Born without life

Why do i try to live…. my life is lost to the nothing-ness. I always knew it would i mean if your parents are a drugy and a cheating slut..you would expect a shity life. I ask my self day-ly if i should shoot my fucking brains out cause i dont want to end up like my parents….My older sister is dying not physically but emotionally…..I did look up to her she reminded me of someone great,until she started to do needles. I try to focus them out alot of the times but i only find myself bleeding them away. I dont want to cutt anymore
but i find it hard to quit. I try to forget about it but i only seem to think of it more.I try to quit smoking but i only seem to imagine the toxic waste filling my lungs. I try to do alot of things but all of them ending in disapointment. I wish i could forget alot of things and quit alot of things, but i only seem to think about them more. Is this a sign that i will end up a fuck-up . I try to live honest i do , but everyday that goes by i picture the gun that is stashed away in my closet. I think about the one single bullet. I try not to honest i do.I try alot of things but it doesnt mean i try to hard…………