This is the second half of that TRUE STORY I posted a while back, enjoy.
She leaned over placing her forehead on his and asked “you all right?!” he replied in a different tone “na, this music is fucken gay!” she thought to her self about the shitty loud as hell music, yeah this is pretty gay, she sat down next to him and they began talking by the end of the night they where cudling and groping each other, but the next mourning she left early for work and cried as she told him she had a boyfriend and was sorry for treating him like shit, she left.
She went to work and indulged in another day of boredom, regret, confusion and sorrow. She thought about the weird guy, who by now she had learned was named James, and he was a mate of Ashlin’s. She was still angry with herself, and feared the thought of seeing her boyfriend Shane the next day. The next day came too soon and she met Shane at the city, where he kissed and groped her in front of everyone, like fucking usual, she felt sick, she hated him, and her self. They where with some friends, and more were coming at 10:00, she was so depressed. Her friends rocked up, and with them was James, she only needed to take one glance at him to nearly cry, he looked terminally ill, and through his eyes he revealed such sadness and hurt, she approached him, and whispered “I am so sorry…” he replied quickly “that’s okay ay, I’m fine”. All day every time she saw him he was looking at her, then each time he quickly looked away, it was an awkward day. A few weeks later she broke up with Shane, who went spak, cried, and all the other melodramatic shit a loser would through at a girl to keep her. She left for good. Two days later, she went to a party, and there she met a guy called Darren, he was a skater and he smoked pot, she thought he was pretty cool, he kissed her and groped her, then asked her out, she answered yes. The next day he called her on her mobile and talked for an hour, she thought he was sweet, he asked her to come over his place that night for a party he was having, she agreed and that night she was once again pissed and stoned, and Darren and two of his friends, Julia and Chris, were down at the river, Darren asked her to suck his dick, she said no, and kept deflecting his asks with “no, Darren I really don’t want to”
And “please Darren, …no, seriously, no” Darren went to take a leak, and Julia said to her “Rose, Darren really wants you to, why don’t you?” “Because, I just don’t feel like it” “have you ever gone down on a guy?” “YEH, of course… …but I just don’t want to”
“Come on Rose, just do it, it’ll make him happy” Darren returned and asked her again, pleaded again, she answered yes and did it for a few minutes before almost throwing up,
She stopped and told him she was too drunk to do it, he said it was okay. That night she slept over his house, he kept kissing her and touching her all night, and in the mourning her mum found out she slept over a guys house and lied about her whereabouts to her. She was grounded and screamed at. The next day she dumped Darren because she found out through a friend he had cheated on her. She was badly hurt and asked Ashlin if he reckoned Jim would go out with her, he said “I’ll ask him, probably” That night Ashlin and James were walking around their hood talking about how shit the world was and James was looking for an animal to kill, and Ashlin asked him “Hey Jim, would ever go out with Rose?” he answered “What, that chick at the party? Who’s askin?” Ashlin replied, “She is man” James thought for a second, and said “Yeah, …fuck… …alright yeah” “Wikid I’ll call her and tell her” He called Nicole and told her to tell Rose. James had never had a real girlfriend, he was so nervous. James asked Ashlin for Rose’s second name and phone number. She met ME(James) a week later and we’ve been together since. I pulled her out of Ritonga and closer to the city. I made her tell the cops and the parents of the Guy next door and he got semi-in trouble, I swear, “Matt” isn’t his real name, because he’s the second man I’ll murder in my short life. The first cunt was just a warning for the others. I have no regret.
I made her quit all drugs and alcohol, but she over-dosed on a pain reliever and almost died, she’s covered in scars, and filled with baggage, but everyday we together work towards fixing all the current problems and resolving the past ones. One day soon, I’ll be a serial killer, because once I add the second notch to my knife handle, The cops will find out, and I’ll have nothing to loose. Thanks for reading everyone, thank you so much, and thanks for all the Emails and support. By the way, almost all the names in the story are false for legal purposes (For the day when I kill “matt” and “Shane”), including Rose, I’m never gonna leave my angel vulnerable while I’m alive, never again. For as long as I’ve known her (16 months) I’ve always been there for her, and if Iwas around when she was younger, I never would have just stood idly by and let any of these atrocious sinful violations of this angel happen. Peace, to all who have helped me, in words and in prays and spells, and in empathetic thoughts. – James
oh wow, that made me cry. Your a great person, and I seriously wish I had someone like you. Thats great u were so honest with everyone.
