Could it have been child abuse?

I never thought that it could have happened to me. I always thought I had a good childhood and a good family. But this depression thing for me is to much and not easy to cope with. I decided that I would go back and think of my childhood. I remember things that not only hurt me but also made me aware of my surroundings.

I remembered being abused, a lot in fact I know I was. When I was bad my father slapped me, and my mother watched. I remember when he was drunk and one time he was in my bed, I was only 7 or so but I remember it still. I am not sure if this is the reason for my sadness, my mother still does not treat me any better. Me being 23 I should by now be able to have a life but being trapped in this place makes it harder to leave. I hate to be my mothers maid, I hate to have to remember all the memories of my childhood, none which are good. Some ask how it is I can live like this, the truth is I can’t. I would end my life but why risk losing everything now. Now I have Tim, and I am lucky, he is a guy who will tolorate and listen to anything I say. Could it have been child abuse that led to my depression? I believe so, I also believe it is my mothers treatment and hatred toward me. Let me know what you think, all of us here are hidden in one way or another, this is the only way to express.May you feel light in darkness, deep in your souls, and may knowledge lead you to greatness. This is my quote for the day, follow it well.Truly,Serena

By SinfulSerena

Not your typical goth. Basically I am open minded about almost anything, meeting people is something I take into consideration, but if you treat me like crap don't even bother trying to even talk to me, because I can treat you just as bad. So the deal is

7 comments

  1. Hi Serena,
    I read your story and it really touched me.We all go through life wondering why we are not complete.It all has to do with our childhood. If we have the chance and courage to look back we will then better ourselves. Alot of people are too afraid to look back, it hurts too much. Society has taught us what is right and wrong, we do not want to see the wrong..Youare very strong to be able to look back and recognize it. You are well on your way to being complete(which is waht we all long for, to be whole again) Keep your strength, you will make it. I am happy you have a friend to talk to, but remember whatever outcome you have in your beliefs they do not have to be shared with anyone. As long as you accept what happened to you and realize your parents, and their parents..etc… did not know any better…you will win.

    Good luck to you. I love your quote.

  2. I feel like i can relate. I’m one of those people who in general are not really depressed, just melancholy, but there are days when i am so miserable i cannot even move or work or think. I live at home right now; i still have a few years of high school left. They don’t physically abuse me, but they psycologically abuse me. I’e come to the point where i know that nothing they say matters, but it is still not enjoyable having everyone down on me, and when i get home, they always are telling me how they don’t like how i “turned out”, and i should be more like them. And they do it all the time, every day. My sister went through the same thing, but she is now married and out of the house, and rather then be depressed, she is now finally happy because she has gotten away from our family. Our mother doesn’t like her either, but now at least they don’t have to be in contact all the time.
    I am sure that Tim is wonderful and you now have a much happier life, so that is one very big thing not to be depressed about; you’re away from the abuse.

  3. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Granted, for me it has yet to show itself. I was never abused physically as a child…. however, the mental abuse from my mother continues to this days and I’m 28. It has also started to flow over to my two boys, my mother mentally abusing them as well and putting me down right in front of them. I’m sure that if it were not for my spousling, I would have suceeded at one of my more recent suicide attempts. I hope Tim will be with you for a long long time, through the hardships as well as the joyful times. And hopefully you will not have to live with your mother any longer than you have to. And yes, sometimes being trapped like that will make it all the more harder for you to leave. Abuse, in any form, can lead more often than not, to depression. Hold onto the light you have before it winks out totally.

    brightest blessings
    NW

  4. Hi-Glow!

    OK, first off, lemme tell you. I’m PrincessTwiggy XPrincessTwiggyX and all that lovely lollirot. ^.^

    Now, onto the matter of this article.. All I can say is I understand how you feel. Not as far as the mom thing goes, but my father was a VERY abusive man. I’m gonna submit an article about it, so please read it, hun.

    I love you lotz, you are my bestest friend ever. You know that. I’m coming to ya wedding aftah all. 🙂

    Always,
    Jen

  5. My mother was always hateful with me. Always reminded me I was a mistake. Among all the things I did wrong, which was everyting, I was treated to constant belittling names and comments. Well, my point is the old saying that what doesnt kill you makes you stronger is true. I never forgot how she treated me while I was raising my boys. We have a brilliant relationship and I beleive it is because of the strength I gathered as I grew up with such anamosity. I dont know if this will help you, but I hope it does.

  6. *still suffers at 16………….will suffer tonight no doubt……fathers out drinking………………wont bore you with anymore

  7. hi serena,
    congradulations on finding Tim. not many people find people that will listen to them. i relate to your past, i’ve had some… encounters myself. all i can say is that life goes on. even death cannot stop the essence that is life. hope you have a good life. don’t let the past bury you with it. just live each day as best you can.

Comments are closed.