I lay in bed i can hear the rain falling down, hitting the side of my window drop by drop echoing in my head like a never ending song. beautiful it sounds but so ordinary to the eye, but they are so amazing these drops of crystals.like the tears of dark angels crying for the god that doesnt exist. so i sit there waiting. waiting for the phone to ring and hear that familiar voice to say hes coming to get me away from this hell. this place that the root of my pain lives. my one true weakness.
The phone rings twice “hello” i say with my tired bored voice ” hey babe. can you come tonight?” he says
“you kno i never ask..whats tonight anyway?” i said as i got up and threw some clothes out of my closet “a party..the usual..you ready? i can hear u from hear throwing those clothes around” he says with a chuckle. “ahhh am i ever ready?” i say as i look in the mirror examining my face. “well that is hard to say but you always seem to look good” i laugh just thinking about it ” just get your ass over here” i say and hang up the phone.i pick out what im gonna wear when i start to change i hear a knock on the window. ::ahh he always come when i get undressed:: i think to myself. just like i think every word id say to the people who are suppose to be my parents. i feel hands around my bare waist, i turn around ” not now” i said just as he kissed me. ” my parents are home, theyd come up if they heard anything” i explain for the millionth time as i pick up my shirt ” i kno i kno i just like kissing you” he says all sluky so ill kiss him again then ill hear my parents coming up and ill rush to hide him… everythings the same…
its like a faded memory that comes to your mind over and over again until one day it goes away because the person doesnt exist in your life so it can never repeat again.
i left that night depressed. came home about 10 am the next day.
i had slept at my boyfriends apartment that night. did my “parents notice? most likely no my maids and butler most likely did, but they always kept there mouths shut. they hate my parents its quite funny too. you see my ” parentals” think that because our maids are mexican; spanish and there english is sometimes rusty that it mean they are idiots so they talk baby to them , when in reality they can speak more then 3 languages making my parents look even more stupid.
as i walked to my bathroom i smelled like alcohol,alot of alcohol and pot…and sex….lets say it was a vert interesting mix. i turned the focet on. water rushed out hitting the pale white porcelian bottom of the tub, seicing to disapear down the hole that leads to hells waste itself. i set one foot in i can feel the warmth taking over my body just from one touch of its pure peaceful self. so there i lay over laping in ever graceful water.so pure so rich withwarmth unlike the blood that gets pumpedby my cold bitter sweet heart.
sometimes while laying in my huge bath tub , i think about the time i almost died for love. if say it wasnt an interesting story but id be lying. later youll know but today isnt tomarrow yet. when i climbed out i smelled of roses instead of the alcohol, drugs and sex.
i got dressed in my usual black and more black.. no im not a goth.. i just like black. i walk down stairs i see both parents sitting at the table eating their “brunch” as they like to call it talking about how unfair this world is… so as Slyvia Plath said so sweetly ” now silent.hate up to my neck, thick thick. i do not speak” im washed over in hate. bitter.resentless hate. ” oh dear why dont u ever wear anything besides black..like a yellow or blue it looks fabulous with ur golden blonde hair” my” mother” says oh so politely ” thanks ill keep that in mind along with the cheerleading and the josck u wanted me to date..” i say with my smart ass attitude the next day ill just dye my hair
” wheres that “punk” youve been seeing she asks with disgust. ” you mean Daemon?” i say all innocent like hes just a friend HA if they only knew the truth ” yes that hoodlum” she says flipping through he new issue of VOGUE ” oh hes just at his apartment trying to find that bra i left there” i just walk away ” funny Amara really funny” my dad says.. i keep walking im sick of them critizing my boyfriend the one guy who saved me from dying
1 MONTH EARLIER-
my parents are rich there is no denying it we own a ocean front house a real nice big house… and behind are house yards away hidden by trees is a legde make of black black rock…. every say id go there and stand on the legde carving in poems of mine carving in stories lil saying id just sit there and carve. My family life isnt so great sometimes i dont even think my mom or dad would kno if i had gone missing.. so i like most teens where drawn to partying… but most of all i cut myself.. id sit out on the legde with a knife and id cut until the pain seemed to numb from my body. One day i lost it my mom had found a beer bottle and had locked me in my room… saying i was worthless saying she wished she never had me as a child saying i and i alone casues her pain…..and her and my dad left for a ” Party” of their own. so i picked the lock. and i ran to my legde i cut my wrists deep almost deep enough to die.. and i wearing my black dress stood out on the legde with my arms open wide to catch the winds with my hair flowing behind me with my dress in the wind.. i jumped… the next thing i remember is waking up on the beach in daemon’s arms.. as i opened my eyes he said to me ” hey beautiful…” and then he carried me to his car.. saying ” i think ill take u back to my apartment.. seeings how wat i saw you do i dont think u want to go back to that fancy house up there for awhile” and then i blacked out.. after that i woke up in a bed with clean white sheets.. the windows open and the smell of the ocean coming in i saw bandages over where i had cut deep. ” hey your up..you scared me for awhile i wasnt sure how deep those cuts really where..I’m Daemon.. all i kno about you is your last name..Shade right?” he said with such a smoothe deep voice..” yea” i said wearily ” my names Amara …thanks..” i said looking down i felt a tear roll down my cheek ” hey..dont cry.. its no problem if i had known a beautiful girl like you was there i wouldnt ever had let you even think about jumping” he said soothing me holding me like i hadnt been held since a child, i smiled ” thats better now you eat this and get some rest” he said putting a tray accross my lap with soup and a glass of OJ. i didnt even care if my parents where worrying all i wanted to do was stay there forever.. and it seemed like i did a week went by and finaly i decided i should leave ” Daemon?” i said walking out on to his porch. ” yea” he said pulling me into the chair next to him, it was so clam out there.. so peaceful so.. so.. nice..no wonder i wanted to die in it. ” i loved staying here for this week.. i really did but i think i should go. i dont want to intrude on your space” i said looking down at the badages.. they still werent healed well..” no no your not intruding.. i …i really liked having you here. but i think you should go back for a while” he said and then without me even suspecting it .. without me even thinking hed ever do it.. he kissed me .. it felt as if i was floating on air.. as if everything that had happened had gone away …and i was finally happy.. ” id like to see you again ” he finally managed to stammer out ” i mean even after how we met.. i dont care about all that..i like you.. and i want to see you if ull see me?” he said with doubt in his eyes…so i kissed him back ” so thats a yes right?” ” of course ” later that day he dropped me off at my house, as usually my parents where gone. i walked in through the front door the butler looked at my dress and didnt say a word.. ” thanks” i said and he nodded i knew a mediatly that he had told them i was at a friends house for the week and of course … they believed him even knowing that i had hardly any friends even knowing that all my friends where at the camp they usually went to for the summer..foolish parents if only they knew…