Everywhere I go I see you. Im reminded of the pain you always inflect. The hate you build in me. I have nothing to be happy about anymore. I dont even remember the last time I laughed.
Truly laughed. Im just a shell of what I used to be. Not who. I was never anybody, never got the chance to be. I doubt I ever will. I just want to be left alone. But you dont want that. All you do is torture me endlessly. Then you wonder why I cry. I want to hate you more than I already do, but I cant. I dont have the energy. All I ever see is your eyes burning holes into me. Seeing how much more of my soul, my dignity, my self-esteem you can destroy for your sick entertainment. Theres so much I want to say to you, but Im too weak and afraid. I just want to be left alone, because I am alone. And loneliness and darkness are the only things that have never betrayed me. Even if Im not alone, youve done a fine job of blinding me to any type of happiness I could ever have. My mother saw the slashes on my arms and said:You know what seeing those makes me want to do? It makes me want to kill you. Thats love right there. Doesnt she realize shell just help me succeed in my task? Oh well. Itll make you happy. Youre probably wondering who you are. I cant say. Theres too many. You is every person in my life. You is every tear I shed. I cant name you, not out of respect for you, but because theres too many of you. Every line on my arm is for each of you, the worse the cut, the worse you are. There are too many to count, some new, some old, each leaving a scar to remember them. Each person has a cut, each cut leaves a scar. Sometimes I wish Ill find the person wholl make me hit the vein. Then Ill be happy. But until that happens, all I can do is hide from you in the dark, even though youll find me. Eventually one of you always does. Cant you just leave me alone?
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