death

I have been through really rough times in my childhood which caused me to be a very depressed dark and morbid teenager. I cut myself up when I was angry or upset. I tried to kill myself by flipping a vehicle while driving like a drunk bitch, which resulted only in paying my mom all the money i made for a month and i didn’t even get banged up enough to be hospitalized. I swallowed lots of pills to die while I lay on my livingroom floor…mom found me. I got my stomach pumped and got sent to a mental hospital. I tatooed “dead” accross my knuckles and “hate” on my ankle, that’s their to stay by the way…unfortunatly. But after a couple years of all this shit I tried to be happy when I lived on my own. I got a job working with kids who have lived realy fucked up lives and their parents lost them to the state for abuse, neglect, and things unimaginable…I council them(basically hang out with them) for the 8-12 months that they live in this group home. It’s pretty intense to listen to them talk about things and try to relate to them the best that you can. They freak out when you piss them off and they just start hitting and biting and we have to restrain them. It’s a challenge a huge challenge and I love it. I focus more on helping them out and giving them someone to trust for the first time in their lives, than focusing on myself and my problems…it has made a huge difference in my life and I actually feel 80% better about all the shit that I’ve been through. (my life has been great compared to theirs.) Just thought I’d share a way out of the dark.