I suppose this isn’t really poetry rather than random thoughts that have to go somewhere other than swimming in my head. Sometimes I just realize the repercusions of things I do to myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me…
I suppose this isn’t really poetry rather than random thoughts that have to go somewhere other than swimming in my head. Sometimes I just realize the repercusions of things I do to myself and wonder what the fuck is wrong with me… I can never understand myself at moments, but try to understand like another brain within one head, things just don’t seem right. I quit heroin a little while ago, only because I’ve been sitting in the Department of Corrections for a few years. So, I’m out now….. I feel so domesticated, it’s a culture shock at best description. I’ve come to see how crazy things really are in this world, especially after being on the streets and shooting heroin since I was 12 for 8 years, sitting in a cell for another two…. then all of a sudden its an apartment, a job, appointments with people I dont know, girlfriends who don’t have a clue how fucked up I really am and can be. The egg doner is trying to talk to me again. Sperm doner killed himself while I was doing my thing. I thought things would be better after I got off drugs. Things are now that much more apparent now that I’m aware of what’s going on around me. As well as that much more intolerable without dope. It’s a sick position to be in when you’re not sure if you can live with or without drugs. I look at a fuckin spoon while I eat captain crunch in the morning and think about it boiling with hot vinagar smelling heroin with a cotton in the middle and a syringe sucking it up. I look at peoples arms and say to myself, “fuck, I wish I had ropes like that when I couldnt find a vein!” every time I see something helpless, or that can be turned into a hustle, I get the urge to take advantage, but am left restraining myself from acting upon these trains of thought. It’s so fuckin wierd. At least I haven’t lost my pailish hue and sick style… I’m sick of people telling me shit like they thought I would look different when I got out and off drugs. Drugs didnt dress me up in the mornings, getting off drugs doesn’t mean a thing to me as far as how I look act think or am. I’m still the bitter asshole I always was. I still am going to shave my eyebrows and wear cracked out lenses, I still am not going to shave this long black strip of dreadlocks off my head. No, I’m not throwing away the knee-hi’s in exchange for the gay prada slippers, I dont care If they get you laid. I fuck just fine. I wish people would just take my good with my bad. I’m still the person who would expend myself for you If I care about you. It might be only because I dont value myself as much as I should, but be happy I would take your place in a bad position. If you do anything for me, I always return the favor 3 fold. My love has always been conditional, unless your name is Angelique and your alive. I miss the smell of popeys chicken in you and Marys apartment. Bumping Skinny Puppy and getting drunk on lots of cheap wine and fucking around with you. I wish you were still here with me today, this is a total paradice lost. You were honestly one of the few in the world who could talk me out of anything cause I never wanted to hurt you. What do I do now that your’e gone? I’ll come visit you on sundays and leave flowers behind. RIP. I suppose she’s one of the only reasons I haven’t went and did some dumb shit like blow my brains out or go overdose or any of those stupid thoughts, she always told me no matter what, I was here for something, or else I would have been dead through all the crazy shit I’ve been through……. and for some reason I just believe it. She never told a lie. sorry to get mushy on any body who’s reading this, but give me a break. I miss her and she talked me into getting off drugs, wich was not an easy habit to break. She really thought I was worth more, pretty rare seeing as how most people cant look me in the eye half the time. what the fuck is wrong with you guy’s anyway? I guess life isnt too bad. yeah, the world is going to hell in a basket. but It’s not always too bad. There is always the latest album of your favorite group coming out, there is always a girl for you, be it just sex or something better. trust me, I found out half of them dont care how you look, it’s about confidence and swayery. And if you sell your soul, you can make horrible music that sounds good to only you. and if your’e anything like me, the only place you have to go is up, cause you’ve already been at the bottom.
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Sick. Sounds like some rough shit man. I won’t say I can relate, cause I can’t.
How did She die?…If you don’t mind me asking. You’re strikingly interesting. The kind of drug addiction you talk about is the kind I’ve only read in junky books. I don’t pity you cause it sounds like you’re on a flat, and everything else around you is at eye-level so you can see exactly everything that’s going on…and all those repulsive ignorants have nothing like that. And it sounds like you’re alot better off than most others, in your head space, even though you’ve been through more shit.
