death-mistakes and regrets

A cut so neat and precise, easily worthy of any trained surgeon appeared on her wrist, as she felt the blade sink in to her soft, warm freshly tanned skin she turned her head to face him. Her jaw slowly sank, her eyes seemed quite different to how they normally look, no sparkle, you could barely make out the bright blue colour they were usually in the dark light, as the candles cast dancing shadows over her face. She screamed, he had imagined she would, yet it was not as he had imagined it to sound, it was a feeble effort. Her bottom lip trembled, like that of a small child ready to burst into a flood of tears, only this time there could be no cry for mummy, no warm hug to take away the pain, only questions and time for answers was running out. It looked like she was searching for what to say, but words seem to be failing both of them, as she gazed into his dark eyes, half hidden behind a wave of dark hair draped over his face. Her palm filled with blood that appeared black in the fading light, it trickled out of her palm and onto the black bed sheets, he had purposely chosen those sheets to hide any stains, nothing that happened that night happened by chance. He had spent many nights lay awake, going over this night in his mind, planning what he’d tell her, where he would sit, where she would sit, everything he had it all mapped out flawlessly. When his parents had told him the bad news about his uncle dying, and that they were going to have to leave him on his own for a couple of nights whilst they went to visit family, he knew this was his chance.
For several months now he had being caressing her mind with his words of how he loved her, and his desire to hold her forever more, and to some extent this was true. However, this desire was out run only by that of the desire he felt to unleash all his anger, everything he had pent up over the years, this was his chance to release it all. Many times had he contemplated suicide, but the feelings he held within had distorted his thoughts into believing that it would not be right to kill himself, but it would be acceptable to take from the world which had treated him so badly. He knew no one would agree that this was acceptable so he would have to keep it too himself.
As the television screen read the words ‘the end’ she fell backwards awkwardly. He began to shake, he looked into her eyes like he had so many times before, yet this time there was no loving gaze back, just emptiness. A single tear flowed down his cheek, paused then fell onto her face. She did not react, she was dead.
He bound her up in the blood drenched bed sheets, and carried her down the spiral staircase, he struggled to open the front door without dropping her. Outdoors was dark and cold, the air was crisp as it rushed past causing his hair to fly wildly over his face. He could here the soothing lapping of the water at the edge of the lake. His breathing became erratic, he was crying harder now, the cold began to make the tears numb his cheeks. He dumped her body into the small boat, she was still warm. He started the motor, and travelled for about five minutes in a straight line, which lead them almost directly into the middle of the lake. He then tied the huge chain, which he could barely lift around her and fastened it with some rope. The weight was so great now he could not lift it, so he slid the corpse along the floor of the boat and up the side. With one last push he heaved the body into the water, the chains dragged along the edge of the boat as they were pulled towards the water, the boat swayed violently to the left, the side which he had thrown the body off. He was flung into the freezing waters of the lake, the boat cap sized. He surfaced gasping for air, he was so cold he could hardly breathe. He could see the white underbelly of the boat in the moon light, and hear the noise of the motor, he swam towards it. He slammed his hand down on the boat, scrambling for something to pull himself out of the water with. He pulled himself up onto the underside of the boat, but he was wet and slippery and could not grip, he began to slide sideways towards to end of the boat, he slid past the motor and once again plunged into the dark freezing water. He once again surfacing gasping, spun his head to see where the boat was, as he spun the motor sounded nearer than it had before. As he turned his head ninety degrees the motor chocked, small pieces of flesh and bone fired out in all directions. With a few bubbles and small splash his body sank into the water yet again. This time it did not surface.