Beware the Pyrosome!

“Divers discovered a horrifying 26-foot sea worm that only comes out at night” proclaims the headline. How long before one of those cheapie film studios comes out with a flick about one, complete with monster sea worm rendered in lousy CGI? The fixings are all there. Just mix ‘em up in a bowl, add milk, and throw it in the oven. Instant B-movie.

In real life, and despite what the headline of the linked article seems to suggest, the pyrosome is harmless to humans. “Pyrosomes are part of a family of sea creatures known as tunicates or ‘sea squirts’. They’ve also been called cockroaches of the sea, National Geographic notes, due to their ability to pull food from even the most inhospitable environments…These translucent worm-like creatures can often glow and look similar to a plastic bag floating through the water.” And, as mentioned, they’re harmless.

Harmless in its present form, perhaps, but what about after it gets exposed to radiation? Hmm? Or toxic waste? It then becomes carnivorous, and human beings are on its menu! Better yet, the radiation-slash-toxic sludge causes one to grow to a humongous size, and then only Godzilla can make the oceans safe again. GODZILLA VS. THE SEA SQUIRT FROM HELL. Or if we leave Godzilla out of it and leave humans to contend with it, THE HELL WORM.

Why don’t these studios just give me the money to make their next classic for them?

Categorized as darkness

By The Evil Cheezman

Purveyor of sacred truths and purloined letters; literary acrobat; spiritual godson of Edgar Allan Poe, P.T. Barnum, and Ed Wood; WAYNE MILLER is the head architect of EVIL CHEEZ PRODUCTIONS, serving up the finest in entertainment and edification for the stage, the page, and the twain screens, silver and computer. He is the axe-murderer who once met Andy Griffith.

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