What did you think about all the time when you were incarcerated? I’ve always wondered about that, but would never care if some big buh-buh named Bobby-Joe from Fort Worth were to explain it to me. I have nothing else to really say, cause now I want a response. So yea.
I’m sure you could relate one way or another- Your’e from LA- shit goes down around there- I bet youv’e seen a few things yourself. I feel wierd exposing myself like this for people to read, like I’m naked or something (but for some reason it aint so bad when I really am naked!?) Angeliqes mom visired me a week after the last time her daughter put money on my books and visited me. She said some guy that she was fucking around with found her in her apartment on the couch with a needle stuck in her arm face down, she was all blue and shit I guess. Her mom said that she actually chocked on her tongue from sloping in some wierd position when she fell out on the dope. so I guess it wasn’t from an OD but rather a result from it, but she had enough in her body that if she hadn’t choked it would have been the drugs thst would have killed her. That shit FUCKED ME UP when I found out, I wasn’t too pissed about her fucking around on me because in all truth I don’t think I could hold out that long myself, but bieng in that state of mind was not cool to be in while being stuck in a pod with 60 other fuckers and no privacy, I way had to chill out, so I woulldn’t get myself into some shit with anybody in there. As far as the prison thing, It was better than the streets, I got to clear my head of a lot of shit, kick the habit even though there was plenty of drugs in there, and you got 3 hot’s and a cot, all paid for by the fucking government! I hate to admit it, but they saved my life in some sort of fucked up way. GOD I hate them. They are thugs. I chilled with crips of all people. I Look white, but am half puerto rican, so for some reason the cholos did not like me, they beat the fuck out of me a few times. Arian brotherhood, well they didn’t like me for the same reasons the cholos didn’t. So a bunch of crips let me kick with them, I think It was mainly cause they thought I was funny (that shit will get you by, there are a lot of people in there who need a good laugh). But I think it was mostly because I know almost every Easy E song written, thank god. I don’t think I’m going to post a lot of shit about my dead chick though. It can get a little old to others and yeah, that’s the past. And you seem strikingly interesting yourself there, I’m holding you to humping my leg, I don’t care about the rash.
It goes something like this: I think the more caca you have eaten, the better the food tastes that every body else complains about, the shit is caviar. HA HA HA! I’m so stupid that I love myself- isn’t that wierd? ….sorry….sorry…I’ll shut up now.
“Its amazing the will of instinct” So many times that you could have given in but havent, to drugs or suicide, does it make you a stronger person inside? ( I know that kinda ryhmes but its not an poem k? Even i am not rude enough to post on someone eleses submission) Your bitterness is strong and intruging, talk more. Your a much stronger person than i am, I dont know if i can get rid of my drug problem but i can admit that i have a problem. That youve been through that much and seem to have a pretty good mindset, do you think that drugs have anything to do with that? I mean i have only heard of a few like this and only seen one, and it was almost like he had no feel of right or wrong he almost killed me and then like two seconds later he laughed about it. I can relate to the street thing and to drugs but i am not willing to share about my um…… relationship with my friend so i dont think i could connect with you on that level. How presumptious of me, who says you even want to talk to me.
Dude, I’m not some self rightious fuck, I’ll talk to anybody…you can learn a lot from someone who has’nt been through the same things as you, cause they got a different view, a different angle, it sheds light on areas that would otherwise be in the dark. I don’t go to narcotic anonymous meetings or any shit like that, they dont know how to live at all. They asked me to go “sober bowling”!? The only thing I could think is “why the fuck can’t you just go fucking bowling? does it really have to be sober bowling?” They sit on pity pots and often go back to the same shit. I think pain is a good motivator, cause if you really get burned are you going to touch the damn stove again? It’s afully rediculous to do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results. And drugs don’t have anything to do with a good mindset, I’m not always in a good mind set, actually, less than more… I am still a very fucked up individual in so many areas- It’s just not funny. But I like my character flaws- they keep out people that just don’t hack it in terms of demeanor, but at the same time I push a lot of people away that at times really do have a lot to offer, and that pisses me off cause I like to take advantage of everything in a negitive or positive way to the last drop…. I have to feed both sides of myself some how. Man this feels wrong talking so much about myself so much- but you guys asked me, so I wont leave you hanging, and I guess It is sort of gratifying in some sort of sick way, I just don’t want to come off cocky, even though I can be self serving at times.
