i am in a deep dark hole and there seems to be no way out. i call for help but no one comes. i call to my friends but they do not hear me where i am but they try to help but have no idea where i am.
Every time i try to crawl out of my hole i almost succeed but then i fall back in. i sometimes feel that no one can save me. But then i remember there is one person but he is out of reach and does not remember i exsist i think.
He left me in my hole just as he was helping me out and down i fell again, only this time the hole is deeper. What do i do know. i feel stuck and unable to move. now i have no reason or motovation to get out.
Several times i have almost commited suicide but then i remember he who i have lived for. i know i am depressed and i need help but seeing a doctor or pshciatrist does not and will not help.
i tried talking to my friends but alot of the time i see my problems as being non relevent compared to the things they say so i have not told them what goes on in my mind and how i feel about my life in my abyss. i know the best thing to do is to talk to someone but i do not trust anyone not even him. not even my friends not even my family. this is because i lost faith and trust in humans and also those who i have mentioned are the causes of my problems.
i have also thought of running away from home and starting a new life but i have no money or qualifications.
I hate myself and my life. I find so hard to live with myself these days stuck in my black deep hole. i will stop writing now for i am complaining and complaining just causes people to hate u more. i know what it is like to be hated for most people i know hate me.
Vixen
sometimes we dont need other people to take us out where we are, even to the darkest pit..they could help..i mean,i HAVE BEEN THERE..but it takes a lot of YOU to make it happen..
sometimes, being lost is not too bad..
because it is you WHO WILL BE FOUND.
just like i was.
ido understand wot u r trying to say but as much as i need myself to get myself out of my abyss i do not see a point as to getting out if not really needed by others who know me even though they hate me. so yes although you say i need myself most i need others alot more. also i used to feel that all i needed was myself and still i put on a fake happy face everyday to make people think i was fine. if i start falling apart infront of them to get help they will not believe me and although i have been falling slowly deeper into my abyss the last two years they will not believe me.
thnks any way
Vixen
This is not true, Vixen.
If it was, you would not have shared this with us, but you did. This proves that you do trust someone, even strangers. What I suggest is that you sit down by yourself (and your closest friend) and you take two blank pieces of paper. On paper one you are to write down the word “Future” and on paper two you write down the word “Oblivion”. Now, on the paper marked “Future” you will write down all the good things you can think about yourself and all the good things your friend says about you. Then write down all the bad things about you on paper number two marked “Oblivion”. I am sure paper one will have more ink on it that paper two.
Finally, you can choose which way to go. I suggest folding paper one and carrying it with you as a reminder of what you are, and throw paper number two marked “Oblivion” into the fire. Forget the nasty things and concentrate on the good stuff.
I wish you well.
Zeke.
thank you for your advice
i have tried it and i only got one good thing in my future and that is not enough i have got so many good out comes if i died that i think it would be bettter if i did
i m sorry to say this but your advice just helped me realise how useless i am to this planet and i just want to return to hell now.
Vixen
Please don’t go, I beg of you. I know how things can sound when they echo from the hollow walls around you. And the emptiness inside is deeper than the ocean.
So let me say this, everyone has a purpose, even the ones we don’t like or the ones who don’t understand us. Even though sometimes we may not be able to discern what that purpose is.
A spider never asks why he is a spider, he only asks where his next meal is. If only it could be so simple for us.
So hopefully this might help, you see my ex is manic depressive, and we used to stay up late talking about how bad things were and how much better they could be. Yet try as I might she wouldn’t see, its mostly my fault she left, because I tried to change her so much, she wasn’t ready to change. Not because she didn’t know better, but because she just didn’t want her life turned upside down. So heres my thoughts, I’m not gonna try to change you, I’m not gonna tell you your a moron, I’m just gonna say this, I think you do have something good to put on that paper and maybe you don’t even realize it. I would certainly miss your dark ramblings, and I think a few others would too. So maybe that is what your here for, to help the rest of us feel not so alone when we’re having a bad day.
End result, my advice is to try to be even more of what you are spend time writing about why, and how, and where everything in your life went wrong. It would help you, as well as others like you. The destitute need a voice too.
r u saying i manic depressive?