted toward her. He felt her body on top of him and her blood inside, feeding the fire in his loins. A fire that had not been lit for hundreds of years.

Victoria thundered up and down on him. Feeling the moment nearing she pulled off him and crawled onto her hands and knees. He wasted no time in entering her, for a sensation also built in him. Unusual as it was for him it reminded him of his own last hours as a human.

Victoria pushed against him as hard as she could. Then the moment was upon them both. They both shook with delight and layed back. He looked into Victoria’s soul now, as they were as near as they two could ever be again.

“Victoria, you know what I offer to you, an escape from what you are.” His words forced open her soul, forced her to see the choice for what it is. “You have this one chance,” His voice ringing in her ears, “What will it be?”

Time stood still for them as the word rang from her mouth…………”Yes”

I’ve promised the one I love that I won’t
I’ve promised my friends I won’t
I’ve promised myself I won’t
Well, I broke my promise
I couldn’t help it
She just got worse
Oh how I loathe her
Her life is my pain
Her death would be my sweet release
Oh the joy that would over come my mind, body, and soul
This dream is one that will never come true
This is my reality
Her
The hate
The pain
The suffering
All because of that poor excuse of a human being

my life was almost perfect, with martynas in my life, i loved him to death and he loved me back to death, this dickhed jaron ruined everything cuz he was jealous, he told him i cheated on martynas with him and even got friends to beleive him to tell martynas, he was so sad, no one believed me except my friend i lost cuz she commited suicide (i love u brittany) i lost him. i wrote everything i could think of to get him to trust me, but he couldnt he was afraid to get hurt again his best friends girlfriend told me. he still cries about me he cant get over me but he doesnt want to get hurt, i let him read my songs and poems and letters of suicide he threw them away, he said it was bullshit. i cry myself to sleep and it was 5 months ago i think, i have over like 70 scars from cuts becuz my entire life is ruined mainly because he made everything better in my life and he took it all away, im beginning to cry now but oh well, ive been to over 6 different mental institutions and my siucide plan is perfect. im going to hang myself on the day i met him march 8 which gives me like four months to live, i cant stop cutting i cant give life another chance the only way i can restart life again for the 3 time is if he is back in my life or if i fall in love again and he loves me back, which i really doubt will happen in 4 months, i have bipolar, i hear voices from suffering from lonliness, im inces from being mentally insane it feels like no one loves me ne more, im demented, i have no life i cant stop crying i dont know wat it feels like to be happy ne more i can ti dont know how, people hate me for who i am therapy doesnt help medication isnt helping i tried evrything to martynas off my mind even pretending hes dead, or it was all a worthless dream my mother hates me, martynas let me feel wat love really felt like, i would kill for him, suicide seems to be my only way out i need answers! i need help, people to stop fucken tell me to get over him likes its as easy as killing a bug or something, i need help with this from someone with good advice and experience, im crying out for help but no one hears me. im crying now please help me. im dying inside how can people get thru this, i need martynas in my life i keep remembering our forgotten memories, and i never planned to wr5ite this but im searching for help in a different way now. i dont know wat else much to say so i will submit this. i could say more but my hand is hurting from the cuts. goodbye.

