“I have always been honest with you and this hasn’t changed, so I must tell you I fell in love there in England and although I don’t know how things are gonna be, I cannot deny the feeling I have.” so much with being so honest eh !!!
“Now I know I will lose you for I cannot ask you to be my friend and it’s gonna be hard to know I cannot chat with you for you are such a wonderful person and I miss our chats. ” LIES… LIES… LIES…
“that’s why I am telling you openly the way i feel. I wish you hadn’t told me about your feelings then, I wish we could be friends forever, oh what a mess that is happening…” OH HOW I WISH I NEVER MET YOU…
“I will never change my mind about you, you are a great person and I only hope you will find your love closer so that you can enjoy being with that person, not only dreaming of her…” WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH DREAMS, ISNT THAT WHAT WE ALL LIVE DOING TO MAKE COME TRUE IN THE END…
“If you ever feel like talking to me again, I’d enjoy it very much.
Take care and stay as wonderful as always.” yeah, im sure you’d enjoy watching me suffering, watching me twist inside my own hell and misery, so much for being such a WONDERFUL PERSON…
ladies and gentle men… that was the last e-mail i got from my what so called “true love”, somehow as i said a while ago, i kinda doubt there is anything called “true love” or what ever the fuck you wanna call… you see, once your in, deep, so deep with someone, and all of a sudden someone else comes in the way and takes it all away, you end up all by your self, and “deep” place you were in turns into one big shitie hole, filled up with too much darkness and hate, demons flying around, and oh they know, they know all of your weak spots, they just wait, and then close in for the kill… you cry, and cry, and cry even more, does anything give a flying fuck, excuse me, but NO!!! here, sickness… damn i dont know why i take a cab back home these days, somehow the way back home and to the cafe` seems too much longer then always, i walk… and walk, and walk, goddamn it, it used to take 10 minutes, i loved to walk down that road, remembering every word she used to say, those “fake” promises of eternal love and BLAH BLAH BLAH… now that road seems like it takes ages to finish… walking there, so many people around, and yet im so damn lonely, i cant count these pitiful minds “people”… minds that have three things on mind, eat, sleep, and getting laid !!! and boy they do one hell of a job on that…
9 days and 6 hours since that had happened… oh, they seem like 9 years… “fate” thats what they all have to say, “it wasnt meant to be”… its funny tho, living a life that we cant control, hey im not asking for full control over my life… im not god as far as i know… but god, god please why?! why do I have to suffer like this… ??!! HELLO, no answer… oh wait, enjoying this are you… :/ ok, umm, looking around, who am i to blame… oh wait, no wait… FUCK IT WAIT, me… i should blame my self, yeah, look at your self, you ugly priceless piece of shit… look at you, what do you have to make ANYTHING come true… nothing, you aint got self-steem, you aint got the “body”, and boy you dont have money, they used to say ” money cant buy happiness ” umm, wait a sec, who ever said this was one drunk sick prep… open your goddamn eyes moron, moeny buys EVERYTHING……………… even love -_-
by now i have only my self to blame, blame my self for being such an outgoing, easy, with heart person, what do i get out of all of it… THIS, pain and misery… damn i wish i was dead that day comming back from work, all tired up, but i didnt care, i knew i had some resone to go on, oh how i wish my arms, my legs were cut off before i got that… before i got :
a reminder of my own hell…