A quick glance at my situation

I can’t keep holding back all of the hate that I’d love to shoot at evewryone around me. Last night if I wasn’t stoned as shit, I surely would have snapped at my step-mom. She starts screaming at me to everyone, talking about me in third person, she holds up her middle finger and sais girls are meant to wear nail polish not freaks like you. She continues screaming about me, bla bla “If he wants to be a “gothik” he can be it out of my fucking house!” bullshit you horebag skank, I’m not “gothik” or whatever other stereotypes you’d enjoy settling with throwing at me. My dad and step-mom agured all night threatening to leave each other, over me, admitting to each other and 5000db that if they had the money, they’d part company in 5 minutes flat, and that my dad can take his shitty kids with each him. Dad tells me its not my fault, but of course it fucking is.
The problem I have is why must the world comprise of people who will throw away everything, over black nails and some chains and spikes and shit, WHO FUCKIN CARES, but still more importantly WHY?!!!? I live with my step-dad and mom, and he sais if I look like a freak near him, his house, or anyone he knows, I’m on the street. He won’t let me use the TV, the shower for more than five minutes, the dryer, basicly anything thats his. Last time I stayed in the shower for 43 seconds over 5 minutes, he punched the door in while I was under the water, last time I came home with dreadlocks (the day I moved in 3 months ago) he told me to fuck off, then told my mom if my head isn’t shaved by tommorow I’m homeless and so is she. You’d think I wouldn’t care, but my moms mom who was only sixty was killed in a car crash weeks before, and I’m the last person on earth she can talk to, she said she’d die if paul left, so I had my head shaved, I had no choice. The other day paul was screaming at my mom over me, and getting really violent, I heard mom screaming in desperation, I panicked and walked out of my room, pulled out a 6″ hunting knife and held it tom pauls throat and said if he ever touched me, my yonger brother or my mom again, he would be a fucken corpse, he shouted at me in extreme rage, and ran for my I swung the blade inches from his throat, and told him to try me, because I kill with no remorse. I was kicked out, but my mom begged me not to leave even paul said I’m never stepping foot in ‘his’ house again. Any way, I could bitch for days and weeks about the past days and weeks but I just need to release some of this steam, My wrists sting, and I nearing the hour of cutthroat. No-one cares about me, except my mom and girl-friend, but they keep me in this hell. I live in the ‘Crime capital of the western world” as worded by the U.N.’s last survey. My friend couldn’t escort my girl friend home yesterday night because his phone was just stolen, and he had a drug dealer and the cops talking to him, I had to be at my Dads house, because it was legaly my weekend there, so I had to leave her alone, last time I did that she was attaked and sexually assaulted by a gang of fucking white niggas. If the train hadn’t have pulled up, she would be another number on they rape statistics papers which are always climbing and defeating the law of “what gos up must come down” bullshit. I’m meant to have this divine homeostasis with my girl friend and lately she just gets me in shit, by making me bend all the pathetic rules my step-parents place on me.

By thicktears

Very lost at the moment, get back to me in 6 months.