i think i hav finally decided to come out with some of my inner turmoil. ( an otherwise seemingly
inconsequential indulgence). so it might come out raw,before i decide to cleave and butcher it with
knives of reasoning and cleavers of criticism. when i mention/refer to ‘come out from the inside’ i can
clearly visualise pulling my heart out in my palm, watching it with a stoicism that can only fester hearts
swollen with revengeful passion and nurtured with betrayal, abandonment and hate, it is in the nature of
the leaches so why complain?? but why the confusion???its the perfect human trait, the uprisal of an
urge is noticably ignored and denied by those who refuse to identify its very own grace.its a very raw
feeling that i can get sometimes, {& i happen to be the only person to recognise
its very subsistent existence and the roots (drenched and lying in its own very blood)} and by raw i mean to
depict a heart ripped apart violently by nails of fate, with its inner raw pulp exposed to public scrutiny}.
so am i heartbroken???oh please i would be begging a far less degradation;i feel bereavement
of a close one, i feel dismemberment, i feel denial..i feel pain; pain sufficiently calculated to awaken the
inner hurt, pain sufficiently calculated to quench childhood the light of its eye. well their is always a
method in the madness. gangrene, bio-mechanical and thoughtless become the mantras of life..days just
seem to pass by un-noticed.to remember happiness which can not be restored is pain, festering in our
minds and doing the same to our hearts and the fond memories, eyes dimmed with a moisture that
might have been taken for years. seclusion is often one of the best softeners of pain that ingeniuty
can devise…so does that mean i shave my head off, sit alone secluded..turn goth and wear black
beads just to show the world tht i hav changed and it has been a positive indelicate change curbed
into my lifestyle(already done that…heh…)?contemplation of chimerical suicide?no….its just an exaggeration of the fact and
probabaly the dawning of realisation that its its about to cease…well then genufleXion to evil ways
seems to be the best help out.
days will defintely pass by(they always do)…strong ones will survive and might become a force to reckon
with…weak ones will linger onto them…everything will turn back to normal again…cicatrix will seem to
be jaded…in time as well as in memory..and i will just like others. thank you pain, seclusion, acids and not to forget
disillusionment for helping me survive ….heh…(wry smile).