Yep^_^ Dont worry about talking about yourself too much cause I did ask, and I want to know, if I didnt I would just stop posting. Good thing to admit to that, being fucked up, me too drugs make me more normal but i havent done any in like three months so now most of my “Friends” think im crazy and dont talk to me but im used to that kind of rejection. If it makes you feel any better, you can give me your im and we can just talk about it, if you want, (soberly of course ^_^) I wont promise to hump your leg though.
I like Idle leg humping threats, better when followed through with though. You can talk to me weather or not you are fucked up, I don’t care I have plenty of friends who do drugs- I just don’t do them for my own reasons of course- I’m waiting to get my service back from quest- i’m kinda in trouble with them for …..stuff, but should be back in up in a couple of days, I’ll email you with my new Im and shit.
Ok thats good. Sorry i am a more modest person that like to get to know the leg their humping. I dont think i need to be fucked up to talk to you, even though my last post implied that I did, sorry.
HEY! Are you insinuating that I cannot keep my promises??? Well, just cause I’m too damn intoxicated most of the time to keep track of my priorities doesn’t mean that…uhhh….ummmm….I forgot what I was going to say.
AHHH well. You know, you don’t need to be so modest here. Alot of people can seem like hams on here (I’ve been known to), but you can tell when one’s sincere.
“Sober bowling” huh. Y’know, my cousin’s in rehab and she adds sober to everything.
“You wanna go sober walking?”
“You wanna go sober to the beach?”
“You wanna go sober pan-handling?”
Funny thing is now that she’s sober, everyone thinks she’s on something all the time. And I’m running my mouth. Maybe shit you don’t wanna hear so I’m sorry. But hey, any time you’re ready to redeem your 1 Free Leg-Hump ticket, I’m always right here, rash and all. You should email me.
Oh yeah, and just for the sake of some common ground I’m a mutt too. Only my hispanic side is Messcan and my “other” half is Armenian. AND I DARE YOU TO COME AND SNIFF ME. Well…I (emphasis on “I”) don’t think I smell bad. I don’t smell like beans
!
AAAWWW< GEEZ, WELL, as soon as I fucking get my service back from quest, I’m just gonna have to redeem my ticket, and now I really want to know what you smell like….HAHA, sober sniffing… and nelokrista- you are modest, a challenge for my finely tuned instruments of corruption…muwahahahaha…..I’m sharper than you think…That was corney, sorry…. I’ll be talking to the both of you as soon as I’m back up. Yeehaaaww.
::HUMP HUMP HUMP HUMP HUMP HUMP HUMP::
YEEEEHAAAAAA!!!
::HUMP HUMP:: … … … uh-oh …::HUMP HUMP::…
::squish, squish, squish::…ohhhhh yeeeeahhhhhhh…
…::lights cigarette::…awesome.
Corruption? Me? I would like to see you try. Cant be that sharp now can you? Im not bleeding. ( I will regret this later cause i am in a really shitty mood.) so Sorry
Wow i just read all of these posts and decided 1 you all kick ass
2 V1V1 there has more brains then they let on.
3 leg humping is a fad o_o;
Yay, now we have yet another fad to add to our archives………….yay, also cloakedfigure please join in the “Corupption of your Online Being” marathon.
Yay, now we have yet another fad to add to our archives………….yay, also cloakedfigure please join in the “Corupption of your Online Being” marathon.
WAHOO! *acknowledged and loving it* =) So.. Direct me to the marathon o’ corruption and I’ll corrupt. As for the newest fad, I have no idea why and when you came up with this, but hey that just makes it funnier. *Still rolling on the floor thankful he was acknowledged* >.> …. where do you get those tickets?
