Cant Be Alone With My MinD

i cant stand it when i allow my mind to take over my thoughts and think all kinds of stupid things, i drive myself insane!! the little fights and angst flows out of me when i allow my mind to control my body and take the razor and turn it around to the rough corners instead of the slick ones, and just carve into my arms TRYING to make them bleed…and then doing my best to hide them from others…untill my boyfriend sees them and then worry and hurt fills his eyes and he just holds me thinking its all his fault when it isnt, did he drag the razor against my skin? no…i dont want him blamming himself, i just allow myself to be jelouse and get fed up with myself and how i look…
….its not my boyfriend….its not my friends….its my negativity…its my mind telling me im not good enough, im pathetic…..im nothing………..mine as well fall from a 40 feet building and end up regretting it half way down feeling the brisk cold air push against my body as if it was trying to hold me up…..
*this is my first entry*