what is this shithow do i let myself get sucked inwhy do i bend myself for themhow do i let them seeme cry
i dont mean to look weakbut all i want is a good fucksomething to make me tear my eyes upbut it will never happenit was all a liei hate to feel this alonebut something just wont givei hate how much i miss him and his eyesbut i really hate how i see him sitting therenot even noticing my tearsbut all you see is my aweful pastand you happen to be in itand i know i said that he forced mebut he really didntyou cant force the willingit was a cold afternoon much like my nervesthey were frozen and i was coldbut his hands were all over me and warmingbut i was still frozenhe took me by the hand as we went to the bedgraham was eating cereal in the kitchenit was a hurried awkward moodbut still i was willinghis eyes were so warm and calmand his fingers teased my very soulas the pants were removed so were my doubtsthis was the one i was waiting forhe made me feel aliveand his touch kept me from frezzinghis warm body pressed against minemoving to a rhythm not of this earththe sweat beaded on my lips and drippedmaking me hot and cold all at oncebut then it got worsemy eyes saw only him and imoving together as onefor once i actually felt like i belongedkissing my neck and kissing my lipshe made me feel alive againthen i saw colors and felt like spinningbut thn i realized i was only in his eyeslost in those chocolate brown eyesentwined in my sheetsenveloped in his embracehopeing that this would never endhe rolled off meand layed there next to mesweating as hard as ilooking deeply into my eyeshe told me he loved methe most heartfelt words he has ever said to mehe moved closer to meand my sore bleeding bodybut i didnt mind the pain at allit was a pain i was willing to bearbecause it was the worst pain he inflictedi liked this painwe laughed and giggled and made light of thisand then he kissed mea kiss that started my heart on firemade me burn from the inside outbut this day couldnt last foreverwe had to return to realityand graham was getting impatientso we dressed our seperate bodieswishing our bodies could stay one foreverand made things hard to say goodbyeshould have listened to my ginashe said this would make things harderand it didi hated being away from his eyesmonths went byand things went badhe got distant and meani hated thisand then he leftmy heart ripped into shredsand my soul felt like it died that daymy world turned to blacknothing matteredno one knew what it felt likemy sister tryed to help mebut she didnt see how this killed meand i didnt know what to doi criedi sobbed for a whole minutemy heart was sick with achesbut i didnt cry for longit hurt to much to cryperhaps if i cryed morethis wouldnt still hurt so much6 months after the seperationsomedays i sit back and remember the timeswhen we were together and happywhen he would hold me closeand tell me i was hishow sweetly he kissed meand how gently he touched my skinbut those days are overand we have both changed livesi still love himand would give my life for one more daybut he has fogotten meand doesnt even know i exsisti die everytime i see him againand memories hit me with a forcei would die for himi would kill for himi want to kill himyet i love him