Already got you worked up i can see nelokrista- sorta like a strange stage of denial, hee hee. Leg humping is a trend? where’s your ticket then fluffy figure? NELO- don’t take me so seriously, I’m just foolin around, but I’d have to say you might be surprized at what I can do to someone when given the proper opportunity’s…. don’t have a fuckin heart-attack on me now- just being friendly- and cloaked guy, don’t rag on my post fuck face…. I’ll fuck up your hard drive. and don’t respond to this shit either, because I don’t care to here it sucka- but maybe I took you wrong, oh dwell…. AND SHIT… THAT’S WHAT I CALL A LEG HUMPIN!!!!
Ahhhh yessss. And days later the afterglow is still goin strong. Forgive me if you haven’t been able to wash that sticky stuff off your leg. It might be the rash that’s making it cling.
LMFAO….he called you “fluffy figure”!!!!!!!!!….I’m laughing so goddamn hard!!!!!
Damn, my stomach hurts now.
Anyway, fluffy, how can you call leg-humping a fad??? It started innocently enough when I was drunk and went buck wild at a party playing “Ding-Dong” with girl’s nipples and humping some of their boyfriend’s legs. Not everyone gets one though (unless I’m drunk). Vivisect got one for being almost obnoxiously hostile whilst stating his opinions (exclaiming his love for me didn’t hurt either). Yes, it was THAT SIMPLE….simple pimple….dimple…limple….clavicle…uhhhh…what?
Yeah you took me wrong all right o_O i might have come off wrong cause i was pretty hosed and tired when i posted that, i wasnt ragging on anyhitng i actually think youre pretty kool, cept for that fluffy comment. Either way you gotta understand im pretty new so when someone like Nelo actually refers to me i get halfassed happy, thats the first time anyone has ever noticed me on these damned boards =) so yeah if i came off wrong be tolerant. The fad statement i think is cause ihave seen the term leg humping numerous times on these boards in my short time here.. so.. i have odd trains of thought, shutting up =)
It’s all good, and look, you managed to get some referance and notification from me, i don’t know if that’s good though….. I’m not washing my leg for a while, I’m just going to smell it all the time. You know what’s horrible?, that’s the most action I’ve gotten in the past couple of months!!! HAHA…thanks. Man this posting shit is funny, elbow someone in the back and they jump ten feet high screeming… head thru the ceiling, heart thru the floor with a bunch of whimpering- Nelo, god man- you wear your fucking shit and heart on your sleeve, it’s not a bad thing, it’s kind of cute……….ask me what I mean by that, but don’t get mad when i answer, It’s cool talking to you, but it’s funny- let’s scratch the surface a little, you say I’m not so sharp cause your not bleeding… well you apologized for it right after you say it in the same post….. that’s like knowing you are going to drop a glass dish, apologizing for it before hand, and then proceeding to do it, silly rabbit, tricks are for kids. You have to look at it from here. I watched you contemplate the insult and how it would effect the insultee then say you’ll regret it for the sake of keeping safe ground with me, while trying not to look so innocent due to what I said in my post previous to yours- that’s funny shit on your sleeve for me to look at… rather than bite your head off, I’d rather just handle you carefully… like an abandon bird in the nest, don’t sweat it, just glisten………
Ok, ill ask you what you mean then and im not really that bad am i? I am starting to regret acknowledging you fluffy…..jk. The reason i have a problem posting with insults is that i usualy get kicked off of the sub. cause they get all pissed at me or whatever. Cute? right…………… ill ask, i may regret it later but whatever sall good.Fluffy? that is freaking hilarious when ever i see you now i am so calling you fluffy!!! vivisect you kinda turn me on…..^_^ Masochistic sweetness i luv you, too funny you are. I am so glad that random attention makes you happy fluffy one
Oh, and vivisect i live in a state of denial……………………
kool i got a nickname? ohwell ill let you call me fluffy then. fluffy… where did vivi get fluffy out of my name? ohwell things could be worse one time i was nicked Cloakedfuckhead on a chat server -.-; so fluffy seems ok o_O
I’m don’t really feel the need to kick any body off a post for stuff like, I figure if it was anything that bothered me, I would probably make them eat their word’s to the point that they would rather just leave than be humiliated beyond snappy comeback. Nelo, You’re not bad at all…. I like you a lot. Fluffy fluffy fluffy, it just kind of popped out of my mouth… With a name like cloaked figure I guess i just though you were trying to be some corny dark character…. so I had to call you that to make it look that much more ridiculous…. but hey, I guess whatever floats yer boat- I have no problems with you at all, i just thought you where calling my snookums trendy, that’s all. I can come up with something more fucked up if you want so they don’t call you fluffy.
