Blood thats too red and tears too salty

Joe….Everytime I hear that name I wanna puke….Can’t even listen to a certain song….its the same one he played in his car that day….Screaming inside and no hears me….ripping at my hair as if to disembowel my thoughts….Crying and there isn”t any tears left….My only comfort is my blood….

So scary how that thrills me….Taking the scalding hot needle and placing it on my skin….Watching my skin sizzle and pop kinda like melted cheese….And I cant even feel it….Physical pain combined with this mental pain just makes everthing so numb….Will the courts even believe my story?????????Will the guy be thrown in jail?
will these nightmares and thoughts and feelings ever go away? I wanna runaway but thers no where to run too….Except maybe death….Words sound so empty….And I am not a survivor…He had a knife I could have tried harder maybe….But it was a two door car and I couldn’t leave my sister in the back alone….Maybe I should have just let him kill me if that was his intentions….It would have been so much easier………..In death there seems to be this perfection..an escape when there is no where else to run….Where all these feelings I don’t want are gone..Where all these thoughts no longer exist….There seems to be this wonderful nothingless….Cutting and bleeding and burning and nothing really help anymore…Blood is to red for me…Tears are too salty..and words too meaningless…..I need to know if anyone feels the same…I let my friends slip away…Ignoring their phone calls…I just want to be alone…School sux…The constant rumors and “hate” stares for being “different”….No one understands..And I’m so alone and…soaking in my own blood…….