I know I’m not the only person out here who has violent urges…nor am I the worst, first, or last to deal with this. But I know when my thirst overcomes me, and I catch myself staring at people…especially when they hurt themselves, and bleeding.
As a libra, I like to seek balance and order. Awakening threw me off big time. I try to stay in the closet now, passing off as a little strange. Those who can tell slightly, consider me gothic, and dismiss it at that.
But, in my search to find stability, in looking to balance the scales, to evenly tread the fine line in between true darkness and light, I had a disturbing realization. The tightrope I’m on doesn’t exist there. I had thought that I was in balance, but as I see the two far endpoints in my peripheral vision, I take a quick glange to the right side — and there is the middle. I have felt the bottom drop out from underneath me, and I fall down unto the unknown. All I know is that I was on the left of equilibrium, and I’m falling faster.
I seek help, but my emotions are stronger than my logic now, and I fall prey to lust, envy, and to my ego. As I try to focus, my mind is more shattered. I try to meditate, but get more distracted. I can barely get myself to pranically feed from those around me, while my thirst deepens.
I feel that I need more energy, a mouthful isn’t enough for me anymore. I want to hear them squeal like the pigs they are, as I feast on them like a glutton at Mardi Gras. I want to do it in the front playground at my chruch, and drop the body right in front of the Mary statue, so the priest will see that as the last thing before he dies in vain.
Never tell a lost soul that they are going to hell. It makes them lose their inhibitions all the more.
So, how do you cope? I just wonder….