god i can’t spell, help me. lick you like candy, say that without closing your mouth Nelo. *wink wink* Where is my snookums?
I’m looking for my goddamn aspirins. I’ve got half a goddamn bottle of tequila left and no goddamn apsirin to go with it. How am I supposed to start my fucking day???
Trendy…haha…yeah that would be funny. I’ve been dressing like a homeless person for months but it doesn’t catch on. Wait till I stop baithing. The stench’ll get’em. Oh yeah I can smell it now.
Look paw, I zapped me a weasel! Dem weasels make some tasty vittles!
Nelo, I didn’t know you *luved* me. Before now it was like being in the same room with someone without even looking at them. Now your making me blush in places I’ve only blushed once or twice before.
Careful Nelo. I’ll make you my Ding Dong bitch. I can’t guarantee I’ll keep my hands to myself so keep your nipples covered.
Damn…shitty sleep sure does make a bitch ornery. I’m gonna go pick a fight with my neighbor and go back to sleep.
Don’t go having any orgies without me!
…where’s fluffy…I need a pillow.
No im not trying to be ‘dark’. the cloaked figure thing came from when i tried to enter a chatroom anonymously and it stuck. I wasnt calling that trendy.. more of a one site.. thing.. fad was the first hting that came to mind.. odd how these insightful posts end up in pointless conversations on where a name came from and who needs a pillow.
You asked where the fucking name came from, dope. YOUR OUTTA LINE!! IF YOU CANT CONTROLL YERSELF< WELL I’M JUST GONNA HAFTA CONTROL YOU FOR YOU!! damn kids…. didn’t your mom leave you in front of the TV like everybody elses? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GOD DAMNIT!!?? I AIN”T PLAYIN NO MORE FUCKIN GAMES! SHHIIITTT!!!! sound like anybodys dad yet?
Vivi, T.V. raised me. The day Mr. Rogers died was a day of mourning for me. He was my daddy. And Sesame Street was my hood. Bert and Erny where my moms. Occasionally I’d meet up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and go gang bangin. Shootin up on some whack ninjas. They were on crack. MUFUCKA.
and NNNNNO! My hands do what they please WHEN they please thank you very much. Watch out, they prefer the female roundess but they have been known to pinch a few man tits. and asses. and nootsacks. wrinkly nootsacks. SNIFF IT. BITCH.
Fluffy, where the hell where you?? I ended up using a trashbag. With trash in it. The stench wasn’t so bad but I think there was a broken bottle in there or something…something kept stabbing me in the face. Ahh well. Vivi, where’s Nelo? She’s gotten awful quiet all of a sudden.
Does anybody know how this turned into our own little forum>?
Fluffy makes a poor pillow anyway
As for v1v1.. yeah you told me where you got fluffy and i told you where the actual CF thing came from.. i think you really need to be more easy going. ohwell you have fun with that one. i already know you have somehting to say for that, dont disappoint me.. Yeah Nelo is pretty quiet.. maybe its cause v1v1 told her to guard her nipples.. just a thought and.. no my dad never sounded like that .. he always had somehtign to say about ya though that was for sure. …. and that’s a screwed up TV family man.. mister rogers freaked me out.. bert and ernie.. moms.. lol..
