i never meant to hurt them.
i was a good girl.
“and give my love to all those in heaven. amen”
then i got too good. why would god send people to hell instead of helping them see the right way?
disagreeing with god sent me to my hell. self induced of course. complete with hullucinations and nightmares.anyway.
scars. emotional and physical. thats what i have to show of my childhood.
i destroyed my boyfried. he said he loved me. i told him he was worthless and that i hated him. i dont really. i was just talking aloud to myself.
better than being silent i thought.
it’s my fault he tried to kill himself. most things are. you’d think i’d be used to it by now.
guilt and teeth destroyed by bulemia. thats what i have to show of my adolesence.
havent finished with adulthood yet. i never planned on making it this far. not entirely sure why i did but here i am.
with nothing to show for myself. im sorry
DEAR ISABELL:
THIS MAY NOT HELP U ALL THAT MUCH, MINE MAY BE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN YOUR BUT THATS OK. JUST LISTEN. OK WHERE DO I BEGIN, I WILL START OFF HERE. I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR EXACTLY 2 YRS, AND THROUGHOUT ALL OF THAT TIME, HE MAY HAVE GOTTEN MAD AND HIT ME TREATED ME LIKE SHIT, ME BEING THE STUPID ASS I LET IT GO ON FOR SO LONG, I WOULD ALWAYS FORGIVE HIM, EVEN AT THE COUPLE OF TIMES THAT HE TRIED TO KILL ME. I WOULD JUST LET IT SLIDE, AND BLOW IT OFF THE NEXT DAY, BUT ONE DAY THIS IS GOING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT A LITTLE BIT, BUT I HAD REALLY NEVER CONCIDERED MYSELF BEING A LESBIAN. BUT I WAS BETTED TO POSE AS A GUY TO THIS GIRL ON THE INTERNET, AND AFTER THE LONG AMOUNT OF TIME THAT WE WERE TALKING, I STARTED TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HER, I GUESS THIS WILL GO ISABELL WITH YOUR FEELING SORRY, YOU SHOULD NEVER FEEL SORRY IF SOMETHING HAPPENS IT HAPPENS FOR A REASON, BUT ANYWAYS, I COULDN’T HIDE IT FROM HER ANYMORE, IT JUST HURT TO MUCH. SO I TOLD HER, AND SHE STILL SEEMED TO LOVE ME, I KNOW THAT IT IS BAD TO BE INTO LOVE RELATIONSHIPS WITH SOMEONE OVER THE INTERNET BUT THAT IS JUST FATE I GUESS, AND AS MY BOYFRIEND GOES, YEAH HE IS A JERK BUT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, HE TAUGHT ME THE TRUE MEANING OF LOVE. I GUESS THIS IS ALL THAT I’AM TRYING TO SAY ISABELL IS THAT NEVER FEEL SORRY FOR YOURSELF, YOU NEVER GET ANYWHERE DOING THAT, YOU ONLY PUSH YOURSELF FARTHER AND FARTHER TO THE GROUND, AND THAT IS NOT GOOD, SO EVEN THOUGH I MAY BE YOUR ONLY COMMENT, HEY AT LEAST I CARED ENOUGH TO TELL U SOMETHING ABOUT ME, NOBODY IS PERFECT ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. WELL THIS COMMENT IS GETTING A LITTLE TO LONG NOW, SO I BETTER LET THIS LETTER END ALREADY.
LOVE ALWAYS,
GENEVIEVE
hi isabell.
i was a good girl too. but when my best friend tried to kill himself and said it was because he couldn’t have me, i got into drugs heavily. he was the one person in my life i believe truly loved me for everything i am. he’s still in self confinement, and it’s been four years. i think about him all the time. it’s my fault too. i’ve gone to see him, and everyone says he’s crazy but all i see in those eyes is love. love i cannot reach anymore. i hate my world without him. i feel the same way you do, i wish i had someone to apologize to.