All My Fault

Sitting in the graveyard, Lana wondered how she could have let this happen. It’s all my fault that you’re here, she thought. I should have listened to you. She remembered how she had let this happen. After two years she could still remember the way he smelled, the way he looked, and even the night he proposed to her after their wonderful night of lust.

She was so surprised when Nathan pulled out a ring.
“Will you marry me?”, he asked.
“Yes!”, she cried happily.
After that they were inseparable. “I will always be happy” she thought to herself while sitting on the beach with Nathan watching the sunset.
Two weeks later Lana had to go help her friend Ashley move into her new house. Nathan said he had to work anyway and that he would see her the next day. Lana decided to drop by his house later that night, so Lana drove her to his house and waited outside. When she got in the house she could hear a man and a woman moaning in lust in Nathan’s bedroom. Lana opened the door and saw their figures under the sheets. She ran from the house and into Ashley’s car.
“Take me home.”, she commanded.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing I just want to go home.”
Lana cried silently all the way to her house. When the got to her house she thanked Lana for the ride in a solemn tone, and walked into her house. She called Nathan and left a message on his answering machine saying that she never wanted to see him again and that she was giving the ring to Lana to give back to him. Afterward she sat in the shower crying, until she could no longer cry. She went and got a bottle of Tylenol and a bottle of vodka. She took five pills and drank half the bottle of vodka before she passed out. The Next morning, when she woke up, she was in her bed with Matt, Nathan’s best friend, gently shaking her.
“What were you thinking?”, he demanded.
“What?”, she asked.
He held up the Tylenol bottle and the bottle that contained what remained of the vodka. Memories of last night flood her mind, as she turns away from his concerned face. He grabs her and makes her face him.
“I care about you Lana. I don’t want you doing anything that you’ll regret later.”
She breaks down and tells him the whole story. He allows her to cry on his shoulder.
“What are you doing here anyway?”, she asks, pulling away from him.
“Nate sent me over here after he got your message. He was really upset. I found you on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. I’ve been here since I found you around 2 A.M.”
“What time is it now?”
“Nine o’clock.”
“Oh, shit!”, she cried. “I’m late for work!”
“I called you off work.”
“Thanks. I need to get a shower. I don’t want to smell like alcohol.”
She tired to get up, but she fell back on the bed again.
“Here let me help you.” Matt rushed forward to help her to the bathroom. He helped her out of her clothes and into the bathtub.
“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”, he told her.
Afterward he took her to the hospital to make sure she was okay. The doctors said she had a major concussion. They asked if she lived with anyone, and Matt replied no. They told him to hire her a nurse for a week, until she was better. He said no that he would stay with her.
During the week Matt and Lana became closer than they ever had. Nathan left 10, sometimes 15 messages a day. Lana still would not talk to him. She disconnected her phone after Wednesday, tired of hearing him. He stopped by her house a couple times and she told Matt to tell him that she was sleeping. Then, the day Matt was leaving to go home, he got a message on his cell phone from Nathan to meet him at his house. Lana said she was well enough and that he could go.
“Wait! You forgot something!” she called.
She ran to him and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
“What was that for?”, he asked.
“It’s for caring about me.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. I always will. I’ve loved you since the day I first saw you, but I would never compete with Nate. He’s practically my brother. I have to go. See you later.”
He hugged her and left her at the door.
Lana went to her room and lit some candles and put on her favorite CD, the Queen of the Damned Soundtrack. She sat there letting the gothic melodies calm her emotions. She hooked the phone back up. An hour later, she was just about to fall asleep when the phone rang.
“Hello”, she answered.
“Lana get down to the hospital right now!”, Ashley’s frantic voice came out of the receiver.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Nathan and Matt. I’ll explain everything when you get here. Just come down right now!”
Lana hung up and ran downstairs grabbed her car keys and ran to her car. As she raced to the hospital, thoughts went through her mind. What had happened!
When she got to the hospital, she found out that Nathan had attacked Matt, then tried to kill himself. Matt was in a coma, and Nate was almost dead.
“Lana, I need to talk to you!”, came Nathan’s sister’s voice from behind her. “You didn’t see Nate in his bedroom. He was at work. It was my boyfriend, Rob and I. I couldn’t go to my house with him because my mother would have freaked out. Nate said I could go to his house. I’m so sorry!”. Tears were running down her face as she said this. Lana hugged her.
“It’s okay. I don’t blame you.”, she replied.
Later that night Nathan died. He had tried to strangle Matt, believing that Matt was trying to steal Ashley from him, then he had slit his wrists. Lana had never cried so much in her life. Matt was still in a coma and it didn’t look like he would ever come out again. Matt died later that week. His body had given up. Lana tried to kill herself again. She was admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was released two months afterward. Now she sat before their tombstones. She had lost the only two men that had ever loved her. It was all her fault. She knew now that death was not the answer. She still had her sisters, parents and friends to think about. It would be a while before she let another man enter her life, but the relationships never lasted. She was looking for the love she had lost. Lana discovered a month after Nathan’s death that she was pregnant. She had Katerina Julia Thompson four months later. About six months after Lana was diagnosed with Leukemia. This is her story…..

By Cayrn

My life is a long and cruel tale. I'll spare you the time and just say, I hate it. I have friends that care, an abusive family, and many relationships with guys that didn't work out. I'm just waiting for the inevitable, death. Death is but the next great adventure someone said.....and you know what...I believe them.