uh yeah my dad like left me in front of the tv when i was a kid and i tryed to record it onto a tape but when i put it in it was a gay prono and i have been messed up ever sence:(
i pity you
Masochistic Sweetness told her to guard the nipples, not me… sorry, you’re going to be dissapointed cause I really don’t have any comeback for you, other than don’t get you’re panties in a bunch…. cause i’m always just fucking around (most of the time anyway) NO FUCKING LIE….. my mother is a psychologist and is friends with misses Rogers, ( she too is a psychologist) just funny you mention him, my mom went to his funeral-they both lived in denver and broadcasted the show from channel six (public broadcast) I swear this is no lie!! I can give proof somehow I’m sure. anyway, yeah- where the fuck is nelo? She better not stray to far from home…… I had no clue I gave direction to anybody’s hand but if it get’s me in trouble with you- that’s fine by me. just make sure you beat the piss out of me…SNIFF SNIFF- I’m glad this is more of a personal forum- we don’t have to deal with endlessly tedious amounts of ridiculous coments from endless lines of faceless dumbfucks. It’s a beautiful thing, i just hope it lasts.
i agree with everyhting he just said.. well the stuff i understood
I beleive you Vivi. I’m a surprisingly gullible little twit, just can’t help it. I’ll believe you till you give me a reason not to. I really was upset when Mr. Rogers died though. There was nothing creepy about him to me. He just seemed like a nice man. The ones who were creepy were all those psychos in the land of make-believe.
Anyway, what HAS everyone been up to. I wanna know what Nelo’s doing. And where Vivi’s good reads are. And why hasn’t anyone shortened my name yet???
It’s a name that should be fully staded, and besides- how could we really shorten it? No need to be gullible, cause oddly enough, it’s the truth. I’m gonna put up more stuff as soon as I get my net back…………. i’ll email you with a funny story about msn when it’s back up…
msn is a whore v1v1, i cant block spams and now i cxant even check my mail. the shortest we could make masochisticsweetness’ name is masochistic.. or masochist.. otherwise it just doesnt look right. and nelo is bootin aroun some other posts, ir was when i last checked
ass, i was not! my com is infected and now i have to travel out in public to use a computer with internet access and that is a meticulous torture in itself miss you all to some degree cause i have no friends razorblade kisses everyone fluffy i think ill rape you
msn is stoooopid, let me tell you…. I hacked the phone line box in my building and spliced my nieghbors dsl line to my apartment, then hacked the qwest server to set up an acount to for myself and used thier own money to pay the phone bill. They had no idea what was going on for a while cause I set up a dial up before the dsl filter so they couldn’t get the IP address to my computer. I guess the niehgbor would log on to the net and would see pages I was looking at, and called qwest, well they sent some guys out to check out the line and saw that I had spliced it and it led to my apartment… and vuala, they busted me! so they threatened to file charges unless I paid them by the 7th of this month for the damages and backpay of phone bills, wich I did, but now I’m fucked on rent… better to have paid them than to violate parole though…. Fucking funny…. But never the less, they were stupid enough to give me a legal account to fuck with again.
I dont know if this helps nelo, but go to adaware.com and spybot… they work pretty well and they are free, also try erasing everything in temporary internet folder from the control page, it should clear out enough shit for you to log on long enough to install the anti virus, or just completely reinstall your internet software if you dont mind getting rid of your settings, hope that helps…..maybe maybenot.
my comp broke down too o_O; and as for raping me, peh.. youve never been to GAC. and that’s a nice piece of work you had there v1v1. heh the local unix my friends and i use doesnt work anymore either.. it’s a piss off. need better computers
HEY, she threatened you with a good time, no fair. I’m thinking about using the new mac cause of the OS (based off unix) fully configurable, PC’s just don’t let you do that, fuck microsoft. But yeah, unix is dope with dial up…….most people would say whaaa? but it’s good for it’s purpose, and that’s just hack hack hacking fun!
