age from the diary of argon stark..entry 1

i think i hav finally decided to come out with some of my inner turmoil. ( an otherwise seemingly
inconsequential indulgence). so it might come out raw,before i decide to cleave and butcher it with
knives of reasoning and cleavers of criticism. when i mention/refer to ‘come out from the inside’ i can
clearly visualise pulling my heart out in my palm, watching it with a stoicism that can only fester hearts
swollen with revengeful passion and nurtured with betrayal, abandonment and hate, it is in the nature of
the leaches so why complain?? but why the confusion???its the perfect human trait, the uprisal of an
urge is noticably ignored and denied by those who refuse to identify its very own grace.its a very raw
feeling that i can get sometimes, {& i happen to be the only person to recognise
its very subsistent existence and the roots (drenched and lying in its own very blood)} and by raw i mean to
depict a heart ripped apart violently by nails of fate, with its inner raw pulp exposed to public scrutiny}.

so am i heartbroken???oh please i would be begging a far less degradation;i feel bereavement
of a close one, i feel dismemberment, i feel denial..i feel pain; pain sufficiently calculated to awaken the
inner hurt, pain sufficiently calculated to quench childhood the light of its eye. well their is always a
method in the madness. gangrene, bio-mechanical and thoughtless become the mantras of life..days just
seem to pass by remember happiness which can not be restored is pain, festering in our
minds and doing the same to our hearts and the fond memories, eyes dimmed with a moisture that
might have been taken for years. seclusion is often one of the best softeners of pain that ingeniuty
can devise…so does that mean i shave my head off, sit alone secluded..turn goth and wear black
beads just to show the world tht i hav changed and it has been a positive indelicate change curbed
into my lifestyle(already done that…heh…)?contemplation of chimerical suicide?no….its just an exaggeration of the fact and
probabaly the dawning of realisation that its its about to cease…well then genufleXion to evil ways
seems to be the best help out.

days will defintely pass by(they always do)…strong ones will survive and might become a force to reckon
with…weak ones will linger onto them…everything will turn back to normal again…cicatrix will seem to
be jaded…in time as well as in memory..and i will just like others. thank you pain, seclusion, acids and not to forget
disillusionment for helping me survive ….heh…(wry smile).

By Xeon

i am a little off track,dont even try messin w/ me!If u kno me then u better pray tht u get rid of me soon.cross my ways or end in sum kinda terms w/ me,then u r soooooo s..crewed buddy! i have a mental debate w/ my life n i am not in good terms with my body too.i am self destructive n can induce pain in others.i can not feel it cuz i go numb n i then i force myself to feel it!dont even think abt tryin to make me feel pain cuz u will regret it n not for once will i shy away from making u go thru it again n again n again..until u urself decide to take quietus. i was into psychotropic drugs n even the nearest dearest do not kno abt it! but i quit it-boredom,...i wud always end up sleepin!yup i hate parties n live a life of semi seclusion.n currently i am free,so try n hit on me!wait till u see me,wait till u live to see me that is!watch out i am 'an omen breeding in disguise......' fav buk-zen n the art of moto maintenence,fav artist is definitely ME!fav place-with u,i think asylum wud be kewl enuff!or maybe u n V can burn in my personal holloway.fav carlamborghini diablo!try n gift me,it'll cost u ur life! only 600,000us$! fav drink -my venomed b..l..o..o..d!wanna have it? i love to play with people's feelings n aspirations.i like people n shoo them away!! sumtimes cuz i mite hurt them.i also play the guitar,dont get high hopes i wudnt be there to play ur requiem.i also sketch 3d blasphemies in real life n 2d on t-shirts, mom thinks tht i am a little ,....u kno wht i mean rite! i like hangin out with nobody! n love listenin to music in the dark with lites off n my music taste is very much like urs! death n black metal, grunge n punk rock,.alternative wud also do the trick,......but when the times i am not feelin well i also listen to pop, soft linkin park,,disturbed,pantera n megadeth cuz i wanna sleep @ tht point of time! n mind it DOORS RULZ!n NIRVANA HAUNTS! get it! i also like makin n meetin new people,.cus i always like startin fresh! "If u love sth. then let it go,...if it is true it'll come back,.....n if it didnt ,it Never was......." "The horror no less than the charm of real life consists in the recurrent actualisation of the inconceivable" If the doors of perception were cleansed,everything would appear to man as it is,Infinte..." "Death,Pain & Love are nothon but a figment of our own imagination......what is death but a vision of our own mortality...what is pain but a vision of own weakness...what is love but a blurred perspective to our own insecurity..." "V all want V are strong,...the more U hold Us down ...the more V press on..."