There was this girl, Harmony, no one ever noticed her really even though she did have a boyfriend, she always faded into the shadows. The only thing that really stood out was her pale skin and deep green eyes behind all the black. She always sat in the back of class with head phones on and drawing to keep her hands busy, just and everyday thing for her, but then something happen, someone unexpectedly came into her life. It was a bad weak for her, her father had lost his job and her boyfreind was beating her again and she had to wear long sleeves more often now to cover the freshly sliced skin, but as soon as this new boy walked into class and she lifted her head, a smile slide across her face when she noticed he was smiling at her. His beauty was remarkable, he had gorgeous dark blue eyes, fair skin and black hair. He too wore all black clothing and his shirt revealed his slim and built body. She couldn’t help but blush and shy her eyes away. He sat infonet of her and occasionally turned around to glance at her, she tried not to notice or let it go to her head. After the first 2 classes Harmony went to lunch and sat under the same tree in the back of the courtyard that she always stayed during lunch. She didn’t notice that he had the same lunch as her and she fell back into dark whole of despair as she pulled up her one sleeve and ran her fingers across the new pink gasses on her wrist, when a voice from behind ask “Why would such a beautiful girl be in so much pain that she would ruin her beauty by covering it in scars?” “Because this is all the beauty I have they remind me that I can still feel, that I am still alive,” she didn’t look up at him because she knew who it was, she just shyly pulled her sleeve back down. “I’m Gabrielle, may I sit with you?” he asked and gestured to the bare spot next to her “If you wish to” so he sat beside her and they started talking. A few days pass and they become good friends, but then one day she didn’t show up, and the next day she wasn’t at skool again. Then finally on the third day she came to skool, her face bruised and tears streaming down. She pretended she didn’t hear the snickers and whispers from the classmates so she just sat down in her seat and went on like nothing was wrong. She wasn’t in the courtyard at lunch so Gabrielle went looking for her. He was walking down the hall when he heard a loud scream and then something being slammed into the locker, he ran in the direction of the scream and found Harmony begging and pleading with a guy that was hovering over her ready to strike her if she went to stand up again. Well, she did, and right when his arm was about to come slamming across her face Gabrielle pulled it back and threw the guy across the hall. “Don’t hurt him!” Harmony screamed out and Gabrielle turned to her and helped her up, but she couldn’t walk so he carried her to his car and just drove. She didn’t know where they were going, she didnt care either, she just cried from the pain and embarrassment. By the time he pulled over it was beinging to get dark. “Who was that?” he asked as he turned to face her. “My boyfriend, well, exboyfreind now I guess.” Gabrielles eyes grew wide with amazement, “Your boyfriend would hit you?” She burst into more tears and tried to make him understand that she thought he loved her because he said it so he must have meant it, all she wanted was to be loved and noticed and abuse was better than no attention at all. He pushed his seat all the way back and pulled her into his arms trying to offer her comfort but she just began to shake and cry more. Her whole life of pain flowed out of her that night and all he did was hold her and listen. “You don’t deserve someone like him” “I don’t deserve anyone” she choked on her tears, “Yes you do, your so beautiful and gentile, you should have someone that treats you better” she looked into his eyes and her tears began to stop falling, just then he took his hand and gently wiped away her tears and softly kissed her lips. That was her first kiss that ever meant anything to her. The first one she could actually feel that wasnt so hollow. After sharing a few embraces he took her home and wished her a good night. The next few days they got even closer than she could have ever imagined, she couldn’t believe she let someone in as much as she did with him. He knew everything about her, but then something happened that she couldn’t explain. Harmony realized she wasn’t good enough for him, that he deserved so much more than she could offer him. She started to avoid him thinking it was for the best because he didn’t need her, but when Gabrielle finally confronted her she was so scared she wasn’t doing what was right anymore. She really did love him but it scared her so much that he would leave her, like everyone else. “I cant do this Gabrielle” “What, what do you mean?” “I cant love you anymore, I made the mistake of letting you in I;m sorry, I don’t love you,” she lied, and tears fell that shattered on the floor just like their hearts. She wanted to kiss him and tell him she was sorry but she had to let him go, it WAS better for him, so she walked away. Days passed, and they slowly turned into weeks. Then she got one note, on her Birthday, of all the days. It was Gabrelles suicide note, he just couldn’t stand seeing her knowing he wanted her but could never get her back. He wished her a happy life and signed it “With all my heart you’ll always have. Gabrielle” The note dropped from her hand and she shut down. She really did love him, but now she had to push that aside and pretend it never happened. Months went by since she had received the note and she trained herself to show no emotions, to kill anything that got close to even resembling feelings of anything more than numbness. I see her everyday now, she looks so different, when I look into her eyes its as though she’s not even there. All that’s left of her is scars from when she attempted to feel and stained cheeks from all the tears she’s cried. And every night, when I lay awake at night, I can still hear her heart screaming, I can feel her tears steaming down my face and I can’t numb the pain in my heart for ever letting him go.

They say they give you seven years,
For everytime you break a mirror.
But everytime I make mine break,
I wasn’t hurting the mirror,
I was killing the fake.

And using the shards of glass to make
Another statistical death.
But my reflection won’t go away.

And I’m left with another seven years,
Time goes by, and my reflection fears
The time when my seven years are up,
And I get the chance to kill us both
With one fatal shot.

Some take their pain out on their arm,
Use the knife to inflict harm,

Others shut up, sit silently,
Or be as loud as they can be.

Some get out by taking drugs,
Try to cover hurt, try to act like thugs,

Some blame others for their lives,
Even though everyone survives.

Everybody handles their own pain
in their own way, We’re all insane.

All the problems life hands to us
Will always add up to be too much,

We’ll all live until we die,
We just need to learn how to get by.

And until then, my life will carry on,
And I can’t wait
Until I’m gone.