Catch Of Death (True Story)

I used to think that all of my friends just used me and my parents hated me. I knew that, the parent part. All of my friends would say,” its okay amber, just relax, you’ll get threw it.” But i knew that they all rather me die, not exist, pretty much im just the living dead to them.

I used to think that all of my friends just used me and my parents hated me. I knew that, the parent part. All of my friends would say,” its okay amber, just relax, you’ll get threw it.” But i knew that they all rather me die, not exist, pretty much im just the living dead to them. They look at me with disgust, and anger. Like they would kill me if they had the chance. Im only 15 years old, and i have tried to stab myself, slit my wrist. I’ve been shot, and i tried an overdose on pills.

You may think that about my friends that probably the only reason why i would kill myself. No thats not why. When i was 7, from the day i was born to being 7 everything was great. Then my dad started drinking and my mom, became abusive. My parents have abused me. Ive been in 5 car accident, most of them drunk driving ones. Ive been made fun of till i was in the 9th grade, which i am now. My parents got divorced and i found two years ago, that my grandparents on my dads side wanted to put me up for adoption. I wasnt even supposed to be born, i was a mircale child, then like i said my parents hated me.

Now thats not even the worst part. Ive been raped 5 times, if you haven’t read my Story “Betrated” you should, thats one of them. I used to be a happy girl. But it all went to hell, i used to be able to make people laugh. I would do stupid stuff to make them laugh, but now all it seems as a…oh…haha. I can barley even laugh myself. All i do is cry, everynight wishing that i would die, wishing that someone would just come into my house, kill me and get it done and over with. Ive tried to kill myself since i was…9 i had the pocket knife cause i used to go hunting with my friends dad. Well i went with him and his son one time, and there…another rape accident.

My friends hurt me in so many ways, verbal or physical. Those are some of the other reason whys id kill myself. There is so much more. But theres to much to say,and not enough time. They say that there is all the time in the world for you to ever be happy. But i figured…no there will never be a time for me to be happy, Ive been rapped, abused, hurt, and verbal abuse. Ive been in so much pain all of my life that i dont even know myself anymore.

Then one night i almost died, i had this thing that you get breathing seisures, and i could breath for like a mintute or two, and i blacked out…I didnt get a catch of breathe…I got a catch of death. And when i was blacked out, all i saw was my boyfriends face, and that i knew the only reason why i was still alive is cause of him. Hes the only guy who treats me like a person. The only guy who loves me, and all i want to do is makie him happy, but i cant if im not happy.

But still even though i love him to death. I would kill myself just for him and only him. I no longer want to kill myself over any other thing, jusr cause of that one night, I turn over and pver in my mind, and everytime i do, i find myself in that thought amused by all the challanges i had faced…and all the fights i went threw…and all the mazes i had to conquore