This was one of the most interesting threads I have ever seen while dicking around online. I just had to crash. I aptly named myself according to a comment I think Viv made. Viv, reading about experiences like yours always make me want to have them. You have one of the most beautiful minds I’ve ever seen. I wish I had your experience, but I know I won’t do the things it takes to have it. But, fuck, you’ve fuckin’ lived life on fire. You burn really fuckin’ bright. So, here I am, crashing you guys’ forum. Just one faceless fuck. Though, fuck, is my first name.
I said,
“…reading about experiences like yours always make me want to have them.”
My dumb-ass meant,
“…reading about experiences like yours always makes me want to have them.”
END OF LINE
That has to be unexpectedly one of the best compliments I have ever recieved! Thank you! I always thought my head and mind were full of rotten things, well they are more than I let on at times, but yeah, I thought everyone else saw my mind as rotten as well. Now I’m going to have a big head. I’ll try not to let it get to me. No need to correct yourself- i understood the message you were trying to convey. These experiences are good to have under the belt, but burning so brightly calls for quicker death. i have hep c, thought i had HIV until two months ago (wheeew!!!!) I seriously was going to kill myself, but as long as i can still have sex, I’m game to be alive…it’s wierd that sex was an ultimate deciding factor in wheather or not I was leaving. I need a new liver too. it really put me through the grind, I’m just glad i had enough brain left to pull out in time.
Yeah man, I’m glad I got the chance to meet you. All that shit that’s wrong with you sure does give you strength that shines through, though. I can read it in your writing. You have such an unhindered attitude. I love your honesty. It’s very powerful. I put myself through a little trial by fire when I was younger, but you went to a place I only looked at. I was definitely close to spiraling down that hole, but I was scared straight.
That is some scary shit about thinkin’ you had HIV. That’s really funny about the sex, though. Fuck it, I’m with you. If I couldn’t have sex and had a life-ending disease, I’d just save the disease the trouble. I’m glad you weren’t thrown off by me suckin’ your dick. I don’t just come out and compliment people I don’t know ’cause, even if they deserve it, most people take it as a cue to act like pricks. They start thinking they can trade me for cigarettes or something. Then I just end up fighting. I could tell you were cool, though. You have such a humble attitude. Besides that, I’d read what you would post and it would either make me laugh, sit in amazement, force open my eyes, or nod furiously in agreement. There was no way I couldn’t at least say, Hi. Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. I’m glad you don’t mind this faceless fuck posting in here. Lates.
Yeah, the whole HIV thing was crazy to me, i was sure i had it cause I had been fucking this chick and sharing needles and shit with her even though I knew she had hiv…. I guess i thought i was goona be dead sometime in the future from the drugs, or get shot or some shit, so i didn’t care i guess. it was a fucked up situation, I had been fucking my best friends sister after I got out of DOC even though i was pretty sure I was HIV positive, as well as a few other girls, but it was fucked up cause she has a kid, and was starting school and shit…. i felt super fucked up at times, and other times I just wanted my instant gradification, and did not care. So, at heart i can still be a very fucked up person I suppose. Yeah, I was going to be a pussy and blow my brains out and not even let anybody know what was up. But i really wanted to know if I was positive or not…. so i got tested. I guess i’m a lucky fuckin bastard. You should post of your own endevours, i like to here other peoples shit. i’m an introvert at times, and hate people face to face, so I’m all ears.
I got tested a few months ago. Was pretty sure I’d test positive due to my slutty endeavors a few years back, didn’t stop me from doing shit with people I knew I shouldn’t be doing it to. And you gave me a laugh cause I thought the exact same thing…I was pretty much going to fucking chuck myself off a building or cut away at some major arteries in my leg cause I sure as hell wasn’t gonna live with the shit. Not cause of I was scared of catching a cold or anything, but because I saw no point to living. I don’t know…I stopped really thinking about it as much since then.
I can’t email you squishy. I don’t have your addy.
You know what I was thinking about today?…
…If the boards were an orgy Vivi would be in the middle.
He is the most experienced. So, it makes sense.
I know what you mean by instant gratification there, Viv.
I might just post some of my experiences too. I just feel embarassed. Kind of dirty. I’m sure you know what I mean. Anyway, I’ll think about it.