Wow…
…I had no idea you were James. Thank goodness she has you. You’re an awesome guy and seeking justice for her is respectable. Be careful. You love her, try and stay there for her. You’ve done great keeping her away from drugs and alcohol and the cutting will soon diminish when she realizes that she doesn’t need to cut to feel better, that she has you to feel as good as she deserves. I wish you bolth the best of luck and commend you for being a very good friend AND boyfreind. Take care.
JennA
My god! if only there were more like you! im sure she will stop as soon as she realises wot a bloody great freind and boyfreind she has! by all means seek the revenge but be careful, never leave her for you may not find another like her and she may never find another like you! I wishh you both the best of luck in the future
luv Dru xx
Thanks everyone, and chastity, I’m so glad I impacted you so much. I know that I do try to be a good friend, and a good person, but I always get fucked over and people hate my for being ‘dishonest’ and ‘heartless’ and ‘grim’ when I’m the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. I feel so good to here these affirmations from you guys, thanks. I might actually not try to cry tonight, and I might not count my 7.62mm bullets either, if I’m not put down and crushed between now and sleep time.
I try to shrug it off, but when the family you grew up with thinks your satan himself, your friends think your heartless (exept the close ones) and everytime I try to help I’m knocked down by the ones I love, I wonder if everyone thinks that they are a good person and I’m just like the rest of the arseholes out there. Life can be so confusing, and all the councelors, and my psyciatrist say Its not the right thing to do by killing all the cunts that have fucked around with ‘roses’ life, and mine for that fucking matter. Everyone says, to kill a murderer is just repeating the crime, I disagree…and thats why everyone hates me…except all you guys at darkness. Well I hope that cleared things up.
you know you’re a good person, why do you let others break you down?
i’m not saying it surprises me, i’m just curious.
anyway, yeah, good luck, have a good life – try to make it last a long time.
Dam
Alot of the time my family thinks similar things about me. My father called me a demon, and alot of less polite things.
Truth is, I never even had the excuse of being a good person. I wasn’t. I was a disaster as a human being. But I turned eveything around (with the help of one special person), and now I can be a good guy. That only happened because I never let anybody tell me I was past saving.
By the way, not “all” us guys at darkness think you’re doing the right thing with the murder. I still think you have fuck all right to decide whether someone lives or dies. Until you know every thought in their head, and every part of their past, present and future, you can’t possibly hope to know whether they deserve that fate.
Besides the injustice of your ‘justice’, there’s the fact you will be caught. And then rose will lose you, and she’ll end up in a morgue somewhere labeled O.D.
You want that to happen? Seriously? You really think you should abandon her when she’s got nobody else, just for the sake of killing some people who are better off forgotten?
If you do then you don’t deserve to breathe her air.
But if you know in your heart that you are an honest soul, then you can’t let the world take it away from you. And for gods sake don’t waste it. I nearly did, and now I have everything (and more) to live for.
Listen, don’t make me beg aiight? I got my dignity to preserve here. Cya, Dam.
Eye for an eye.. Just make sure you don’t get caught! Just remember.. Your revenge is just, but if you get caught and is taken away from her, wich you mean to help and protect.. Then it has all been in vain and you have only made things worse.. for her. Wait for the right moment.. Plan it!! Make sure it will not come back to haunt you -in one way or the other.. Best of luck.
Thanks for the sincere advice,
I definitely have the same thoughts as you blacklight, when it comes to one man deciding another’s life/death, I’ve always stood by that, but when you have something like this (the story) thrown in your eyes, it seems impossible to try and forgive. As you can probably tell, I’m some evolution of an anarchist, I think anything should go, as long as you don’t hurt or kill anyone. But I think malice temptation is running my brain now, like a parasite, it itches, it stings and its slowly taking the life I once called mine. I’m no idiot, I’m just infected with evil lusts, with a just motive of course, I’m trying to seek help, the priests, the counselors, the psychiatrists, and my friends can’t talk me around it. I am listening to you; honestly, I just find this shit so hard to ignore.
It’s sort of like the theory I came up with concerning good/bad ratio. If the bad kill the good, and the good don’t kill the bad, the good people decrease in numbers, while the bad side of the ratio grows, eventuating in a world of pure evil. Yet on the other hand, if the good kill the bad for killing the good, the good can keep there head above water long enough to control the problem, and the good people aren’t corrupted in the mind by thoughts of a need for revenge. I know it’s morbid but it’s what’s keeping me breathing for now. And droughtarisen, I have considered that dilemma, and I’m still planning the deed, I don’t plan it in the near future. I want peace of mind, I want to forgive but can’t. Thanks for the concern.
If the good kill the bad, the good stop being good. you can’t kill something and then lay claims to virtue.
what’s the definition of good anyway? surely the ones labelled good would be the ones who find it in themselves to make it past the need for revenge?
personally I think saying “i’m good so it’s okay for me to kill someone because i think they’re bad” is such a twisted, arrogant, black and white way of looking at life. Who says you get to decide the boundary between good and bad, and what happens to the people in between?
We’re not asking you to ignore anything, especially not the shit that’s been done to you and the people you love. But come on, you’re letting it rule your life and determine your future.
I hate to say it, but the inability to get past what’s happened is in some part due to your own obsession. You are the one carrying this on. It doesn’t always follow you, sometimes you seek it out.
See ya
I know, but I can’t help it, I know I’m wrong, I know I’m right, I know you don’t like me, and hate everything I say just because it’s ‘thicktears’ who’s saying it, I know I focus on and reinstil the events that have taken place, ans most of all I Know that I can’t forget it, maybe with time I can evolve in to a man who can see the good, and purpose in every soul, but that time isn’t here yet, and with different situations, I can act more and more rash. I respect your intellect and condemnation of ALL evil deeds, so I ask you, do I clear the bastards slate COMPLETELY or clear my skull of brains? A 9mm bullet is the last little miracle that I can let loose, whether it’s at ‘matt’ or my temple is just another struggle I face every week.
But dearest thicktears why would you want to end your own llife? Were would that leave her? Alone so people can just do with her as they please as they did before! It is wrong wot they did i do so agree but you have to see past the evil. If all of didnt happen would she be with you now? maybe it woz jst a twisted way of gettin you to together! Its not fair that these things happen to those that we cherish most but they do and you cant let the people who did this to her win by killin them or you! If u kill them then they get a chance to escape this hell, they wont have feel pain, heatache, or even death of a loved one so they would win! but if u kill urself them they have also won becasue with you killing yourself they would have taken away the last thing that ever truely ment nething to her, which could have devestating effects on her! So either way they win BUT if u carry on and try to forget together you can bet them , you can stay together, support each other and rub wot you two have in their faces! you can watch them suffer this life and laugh! You have more power over them if you live and they have more power over you if you die or you kill them. so place that beautiful 9mm back in the draw and keep it as a reminder of how much stronger than them you are.
If u ever wanna jst chat thn mail me at phoenix463@hotmail.com
Dru xx
you only see two choices? look further.
you don’t understand, i think, that nothing can be wiped clean. what’s done is done and can’t be undone, no matter how you try or how many bullets you shoot at it.
if you erase the pain from your own head it stains the hands of others. it stains her soul, because she’s the one who didn’t stop you. Forever, she will live with what you’ve done – so you see the deed never goes away at all, it magnifies.
‘thicktears’ to me is just a name. it doesn’t signify a state of mind or a personality, because we change so much from this moment to the next.
i’ve seen your comments on other people’s posts and I respect them. i’ve seen the good shit you can do, and i respect that too.
what i CAN’T make myself respect is the way you’re so willing to throw everything away, just to clear somebody else’s mistake. i can’t respect the single mindedness and focus with which you continually rub salt in your own wounds.
I never said I didn’t like you. I don’t like how you treat life like it’s nothing … It’s not. Not to me.
To me, life is something I fight for daily. It doesn’t come naturally to me, I have to work at it, and inject myself with it.
And i can NOT make myself sit by and watch you throw it away. It makes me physically *sick* to think I could have what you have, and you don’t even want it. You won’t even hold onto it, because you can’t let go of the past.
don’t you see … you’re better than them. you CAN have a future… With her… Where the beauty will outweigh this – it WILL become stronger than this disease, if only you let it.
Dam
There are more choices, but I wish you would just agree to disagree, but I know your smarter and more decent than that, so… I can tell you everyday I choose the third, forth, fifth, sixth, seventh, so on so fourth options. There are unlimited options, but very limited solutions. I do have allot, therefore allot to fight for, I love ‘Rose’ more than I hate ‘Matt’ and ‘Shane’ and all the rest of the scum that have fucked with me and justice, so my methods of elimination are rather bizarre. I have killed and admit it openly, for I know I can not be arrested, I am like the accuser, the forces beyond this world dish out the final verdict, persuade, tempt, or enlighten the accused. This world contains the utmost in supreme holiness, and yet surfaces over the ultimate in gruesome, relentless evil. I have experienced both of these at first hand, at the right hand, and before the throne. I am a very superstitious individual, and hereby can live by the hope of convincing these forces. Tandem murder is always a fantasy, a sick immoral tether I have to the devil, yet the great effort in which I project towards rectitude, virtue, honesty, decency and righteousness, seems to drag me from the unclean ones tight grips. Please stay by my side through this, sometimes I can smell the gun smoke, the blood and the cold final exhale of the molester flooding my nasal cavities, and my entire sensory portion. I lust for the revenge, …yet I wait for the verdict.
lol whatever bud. somebody once told me the world in your head is often the most real. guess maybe that applies in your case. you got your world where everything you do can be justified, and i have my world. just join mine for a little bit yeah ?
i really like the story. Have you ever thought of looking for help in Rose? you want to kill these guys because of he why dont you look for her in help? apparently she coped she hasnt killed them i really dont think you should do it. would itnot hert rose? she might lose you .
I don’t know if this is too many months too late, but for what it’s worth…
This post and consequent argument is so close to my heart, so personal, usually I can accept that life is what it is, but these circumstances (which have eased over time and shall continue to) have driven hate into me, like mace in my eyes, and drove me to think the unthinkable, commit the un-forgivable, I hate to be so narrow minded and ignorant, and I’m trying to not have the same considerations, I just block out reality when it comes to that particular subject, he is dead to me, so whats it worth trying to kill a dead man.
Any how, what I’m trying to say is that, in great sorrow, I have given in to life and I have accepted the re-occuring flaws of life, It just sadens me to know everyone is willing to stop someone like me from delivering my justice.
But you all won, I backed down.
By the way,
For the record, I did at least approach one of the bastards a while back, Shane, at his own house, I regret it now but I’d like to fill you all in on the latest events surrounding my little trauma, I went there late afternoon on a Saturday and banged on his front door until he came out, I forced him out side and down the stairs, I asked if he even remembered Rose? He did. I asked if he remembered the fucked up way he treated her, or the time he hit her? He denied.
I turned my back to walk away, but through all the internal conflict I had with my self, I slipped my fist into a solid pair of plate steel knuckle dusters, I turned and swung at his face with all the months of hate in me, he had already started running, my steel fist shaved his lower chin and he half ran/half fell onto the stairs, he hurt his back pretty bad, he scrambled up the stairs, I chased him up and swung again at his lying face and missed again, he hit the door frame in retreat, and sprinted into the house, I kept my cool and didn’t enter his house, didn’t even slam the door, just let it close I could see him half crying/sobbing and running towards the hallway, he slipped over and slid into a coffee table, then smashed into the wall of the hallway, by this time he was also in great physical pain, not to mention the extremely obvious fear and panic on his face. He now slowly crawled and scrambled out of sight towards what I presume was the living or games room, I calmly went down the stairs, and left his property, a few minutes later I was chased by his mother in her car, a 17 year old boy, getting his mother to chase a 17 year old righteous man. Nothing short of typical. Pathetic.
She didn’t cat and mouse chase me, not like that, just followed my in her car screaming at me to apologize or she would get the police involved, I told where she could stick it, and where her sex-abuser son could put it. She filed a police report, but I haven’t heard any more since, lucky. Fate I guess. As he was crawling out of my sight I calmly and sternly shouted “what go’s around comes around… your fucking dead.” As I walked away I was shaking with relief and power, but it was more the fact I found it in myself not to stand by the sidelines
talking shit, but to go and act on what you preach (nowhere near the full extent of what I have preached) but it felt good in a regretful, unjust way.
Well that’s really how the story ends, I doubt any one but me and maybe one day Rose will ever read this, but just incase I like to close the book, so to speak.
Bye